Text message the first time you hear from him?

[tocktick]

Also, if you are pinning your hopes on men you meet at clubs, you're going to be in for a lot more disappointment.

ITA. Try www.meetup.com and look for social groups in London. There are lots listed on the website. I think attending a few groups regularly would be better in your search for a partner. There's less pressure because there's no expectation to "hook up" (although there are meetings for singles), you get to socialise with the same people a few times etc. Imo, the (faux) connection you make at a club is fleeting and usually fuelled by drink .

 

[HairQueen]

I understand.

As for moving forward... well, you remember what I said in the other thread about what you "might" want to reconsider? I'm sticking to that.


Also, if you are pinning your hopes on men you meet at clubs, you're going to be in for a lot more disappointment.

Yep I remember but I am sticking to if I don't like him I aint dating him cos then I would just be fooling him and myself.

As for meeting men in clubs being worse, I don't agree. I think a man is the same man wherever you meet him. I have known many people to meet men at work and he is a total dog, cheated lied etc but u would never dream because they are dressed all nice in suits that they would be cheating or have a woman already.

I have also know many other people to meet in a club (like my sister and some of my friends) and he treats the woman like a queen. As long as he isn't clubbing every single week then I don't think there is any to say he is a more of a dog just because u met him in a club.

Thats my view ...others may disagree

 

[HairQueen]

ITA. Try www.meetup.com and look for social groups in London. There are lots listed on the website. I think attending a few groups regularly would be better in your search for a partner. There's less pressure because there's no expectation to "hook up" (although there are meetings for singles), you get to socialise with the same people a few times etc. Imo, the (faux) connection you make at a club is fleeting and usually fuelled by drink .

Thanks will check it out although have tried dating websites before and met some horrible sneaky people there too.

As for the clubs I just posted to somebody else that in my view, a man is a man wherever u meet him so it makes no difference but i do totally see your point about the drink - I didn't think of it like that..... but I still believe drink or not some men can be awful.

I have met men at work, at university, on the bus, at the train station etc etc and there is not much difference in my (and my friends) experiences. I believe it is just down to luck.

 

[kayte]

I have also know many other people to meet in a club (like my sister and some of my friends) and he treats the woman like a queen. As long as he isn't clubbing every single week then I don't think there is any to say he is a more of a dog just because u met him in a club.

Thats my view ...others may disagree

my friend..he's the bass player in my semi-band
he met his lady in a club...he's as true blue as they come...he just likes
clubbing sometimes..especially as musician.....

he once sat in a park because ...he was as mad at his gf becuase she forgot to pay the light bill ands there were no lights!!!
he was sitting there to cool off before confronting her
nothing dangerous..he's so mild and peaceful..like hippie ...
..he just wanted to be in a calm frame of mind to remind her of what happens
when the bills were not paid

he taught her to play bass..so she too is now a bass player
there probably ARE others ..like him good guys who
club along with the bad

 

[Bunny77]

Thanks will check it out although have tried dating websites before and met some horrible sneaky people there too.

As for the clubs I just posted to somebody else that in my view, a man is a man wherever u meet him so it makes no difference but i do totally see your point about the drink - I didn't think of it like that..... but I still believe drink or not some men can be awful.

I have met men at work, at university, on the bus, at the train station etc etc and there is not much difference in my (and my friends) experiences. I believe it is just down to luck.

I think the general point is not that all men in clubs suck, but Tocktick said it best. That type of environment is MORE likely to lend toward people looking for hook-ups and not serious relationships.

No one said that there are no good men in clubs. I go to clubs and I'm not looking for a hook up. But I know that an environment of people with lowered inhibitions because of alcohol and less clothing will create situations that indicate a lower level of serious intent in terms of relationships.

So I stand by my statement that anyone who is putting a lot of hopes up on someone who got her number at a club is setting herself up for disappointment. Could something good come out of it? Sure. But to get hopes up over a dude asking for your number at the club? Eh... no.

 

[HairQueen]

I think the general point is not that all men in clubs suck, but Tocktick said it best. That type of environment is MORE likely to lend toward people looking for hook-ups and not serious relationships.

No one said that there are no good men in clubs. I go to clubs and I'm not looking for a hook up. But I know that an environment of people with lowered inhibitions because of alcohol and less clothing will create situations that indicate a lower level of serious intent in terms of relationships.

So I stand by my statement that anyone who is putting a lot of hopes up on someone who got her number at a club is setting herself up for disappointment. Could something good come out of it? Sure. But to get hopes up over a dude asking for your number at the club? Eh... no.

I do love to have a good debate! It always interesting to hear everyones views

 

[HairQueen]

my friend..he's the bass player in my semi-band
he met his lady in a club...he's as true blue as they come...he just likes
clubbing sometimes..especially as musician.....

he once sat in a park because ...he was as mad at his gf becuase she forgot to pay the light bill ands there were no lights!!!
he was sitting there to cool off before confronting her
nothing dangerous..he's so mild and peaceful..like hippie ...
..he just wanted to be in a calm frame of mind to remind her of what happens
when the bills were not paid

he taught her to play bass..so she too is now a bass player
there probably ARE others ..like him good guys who
club along with the bad

aaah, what a sweet man I like the men that are not ALWAYS in the club just happen to be there on the odd occasion like me - although it has been more often than usual for me lately. I just love to dance and hear good music especially reggae..my favourite!

 

[hopeful]

Thanks for ur comments. I actually find the whole thing stressful. I am sick and tired of meeting blokes and wondering what will happen next.

I am impatient because I am bored, lonely sometimes and love the company of a man in my life as well as friends and family. I am also anxious about husband/kids in the future and it has to start somewhere but lately with me it never seems to....well..start!

(((hugs))) I understand how you feel but you are going to have to change your attitude towards these men because you may meet "him" tomorrow, or you may not meet him till next year or the year after that. So in the meantime you have to find a way to be more calm and patient.

 

[tocktick]

Thanks will check it out although have tried dating websites before and met some horrible sneaky people there too.

As for the clubs I just posted to somebody else that in my view, a man is a man wherever u meet him so it makes no difference but i do totally see your point about the drink - I didn't think of it like that..... but I still believe drink or not some men can be awful.

I have met men at work, at university, on the bus, at the train station etc etc and there is not much difference in my (and my friends) experiences. I believe it is just down to luck.

Meetup.com is not a dating website. It's just a website that allows you to participate in a bunch of social activities. I think it's just useful for people wanting to expand their social network in the city. The upside is that it will increase your access to men and possibly your pool of prospects.

I respect your views about the club. There is no doubting that the men there are not always bad. I know some people who have met their SOs there (albeit not many, tbh...). So I'm not discounting it completely. However, I don't view it as the ideal place to meet a potential SO. I think that many men there are really just looking to have a good time and that means - drink, chill with friends, hit on women, collect numbers etc. I think the atmosphere is one encourages "hooking-up" moreso than anything else. It doesn't matter if he's up at the club each night or one a fortnight, imo.

Although a social group doesn't neccesarily directly encourage finding love/a relationship, I think that exposing yourself to a wider pool of men in a neutral setting will give you access to more men who aren't just out there to score for the night. Plus, the fact that you will probably build a rapport or friendship with someone due to attending the same group a few times means that it's easier to weed out the bad guys. You'll also probably weed out the time-wasters since they've already met you a few times.

Furthermore, at the club I think a lot of men get dismissed based surface factors like "game" or looks or some just don't feel like putting themselves forward that night. People in the club are dependent on that instant attraction or spark. I think that rules out a lot of potentially good matches.

 

[HairQueen]

(((hugs))) I understand how you feel but you are going to have to change your attitude towards these men because you may meet "him" tomorrow, or you may not meet him till next year or the year after that. So in the meantime you have to find a way to be more calm and patient.

Such good advice thanks. Its not easy for me. I been waiting a year already...

 

[HairQueen]

Well ladies its 7pm on Friday evening. One week since we met. No phone call I think its clear now!!!!!

My instincts are always right but I try to ignore them and hope I am wrong I knew instantly when I got that first text message from him that something was not quite right.

My conclusion is that if a man meets a woman he likes and he is available he will call first time not text. If he does text first time he would follow up with a call the next day or couple days later.

 

[jerseygurl]

Well ladies its 7pm on Friday evening. One week since we met. No phone call I think its clear now!!!!!

My instincts are always right but I try to ignore them and hope I am wrong I knew instantly when I got that first text message from him that something was not quite right.

My conclusion is that if a man meets a woman he likes and he is available he will call first time not text. If he does text first time he would follow up with a call the next day or couple days later.

That is absolutely true. My SO first sent me a text to figure out a good time to call (long distance and different time zones). I got his email address and sent him a response and he called at exactly the time I told him to like the very next day.

If he's interested he will call, don't worry

 

[mrsjohnson75]

Well ladies its 7pm on Friday evening. One week since we met. No phone call I think its clear now!!!!!

My instincts are always right but I try to ignore them and hope I am wrong I knew instantly when I got that first text message from him that something was not quite right.

My conclusion is that if a man meets a woman he likes and he is available he will call first time not text. If he does text first time he would follow up with a call the next day or couple days later.

....a woman's intuition is our best asset

 

[Serenity_Peace]

I think that text was incredible sweet. First, it shows that he's considerate and making sure you got home o.k., since it was late. Second, he probably could not call from work, and that's understandable because I cannot make personal phone calls at work. Third, it's often difficult to meet a man who is caring enough to even be concerned.

I think you should hang in there. He will call.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

Well ladies its 7pm on Friday evening. One week since we met. No phone call I think its clear now!!!!!

My instincts are always right but I try to ignore them and hope I am wrong I knew instantly when I got that first text message from him that something was not quite right.

My conclusion is that if a man meets a woman he likes and he is available he will call first time not text. If he does text first time he would follow up with a call the next day or couple days later.

I'm sorry. I didn't read this post before my response. Yes, if he doesn't call, then just drop it. He's not interested. I don't believe in a guy who doesn't call.

 

[HairQueen]

I'm sorry. I didn't read this post before my response. Yes, if he doesn't call, then just drop it. He's not interested. I don't believe in a guy who doesn't call.

A week is my cut off point before I start to suspect something is wrong i.e. he has a girlfriend. My instincts tell me he likes me but something is stopping him.

Interesting how a lot of people thought the text was sweet - I didn't. I was more confused by it if he was that concerned he should have called, I think he was just hiding behind the cover of a text.

 

[HairQueen]

That is absolutely true. My SO first sent me a text to figure out a good time to call (long distance and different time zones). I got his email address and sent him a response and he called at exactly the time I told him to like the very next day.

If he's interested he will call, don't worry

I am wondering when though? After a week I don't see the point..

 

[Bunny77]

The reason that most of us said that the first text was sweet was because he was at work and because it came so quickly after you two met. We don't know if he was unable to call at 11 a.m. because of work, but the text showed that he was thinking about you and showing it in the only way he probably could at the time.

However, like you, I'm in total agreement that he should have called after that. The text was fine for the time, but there should have been a follow up phone call VERY soon after that... so the lack of a phone call takes away from the "sweetness" of the text, definitely.

 

[HairQueen]

The reason that most of us said that the first text was sweet was because he was at work and because it came so quickly after you two met. We don't know if he was unable to call at 11 a.m. because of work, but the text showed that he was thinking about you and showing it in the only way he probably could at the time.

However, like you, I'm in total agreement that he should have called after that. The text was fine for the time, but there should have been a follow up phone call VERY soon after that... so the lack of a phone call takes away from the "sweetness" of the text, definitely.

I agree. I think it also shows that some people are positive thinkers which is a good way to be. The advice from the women on here helped me to be patient and know that time would eventually tell - which it did.

I think that is a good way to think, I tend to be negative from the begining which does no good really other than stress me out!

 

[hopeful]

ITA with you HairQueen, I didn't think the text was that big of a deal or that sweet either.

 

[serendipity]

One or two initial texts, I wouldn't think much of but I'd definitely take heed if texting was his only form of communication. From my experience, the guys who only send texts are only interested in the booty lol. A few months ago, I met a guy who I clicked with but he only sent texts, never set up dates just requested that we kick it at his house. I kicked him to the curb really quickly.He was in his early 30's too so he definitely knew better.
In your case, it may be too early to pass judgment and texting may indeed be his preferred mode of contact but I'd proceed with caution and observe his actions further.

 

[Zaynab]

Hi Ladies

Once again I need ur help lol! I am obviously not having much luck with dating recently!!

Met a new man last Friday night in a bar. So the bar finishes at 4am and he has work the next morning at 8am.

Sat 11am I get a text from him saying: "hi hope u got home okay"

I was surprised to get a text as the first point of communication, I have never had that happen before in all my years of dating.

Anyway so we are texting back and forth and in my head I am thinking why are we texting???? Why are we not talking?? To be fair he was at work but still I just thought why did he not just call when he finished work?

So then I thought okay maybe he was just tired and didnt want to talk that day, that wouldn't be so bad but it is now Wednesday and I have still not heard from, his last text said we will speak soon and hopefully we can meet up.

Should I be concerned? Or is it too early yet? It am hoping he is not hiding behind a text.

I just hate this dating game, its too stressful especially in the begining....if hes not going to call i just want to know sooner rather than later so I am not constantly wondering if I will hear from ever again.

I wouldn't have answered the text in the first place since that was his first line of communication. If he wants to get to know you, he would call and make an effort. I wouldn't give this dude much attention or time-SERIOUSLY.

These dudes are throwing out crumbs like texting/emailin, etc, but I wouldn't fall for it. I know it's the electronic age but it's also making men do even less as far as trying to date. Men don't even know how to date anymore. SMDH and ALOT of women are accepting it. Any other woman would have been giddy at getting a text message like that from him.

Men that use texting as their sole form of communication are often married too, so watch that.

 

[Zaynab]

I think that text was incredible sweet. First, it shows that he's considerate and making sure you got home o.k., since it was late. Second, he probably could not call from work, and that's understandable because I cannot make personal phone calls at work. Third, it's often difficult to meet a man who is caring enough to even be concerned.

I think you should hang in there. He will call.

I didn't really think it was sweet, it was sort of impersonal to me. If he wanted to make sure she got home OK, why not call as soon as she got home? Just a quick phone call? Calling at 8am is sort of after the point-if he was concerned about her safety.

 

[HairQueen]

One or two initial texts, I wouldn't think much of but I'd definitely take heed if texting was his only form of communication. From my experience, the guys who only send texts are only interested in the booty lol. A few months ago, I met a guy who I clicked with but he only sent texts, never set up dates just requested that we kick it at his house. I kicked him to the curb really quickly.He was in his early 30's too so he definitely knew better.
In your case, it may be too early to pass judgment and texting may indeed be his preferred mode of contact but I'd proceed with caution and observe his actions further.

This Friday will be two weeks since I had that text from him and have heard nothing since so he is long gone from my mind. I deleted his number and the texts.

 

[HairQueen]

I wouldn't have answered the text in the first place since that was his first line of communication. If he wants to get to know you, he would call and make an effort. I wouldn't give this dude much attention or time-SERIOUSLY.

These dudes are throwing out crumbs like texting/emailin, etc, but I wouldn't fall for it. I know it's the electronic age but it's also making men do even less as far as trying to date. Men don't even know how to date anymore. SMDH and ALOT of women are accepting it. Any other woman would have been giddy at getting a text message like that from him.

Men that use texting as their sole form of communication are often married too, so watch that.

I agree that its just crumbs these days, a lot of men no longer know how to court women, they make minimal effort expecting maximum return.

I don't know that he is married but I certainly feel has got a girlfriend, something just tells me that..

By the way what does SMDH mean???

 

[HairQueen]

I didn't really think it was sweet, it was sort of impersonal to me. If he wanted to make sure she got home OK, why not call as soon as she got home? Just a quick phone call? Calling at 8am is sort of after the point-if he was concerned about her safety.

I agree he wasn't really concerned. By the way it was 11am not 8am but still not much different.

I think he was just stroking his own ego to see if I liked him, I read a book called 'what men want' and it says men do that sometimes. They use women to make themselves feel better to show themselves that they 'still got it' and can get women's numbers. What really peed me off was he didn't just say 'I'll speak to you soon' he also said 'maybe we can hook up' that was IMO just to see how keen I was..

 

[jade998]

Chuck it up to a lesson learnt.

I also do think that the club isn't the greatest place to meet a potential partner. 9 out of 10, the men turn out shady. Men are natural hunter's, from the times I used to go to the clubs, I could sense and see the whole chase thing. The " Let me prove to myself I still go it". And this might be a generalisation, but whenever in the past I have gone to a reggee club (you said you like to dance to reggee), they way people dance there, can stir up some things.

Actions do speak louder than words