Traumatized :/

chelseatiara said:
Report to who exactly? If the people didnt do anything, and SUPD NEVER does anything what exactly am i supposed to do? Even as im telling you the honest truth im being victimized and accused of being an "attention seeker." I dont talk to the other women at the gym because I prefer not to be associated with those types of women. I really dont see the purpose of all these nasty remarks. This is why many women dont report harassment of any kind because many people make it out to be the woman's fault if they believe her at all.
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Woah Nelly! hold your horses op, don't read too much into my remarks, i wrote that response from a curious stand point, no nastiness anywhere. If you perceive my response as nasty then unfortunately I cannot help your perception:sad:

Those of us reading this thread are probably wondering why you keep going to this gym if the level of harassment is so bad:perplexed. No one is blaming you, I have not read a response saying you're to blame for these men being misogynistic pigs.

However the fact that you keep subjecting yourself to this level of harassment (by going to the gym), and going to a gym that by all indications is beneath your standards leaves me very puzzled:perplexed

It just doesn't add up or make sense to me.

I know for a fact if I were in your shoes i'd stop going to this gym period:yep:
 
Etherealsmile26 said:
Woah Nelly! hold your horses op, don't read too much into my remarks, i wrote that response from a curious stand point, no nastiness anywhere. If you perceive my response as nasty then unfortunately I cannot help your perception:sad:

Those of us reading this thread are probably wondering why you keep going to this gym if the level of harassment is so bad:perplexed. No one is blaming you, I have not read a response saying you're to blame for these men being misogynistic pigs.

However the fact that you keep subjecting yourself to this level of harassment (by going to the gym), and going to a gym that by all indications is beneath your standards leaves me very puzzled:perplexed

It just doesn't add up or make sense to me.

I know for a fact if I were in your shoes i'd stop going to this gym period:yep:
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I didnt mean you particularly just the vibe of several posts that say "something doesnt add up" and mess like there are beautiful women everywhere and no one is touching them, like what does that have to do with me? The whole kiss on the had thing happened like 2 weeks ago and this foolishness happened yesterday. I kept going to the gym because i think my health is more important than this but now i think im just going to stop going.
 
Is the gym on campus? If so contact the university administration - threaten a sexual harassment suit if they do nothing. I don't think you should be angry with your SO - stuff like that is not worth losing your life over. Also why do you need bodyguards? When dogs smell fear they will bite you. I think you need to work on being more assertive, these hooligans harass you because they know you are scared. College is supposed to be the best time of your life if you are on a campus where you are too scared to walk on your own you should consider transferring.
 
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MayaB12 said:
Is the gym on campus? If so contact the university administration - threaten a sexual harassment suit if they do nothing. I don't think you should be angry with your SO - stuff like that is not worth losing your life over. Also why do you need bodyguards? When dogs smell fear they will bite you. I think you need to work on being more assertive, these hooligans harass you because they know you are scared. College is supposed to be the best time of your life if you are on a campus where you are too scared to walk on your own you should consider transferring.
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I am not scared to walk alone on campus i just realize the dangers and recognize the situations that if i am going to be in them it is better for me to be with friends than alone. Transfering is a whole entire other ordeal that id rather not deal with because it would just be me running from one problem and going to another. As far as "smelling the fear" on me goes...i dont think it was out of line to be nervous and uncomfortable around that many guys in a gym thats underground. Yes the minidome gym is under ground level.
 
chelseatiara said:
Well he says something about my braids (i had in two french braids for the workout) and pulls one of them so hard i fall halfway out the bike. I was so stunned i shouted "I NEED AN ADULT."
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chelseatiara said:
Sadly I have bodyguards everywhere I go. These men cant take no for an answer :nono:
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chelseatiara said:
Report to who exactly? If the people didnt do anything, and SUPD NEVER does anything what exactly am i supposed to do? Even as im telling you the honest truth im being victimized and accused of being an "attention seeker."
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Why do you think campus police won't do anything? All colleges have very strict policies about sexual harassment. March over to campus police immediately and file a report. If you feel the person assisting you isn't taking you seriously, go over their head. Even if you've got to go all the way up to the president of the school, so be it. Don't stop until you get this resolved.

Listen, you do not need "bodyguards." You won't have the luxury of taking a male friend or your SO wherever you go for the rest of your life. Someday you'll be out there in the real world and a man on your job may try to make a pass at you. It'll be up to you to handle it. Learn to stand up for yourself now or you'll be a victim the rest of your life.
 
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foxee said:
Why do you think campus police won't do anything? All colleges have very strict policies about sexual harassment. March over to campus police immediately and file a report. If you feel the person assisting you isn't taking you seriously, go over their head. Even if you've got to go all the way up to the president of the school, so be it. Don't stop until you get this resolved.

Listen, you do not need "bodyguards." You won't have the luxury of taking a male friend or your SO wherever you go for the rest of your life. Someday you'll be out there in the real world and a man on your job may try to make a pass at you. It'll be up to you to handle it. Learn to stand up for yourself now or you'll be a victim the rest of your life.
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Because they are nothing but glorified meter maids. I'd rather just forget the ordeal but that would be letting him win...
 
I'm sorry you had to go through that OP. But you can find other ways to keep your health in check, without being subjected to their foolishness. You do need to report it, if you can't get someone to listen to you keep telling the story to whoever will listen, go to the school newspaper if you have to. If this is a serious issue to you, you'll find a way to get the message to the right people.

As far as the SO goes, I don't see where he was in the wrong. If he didn't see what happened, he just didn't. No need in being angry with him about that. It seems that he addressed the issue afterward. If this guy was so bold to yell out what he did after your SO said something to him, I can only imagine what he might of done if the SO actually tried to do something to him. Sounds to me like your just upset that SO didn't put on a show for your honor. If that's not the case, I don't see a valid reason to be upset with him. That's an argument that can be put to bed, because the issues with the other guys there are a lot bigger.

Whatever you do, please be careful and stay aware of your surroundings.
 
IMHO, people will not bother you if you don't give them the time a day.
Seems like you were flirting and liked the attention until some guys took it too far.
 
chelseatiara said:
Because they are nothing but glorified meter maids. I'd rather just forget the ordeal but that would be letting him win...
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Then go to the dean of student affairs and ask him/her how you should handle the situation. If I were you I wouldn't let this go. You have a right to be in that gym and feel safe on campus.
 
SweetAKA and foxee thank you so much. I am going to get his name and talk to somebody today. I know that I have no reason to be mad at SO now i just needed to be comforted. I feel much better now though thank you
 
I'm sorry you have to deal with this


op tell the gym attendants, if they don't do anything tell their supervisor, if they don't do anything tell the administration at your school/campus police. Actually you might as well tell all of them, so you can have multiple reports. Your bf might not have seen it but your male friend didn't say anything?

You mentioned that they are nothing but glorified meter maids, if you truly believe that contact your city's police. I would still contact the campus police but if they don't take you seriously contact the city's police. You contacting the cops doesn't mean the guy won but

Are you the only one experiencing this? Also, I think you might be unfairly judging the other women that go to the gym.
 
Op I just want to say that I'm not blaming you for what happened. If it happened the way you said then you need to empower yourself. Don't fall into the "helpless" role. There should be no reason for you to have/need "bodyguards" everywhere you go. Put some base in your voice and let the knuckle heads know that you are not the one to be messed with. I questioned your story because it sounds like it didn't add up. nothing more and nothing less. I think if you continue down the road of helpless woman it may cause more problems down the line. Your safety is primarily up to you....
 
Its possible they are doing this because of the big to-do that you all make of going to a gym (bodyguards and all). They likely see the situation as a joke or challenge. You need to stand up for yourself. Let the guys who harass you know you will report them if they touch or harass you again.
 
OP I'm sorry for what's happened to you at the gym.

Why do you think you're a target?

You should have reported them to the owner/manager the first time the harassment happened. If you're paying your money to go to this gym (or even if it's free) whoever is in charge should know that these men that are making it their business to harass you.

There is no way I would put up with that each time I visit the place. The one that pulled your hair, I would have put a restraining order on him or filed a report.
 
OP, I got from the story that you're more upset that SO did not defend your honor? I would be upset too b/c if something really did go down, it appears he would not do anything or not enough. I'd reconsider being with him.

Regarding the incident itself, you need to report it to the gym management and consider going to the gym w/ more female protection/companionship. Sometimes hanging around too many dudes is not the rightw way to go.
 
if i went to a gym anywhere--on campus off campus--and the atmosphere didnt seem conducive to me feeling safe--i wouldnt continue to go there--

the bf being a bodyguard is just not right--its putting him in a bad situation and u in a bad situation--just go to another gym...

reporting would also be wise...that behavior should not be tolerated...
 
I'm sorry to hear that this happened OP. I agree with the others who say to empower yourself. You shouldn't look at your guy friends or even your SO as your bodyguard. Bodyguards get paid to protect and there are laws for them, I think. If your friends catch a case behind some foolishness with some idiot at some gym you insist on going to, then what? Lives could be ruined. Let people who get paid to handle this situation handle it. Also, as long as you have a foot and a man had two balls, you'll be okay. Use your jerk reflexes. :yep:

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OP, I'm glad to hear you're feeling better, but do not let that sway you from taking the steps to report the incident. Things could get worse, not just for you, for other young women, too. BTW, since the campus murder, was there an increase in campus security presence afterward? Seems there would be.
 
TayMac said:
I'm sorry for the ordeal you went through and I don't mean any harm but why is this in the relationship forum?

I would probably do some work out DVD/tapes in my dorm if the gym was that hood/out of control. Don't be mad at your SO...he didn't do anything to harm you.
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This was my NEXT bit of advice. Time for you to get some dumbells and a dvd tape. AND/OR get a cheap stationary bike if you have room (they have some at $99 and over at sears. I know because I just made my mom get one and that's what's closest to her. Hers was a little more expensive but they started that low [she was reading the prices to me on the phone and what they do] and really you don't need a fancy one, just one that works)

There's no excuse. There are other ways to exercise. And before you say you don't have a hundred dollars:ohwell: save up and in the meantime get some DVDS. And before you say you don't have the room for a stationary bike...then refer back to the dvds. There are some good ones on the market today that get the job done.

Unless you want to always be a damsel in distress...take control of your life. You deserve to feel safe and for the most part this situation seems easily solvable.
 
perfect28 said:
if i went to a gym anywhere--on campus off campus--and the atmosphere didnt seem conducive to me feeling safe--i wouldnt continue to go there--

the bf being a bodyguard is just not right--its putting him in a bad situation and u in a bad situation--just go to another gym...

reporting would also be wise...that behavior should not be tolerated...
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AND I mean maybe it's time to consider transferring to another college. Boyfriend be damned. If he loves you you'll still be together. (especially now that you're mentioning murders, and robberies). I'm trying to wrap my head around staying at a college where men are just touching you left and right, and no one does anything, and there are murders, and stuff, and you're still there.

I realize that you may not have a choice this semester but you ultimately decide the course of your life. You can grab a brochure, fill out some forms, and transfer. AND before you mention money you can let your fingers type away like you're doing right now, and find scholarships for grades, OR ones because you're poor (etc). And there are plenty for those who have little to no money that are even first come first serve but you have to seek out the ones in your area. SO if you put in the effort, you can make it happen.

I'm not saying this to be negative, only tough love because I am concerned when I see younger students (makes me think of my cousins) who feel like they're stuck in a situation and have to deal with it. No! You don't have to deal with any of this if you don't want to. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about this situation if you are that annoyed with it.

The only thing I don't agree with is wasting my time reporting. I might report but the way she's talking, these goofballs will just sit around and shrug. And what kind of school is that . I mean I'm thinking community college (realizing not all are like this before anyone gets upset! I'm talking resources), or somewhere with less resources (hence less protection), etc. And frankly it's time to get going if you feel unsafe.
 
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One thing colleges and unis don't like is bad publicity. If they don't handle it to your liking, threaten to go to the media. I bet they'd be jumping though fiery hoops for you then.

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chelseatiara said:
Because they are nothing but glorified meter maids. I'd rather just forget the ordeal but that would be letting him win...
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Maybe you see them that way but campus police usually are police officers with guns, training, and whatnot. Their job is to maintain and protect the safety of the students. Sexual harassment is very serious and you should definitely report it to the campus PD; that way, you'll have a record of what's going on and if nothing is done about it, escalate it to the Dean of Students and the city police.
 
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op i wanted to add I don't think it's wrong that you go places with others, a college near here has had an increase of crimes (sexual assault, assault, robbery at gunpoint/knifepoint, etc) and one of their tips was go places with others, especially at night.

I'm not sure if you can fit it into your schedule but maybe take a martial arts class like Jujitsu? Or a self defense class
 
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