This Is The Kind Of Stuff That Irritates Me (text)

[God_Favor]

I will admit , I’m a texter and I have made up excuses of why I don’t answer calls and text in reply. I just hate talking on the phone...I hate video chatting as well lol

But, this new guy is already about to get the boot he has been asking to go out for a month or so and when I finally have a free weekend this is his reply (English isn’t his 1st language, so excuse typos lol)..... Like really ?? That short reply has completely made any date void...

 

[lavaflow99]

He's being sending messages like this for over a month?

He's not serious and is wasting your time.

 

[LostInAdream]

Texting is not my preferred method of communication but I've come to accept it in small doses when dating. We must talk or see each other more than texting. I never ask if a man is free I tell him when I’m free so there’s no confusion

 

[God_Favor]

He's being sending messages like this for over a month?

He's not serious and is wasting your time.

No, not like this, lol. But he has asked for a date a couple times of week for a month and I had to decline.

 

[God_Favor]

Texting is not my preferred method of communication but I've come to accept it in small doses when dating. We must talk or see each other more than texting. I never ask if a man is free I tell him when I’m free so there’s no confusion

Makes senses, I thought it was a way of not being rude since I’ve always had to decline when he makes plans, but when I do I get this..

 

[lesedi]

I think he thinks you are not into him. Are you really into him though?

 

[Sosoothing]

For me, when you asked if he was free next Saturday, I was expecting you to go on and suggest what you wanted to do. Something tells me that's what he was expecting too (since you asked him if he was free on that particular Saturday).
After he said "not really", I think you should have said something like "I'm free too so let me know." Just to leave no doubt the ball was in his court.

 

[God_Favor]

I think he thinks you are not into him. Are you really into him though?

He is cool, and I had fun with him our 1st date. But I could take or leave him. To think about it is may be too intense for me anyway...

 

[God_Favor]

For me, when you asked if he was free next Saturday, I was expecting you to go on and suggest what you wanted to do. Something tells me that's what he was expecting too (since you asked him if he was free on that particular Saturday).
After he said "not really", I think you should have said something like "I'm free too so let me know." Just to leave no doubt the ball was in his court.

Oh, I didn’t think of this. How he has been planning stuff since we met, I just thought he would be ready with another big idea when I mentioned I was free.

 

[God_Favor]

He's being sending messages like this for over a month?

He's not serious and is wasting your time.

Now you got me wondering why he has gone old
School and sent flower to my workplace 3 times in the last month if it’s vibe is coming off as a time-waster...

 

[hopeful]

Now you got me wondering why he has gone old
School and sent flower to my workplace 3 times in the last month if it’s vibe is coming off as a time-waster...

He’s sent flowers to your office three times? Have you only been on one date? If you’ve only been on one date that sounds a little odd to me. But if you are interested I think you should be more direct with him especially since you said he has asked you out multiple times and you have declined. I think you should give him a few dates that you are available and say that you are free these days/timeframes and would like to take him up on his offer to take you out and to let you know what he’d like to do.

If he responds vaguely or still doesn’t come back with something concrete, I’d move on. He may be confused because you kept saying no or he may have moved on since you kept declining his offers. Hard to say especially since English isn’t his first language and you don’t like talking on the phone much. Talking primarily via text makes it hard to really get to know someone.

 

[God_Favor]

He’s sent flowers to your office three times? Have you only been on one date? If you’ve only been on one date that sounds a little odd to me. But if you are interested I think you should be more direct with him especially since you said he has asked you out multiple times and you have declined. I think you should give him a few dates that you are available and say that you are free these days/timeframes and would like to take him up on his offer to take you out and to let you know what he’d like to do.


If he responds vaguely or still doesn’t come back with something concrete, I’d move on. He may be confused because you kept saying no or he may have moved on since you kept declining his offers. Hard to say especially since English isn’t his first language and you don’t like talking on the phone much. Talking primarily via text makes it hard to really get to know someone.

Yes, the night we meet we spent a long time together . My friend had car issues that he took care of , which took hourssssss. That turned into breakfast after her car was back in service. That same day we had dinner later that evening. The next day flowers were sent to work (Monday morning) . The next date happened the following weekend and that was about a month ago. Flowers were sent on 2 more Mondays...

I’m working on a doctoral degree plus working full-time, so I’ve had to decline every time since our official date... So when I finally had free time, I let him know and that’s how he replied initially ... he did make plans 3 whole hours after the vague reply...

I have no idea why I’m not interested in talking on the phone. A close friend says a have a wall up when it comes to men, so maybe texting allows me to keep distance. I have no idea why I’m like this...

eta: We passed by my work place while taking friend to get extra set of keys for her car... I mentioned I worked there and he remembered. That may be a little creepy, huh?

 

[hopeful]

@God_Favor
Thank you for the additional details. You sound VERY busy. Let us know how the next date goes. I agree with your friend. I didn’t want to say it initially but you almost seem emotionally unavailable. You may need to be this way for now as you pursue your doctoral degree — maybe you want to make sure nothing and no one derails you? Wish you luck though. Re him remembering where you work — idk but keep your antenna up and trust your gut.

 

[kimpaur]

Yes, the night we meet we spent a long time together . My friend had car issues that he took care of , which took hourssssss. That turned into breakfast after her car was back in service. That same day we had dinner later that evening. The next day flowers were sent to work (Monday morning) . The next date happened the following weekend and that was about a month ago. Flowers were sent on 2 more Mondays...

I’m working on a doctoral degree plus working full-time, so I’ve had to decline every time since our official date... So when I finally had free time, I let him know and that’s how he replied initially ... he did make plans 3 whole hours after the vague reply...

I have no idea why I’m not interested in talking on the phone. A close friend says a have a wall up when it comes to men, so maybe texting allows me to keep distance. I have no idea why I’m like this...

eta: We passed by my work place while taking friend to get extra set of keys for her car... I mentioned I worked there and he remembered. That may be a little creepy, huh?

You definitely sound emotionally unavailable. The not wanting to talk on the phone thing is a huge sign.

Maybe you should hold off on dating until things calm down for you

 

[Evolving78]

@God_Favor
Yeah you don’t have time to date right now and he did too much too soon in the beginning. I think flowers and nice gestures are nice, but he was really doing a lot to win you over so soon. I believe Divine Intervention has stepped in. Because you are in school and have a lot going on, this man would be a total distraction to that. You want to date, but you are not really in alignment of that.
And yeah you got some stuff underneath the surface when it comes to phone calls and text messages. People that do that are avoiding personal connection. Texting or emailing all of the time is a control management thing.

Blessing on your path to furthering your education! Stay on course and keep your eyes on the prize! No dating until you finish! Lol

 

[Evolving78]

Now you got me wondering why he has gone old
School and sent flower to my workplace 3 times in the last month if it’s vibe is coming off as a time-waster...

That’s exactly what it is.. I didn’t see this before. So you already know. Yeah just keep doing what you been doing.

 

[God_Favor]

@God_Favor
Yeah you don’t have time to date right now and he did too much too soon in the beginning. I think flowers and nice gestures are nice, but he was really doing a lot to win you over so soon. I believe Divine Intervention has stepped in. Because you are in school and have a lot going on, this man would be a total distraction to that. You want to date, but you are not really in alignment of that.
And yeah you got some stuff underneath the surface when it comes to phone calls and text messages. People that do that are avoiding personal connection. Texting or emailing all of the time is a control management thing.

Blessing on your path to furthering your education! Stay on course and keep your eyes on the prize! No dating until you finish! Lol

I agree with all of this. Guys that love bomb raise a red flag , but he hasn’t been going overboard with calls and text...

Yeah, there are only a few folks I don’t mind talking on phone with ( dad, brother, bff).. other than that shoot me a text...

 

[Browndilocks]

I hate those Hey/Hey You texts. One of the quickest ways to turn me off.

 

[LostInAdream]

I hate those Hey/Hey You texts. One of the quickest ways to turn me off.

Yes! It’s so boring! How are you? How’s it going? Like just call me to talk.

My fine ex hit me with the “Hey you” this weekend and I blandly responded. He’s been doing this since he heard I divorced like just call me and shoot your shot Sir! I will not take the lead with any man ever in life. *End rant

 

[God_Favor]

You definitely sound emotionally unavailable. The not wanting to talk on the phone thing is a huge sign.

Maybe you should hold off on dating until things calm down for you

It’s weird to admit that “you’re “ the problem. I literally get annoyed when guys call or FaceTime me.

 

[hopeful]

It’s weird to admit that “you’re “ the problem. I literally get annoyed when guys call or FaceTime me.

To be clear the guys are still the problem . We just saying you might be a little closed off.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Always put it back on them. "When he said when are we going out?" don't lean forward and make a plan for HIM. That's HIS job. Lean back. He has shown interest but you STILL don't make a plan. You lead with,

"Whenever you make a plan for us hun. I'm available *insert day and time*."

It's up to HIM to take it to the next level and plan something.

 

[God_Favor]

To be clear the guys are still the problem . We just saying you might be a little closed off.

I got it lol !! I’ve get him off, it doesn’t take much to turn me off... I need to focus on studies right now.

 

[hunnychile]

Yes, the night we meet we spent a long time together . My friend had car issues that he took care of , which took hourssssss. That turned into breakfast after her car was back in service. That same day we had dinner later that evening. The next day flowers were sent to work (Monday morning) . The next date happened the following weekend and that was about a month ago. Flowers were sent on 2 more Mondays...

I’m working on a doctoral degree plus working full-time, so I’ve had to decline every time since our official date... So when I finally had free time, I let him know and that’s how he replied initially ... he did make plans 3 whole hours after the vague reply...

I have no idea why I’m not interested in talking on the phone. A close friend says a have a wall up when it comes to men, so maybe texting allows me to keep distance. I have no idea why I’m like this...

eta: We passed by my work place while taking friend to get extra set of keys for her car... I mentioned I worked there and he remembered. That may be a little creepy, huh?

I can relate to this a lot. Talking on the phone expends mental and emotional energy and time that busy women often don’t have, especially for people who haven’t earned any real “rank” in your life just yet. When you are focused on a clear and specific goal that distance allows you to avoid distraction.

As a busy woman who dates (with an avoidant attachment style at that) I can tell you now your schedule will be the object of contention for people who are serious about getting closer to you.

Being busy and only texting allows me to keep a wall up that protects my independence and curtails my tendency to become emotionally entangled with any one person sooner than I want to be. You may or may not be the same way but you also legitimately have a lot on your plate so I would either continue to be clear about what’s happening in your life and the constraints it places on you (I’ve found men will become sensitive when they campaign for your time and don’t get it) or table dating altogether until your schedule frees up.

 

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

soooo did you go on a date with him or no?

 

[God_Favor]

I can relate to this a lot. Talking on the phone expends mental and emotional energy and time that busy women often don’t have, especially for people who haven’t earned any real “rank” in your life just yet. When you are focused on a clear and specific goal that distance allows you to avoid distraction.

As a busy woman who dates (with an avoidant attachment style at that) I can tell you now your schedule will be the object of contention for people who are serious about getting closer to you.

Being busy and only texting allows me to keep a wall up that protects my independence and curtails my tendency to become emotionally entangled with any one person sooner than I want to be. You may or may not be the same way but you also legitimately have a lot on your plate so I would either continue to be clear about what’s happening in your life and the constraints it places on you (I’ve found men will become sensitive when they campaign for your time and don’t get it) or table dating altogether until your schedule frees up.

This so me! You’ve nailed it! As simple as it may
be, the long convo on the phone in the beginning stages of dating are just to intimate for me right now.

 

[God_Favor]

soooo did you go on a date with him or no?

I declined. I was wasting this man’s time.

 

[caribeandiva]

He's being sending messages like this for over a month?

He's not serious and is wasting your time.

Basically

 

[Fine 4s]

For me, when you asked if he was free next Saturday, I was expecting you to go on and suggest what you wanted to do. Something tells me that's what he was expecting too (since you asked him if he was free on that particular Saturday).
After he said "not really", I think you should have said something like "I'm free too so let me know." Just to leave no doubt the ball was in his court.

I only read the OP and thought the same thing. While your feelings about him may be correct, this interaction seems to be on you. You found a way out lol

 

[Anewme2019]

He probably sent the same, Hello Beautiful text to 4 other women. He's a lazy dater. A time waster!