Traumatized :/

I know this has already been said but if you intend to keep going to this gym you need to put your "don't mess with me face on" and don't hesitate to curse anybody who goes out of line.
If you can't bear the idea of going back to that gym, invest in some workout equipment.
If your life is in danger on a daily basis, I would consider leaving this school. Education does not require that you deal with this kind of bullshiggity!
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. You will have to empower yourself, make your voice heard and let those rude, aggressive guys know that they can't mess with you.

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Pretty Brown Eyes

If you did then you would i have saw that i wasnt upset with him not defending and what i really was upset about. And you also would have known about me explaining my saying that. Which would mean you would have read the entire thread. But you didnt which i assume because you obviously have no clue about any of this and you felt the need to post that. Kinda like how you assume im 20?
 
OP: I would definitely involve the campus police. Speak with student affairs. I'll bet a lot of women feel harassed, but don't speak up because they feel they did something wrong or boys will be boys. Also, does your campus check IDs to get in the gym? I hate to say it but at a lot of HBCUs, folks who are not students are known to hang around to holler at girls or use the facilities.
 
DeepBluSea said:
OP: I would definitely involve the campus police. Speak with student affairs. I'll bet a lot of women feel harassed, but don't speak up because they feel they did something wrong or boys will be boys. Also, does your campus check IDs to get in the gym? I hate to say it but at a lot of HBCUs, folks who are not students are known to hang around to holler at girls or use the facilities.
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I have spoken to someone today and they want to re-open the womens gym so hopefully that can happen soon. I plan to speak to someone else as soon as I get the guy's name. No my campus rarely checks i.d.s but i think he's a student here...
 
foxee said:
Listen, you do not need "bodyguards." You won't have the luxury of taking a male friend or your SO wherever you go for the rest of your life.
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sometimes it's not a luxury. chelseatiara, i know you feel safer having all those men around you but fact is most women are assaulted by someone they know, not some shadow lurking behind the bushes. i'm not saying your friends are potential rapists but be careful with entrusting your safety to someone else.
 
chelseatiara said:
im 19 and i already explained this. go read the thread.
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You are an adult at 19. You also mentioned how at first you were mad but then you realized that you were just upset at the situation not at him.

You should really consider transferring. YES you claim there would be more hassle for you to switch. But isn't it worth it to feel safer and go to the gym in peace?
 
Syrah said:
Exactly. It has been some time since I've been in an undergraduate gym, but I can't imagine times have changed THAT MUCH where there's a bunch of "men" in the gym, and they're all going to continue benchpressing while you're being disrespected without some sort of intervention. Or that one of you're SO's friends wouldn't be like "yoo, bruh, I think you need to go help SO-ette out".

Back to topic: if its really a concern, you need to have a conversation with SO and talk to the folks who run the gym.

Somehow I doubt its going to go that far...
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Syrah

Women have gotten worse done to them surrounded by men at a COLLEGE. If you go that thread in off topic about what happened in Ghana you can read and watch the video of what they did to this girl.
 
*****Southern University and Agricultural Mechanical College in Baton Rouge, Louisiana**** and no security has not been upped even though there was a fight last night at an event the Men's Federation was holding.
 
One thing that I can suggest is that you consider taking a self defense class. I think that it will help you to feel mentally tougher, in addition to equipping you with the skills you need to fight back when someone targets you.

There's no need for you to change gyms, work out at home, transfer to a different school, etc. etc. I mean seriously. :rolleyes: Why should you have to change where you choose to work out just because of these buffoons? :perplexed Besides, if you go to a different school, or a different gym, or you work out at home, there will still be some miscreant who will try to do you wrong. :nono: Don't change your environment; rather, learn how to conduct yourself in your current environment so that you're not perceived as an easy target. What that man did was terrible, disgusting, and dangerous, and I agree with all the people who said that it's worth the effort to find out his name and report him to the proper authorities so that he can see the gravity of his actions. You can't change other people's behavior. All you can do is change how you do what you do so that you can empower and protect yourself to the fullest extent. I really don't think that you did anything to warrant such behavior from that man or any other man, but I do think that perhaps the underlying lesson is the importance of learning how to comport yourself in various settings. :yep: I truly wish you the best of luck. Men disgust me sometimes. :nono:
 
Please. Forgive me is this has been mentioned in the thread already, but I haven't read it in its entirety yet. But. What are you wearing to the gym? Are you a spandex booty shorts and a sports bra type of girl? Or are you a Victoria's Secret Pink sweat pants and an over sized white tee type of girl?
 
PraisedBeauty said:
Please. Forgive me is this has been mentioned in the thread already, but I haven't read it in its entirety yet. But. What are you wearing to the gym? Are you a spandex booty shorts and a sports bra type of girl? Or are you a Victoria's Secret Pink sweat pants and an over sized white tee type of girl?
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I knew this would be asked:nono: i wore a oversized white T with the schools info on the front and basketball shorts with running shoes. I usually wear black so the sweat doesnt show as bad. No my clothes were not "tight" and no you could not see through them.

*but if i had been wearing that foolishness that still wouldnt give anybody the right.

**and because i know how men are around skin I RARELY show any. I wore blue jean shorts ONCE this semester. I dont have skirts and the dresses i do have are church appropriate.
 
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chelseatiara said:
Because they are nothing but glorified meter maids. I'd rather just forget the ordeal but that would be letting him win...
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I know how you feel... I went to Southern for a little while also and I know how it is... I say stop going and just get you some workout DVDs. Do they still have the shuttle that takes you places?
 
chelseatiara said:
I knew this would be asked:nono: i wore a oversized white T with the schools info on the front and basketball shorts with running shoes. I usually wear black so the sweat doesnt show as bad. No my clothes were not "tight" and no you could not see through them.

*but if i had been wearing that foolishness that still wouldnt give anybody the right.
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I didn't ask this question in an attempt to see if you "asked for it" ...By no means does a woman deserve this treatment from anyone... Regardless of what she is wearing. But...The story is a tad bit bizarre. I am trying to make sense of it somehow.
 
kibbles318 said:
I know how you feel... I went to Southern for a little while also and I know how it is... I say stop going and just get you some workout DVDs. Do they still have the shuttle that takes you places?
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Thank you. It does but i only have the hours of 3-5 to work out and with the closest gym being half an hour away and the stops the shuttle makes i would spend the whole time on the bus :( im going to try to go walking with my old roommate..

Syrah no i have not.
 
Stories like these are the reason why I make myself look unapproachable.

What school is this? I have never heard of anything like this in my life...
 
I'm sorry this happened to you, OP, and I'm glad you are going to take action by contacting campus officials and/or the authorities to take down this guy. I'm also not surprised that this happened at Southern:nono:. I'm not sure why this is hard to understand that this happened, because there are fools attending universities every day, some unis have more than others sadly. Also, these same fools will attack a woman regardless what she's wearing or how mean or unapproachable she looks. This really occurs in environments where they know there won't be much done about it (and more focus is on the girl instead of the attacker), hence why it's important to really get this guy.

The bolded sounds like a good plan. I like the other workout plans suggested in this thread too. Hopefully they will open that women's gym soon, especially if you guys make a big ruckus about it. Also, I do like the self-defense course idea too. That was suggested to us residents by campus officials at the univ I attended.


chelseatiara said:
Thank you. It does but i only have the hours of 3-5 to work out and with the closest gym being half an hour away and the stops the shuttle makes i would spend the whole time on the bus :( im going to try to go walking with my old roommate..
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It's also sad that she has to put on a game face/not talk to anyone in order to go the gym :ohwell:. Yeah, I'm sorry - There is something wrong when women have to do X,Y,Z to not get harassed. And I don't know about you all, but I've gotten the "why are you stuck up/stank/you think you are better than me, don't you?" comments/stalking when I have my game face so YMMV. You can try to adapt and handle things all you want, but at the end of the day - crazy is m*ther-****** crazy and the best that you can hope for is arm yourself the best way you know how. I agree with self-defense as well; it can bring you confidence, OP, even if you (hopefully) never have to use it.

With that being said, I'd also like to point out that OP is 19 and probably in her first year of college. She's probably inexperienced dealing with situations like these so if she screamed out "I NEED AN ADULT" or whatever because she was told to do it, then I don't think it's something to harp on. If we're giving a side-eye to her reaction, then pleas remember when people are afraid/stressed/panicked, they'll say and do whatever because of the fear. If you are in the moment, surrounded by a group of men, what in the world are you supposed to do? :ohwell:

Sometimes, I feel like we project that women should know certain things when she gets to a certain age without realizing that we come from different backgrounds and experiences. I know this is an internet, I know people are wary of trolls, but when I was a freshmen in college, I was clueless about so many things that I *wish* I was on this board so that I could get information.

I give the benefit of the doubt in situations since there isn't a lot of support out there for women... Hell, even less so for BLACK women. I had a rough time in my first year at college since I didn't know how to handle certain things, no one reached out to help me even when I sought information, and my parents didn't go to college so they were no resource to me. I've done many stupid things thinking one way about a situation because I simply had no one to confide in. It happens.

I'm sorry for the spiel (and yes I'm rambling so whatevs), but I can see how the OP is getting frustrated and I can understand why. She's young. You don't magically go from 17 to 18 (i.e, adulthood) blessed with newfound knowledge on what to do.
 
nagawa said:
It's also sad that she has to put on a game face/not talk to anyone in order to go the gym :ohwell:. Yeah, I'm sorry - There is something wrong when women have to do X,Y,Z to not get harassed. And I don't know about you all, but I've gotten the "why are you stuck up/stank/you think you are better than me, don't you?" comments/stalking when I have my game face so YMMV. You can try to adapt and handle things all you want, but at the end of the day - crazy is m*ther-****** crazy and the best that you can hope for is arm yourself the best way you know how. I agree with self-defense as well; it can bring you confidence, OP, even if you (hopefully) never have to use it.

With that being said, I'd also like to point out that OP is 19 and probably in her first year of college. She's probably inexperienced dealing with situations like these so if she screamed out "I NEED AN ADULT" or whatever because she was told to do it, then I don't think it's something to harp on. If we're giving a side-eye to her reaction, then pleas remember when people are afraid/stressed/panicked, they'll say and do whatever because of the fear. If you are in the moment, surrounded by a group of men, what in the world are you supposed to do? :ohwell:

Sometimes, I feel like we project that women should know certain things when she gets to a certain age without realizing that we come from different backgrounds and experiences. I know this is an internet, I know people are wary of trolls, but when I was a freshmen in college, I was clueless about so many things that I *wish* I was on this board so that I could get information.

I give the benefit of the doubt in situations since there isn't a lot of support out there for women... Hell, even less so for BLACK women. I had a rough time in my first year at college since I didn't know how to handle certain things, no one reached out to help me even when I sought information, and my parents didn't go to college so they were no resource to me. I've done many stupid things thinking one way about a situation because I simply had no one to confide in. It happens.

I'm sorry for the spiel (and yes I'm rambling so whatevs), but I can see how the OP is getting frustrated and I can understand why. She's young. You don't magically go from 17 to 18 (i.e, adulthood) blessed with newfound knowledge on what to do.
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:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::cup::bighug:THANK YOU!!!!!!! I should have just bolded the whole post :grin:
 
Ummm...I don't know how some individuals came to the conclusion that the OP brought this situation on herself by "flirting". After stating where she goes to school, I can definitely see how this could have happen. Certain parts of Baton Rouge and NOLA are no friggin joke. :ninja: 's in those areas will pop you for looking at them wrong. To curse them or jump at them would be foolish and may cause you irreparable physical harm. I mean, some of the same people advising the OP to be more "assertive" said in the same breath that they could understand why her BF didn't stand up to them. And you expect a 19 year old FEMALE/GIRL to do so :huh:?I can also imagine that people who are not associated with the school can still have access to their facilities. For all OP knows, they might not even go to the school. OP, I'm really sorry this happened to you :bighug:. If you can't access safer facilities or get this matter completely resolved, I would advise that you invest in some gym equipment and workout DVDs. I'm afraid that someone might even retaliate against you. Although putting on a "don't F with me attitude" does work on occasion, if you're talking about the type of hood :ninja:s I think you are, they're not going to even flinch...and may even call your bluff. It's not worth your safety :nono:

OT: I recall going to a Bayou classic in which this group of guys was trying to come on to this girl (pretty, "thick", long hair- the type most BM think are dimes). She completely dismissed this one guy, with the hand and all- not even in a rude manner as she was trying to make her way through the crowd). This guy reaches out, grabs her arm and slaps the mess out of her across her face- all while his friends egg him on. She wasn't scantily clad, rude (i.e. stuck up) etc.- she was just trying to mind her own business. I don't think people understand what type of goons there are on the streets and it's nothing for them to assault you for bruising their ego :spinning:
 
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kblc06 said:
I don't think people understand what type of goons there are on the streets and it's nothing for them to assault you for bruising their ego :spinning:
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BINGO.

You can be the most assertive woman in the room, and if a man wants to hurt you, he will. No rhyme nor reason. One of my more assertive friends was sexually assaulted and she fought back and could never be conceived of as approachable/friendly. :nono:

Sigh. I need to leave this thread. I'm really hoping you find a solution that allows you to not let the fear or these goons get to you, OP. And even if the people around you aren't the best/most supportive, they may be trying to do the best their can with whatever they have.
 
kblc06 said:
Ummm...I don't know how some individuals came to the conclusion that the OP brought this situation on herself by "flirting". After stating where she goes to school, I can definitely see how this could have happen. Certain parts of Baton Rouge and NOLA are no friggin joke. :ninja: 's in those areas will pop you for looking at them wrong. To curse them or jump at them would be foolish and may cause you irreparable physical harm. I mean, some of the same people advising the OP to be more "assertive" said in the same breath that they could understand why her BF didn't stand up to them. And you expect a 19 year old FEMALE/GIRL to do so :huh:?I can also imagine that people who are not associated with the school can still have access to their facilities. For all OP knows, they might not even go to the school. OP, I'm really sorry this happened to you :bighug:. If you can't access safer facilities or get this matter completely resolved, I would advise that you invest in some gym equipment and workout DVDs. I'm afraid that someone might even retaliate against you. Although putting on a "don't F with me attitude" does work on occasion, if you're talking about the type of hood :ninja:s I think you are, they're not going to even flinch...and may even call your bluff. It's not worth your safety :nono:

OT: I recall going to a Bayou classic in which this group of guys was trying to come on to this girl (pretty, "thick", long hair- the type most BM think are dimes). She completely dismissed this one guy, with the hand and all- not even in a rude manner as she was trying to make her way through the crowd). This guy reaches out, grabs her arm and slaps the mess out of her across her face- all while his friends egg him on. She wasn't scantily clad, rude (i.e. stuck up) etc.- she was just trying to mind her own business. I don't think people understand what type of goons there are on the streets and it's nothing for them to assault you for bruising their ego :spinning:
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I totally agree with this, especially what you said about where her school is located. I actually was about to say a similar thing in my previous post, but I deleted it because I didn't want to offend anyone. I know that Louisiana, in general, has one of the highest crime rates in the country and that the cities there are notoriously dangerous for women. I am so sorry that the OP experienced what she did, and to be perfectly frank, I'm also sorry that so many posts seemed to question the veracity if her post or hint toward some wrong-doing, albeit accidental, on her part. OP, if I contributed to that in any way, I am sorry. If you get nothing else from my initial post, please heed my advice to take self defense classes. Not only can they protect you, but also, they may help confer a sense of personal empowerment and confidence that you can take care of yourself. :huggle:

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OP I applaud you on being Actively solving the problem, and being articulate in your responses. While there have been some valid questions, I think this thread is an example of what usually happens when a woman feels threathened or is assaulted. The neighborhood that I grew up in, it was not uncommon for a woman to be touched, or treated disrepectfully through words. There is a reason that college women are more likely to be assaulted. Good Job on trying to fix the problem, as I am sure you werent the first person he has treated in this manner.
 
To be perfectly honest Bre, the SU campus is not a place I would wander about without a group. Or any other campus in the NOLA/Baton Rouge area except maybe Tulane or Loyola and even they can be iffy. Crime is notoriously bad in that region. Most members of my family have attended universities in the SWAC including Southern and I'm pretty familiar with the school and area in general. Some of the stories will make your head spin :drunk:. Couple that with some super hood :ninja:s who can easily infiltrate the campus and you have cases of violence that can tailspin out of control. It's not helpless to know that there is safety in numbers or that other males are less likely to attack you when other males are present. Had she not been in a group, people would've been asking what was she (the OP) was doing/thinking wandering alone without an escort. You can't win for losing.

Je Ne Sais Quoi said:
Op I just want to say that I'm not blaming you for what happened. If it happened the way you said then you need to empower yourself. Don't fall into the "helpless" role. There should be no reason for you to have/need "bodyguards" everywhere you go. Put some base in your voice and let the knuckle heads know that you are not the one to be messed with. I questioned your story because it sounds like it didn't add up. nothing more and nothing less. I think if you continue down the road of helpless woman it may cause more problems down the line. Your safety is primarily up to you....
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Precisely. I think it gives us a false feeling of control when we believe that if we (women) would only dress the right way, speak the right way, not drink, avoid the wrong places, wear the right clothes, avoid eye contact, but make enough contact so that we seem assertive, avoid groups of men and cross over to the other side of the street, turn water into wine, walk on eggshells without breaking them, that we can avoid being harassed or assaulted. The truth, however unfortunate, is that these things don't work. Women can do everything in their power, but the mindset of men has to change. If these things worked then why are women still being assaulted in horribly vicious ways, even in the most conservative parts of the world where women are ONLY allowed to do "the right things"?

nagawa said:
BINGO.

You can be the most assertive woman in the room, and if a man wants to hurt you, he will. No rhyme nor reason. One of my more assertive friends was sexually assaulted and she fought back and could never be conceived of as approachable/friendly. :nono:

Sigh. I need to leave this thread. I'm really hoping you find a solution that allows you to not let the fear or these goons get to you, OP. And even if the people around you aren't the best/most supportive, they may be trying to do the best their can with whatever they have.
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