Top Reasons Why Men Lose Interest In Women

[BeautifulFlower]

I am re-reading the book "Why Men Marry *****es". I must say it is my favorite relationship book of all. I find with the kind of men I am attracted to, the advice in this book works surprisingly well and its pretty accurate.

The topic of sex comes up in the book and the author advises three things in particular about sex...don't do it too soon (keep sex at bay), don't act differently (or more comfortable or needy or insecure) after, and don't make it routine (or predictable). She also talks about never asking (directly) a man where the relationship stands but, by your actions more then words, show him you are and he is free to go which will make him want to hold on to you more.

So this morning talking with my current beau and long time friend, the topic of sex came up. Now, I have known this man for 5 years. I have also heard about all the many, many women that get cut and he basically loses interest in. I used to ask myself "what are these women doing so wrong?" or "is he just one of those guys that will be a bachelor forever?"

He says to me he has wanted to stop having sex period because it creates problems. For a woman he may be sleeping with, she will be thinking that his desire for sex means he wants to be with her. But for him, it can actually mean the opposite. I was like HUH?!?!? Explain... So the more you purposely have sex with her, the less knowingly interested you become...? And you continue to do it even though you know its not in her favor?

He says pretty much they will be dating and having sex (they did it too soon). Then continue to have sex, he begins to think of you as a sex object because the sex becomes predictable. Then he will continue to have sex with you as such knowing you are not the one. Then after some weeks or a few months, they start to express a love for him and ask about his feelings and where things are going.

Its all down hill from there. Needless to say, I thought about the book as he was thinking...its like wow, he's that guy...i still love him though lol


After some research top reasons men lose interest:

1. You're predictable
2. You're boring

Do you agree? Do you have any other reasons you have noticed?

 

[Ladybelle]

Nothing else to add, I think the book hits it dead on. Even after marriage, you still have to find ways to keep things spicy if you know what I mean, stay out of that comfortable/predictable zone.

While dating, sex reels us in further for some reason and makes us more attached while it can sometimes do the opposite for men - especially if you do it too soon, too often.

Basically, we have to stay in control at all times. If that makes sense.

 

[delitefulmane]

I believe women tend to get complacent in relationships. They no longer place value on the things their particular guy became interested in the first place. In this sense, I believe the phrase, "the same thing a woman does to get a man, will be the same thing she will have to do to keep him, applies to why men lose interest in women. Just MHO

 

[qchelle]

So this morning talking with my current beau and long time friend, the topic of sex came up. Now, I have known this man for 5 years. I have also heard about all the many, many women that get cut and he basically loses interest in. I used to ask myself "what are these women doing so wrong?" or "is he just one of those guys that will be a bachelor forever?"

He says to me he has wanted to stop having sex period because it creates problems. For a woman he may be sleeping with, she will be thinking that his desire for sex means he wants to be with her. But for him, it can actually mean the opposite. I was like HUH?!?!? Explain... So the more you purposely have sex with her, the less knowingly interested you become...? And you continue to do it even though you know its not in her favor?

He says pretty much they will be dating and having sex (they did it too soon). Then continue to have sex, he begins to think of you as a sex object because the sex becomes predictable. Then he will continue to have sex with you as such knowing you are not the one. Then after some weeks or a few months, they start to express a love for him and ask about his feelings and where things are going.

Its all down hill from there. Needless to say, I thought about the book as he was thinking...its like wow, he's that guy...i still love him though lol


After some research top reasons men lose interest:

1. You're predictable
2. You're boring

Do you agree? Do you have any other reasons you have noticed?

Yup, yup. It's all the womens fault. Women should be doing more to keep their men, gosh darnit! Being spontaneous, cooking exotic meals for him, changing up the hairstyle every once in a while, acrobatic sex, etc etc.

I honestly don't understand why these women can't keep men. I mean really?

As for the orange bolded. She's a whore who can't keep her feelings in check. He should be able to explore his sexual options. She's boring and predictable. He's a man, gosh darnit! Sheesh.



ETA: purple font=sarcasm

 

[kismettt]

lol @ your friend. i hope his other actions are loud enough to make any sane woman (who wants a relationship) to run.

or does he play like hes as into her as well even though it's going nowhere?

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I don't know if I completely agree with this.

People sometimes lose interest in one another. I've been there. There was nothing my ex could do to change that. We fell quick and hard, and once I started coming to my senses my feelings changed. I didn't know what I wanted, and I jumped into a relationship quickly just to be with someone. I find that within relationships, when a partner loses interest, it is usually a lot more complex than "my partner became too predictable." Most of the time the relationship just isn't right for that person at that time. The chemistry is no longer there. I don't want women going to the edge of the universe trying to spice things up for a guy to keep him interested for a little longer until he realizes that his loss of interest in you is the result of you not being the one for him--and vice versa.

As for marriage, I think every marriage gets to a point where things become predictable. It is up to both partners to keep things fresh and new. Men get boring and women lose interest as well.

 

[deltagyrl]

*slowly backs out of thread*

Because if I read another post about what women aren't doing to keep their men interested, faithful, in line- I'm gonna go ballistic.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Yup, yup. It's all the womens fault. Women should be doing more to keep their men, gosh darnit! Being spontaneous, cooking exotic meals for him, changing up the hairstyle every once in a while, acrobatic sex, etc etc.

I honestly don't understand why these women can't keep men. I mean really?

As for the orange bolded. She's a whore who can't keep her feelings in check. He should be able to explore his sexual options. She's boring and predictable. He's a man, gosh darnit! Sheesh.

Trust me I agree with you. Its not right or fair but he's not the only man thats like this. I thought it was so interesting because the book Why Men Marry Bs hit what he was saying dead on.

I think the point is not to be exotic but value yourself in a way that he sees you're not giving yourself away to him just because he hit it right or you're looking JUST for a boyfriend or husband.

He's more mature now so those were his player days. He getting to a place now where if its not leading to a commitment or marriage he dont want to get involved period. But alot of younger or less mature men still do what he used to do everyday.

Its something women should take notice of. Its not fair but its reality for alot of men.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I don't know if I completely agree with this.

People sometimes lose interest in one another. I've been there. There was nothing my ex could do to change that. We fell quick and hard, and once I started coming to my senses my feelings changed. I didn't know what I wanted, and I jumped into a relationship quickly just to be with someone. I find that within relationships, when a partner loses interest, it is usually a lot more complex than "my partner became too predictable." Most of the time the relationship just isn't right for that person at that time. The chemistry is no longer there. I don't want women going to the edge of the universe trying to spice things up for a guy to keep him interested for a little longer until he realizes that his loss of interest in you is the result of you not being the one for him--and vice versa.

As for marriage, I think every marriage gets to a point where things become predictable. It is up to both partners to keep things fresh and new. Men get boring and women lose interest as well.

I think the word predictable is a cop out word for...I got what I wanted with minimal effort and now I am on to my next challenge.

As for adding spice in a relationship, after researching and thinking about it, I think its more about what you dont do then what you're actually doing. Women are looking for things to do when alot of times I get the notion that its about being yourself, valuing yourself, and not giving yourself away soo quickly.

And boring...well...some people are boring. For some people it works. For others it doesnt work.

 

[tada1]

this is a little off topic, but my only question for you is: beyond the things he has told you, has he given you any solid reason to believe that he will treat you better than he has treated women in the past?

as my mother once told me, a leopard never changes its spots. in other words, old habits die hard. I would hate for you to get hurt by this person

 

[Renewed1]

-------------------Sorry.................................

 

[FlowerHair]

Most men don't lose interest before they've found another woman.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

this is a little off topic, but my only question for you is: beyond the things he has told you, has he given you any solid reason to believe that he will treat you better than he has treated women in the past?

as my mother once told me, a leopard never changes its spots. in other words, old habits die hard. I would hate for you to get hurt by this person

yes he has. we've had the talk bout the patterns he has had with other women and he knows my concerns so we've resolved to stay away from certain activities so we can make better decisions.

 

[Theo]

i don't date guys that I know have run through a lot of other girls.

i have been very tempted to, b/c in general these were the really tall, very handsome, very charismatic and accomplished guys, but i just didn't think it would be wise for me to do.

I think with these player types, it not about the women, the way they would like you to believe. if they aren't ready to settle down, they won't... no matter how fabulous the woman is. they can talk about their past conquests all they want, but until he's ready to commit, he's gonna find problems with every girl he meets.

also it sounds like he has some weird ideas about sex, and i don't know if abstinence will totally fix that. it sounds like he has issues with objectifying women? IMO objectification is never a good thing, whether its before or after sexual conquest. its good he's so honest with you, but is he gonna work on that?

 

[Bunny77]

^^^Freelove, I have to agree with this.

While I know that I will never truly know what was in someone's past (because I wasn't there), the "I used to run through women, but now I've changed," type of man was never attractive to me. Even if he's truly changed, it makes me wonder why he was that way... plus, I have always said I will NOT play the role of the "good girl" that the man settles down with after he's gone out and slored around.

That's just me though. The individuals in each situation have to make the best decision for themselves.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

No, I don't think these dudes are unique or that they have weird ideas about women or sex. They are keeping it real, but women refuse to listen.

I wonder what would happen if all women just refused to have sex with men until they were married. I suspect some of the trifling behavior we see on a regular basis would drop several notches.

Most of the men I have talked to admit that they have more respect for a woman who doesn't give it up until engaged or married. Of course they also admit that they aren't going to turn down regular sex in a relationship if they can get it. But many of them have also told me that, double standard or not, they aren't too crazy about a woman who has been with numerous men.

But women don't want to hear this. And if another woman hints at it, accusations of being judgmental start flying.

Not to mention that if the men are getting the sex they want whenever they want it, what incentive do they have to marry a woman? Women think that by showing them all they are missing by now being married to them, that men will be more inclined to propose to them and get married. It doesn't work that way in many cases. You just give him incentive to get comfortable and complacent.

 

[Kurlee]

i'm so sick and tired of all these men laying out 10,000 demands for what they want in a woman and all these excuses for why they have no moral and ethics and act like jerks. Makes me sick. Be yourself and if a man doesn't want you, then he's not for you and someone else with his values or at least someone who adheres to his philosophies will be better suited for him. I'm so tired of women having to jump through all these hoops and play all these games just to get some respect and reciprocity. These men have got women just drinking the dang kool-aid, while they dispense all responsibility on them.

 

[Kurlee]

*slowly backs out of thread*

Because if I read another post about what women aren't doing to keep their men interested, faithful, in line- I'm gonna go ballistic.

 

[Dposh167]

i don't really care what the hell men want to maintain their interest in us. I got a long list of ish i can say about them...

 

[nathansgirl1908]

These men have got women just drinking the dang kool-aid, while they dispense all responsibility on them.

It's actually kind of pathetic.

 

[Kurlee]

It's actually kind of pathetic.

yes, everyone actually entertaining this nonsense. If i have to do alllllll of that to keep a man, maybe he was not really mine. The joke is, a lot of these men flapping their gums, usually ain't about much anyway.

 

[Theo]

No, I don't think these dudes are unique or that they have weird ideas about women or sex. They are keeping it real, but women refuse to listen.

I wonder what would happen if all women just refused to have sex with men until they were married. I suspect some of the trifling behavior we see on a regular basis would drop several notches.

Most of the men I have talked to admit that they have more respect for a woman who doesn't give it up until engaged or married. Of course they also admit that they aren't going to turn down regular sex in a relationship if they can get it. But many of them have also told me that, double standard or not, they aren't too crazy about a woman who has been with numerous men.

But women don't want to hear this. And if another woman hints at it, accusations of being judgmental start flying.

Not to mention that if the men are getting the sex they want whenever they want it, what incentive do they have to marry a woman? Women think that by showing them all they are missing by now being married to them, that men will be more inclined to propose to them and get married. It doesn't work that way in many cases. You just give him incentive to get comfortable and complacent.

They may have "more" respect for those women, but what is their baseline? If they have little respect for women to start with does the fact that they respect you more really mean anything? I personally practice abstinence, and it has allowed me to realize that if a man doesn't respect women PERIOD it doesn't matter how long I make him wait, or what hoops I make him jump through... he's gonna show himself sooner or later.

I know this b/c I've been there and have had some nasty surprises . I know that I'm a great catch, and most guys do behave themselves when around me. But over time I've realized that I don't want someone who's putting on act, or who bestowing special treatment on me because he's somehow rationalized that I deserve more respect than whoever or whatever. It doesn't last. I'm not perfect, and sooner or later I will do something that will knock me off whatever pedestal he has me on, and men like that will try to use that as a reason to legitimize the way they treat you afterward. They'll blame you for treating you like crap. You can't let your guard down around men like that. You have to keep the chase going, keep up whatever image they have of you in their mind, whether it be a "good girl" or "pure" or "wifey material". I can't be bothered with the stress.

Also, the idea that "some" women are worthy of respect and "some" women are not doesn't jive with me. I'm fine with guys sleeping around b/c they want to, but be honest about what you're doing and your reasons for doing so. You're horny, you wanna have sex, and you're not mature enough to control your penis. Its okay, many men are like that. Don't put down/ blame the women that you slept with to make yourself feel better about what you're doing, or to make me feel better about the mistake I'm making to date you despite all the evidence to the contrary . That is unfair and very misleading.

I have a lot of male friends who are stuck on themselves. We're all pretty honest with each other so I feel like I understand them and how they operate to an extent. I don't like to see girls blaming/changing/reinventing themselves based on the whims of an immature guy who is just looking to have fun anyways. People feel like "oh if I hadn't given it up so soon, maybe he would have stayed around"... umm, that might be true, but not for as long as people seem to think.

Like I said, I'm definitely a proponent of abstinence, but I think you should only choose do it for your own personal/religious reasons, not because you think its going to make a guy stay around longer or respect you more. Basically what I'm saying is that abstaining is not gonna force a person with no respect for women to respect women. Their lack of respect for women is a personal problem and has nothing to do with you.

 

[Ladybelle]

They may have "more" respect for those women, but what is their baseline? If they have little respect for women to start with does the fact that they respect you more really mean anything? I personally practice abstinence, and it has allowed me to realize that if a man doesn't respect women PERIOD it doesn't matter how long I make him wait, or what hoops I make him jump through... he's gonna show himself sooner or later.

I know this b/c I've been there and have had some nasty surprises . I know that I'm a great catch, and most guys do behave themselves when around me. But over time I've realized that I don't want someone who's putting on act, or who bestowing special treatment on me because he's somehow rationalized that I deserve more respect than whoever or whatever. It doesn't last. I'm not perfect, and sooner or later I will do something that will knock me off whatever pedestal he has me on, and men like that will try to use that as a reason to legitimize the way they treat you afterward. They'll blame you for treating you like crap. You can't let your guard down around men like that. You have to keep the chase going, keep up whatever image they have of you in their mind, whether it be a "good girl" or "pure" or "wifey material". I can't be bothered with the stress.

Also, the idea that "some" women are worthy of respect and "some" women are not doesn't jive with me. I'm fine with guys sleeping around b/c they want to, but be honest about what you're doing and your reasons for doing so. You're horny, you wanna have sex, and you're not mature enough to control your penis. Its okay, many men are like that. Don't put down/ blame the women that you slept with to make yourself feel better about what you're doing, or to make me feel better about the mistake I'm making to date you despite all the evidence to the contrary . That is unfair and very misleading.

I have a lot of male friends who are stuck on themselves. We're all pretty honest with each other so I feel like I understand them and how they operate to an extent. I don't like to see girls blaming/changing/reinventing themselves based on the whims of an immature guy who is just looking to have fun anyways. People feel like "oh if I hadn't given it up so soon, maybe he would have stayed around"... umm, that might be true, but not for as long as people seem to think.

Like I said, I'm definitely a proponent of abstinence, but I think you should only choose do it for your own personal/religious reasons, not because you think its going to make a guy stay around longer or respect you more. Basically what I'm saying is that abstaining is not gonna force a person with no respect for women to respect women. Their lack of respect for women is a personal problem and has nothing to do with you.

touche', good points indeed. You spoke some real truth here, so much so I had to go back and read it again. AMEN sister!

eta: I thought about your sentiment a little bit longer and I have a question:if men should ultimately respect women/womanhood just because should women respect men, no matter what category they may or may not fall into on the good/bad man scale?

 

[Kurlee]

I have a lot of male friends who are stuck on themselves. We're all pretty honest with each other so I feel like I understand them and how they operate to an extent. I don't like to see girls blaming/changing/reinventing themselves based on the whims of an immature guy who is just looking to have fun anyways. People feel like "oh if I hadn't given it up so soon, maybe he would have stayed around"... umm, that might be true, but not for as long as people seem to think.

 

[Imani]

They may have "more" respect for those women, but what is their baseline? If they have little respect for women to start with does the fact that they respect you more really mean anything? I personally practice abstinence, and it has allowed me to realize that if a man doesn't respect women PERIOD it doesn't matter how long I make him wait, or what hoops I make him jump through... he's gonna show himself sooner or later.

I know this b/c I've been there and have had some nasty surprises . I know that I'm a great catch, and most guys do behave themselves when around me. But over time I've realized that I don't want someone who's putting on act, or who bestowing special treatment on me because he's somehow rationalized that I deserve more respect than whoever or whatever. It doesn't last. I'm not perfect, and sooner or later I will do something that will knock me off whatever pedestal he has me on, and men like that will try to use that as a reason to legitimize the way they treat you afterward. They'll blame you for treating you like crap. You can't let your guard down around men like that. You have to keep the chase going, keep up whatever image they have of you in their mind, whether it be a "good girl" or "pure" or "wifey material". I can't be bothered with the stress.

Also, the idea that "some" women are worthy of respect and "some" women are not doesn't jive with me. I'm fine with guys sleeping around b/c they want to, but be honest about what you're doing and your reasons for doing so. You're horny, you wanna have sex, and you're not mature enough to control your penis. Its okay, many men are like that. Don't put down/ blame the women that you slept with to make yourself feel better about what you're doing, or to make me feel better about the mistake I'm making to date you despite all the evidence to the contrary . That is unfair and very misleading.

I have a lot of male friends who are stuck on themselves. We're all pretty honest with each other so I feel like I understand them and how they operate to an extent. I don't like to see girls blaming/changing/reinventing themselves based on the whims of an immature guy who is just looking to have fun anyways. People feel like "oh if I hadn't given it up so soon, maybe he would have stayed around"... umm, that might be true, but not for as long as people seem to think.

Like I said, I'm definitely a proponent of abstinence, but I think you should only choose do it for your own personal/religious reasons, not because you think its going to make a guy stay around longer or respect you more. Basically what I'm saying is that abstaining is not gonna force a person with no respect for women to respect women. Their lack of respect for women is a personal problem and has nothing to do with you.

Thanks wasn't enough. Excellent post.

I'm seen this time and time again with my guy friends. This one guy I know, met this girl, was talking about how beautiful and sweet she was, said she went down on him on their first date and let him, um, give her a facial. He continued to see her, but said that he could never take her seriously bc of what she did. And i'm thinking um, you participated too, what does that say about you? This same guy once said he would never date someone who had slept with more than 3 people (Of course, he's slept with more than that. He later let that requirement go).

I used to date this guy who would talk about females he had slept with, calling them sluts, heuxs, etc. But if you asked him if he thought of himself in that way, he'd say no. This guy is getting married in a few months. So I guess his lady met his "purity" requirements. Thing is, I remember when they were dating...and he was still trying to sleep with me and no telling who else. Point is, yeah, he got this chic who is "pure" in his mind, but really what is she winning? A trife @ss ninja who has a warped view of himself and women. (this same dude is also extremely homophobic, but thats another thread)

 

[Bunny77]

Point is, yeah, he got this chic who is "pure" in his mind, but really what is she winning? A trife @ss ninja who has a warped view of himself and women. (this same dude is also extremely homophobic, but thats another thread)

And again, this is exactly the point I try to make all along.

I get so tired of people telling women who are waiting or who seem "pure", "Well, he won't marry those other women, and you'll be the one he does marry. So you (the good girl) wins in the end."

HUH????

Is that supposed to be a good thing? Really? So it's good to tell a woman that she wins a "trife @ss ninja" (love it) as a reward for carrying herself in a certain manner? I don't see how this is supposed to promote or make the idea of abstinence/celibacy/waiting for a certain period appealing at all.

And it's women who help perpetuate this mess by nodding along as a man talks about how he used to be trife and how those other women were all basically heauxs... instead of seeing the man as being straight up trife, warped in his ideas about women and sexist, she gets all happy that he's now trying to "do right" and that she gets to be the beneficiary of that.

This is why I never dated men like this. They usually give themselves away too because eventually, when a sex conversation comes up, they will freely share their screwed up mindset and not think anything of it, because they don't think that it's wrong... and most women don't either...

If I spent my life not carrying myself as what he would deem to be "heaux-ish," then I expect a man who shares the same values. This type of man would not fit the bill. The dude in Imani's post wouldn't have ever become my man.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I don't think the sentiment you all are talking about is closely related to what I was referring to. These are men who respect women overall but prefer when women aren't so quick to jump in the bed.

But I blame women because they see the issues that go on but they still continue to sleep with trifling men. It doesn't do anyone any good to talk about the men as willing participants. That's a given. But women can control their own behavior. And that is less about pleasing men and more about making smart choices to eliminate the emotional rollercoasters that women go through with men.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

From what I have seen, when women show that they respect themselves and won't take any mess, the trifling ninjas fall by the wayside. So that's not an ecxuse to tell women not to wait because there are benefits to it.

And again, this is exactly the point I try to make all along.

I get so tired of people telling women who are waiting or who seem "pure", "Well, he won't marry those other women, and you'll be the one he does marry. So you (the good girl) wins in the end."

HUH????

Is that supposed to be a good thing? Really? So it's good to tell a woman that she wins a "trife @ss ninja" (love it) as a reward for carrying herself in a certain manner? I don't see how this is supposed to promote or make the idea of abstinence/celibacy/waiting for a certain period appealing at all.

And it's women who help perpetuate this mess by nodding along as a man talks about how he used to be trife and how those other women were all basically heauxs... instead of seeing the man as being straight up trife, warped in his ideas about women and sexist, she gets all happy that he's now trying to "do right" and that she gets to be the beneficiary of that.

This is why I never dated men like this. They usually give themselves away too because eventually, when a sex conversation comes up, they will freely share their screwed up mindset and not think anything of it, because they don't think that it's wrong... and most women don't either...

If I spent my life not carrying myself as what he would deem to be "heaux-ish," then I expect a man who shares the same values. This type of man would not fit the bill. The dude in Imani's post wouldn't have ever become my man.

 

[Bunny77]

From what I have seen, when women show that they respect themselves and won't take any mess, the trifling ninjas fall by the wayside. So that's not an ecxuse to tell women not to wait because there are benefits to it.

Actually, I've never been one to say that a woman shouldn't wait... if you read a lot of my posts on this topic, I'm always one saying that a woman should wait as long as possible before sleeping with a man.

However, my reason for this belief has nothing to do with trying to earn respect from a man or trying to show myself to be pure, virtuous, etc. I don't care about earning the respect of some man that I barely know. I respect myself, and that's all that matters to me.

My choice to wait when it comes to sex is ONLY based on my need to get to know a man better, avoid drama, protect myself physically and to feel comfortable and secure with him before becoming involved intimately. To me, those are MUCH better reasons to wait than a misguided need to earn the respect of random ninjas who probably aren't deserving of much respect themselves.

 

[JinaRicci]

And again, this is exactly the point I try to make all along.

I get so tired of people telling women who are waiting or who seem "pure", "Well, he won't marry those other women, and you'll be the one he does marry. So you (the good girl) wins in the end."

HUH????

Is that supposed to be a good thing? Really? So it's good to tell a woman that she wins a "trife @ss ninja" (love it) as a reward for carrying herself in a certain manner? I don't see how this is supposed to promote or make the idea of abstinence/celibacy/waiting for a certain period appealing at all.

And it's women who help perpetuate this mess by nodding along as a man talks about how he used to be trife and how those other women were all basically heauxs... instead of seeing the man as being straight up trife, warped in his ideas about women and sexist, she gets all happy that he's now trying to "do right" and that she gets to be the beneficiary of that.

This is why I never dated men like this. They usually give themselves away too because eventually, when a sex conversation comes up, they will freely share their screwed up mindset and not think anything of it, because they don't think that it's wrong... and most women don't either...

If I spent my life not carrying myself as what he would deem to be "heaux-ish," then I expect a man who shares the same values. This type of man would not fit the bill. The dude in Imani's post wouldn't have ever become my man.

ITA. Too many women believe this. The thing is that these men often have intimacy issues after having objectified women for so long. They won't be able to treat the 'good girl' any differently when being intimate. He may think so but that habit & mindset is hard to break.