Unfortunate Looking Children

mallysmommy

mallysmommy

Well-Known Member
So my coworkers and I are casually conversing and the subject of marriage and children comes up. Everyone is stating their current relationship and children status and whether or not they want or could foresee things changing for them in the future. One of my coworkers who is very pretty imo has two younger children from a previous marriage is currently in a LTR with man who has a teenaged daughter and preteen son also from a previous marriage. She states that though she could foresee marriage she cannot (and admits its very shallow for her) imagine having children with this man because she is afraid her children will be ugly like his. :look:
We were all so thrown off by her comment that one of us asked her to repeat and explain herself. She repeats that his children are not very attractive and that she doesn't know if it is his genes or their mother's genes but she wouldn't want to take that risk. The father wears normal glasses and kids wear thick glasses. She and her children do not. His kids needed heavy dental treatments and both suffer from asthma. The daughter is battling the dreaded acne. My coworker said that she rarely has a skin blemish. She said that she thinks the little boy looks like Urkel and the girl like a grandmother. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I asked her if they have talked about more children and she said that a direct conversation hasn't come up yet, but she intends to motion against it. she says "I'll just tell him that four kids is enough, a cute puppy will do just fine".

I have seen her man and only pictures of both of their kids. The man is decent but not really my type, the kids I guess could grow into their looks over time. I don't know what their mother looks like. Her children are cute but then again could grow into some "unfortunate looks" I think both sets of kids look their fathers. These people are some where between early mid thirties, I know they have been dating for at least a year.

I was just thrown off by that. Granted this was just girl chit chat and assumed that her crass remarks were not meant to be taken so seriously (she is one of those brutally honest types) but is it okay to not want children with your SO because you think he will produce ugly children, based off of the current looks of his children? Is this something that you bring up to him?
 
I don't see the problem *shrug* Don't get into a serious relationship if you aren't attracted to someone IMO. That's where attraction becomes scientific. Analyzing your potential children is part of finding someone physically attractive. Keep in mind though that two pretty people can make an ugly baby :look:
 
SuchaLady said:
I don't see the problem *shrug* Don't get into a serious relationship if you aren't attracted to someone IMO. That's where attraction becomes scientific. Analyzing your potential children is part of finding someone physically attractive. Keep in mind though that two pretty people can make an ugly baby :look:
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This is precisely why I will not marry a man I am not attracted to. :look: Even if the WORLD thinks he's UGLY, I will have to be attracted to him.

I used to say this all the time back in the day that I would never marry a man with weird or "abnormal" features. :look: Sometimes it does pass on down to the children..no offense. :ohwell:

I would love my children regardless of how they came out looking of course, but the world is already so negative and hard on children ANYWAY, why ruin their chances with someone who is not even attractive to you?? :look:

Now granted, I've seen two average (some even ugly) parents make beautiful babies, and I've seen two gorgeous people make some lackluster children. So, you can't really pre-judge unfortunately.
 
I get were she is coming from but there is, Nothing worse than people who peak in the looks department as children or teens.

Exhibit A: that boy from the sixth sense

Some of the best looking people I went to high school with look like hot garbage 7-8 years later...
 
Looks are so superficial because they can change

I've seen some people that were gorgeous as kids and then grow up to be not so attractive.

Then there are some that go through an awkward faze growing up but then after braces and acne are over contact lenses come through they look good.

Like another poster said two good looking people can have an ugly baby and vice versa.

With looks I really feel like it's a rolling the dice type of thing.

You can never be 100% sure what your kid will come out looking like.

The nature of genetics.
 
:lachen: :lachen:

I can totally see how this conversation can be hilarious since it's so un-PC. But people, especially women IMO, have always always considered what kind of kids they may or may not get mixing with someone else's genes. It is a lifelong decision that you can't take back. That's why I don't understand why people are so nonchalant about how they make offspring with :look:. But if there are things you're trying to avoid, you're best chance (it's never a guarantee) is to not have kids with someone who has features you don't want to pass on. This is also why people like to look at parents, grandparents, and family members. Some traits pop up frequently and you might want or want to avoid those :lol:.

I don't want to have pale children, so I'm not having kids with a pale guy :lol:. Bad skin and jacked up teeth would also be a no go, along with something much more serious like a history of mental illness. The only thing in my control when it comes to making babies is the gene pool I pull from. I'm not going to hand that over just to be politically correct :rolleyes:
 
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The guy I'm seeing wears glasses. It bothers me a little that he and all his siblings wore them since they were pre-teens. Actually, glasses are worn by everyone in his family.

Conversely, my parents & grandparents only began wearing spectacles in their late 40s... closer to 50.

It hurts my heart a little that my children more than likely would have to wear glasses. Not the aesthetic part of it, but the fact that they won't have perfect vision bothers me.
 
LiftedUp said:
The guy I'm seeing wears glasses. It bothers me a little that he and all his siblings wore them since they were pre-teens. Actually, glasses are worn by everyone in his family.

Conversely, my parents & grandparents only began wearing spectacles in their late 40s... closer to 50.

It hurts my heart a little that my children more than likely would have to wear glasses. Not the aesthetic part of it, but the fact that they won't have perfect vision bothers me.
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I started wearing glasses when I was 6. 3 of my 4 children also wear glasses. Rite of Passage in my family -- Middle School = Contacts. None of us ever gave it a second thought...lol. Seriously. Never. Don't worry about such a thing. Shoot for perfect heart, lungs, kidneys, great hair genes, etc... :lol:
 
Not to sound dramatic but he can do better. She might love a lot of things about him but she doesn't love him the way I would want to be loved. If she thinks his kids are unattractive, then there isn't anything wrong with that.

But I WISH somebody I thought enough of for them to even feel comfortable fantasizing about marrying me WOULD--I WISH they WOULD--call my kids ugly to some damned coworkers. I expect somebody I love to see my kids are ugly from the damn get-go and govern themselves accordingly. Either leave me and my ugly kids alone or keep it cute enough to protect my ugly kids' honor in front of strangers.

Now having said that, my intended is really handsome but I'm not tripping about what our child would look like. As long as health isn't an issue, anything can be fixed :look:
 
I agree. And that mentality can't be helpful for the kids sake. They can grow out of that stage. Children are still developing. I'd be more worried about cultivating them into functioning competent adults. Beauty is subjective anyways.
 
InchHighPrivateEye said:
Now having said that, my intended is really handsome but I'm not tripping about what our child would look like. As long as health isn't an issue, anything can be fixed :look:
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Agreed. I'm more worried about my kids being healthy. Of course I want them to be attractive but even if they somehow came out ugly(highly doubtful), just about anyone can be brought up to average level. And since 90% of the population is average in the looks department anyway, I'm ok with that.

Are they white? Many white people peak when they are very young.
 
Guess I'm just out here on a limb for wanting a smart, physically & mentally healthy child with a beautiful personality & spirit...(almost) everything else can be heavily remedied with clothes shoes accessories & hair.
 
I had a baby with an not-so-attractive man and the baby turned out gorgeous. However, the man's children from a previous relationship...eh...not so much. You never know what might happen. Genetics are a crap shoot. Considering this woman's attitude, though, I hope her womb shrivels up like the hot desert. No one like that should be anyone's mother.
 
lol. this is funny because all the kids in my family are cute. i generally assume my moms side of the family is responsible for the attractive genes and since all of my siblings kids have come out cute as buttons i assume its not something ill have to worry about. we're "cute enough for the both of us" as the saying goes.

id be VERY surprised if i had an ugly kid no matter who the dad was :lol:
 
But don't most people want to have cute kids? Of course cuteness is after health and intelligence but I still think people want to have cute kids.

And do people know when they don't have cute kids? If OP's coworker had a kid with the guy, she wouldn't think the kid was unattractive anyway.
 
If she has kids with him and they aren't cute, then what? The world won't end.

I worry about her having children around her at all. She doesn't seem to be able to love unconditionally.
 
Meh. There are a lot of ugly people out there. Somebody is birthing them. Her idea of beautiful, may be my idea of ugly. He deserves better.
 
I thought heavily about having children with my now ex... and then I met his daughter :look:.. mind you, my bf was not a looker, but the daughter looks just like him.

We're not together now.

(no the thought of future kids did not make me leave).

As far as the lady in the OP.. she is being quite shallow.. Genes and DNA are very funny.
 
is it such an unforgivable sin to think somebody is not cute? damn she didnt say she hated their ugly faces did she :lol:
 
CaraWalker said:
is it such an unforgivable sin to think somebody is not cute? damn she didnt say she hated their ugly faces did she :lol:
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It's shallow and in this woman's case, I can only imagine what she teaches her child about self worth and self love, if the first thing you think about when bringing a child into this world is will it be cute. Not will it be smart, kind, caring, healthy.
 
I feel that some step mothers or potential step mothers have some kind of automatic disgust for their step children, no matter what they look like. I can't count how many posts I've read in a Swedish parenting forum about how they feel their step child is "nasty" or "yucky", they don't want to touch them, they stink etc etc. It's probably some remnant of an instinct to only protect and love our own offspring.

Regardless, I feel that she is doing him and his children a disservice by continuing this relationship. Besides, they have four kids between them, why would they need more?

It's better for her to find someone without children. That's what I would do if I ever broke up with SO. I don't want to deal with step children or ex-wives/girlfriends.
 
CaraWalker said:
is it such an unforgivable sin to think somebody is not cute? damn she didnt say she hated their ugly faces did she :lol:
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No. Some people aren't cute and that's okay. What would be unforgivable to me is somebody I cared about making me or my loved ones (I don't have kids, but I'm thinking about my close family) the butt of a mean conversation, and leaving me out there vulnerable like that, if we are supposed to be in a serious relationship. I would think somebody that like that was shallow, sad, and ignorant.

I used to talk about random thots and clowns with people, but I would never out my SO out there like that. And I'm trying to understand how ugly these kids could possibly be. The OP mentioned glasses but thats more of a style issue. They're kids. :look: She just sounds like a nitwit :lol:
 
Kids can grow into their looks. Certain things she mentioned do irk me a little I suppose. Like the little boy looking like Steve Urkle. You should have reminded her Steve turns into Stephan at overnight. Lol

And about the girl with acne, she's a teenager! What do you expect? I had it and it was a really bad case. Now, people try to touch my face. It shocks me every time, cause I know what I went through. My little cousin went through the same thing with her weight. You should see her now.

People can be so harsh sometimes. Then they're all shocked when these little flower bulbs come to bloom.
 
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