yokoyokogirl
New Member
Well actually my life isn't so "messed up" now.
I had all my STD/HIV tests come back negative.
Praise God. Even though I used protection, you can never be too careful when someone has been cheating. And not using protection with who they cheat with.
I lost 8 lbs.
Maybe from stress over the test results or depression. But even though I was drinking like a fool, somehow I lost weight.
I am no longer filled with hate.
I went from not being mad to being angry to being sad to not understanding to hating myself to wondering how I didn't see all the signs to being depressed to wanting to kill him to searching his apt (and finding all sorts of sickness hidden in suitcases and electronics boxes) to almost outing him to his mom/boss/coworkers to doing absolutely nothing. Which was probably the best decision: Revenge is a waste of time.
I decided that there is no way we can be friends. Ever. My BFF put it best "Would you be his friend if he gave you HIV?" And that was my answer there. I can't be mad that he was sleeping with men. Wait. No I can be mad at that. But that's not what I was really mad about, really I was angry about cheating. He used me and cheated on me, not caring about my body or soul at all in place of his pleasure and putting me at risk for disease.
I talked to him again, sadly, because I had to know the "whole truth". I had to be kind and make him think I wasn't mad, because I wanted to know. Be careful what you wish for, cause the whole truth, I mean the whole Paul Mooney---was way too much for me. Ladies, he told me some wack crazy ish. If I sit back and think on some of the things he said--I couldn't hold my lunch down. But I feel like I now know what I should check and seriously watch for with the next guy.
Somehow he still thinks he "can change, stop this life, so we can be together." Because I don't hate him for being gay/bi (he swears "its just sex") I don't want to be with him because he's a liar, cheater and selfish. He asked me to go to a temple with him to pray this "sex demon" out of his body. Seriously. I can't make this up.
He has sent and left flowers, cards, letters--waited crying outside my apt for 3 hrs on my birthday night (til my neighbor, called the police)--because he still thinks we can "mend things".
I can't imagine being with a man who loves men more than me. And lies to himself about it.
I will tell you all this, although I'm sure it's nothing new to many of you:
-If your man is Black and in the military in Japan, beware. My ex said there are huge groups of these men that are bi/bi-curious/gay. There are parties, people meet on military bases, craigslist japan, gay clubs in Tokyo--and do not care about being discreet b/c they think what happens overseas doesn't matter.
-Many bi/gay men don't consider themselves that. They are "just curious" or see it as sex only-and don't want to be labelled. My ex and most of his partners fall into this category. If a man starts acting "like a sissy" or "like he wants a relationship"--they stop seeing him, because they are not "gay"--it's just sex.
-Some bi/gay men (or men that have this type of sex) don't think they need to use condoms if "it's a first time" or "oral sex". According to my ex this is how he got crabs two years ago. He told me that out of the 20 or so men he has slept with almost all of the Black guys (exceptions of one Phillipino, one Indonesian) didn't want to use condoms, especially for oral. Even though all of these trysts were one-night stands, or reoccuring one-night stands, they just believe their word that they are clean and go about their business.
FYI....this is real and scary.
Anyways I wanted to update you all. I'm staying in Japan, because I'm not going to let some lying man run me away from my goals. I'm not looking to date at all for a long time, just plan on improving me. I'm not so depressed any more, rather thankful this happened now and not months down the road, when I might have signed a lease with him. And did I mention that I am very grateful to God for allowing me to see the truth and help me through this ordeal. Once again thank you all. I really appreciate all of your prayers and support.
Oh and I don't know if I need to re-iiterate or not. But I'm not anti-gay or bi. Just after my own personal orderal, I believe people should be honest and upfront about who they are and what they are doing, especially if they are including someone else up in the mix who might not want to be. And safe sex, monoghamy without cheating and lying is number one priority to me.
I had all my STD/HIV tests come back negative.
Praise God. Even though I used protection, you can never be too careful when someone has been cheating. And not using protection with who they cheat with.
I lost 8 lbs.
Maybe from stress over the test results or depression. But even though I was drinking like a fool, somehow I lost weight.
I am no longer filled with hate.
I went from not being mad to being angry to being sad to not understanding to hating myself to wondering how I didn't see all the signs to being depressed to wanting to kill him to searching his apt (and finding all sorts of sickness hidden in suitcases and electronics boxes) to almost outing him to his mom/boss/coworkers to doing absolutely nothing. Which was probably the best decision: Revenge is a waste of time.
I decided that there is no way we can be friends. Ever. My BFF put it best "Would you be his friend if he gave you HIV?" And that was my answer there. I can't be mad that he was sleeping with men. Wait. No I can be mad at that. But that's not what I was really mad about, really I was angry about cheating. He used me and cheated on me, not caring about my body or soul at all in place of his pleasure and putting me at risk for disease.
I talked to him again, sadly, because I had to know the "whole truth". I had to be kind and make him think I wasn't mad, because I wanted to know. Be careful what you wish for, cause the whole truth, I mean the whole Paul Mooney---was way too much for me. Ladies, he told me some wack crazy ish. If I sit back and think on some of the things he said--I couldn't hold my lunch down. But I feel like I now know what I should check and seriously watch for with the next guy.
Somehow he still thinks he "can change, stop this life, so we can be together." Because I don't hate him for being gay/bi (he swears "its just sex") I don't want to be with him because he's a liar, cheater and selfish. He asked me to go to a temple with him to pray this "sex demon" out of his body. Seriously. I can't make this up.
He has sent and left flowers, cards, letters--waited crying outside my apt for 3 hrs on my birthday night (til my neighbor, called the police)--because he still thinks we can "mend things".
I can't imagine being with a man who loves men more than me. And lies to himself about it.
I will tell you all this, although I'm sure it's nothing new to many of you:
-If your man is Black and in the military in Japan, beware. My ex said there are huge groups of these men that are bi/bi-curious/gay. There are parties, people meet on military bases, craigslist japan, gay clubs in Tokyo--and do not care about being discreet b/c they think what happens overseas doesn't matter.
-Many bi/gay men don't consider themselves that. They are "just curious" or see it as sex only-and don't want to be labelled. My ex and most of his partners fall into this category. If a man starts acting "like a sissy" or "like he wants a relationship"--they stop seeing him, because they are not "gay"--it's just sex.
-Some bi/gay men (or men that have this type of sex) don't think they need to use condoms if "it's a first time" or "oral sex". According to my ex this is how he got crabs two years ago. He told me that out of the 20 or so men he has slept with almost all of the Black guys (exceptions of one Phillipino, one Indonesian) didn't want to use condoms, especially for oral. Even though all of these trysts were one-night stands, or reoccuring one-night stands, they just believe their word that they are clean and go about their business.
FYI....this is real and scary.
Anyways I wanted to update you all. I'm staying in Japan, because I'm not going to let some lying man run me away from my goals. I'm not looking to date at all for a long time, just plan on improving me. I'm not so depressed any more, rather thankful this happened now and not months down the road, when I might have signed a lease with him. And did I mention that I am very grateful to God for allowing me to see the truth and help me through this ordeal. Once again thank you all. I really appreciate all of your prayers and support.
Oh and I don't know if I need to re-iiterate or not. But I'm not anti-gay or bi. Just after my own personal orderal, I believe people should be honest and upfront about who they are and what they are doing, especially if they are including someone else up in the mix who might not want to be. And safe sex, monoghamy without cheating and lying is number one priority to me.
I haven't chatted with you in far to long. I am glad you are doing better and the truth was shown to you! That is messed all around. Just grimey of him.
