I have talked to him at great lengths about this, but to no avail. I have mentioned counseling. I went individually for about 4 months last year. I think he would go just to prove how I'm the one with the problem. So I don't think that counseling will help. Plus counseling will not change the core of who someone is.
I am so sorry to hear of your troubles and as someone who has been married for 14 years I can empathize and relate to what you are going through. In reference to the bolded part, a person has to want to make the change for themselves for the change to happen. If he is resistant to go to counseling then that means he is not willing to take responsibility of his short comings. I can say though that if he went into counseling with an open heart then he will surely be able to see that what's going on is not all your fault and be able to get in touch with the error of his ways.
As a married person who has been to couple's counseling I had found that a lot the surface problems tend to be a lot deeper than we think and I also thought the he was the one with all the faults but in reality a lot of things that he was doing was in response to my "it needs to be done NOW" attitude. Sometimes I can be overly driven too.
I find that with men a lot times they tend to reactive instead of being proactive which tends to get on most women's nerves. They definitely march to a different beat. As I continue to go to counseling I find out more and more that maybe just maybe it's not all his fault but I do share a little bit of the blame too.
I would say at least get him to commit to at least three sessions and if he is not willing to make some sort of change within that time frame...I don't know what to tell you.
I was 98% ready to give up on my marriage not that long ago but going to counseling has helped me see his side and helped him see my side and both of us are changing for the better. I was for sure that I was not "in love" with my husband any longer until a number of events proved otherwise.
I will say that marriage is a long hard road and both people have to be willing to give their all to make it work. Sometimes there will seem like there are way more downs than ups but just make sure you take your time and think everything through before you make any harsh decisions.
I know as a woman I am driven by emotions and sometimes emotions can drive every fiber that is within me but when I come off of my emotional high and think of things in a more rational way they seem more clear.
I don't know exactly how you feel but I just wanted to give you a little perspective from what I have been through but ultimately you have to make the decision that is best for you and yours.
I wish you the best.
-DSD
! I'm sorry you are going through this.
erplexed
If it's going in one ear and out the next? Maybe he needs to see it in writing. It's up to YOU to see if you think it's worth salvaging, because no one deserves to be unhappy especially if their mate isn't supporting them in their daily life like they should. I hope things work out for you! *hugs*
. I don't have any advice because I don't like to tell people what they should do in their personal life. But I do wish you the best, you deserve it!
