Chile, try being the "single friend" at 34. You have lots of time, don't sweat it.
:werd:
@
Flawed2Perfection
OP, I'm not trying to minimize your feelings or anything, and I know how you feel because I've been there before, and I'm STILL visiting back every now and then....
But honestly girl, you are still VERY young.
I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you ARE young.
You don't want to get complacent if marriage is really what you REALLY want, but at the same time you want to make sure that you're pursuing marriage because it's something that
YOU want to do. From what you've wrote in your post it almost sounds as if you feel like you HAVE to settle down because all of your friends are getting married and your coworkers/associates are judging you for NOT being married...
Sweetie, those are not good reasons to want to be married or to "settle" with a guy who has "baggage"...
IF marriage is really forever like you want it to be, make sure you're choosing the
RIGHT type of guys for you.
I'm at a point in my life where I KNOW I want to be married and I am now in the spirit of being a "wife".
I can't explain it, but when you get that "feeling" you know that you are now ready to be a man's wife. It's a totally different feeling from "oh I want to get married because that's what people do around here...or, I'm sick and tired of being single...". It's VERY different.
IF I were you, here is what I would do...
-Really evaluate your relationship w/your boyfriend and ask yourself HONESTLY if you can see yourself married to him. If not, then I would cut him loose. I'm serious.
Why waste time with men who you can't see yourself marrying if you know that marriage is what you want?
-Get CLEAR about what type of guy you want. Write down the qualities that you want in a future boyfriend and husband. Seriously just write out a list (don't worry about how long or short it is) and take at LEAST 10 minutes to write down what it is you want. Describe this man. How does he treat you? How do you feel around him? What qualities does he possess? What is his personality? What is his family like? What are his values? Don't limit it too much to race/age/looks/physical qualities too much, but more so think about PERSONALITY TRAITS and character. Those things are HUGE and matter the MOST in a marriage.
-Prepare yourself for marriage and for being a wife. What qualities do YOU possess that would be an asset for a man? What can you do to bring out the best in a man? What can a man do to bring out the best in you? Do you feel like you can be submissive? Can you see yourself respecting a man? Of course, a woman's ability to respect a man will greatly rely on what TYPE of man she chooses...so
CHOOSE WISELY.
-Work on yourself. Work on any previous baggage/issues you may have had with previous relationships (romantic or not), maintain/strengthen your relationship w/God (if you are a spiritual person), keep taking care of yourself (eat right, exercise regularly, stay positive, etc.), continue being a GOOD mother to your daughter, etc.
When you
FEEL good, you usually attract more GOOD to you.
-Get SERIOUS about the types of men that you will entertain advances from. Don't just say "yes" to a date from any Tom Dick and Harry if that man is SOOOO not what you're looking for in a husband. (Which is why writing out and getting CLEAR about what you want in a man is very pivotal). Now of course, not EVERY man you meet will immediately catch your eye, but if he's respectable, kind, on the up-and-up, then by all means, give a guy who's not your "type" a chance.
-Lastly..... STOP telling your co-workers who you are dating or going out on dates with. I know that sounds kind of standoffish, but maybe a lot of your friends/co-workers keep thinking that you're out with a different man every week because you keep TELLING them about your dates/different guys, etc. Just keep reserved about your dating life for a little bit.
If they ask you "who are you dating now?" or "are you seeing anybody?", just politely tell them: "No not at the moment...I am thinking about traveling sometime in the future though " with a sweet smile. Honestly, unless it's a guy that you are REALLY serious with, I would probably hold off on telling them that you're dating someone for the first few months. Wait until it's really serious and you and your bf are definitely an item.
Otherwise, they can start keeping tally marks and then the snarky comments start coming out.
Keep your cards played close to your vest.
Honestly, your love life is none of their business really. Especially at work.
I hope that helps!
Honestly though, you have a lot of time. Focus on yourself, do some traveling (if you can), explore different places/areas, and honestly if you can afford it, maybe move to a new area/state/place... It can definitely open you to a different WIDER array of NEW men, but it can also give you a new outlook. In other areas maybe people aren't so focused on getting married as soon as they turn 21...
I'm just saying lol....
But yeah you'll be fine.
You have a lot of time. You're already attractive (as you stated in your post), you have a GOOD education so you're intelligent, so I think you'll be fine honestly lol.
But if you're really serious about being married, I would definitely start shaping your mind differently. Maybe even writing down a list as to WHY you want to be married will also be an eye-opener as well.
lord send me a sign of the one you have chosen for me Amen.
