Unhappily Married

[DragonPearl]

ArmyQt, you've been unhappy for a while now. I hope you come to the right decision for you.

 

[Caramela]

Deleted.....

 

[imstush]

While reading this I thought back to one of your other threads about your marriage. I am not married, but at the same time I am one who likes to believe that marriage is forever. I do hope you both will at least try out counseling, whether it be a pastor, deacon, or professional. I wish you all the best, my prayers are with you and your family.

 

[ThickHair]

Hugs to you. I was in a similar situation for 2 years before I spoke up. When I did, all heck broke loose. We are divorced now, strangely we get along better now then when we were married. We will never remarry though. Good luck.

 

[felicia]

HI Army!

I have been married for almost 8 years and I have been where you are now. For a time I HATED yes HATED my DH. I slept in separate bedroom from him and everything for long while. We had similar problems that you listed in your OP.

My Daddy was the one I went to to vent all my frustrations and I even talked to my FIL a few times. They gave me two pieces of good advise.
1.) Men are slow. Yes they are, they are really slow to comprehend. Women, especially a woman like you, sees a problem, and deals with it. A man is slow to deal with problems and when you express your feelings/wants/desires it doesnt compute right away. I dont know why but thats the way they are.
2.) The first 5 years of marriage is hell. Lots of rocky roads. After year #5 something seems to click and things smoothed out. If you can hold on until year #5 if its under that, it may get better for you. It was for me so it can happen.

Also from my experience men are immature and it takes them longer to get to a level of maturity that women have. Its very frustrating for a woman to deal with, believe me I know.

I am so sorry that you are going thru this. There is always a chance that things will get better. I was in your same boat but things are much much better and my DH is completely different person than he was 3 years ago. There is hope.

If you want to save your marriage I suggest both of you see someone together. Sending (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) to you. PM me if you need to.

This is very good advice. I'm going to print it out and read it for the times I feel like giving up on my husband.

 

[A.Marie]

I read your post and my heart and my hugs goes out to you. I know it may seem like a difficult situation, but you can get through this. It does not matter if you meet someone else, he will have baggage and shortcomings as well. NO MAN IS PERFECT!!! I have been married for 8 years and intercede for my husband and myself all of the time. No doubt, marriage is one of the most difficult undertakings that I have ever experienced. I have learned and applied a lot of knowledge from Christian friends, married friends, books, etc.

It is easier to get a divorce than it is to stay together. God allowed this covenant between you and your husband, so do not let Satan break it up; it is not a mistake that you are married to this man. Satan is the master of circumstances.

Here is a prayer: "Jesus, I know our home is under enemy attack. I need Your help. Teach me, help me. I will trust You to do it. Amen."

You named everything that is wrong with your husband, yet, what are some things you need to work on? We all have shortcomings and downfalls. Ask God to show you in the scripture what things you need to work on. Then ask what scriptures you need to focus on for your husband. Before you can attempt to stand for the healing of your marriage, you need to allow Jesus to comfort and begin healing you. All of us have faults and none of us are perfect. You can do this, because you have been blessed with the strength to overcome any obstacle that the devil puts in your path.

If you would like some reading material, please PM me, because I have some things that could help you. If you want to intercede/stand for your husband, here is a link of affirmations that you can place his name in the blank and stand for him.

http://www.livingbreadcrumbs.com/inspiration/prayer/marriage_healing.htm

Believe it girl, you can do this. God is equipping you with the weapons you need to destroy the enemy that is trying to raise its ugly head in your home.

Be Blessed,
Andreaetta

 

[vaqtea]

I read your post and my heart and my hugs goes out to you. I know it may seem like a difficult situation, but you can get through this. It does not matter if you meet someone else, he will have baggage and shortcomings as well. NO MAN IS PERFECT!!! I have been married for 8 years and intercede for my husband and myself all of the time. No doubt, marriage is one of the most difficult undertakings that I have ever experienced. I have learned and applied a lot of knowledge from Christian friends, married friends, books, etc.

It is easier to get a divorce than it is to stay together. God allowed this covenant between you and your husband, so do not let Satan break it up; it is not a mistake that you are married to this man. Satan is the master of circumstances.

Here is a prayer: "Jesus, I know our home is under enemy attack. I need Your help. Teach me, help me. I will trust You to do it. Amen."

You named everything that is wrong with your husband, yet, what are some things you need to work on? We all have shortcomings and downfalls. Ask God to show you in the scripture what things you need to work on. Then ask what scriptures you need to focus on for your husband. Before you can attempt to stand for the healing of your marriage, you need to allow Jesus to comfort and begin healing you. All of us have faults and none of us are perfect. You can do this, because you have been blessed with the strength to overcome any obstacle that the devil puts in your path.

If you would like some reading material, please PM me, because I have some things that could help you. If you want to intercede/stand for your husband, here is a link of affirmations that you can place his name in the blank and stand for him.

http://www.livingbreadcrumbs.com/inspiration/prayer/marriage_healing.htm

Believe it girl, you can do this. God is equipping you with the weapons you need to destroy the enemy that is trying to raise its ugly head in your home.

Be Blessed,
Andreaetta

This was beautiful!

 

[itismehmmkay]

I find that with men a lot times they tend to reactive instead of being proactive which tends to get on most women's nerves. They definitely march to a different beat. As I continue to go to counseling I find out more and more that maybe just maybe it's not all his fault but I do share a little bit of the blame too.

I definitely think that is true and is what causes alot of arguments.
Though I think it's ****ed up that I even have to ask for stuff, I keep remembering that I do. And the approach in how I do it does make a difference. I just need more patience and practice...I guess.

 

[Country gal]

I read your post and my heart and my hugs goes out to you. I know it may seem like a difficult situation, but you can get through this. It does not matter if you meet someone else, he will have baggage and shortcomings as well. NO MAN IS PERFECT!!! I have been married for 8 years and intercede for my husband and myself all of the time. No doubt, marriage is one of the most difficult undertakings that I have ever experienced. I have learned and applied a lot of knowledge from Christian friends, married friends, books, etc.

It is easier to get a divorce than it is to stay together. God allowed this covenant between you and your husband, so do not let Satan break it up; it is not a mistake that you are married to this man. Satan is the master of circumstances.

Here is a prayer: "Jesus, I know our home is under enemy attack. I need Your help. Teach me, help me. I will trust You to do it. Amen."

You named everything that is wrong with your husband, yet, what are some things you need to work on? We all have shortcomings and downfalls. Ask God to show you in the scripture what things you need to work on. Then ask what scriptures you need to focus on for your husband. Before you can attempt to stand for the healing of your marriage, you need to allow Jesus to comfort and begin healing you. All of us have faults and none of us are perfect. You can do this, because you have been blessed with the strength to overcome any obstacle that the devil puts in your path.

If you would like some reading material, please PM me, because I have some things that could help you. If you want to intercede/stand for your husband, here is a link of affirmations that you can place his name in the blank and stand for him.

http://www.livingbreadcrumbs.com/inspiration/prayer/marriage_healing.htm

Believe it girl, you can do this. God is equipping you with the weapons you need to destroy the enemy that is trying to raise its ugly head in your home.

Be Blessed,
Andreaetta

I like your point of view. I know for me, I use to get hung up on his faults. I try now to look at both sides.

 

[caribgirl]

Sending hugs and sending up prayers for you to see a clear direction! I believe that you already have a solution. God's blessing to you, sweetie!

 

[jrae]

I read your post and my heart and my hugs goes out to you. I know it may seem like a difficult situation, but you can get through this. It does not matter if you meet someone else, he will have baggage and shortcomings as well. NO MAN IS PERFECT!!! I have been married for 8 years and intercede for my husband and myself all of the time. No doubt, marriage is one of the most difficult undertakings that I have ever experienced. I have learned and applied a lot of knowledge from Christian friends, married friends, books, etc.

It is easier to get a divorce than it is to stay together. God allowed this covenant between you and your husband, so do not let Satan break it up; it is not a mistake that you are married to this man. Satan is the master of circumstances.

Here is a prayer: "Jesus, I know our home is under enemy attack. I need Your help. Teach me, help me. I will trust You to do it. Amen."

You named everything that is wrong with your husband, yet, what are some things you need to work on? We all have shortcomings and downfalls. Ask God to show you in the scripture what things you need to work on. Then ask what scriptures you need to focus on for your husband. Before you can attempt to stand for the healing of your marriage, you need to allow Jesus to comfort and begin healing you. All of us have faults and none of us are perfect. You can do this, because you have been blessed with the strength to overcome any obstacle that the devil puts in your path.

This is a great post, but I do want to say there is nothing easy about divorce. I know you know that... But a happy marriage blesses all those who touch it.

Blessings to you, ArmyQT.

 

[Farida]

I do urge you to try counseling. It will only fail if he refuses to try.

You had something good once, it is time to find it again.

A lot of times when you feel unhappy and unloved, you find that your SO feels the same way, no matter how much you may cater or feel you cater to him. It's amazing what some people's love language is. When FH and I were doing premarital counseling I was so surprised to find some of his definitions of feeling loved were not anything like I imagined.

It is at least worth a try. And as another poster mentioned, men can really be slow. That's why that whole withdrawing/ignoring thing doesn't always work. He'll be wondering what your PMSing about...men need simple, straightforward "this is what I would like."

 

[Armyqt]

Tonight I told him that if we want to get our love back we need to seek counseling. I told him that we couldn't do it on our own. I'm going to do what I can to see if I can make an emotional comeback. In the meantime, I've got to make me and my kids happy.

I think it's a good idea to print out my original post and let him simmer over it. I told him about it (without the details). But since I'm leaving tomorrow, I don't want to leave him insecure and with doubts while I"m away. So I will give it to him next week. Also next week, I will start looking for a counselor.

 

[Farida]

Tonight I told him that if we want to get our love back we need to seek counseling. I told him that we couldn't do it on our own. I'm going to do what I can to see if I can make an emotional comeback. In the meantime, I've got to make me and my kids happy.

I think it's a good idea to print out my original post and let him simmer over it. I told him about it (without the details). But since I'm leaving tomorrow, I don't want to leave him insecure and with doubts while I"m away. So I will give it to him next week. Also next week, I will start looking for a counselor.

You should ask him to come up with a list of his own as well. It will help him feel less attacked and more likely to open up and own his faults.

 

[DragonPearl]

Tonight I told him that if we want to get our love back we need to seek counseling. I told him that we couldn't do it on our own. I'm going to do what I can to see if I can make an emotional comeback. In the meantime, I've got to make me and my kids happy.

I think it's a good idea to print out my original post and let him simmer over it. I told him about it (without the details). But since I'm leaving tomorrow, I don't want to leave him insecure and with doubts while I"m away. So I will give it to him next week. Also next week, I will start looking for a counselor.

You do care about this man.

I hope he wakes up soon before he loses you.

 

[FlowerHair]

HI Army!

I have been married for almost 8 years and I have been where you are now. For a time I HATED yes HATED my DH. I slept in separate bedroom from him and everything for long while. We had similar problems that you listed in your OP.

My Daddy was the one I went to to vent all my frustrations and I even talked to my FIL a few times. They gave me two pieces of good advise.
1.) Men are slow. Yes they are, they are really slow to comprehend. Women, especially a woman like you, sees a problem, and deals with it. A man is slow to deal with problems and when you express your feelings/wants/desires it doesnt compute right away. I dont know why but thats the way they are.
2.) The first 5 years of marriage is hell. Lots of rocky roads. After year #5 something seems to click and things smoothed out. If you can hold on until year #5 if its under that, it may get better for you. It was for me so it can happen.

Also from my experience men are immature and it takes them longer to get to a level of maturity that women have. Its very frustrating for a woman to deal with, believe me I know.

I am so sorry that you are going thru this. There is always a chance that things will get better. I was in your same boat but things are much much better and my DH is completely different person than he was 3 years ago. There is hope.

If you want to save your marriage I suggest both of you see someone together. Sending (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) to you. PM me if you need to.

I like this approach

 

[envybeauty]

Tonight I told him that if we want to get our love back we need to seek counseling. I told him that we couldn't do it on our own. I'm going to do what I can to see if I can make an emotional comeback. In the meantime, I've got to make me and my kids happy.

I think it's a good idea to print out my original post and let him simmer over it. I told him about it (without the details). But since I'm leaving tomorrow, I don't want to leave him insecure and with doubts while I"m away. So I will give it to him next week. Also next week, I will start looking for a counselor.

maybe not the exact post from this website per se but copy and paste it into a word document and then print it out.

it would just be extra IMO to let him know indirectly that you already shared this on the internet with a bunch of strangers before approaching him directly. he doesn't need to know that.