There has to be an easier way.....

[JudithO]

Girl bye. Nobody has to put in work for YOUR hair but YOUMy (or anybody else on this board) level of patience, skill and my willingness to work hard has nothing to do with the level of or lack of care you treat your own locs with.

...it may not be self hatred but it's SOMETHING else that I can't quite put my finger on. self acceptance? ...it's quite draining so I shall leave you all to your self destructive thoughts. I'm busy raising black boys and girls and this type of thinkign is detrimental to their very beings.

discodumpling Okay. I don't agree with you, BUT we can agree to disagree. "self destructive thoughts"? You are taking this too seriously ...

 

[longfroinghair]

OP How often do you use heat on your hair?

 

[ellebelle88]

mwedzi ellebelle88

I think you both are on the same side... just mixing ideas up.

Ellebelle88 agrees that locks and braids are natural and perhaps how our type is meant to be be kept. However, she is less than pleased with the idea that she has to do more work than other pple to maintain it in its natural state if she wants long hair. I'm right here btw

Mwedzi on the other hand has accepted that in order to have long beautiful hair with our texture... braiding is our norm... not washing and going. She has accepted that our norm takes much longer. And more skill than everyone else's and is content with that.

See... same side... we (myself and elle) just need to get to where mwedzi is.

Thank you girl!!! I have said it over and over again and people still on here talkin bout, "why u callin braids not natural and why you calling afro/locked hair unhealthy and why you want your hurr to be like otha peopleszz?"

Mwedzi you put a lot of words in my mouth. So let's just agree to disagree. No love lost. BTW, I'm not mad. LOL! That's another thing I NEVER said. I said our hair is difficult! I don't walk around mad at the world or anyone else. I just know how my hair is and I deal with it accordingly which means planning in advance sometimes. Not about to go jump off a bridge or anything.

 

[NicWhite]

I would like to make some observations.

I have been around many races of people and let me tell you. Most women have problems with their hair.

Non-black women that want to have long "healthy" hair will tell you:
1. they do not wash their everyday
2. they limit the amount of heat that they use
3. They limit the amount of shampoo they use. Only shampoo once, concentrating on the scalp
4. they take vitamins
5. Many of them co-wash as we do
6. keep their hair in protective styles.
7. Those that really want to grow their hair long use some the same oils we do
8. use wide tooth combs
9. They avoid tight styles
10. avoid over processing hair or doing it too often
11. carefully comb their hair from the bottom up
12. deep condition their hair
13. avoid tangling hair during washing

I am sure that they do other things as well but the point of sharing this is that every race has to put in work to acheive long healthy hair. We are no different. We may have to be more careful because we can get knots but that is easily avoided by putting the hair in sectioned plaits with some type of oil until it dries.

BTW, I had a black girl at my church tell me that everytime her hair grow well to a certain point then it starts to break off. I asked her if she was anemic, she said yes and then asked what did that have to do with anything. erplexed

Trust when I tell you that those white people are taking their vitamins.

I am probably babbling, but i just wanted to say that there is no easier way. Long hair takes work, not matter the race of hair type.

Be proud of what your hair can do. Our hair can do things that others can't, like hold braided and twisted styles.

 

[ellebelle88]

Girl bye. Nobody has to put in work for YOUR hair but YOUMy (or anybody else on this board) level of patience, skill and my willingness to work hard has nothing to do with the level of or lack of care you treat your own locs with.

...it may not be self hatred but it's SOMETHING else that I can't quite put my finger on. self acceptance? ...it's quite draining so I shall leave you all to your self destructive thoughts. I'm busy raising black boys and girls and this type of thinkign is detrimental to their very beings.

Yes, you should leave. No one here is self-destructive. Contrary to popular belief I love me, my culture, and I am very pro-black. Your comments are ridiculous. Just because someone doesn't see something your way doesn't mean that they are "self-destructive." If you wanna have a convo, have a convo but stop verbally attacking people when they don't agree with you. So Bye bye! You won't be missed.

 

[ellebelle88]

I would like to make some observations.

I have been around many races of people and let me tell you. Most women have problems with their hair.

Non-black women that want to have long "healthy" hair will tell you:
1. they do not wash their everyday
2. they limit the amount of heat that they use
3. They limit the amount of shampoo they use. Only shampoo once, concentrating on the scalp
4. they take vitamins
5. Many of them co-wash as we do
6. keep their hair in protective styles.
7. Those that really want to grow their hair long use some the same oils we do
8. use wide tooth combs
9. They avoid tight styles
10. avoid over processing hair or doing it too often
11. carefully comb their hair from the bottom up
12. deep condition their hair
13. avoid tangling hair during washing

I am sure that they do other things as well but the point of sharing this is that every race has to put in work to acheive long healthy hair. We are no different. We may have to be more careful because we can get knots but that is easily avoided by putting the hair in sectioned plaits with some type of oil until it dries.

BTW, I had a black girl at my church tell me that everytime her hair grow well to a certain point then it starts to break off. I asked her if she was anemic, she said yes and then asked what did that have to do with anything. erplexed

Trust when I tell you that those white people are taking their vitamins.

I am probably babbling, but i just wanted to say that there is no easier way. Long hair takes work, not matter the race of hair type.

Be proud of what your hair can do. Our hair can do things that others can't, like hold braided and twisted styles.

I like your response NicWhite. Thanks!

 

[JudithO]

No love lost pple... we r all in this together.. so let's keep this lighthearted.

 

[longfroinghair]

Concerning the complicated measures many black women go through for their hair: Remember that White people Have an easier time caring for their hair because Caucasian Hair Care is already common knowledge. Black women interested in healthy hair (on forums/fotki/youtube) seem to be "Mad Scientists" checking labels, porosity, density, ph Balance, ingredients. And it seems like too much...... But actually, we NEED black women who are like that. We need to find the best methods for black hair care and make THAT common knowledge too. Sadly, most black american females I have met know NOTHING about how to care for their hair in its natural state. And even those with relaxed hair, (outside of the forum), most black ladies I've met do not know how to keep their relaxed hair healthy and growing.

I agree with you OP, there is definitely an easier way. The huuuge spectrum of methods discussed on this board.....take them as suggestions only. And once you find the one thing that works (for some it's cowashing, some it's low manipulation..whatever), just stick to what works, and all those other methods won't matter.

 

[prettypithy]

Concerning the complicated measures many black women go through for their hair: Remember that White people Have an easier time caring for their hair because Caucasian Hair Care is already common knowledge.

longfroinghair Thank you, this is what I was trying to get at. It seems easy in part because the mysteries have already been unlocked, the products are made to suit the hair type and the type of care has been so ingrained for so long that they already have it down to a science.

 

[Southernbella.]

"As opposed to women of almost any other race where they can wash their hair and airdry it and not experience breakage or wash it and put it in a ponytail without needing a bunch of gels, moisturizers, etc."

One thing that strikes me about this thread is how distorted our attitudes are about our hair. We think of others as having an easier road but I'm not convinced that is true. For instance, they have to wash their every day or else face stinking, oily hair. I don't have to do that. In fact, I could wash my hair once a month and not have that problem. So, who has it harder? Me because I spend two hours on wash day? Or them because they spend twenty minutes a day, adding up to roughly the same time? For some reason, we have all elevated wash n' go hair to the height of luxury but why? If I braid my hair, I don't have to do a d*mn thing to it for almost three months--why isn't THAT the height of luxury?

Basically, I don't understand why we have collectively as a group accepted the fallacy that our hair is "hard" and everyone else's is "easy." And to be honest, when I used to feel that way, my hair WAS hard. It was hard because it FELT hard because I was trying to take care of my hair like it was someone else's hair. Trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. As soon as I grabbed the square peg, it glided in. It is all in the mindset.

Yassss! This, so much. Furthermore, "sleek" isn't a concern of mine. I can do a braidout, wake up, fluff it, and keep it moving. They, on the other hand, have to worry about how smooth and in place their hair is. I've seen them at school flat ironing in the bathroom. Many of them would die at the sight of one crinkle. I don't worry about any of that. I literally spend a few hours doing my hair once and then feel free for 2 weeks (or longer, depending on the style).

I think we make it harder than it has to be.

 

[longfroinghair]

ellebelle88

I also find it interesting that you deem their hair care practices as "no work at all." They are undoubtedly using the methods that work best for THEM. They aren't trying to use my methods and then complaining when it doesn't work for them. But what I'm hearing is, "I wish my hair would thrive under the same conditions that work well for other people" and to me that is an exercise in futility even if it is an understandable sentiment.

YES! exactly. Especially the black women I know with RELAXED hair. They believe black people should relax their hair so it looks straight and then care for it like a white person's hair and expect it to behave like a white person's hair. But black relaxed hair needs its own unique care.

Oh yea *snaps fingers* here's one different!

How many black people would you say have had natural as in not chemically processed hair their entire life?

How many white people would you say have had natural as in not chemicaly processed hair heir entire life?

If Sarah has been dealing with her hair since she was 8 and Shaquondinika big chopped three years ago, Sarah knows everything to know about doing her hair while Shaquondinika isn't used to hers yet and it's gonna take a learning curve before she knows what she can and cant do to it

LMAOOOOO!! @ Sarah and Shaquondinika! I wonder which one's black? But I totally agree with you...there is a Learning Curve!

4) If the world was reversed, other groups would complain that their hair was too oily, that the braiding was possibly damaging their hair, and why can't they have kinky or curly hair? They just have to accept the hair they were "born into". People would wish to have their hair curl instead of the other way around and would be upset that they always look like a hot mess because the conditioners are too rich for their hair type and what the heck are they supposed to do with shea butter. But alas, it's not. And still there's nothing wrong with me. It just means a group dominated cultures, thought about their needs, and provided information, and beauty guidelines with that in mind. That's their problem not mine.

100000000x yes! @the bolded! What if black hair care was common knowledge?? What if the drugstore shelves were almost all filled with Super Rich Conditioners, Heavily Moisturizing Shampoos, Creamy Moisturizers and Shea Butter? And if It was considered normal to only use shampoo twice a month, Deep condition often and type 3 and 4 texture is the way to go? White people would end up with a Greasy, oily, mess of hair, They wont wash it as much, will find it hard to find shampoos that clean enough for their hair type and will be known for having nasty, greasy hair. If white people were trying to grow their hair with braids....it is far more likely to fail than a black person (sorry to generalize, but hey). Many white people forgo braids because they are hard to wear for their hair type while looking good and staying healthy at the same time.

 

[JudithO]

OP How often do you use heat on your hair?

longfroinghair Almost never... i don't yet know how to handle heat tools on my hair without causing too much damage.. everytime ive tried in the past.. always been a fail so i stopped bothering. I need to learn to blow dry properly at least...

 

[longfroinghair]

longfroinghair Almost never... i don't yet know how to handle heat tools on my hair without causing too much damage.. everytime ive tried in the past.. always been a fail so i stopped bothering. I need to learn to blow dry properly at least...

I'm a natural who uses heat regularly so I might be biased here But you'd be surprised how much proper blowdrying can make your hair more manageable even when wet. The entire quality of my hair drastically changed from using heat regularly. The tension method works absolute best in my IMO. I believe heat helps, even if its just 1-2 times a month. No more SSK's no more detangling, hair retains moisture, softer hair....all the results of regular heat from my experience. (Of course be sure to always deep condition before using heat)

 

[LovelyNaps26]

so basically this was a vent thread, right? b/c the fact is we have to do things to our hair to retain length whether it's a pain or not.


in late 2009 i remember reading/stalking mwedzi 's and sera2544 fotki and felt with the all the steps in the reggie. but i loved the results and for the first time felt that I could have long hair as a natural. so after not getting past SL in 5 years of being natural b/c i felt "it shouldn't take all that" I sucked it up and incorporated other practices and now i am a few inches from waist length after about 2 years of doing it right. if i was doing this all along right now i'd be trimming to maintain tailbone IT WORKS PEOPLE! complain, vent, be frustrated that it takes all them steps. that's okay. i've been there. but at the end of the day put on the big girl panties, get that conditioner, seamless wide tooth comb in hand and a good movie and GET TO WORK!

 

[prettypithy]

so basically this was a vent thread, right? b/c the fact is we have to do things to our hair to retain length whether it's a pain or not.


in late 2009 i remember reading/stalking @mwedzi 's and sera2544 fotki and felt with the all the steps in the reggie. but i loved the results and for the first time felt that I could have long hair as a natural. so after not getting past SL in 5 years of being natural b/c i felt "it shouldn't take all that" I sucked it up and incorporated other practices and now i am a few inches from waist length after about 2 years of doing it right. if i was doing this all along right now i'd be trimming to maintain tailbone IT WORKS PEOPLE! complain, vent, be frustrated that it takes all them steps. that's okay. i've been there. but at the end of the day put on the big girl panties, get that conditioner, seamless wide tooth comb in hand and a good movie and GET TO WORK!

 

[faithVA]

I do understand that this was a vent thread. I didn't really have any advice to give or anything to add. My hair is boringly simple now.

I do want to thank the ladies that gave different perspectives on how to look at our hair. Its always good to hear the positive feedback and to see some constructive ways to look our hair and our process.

 

[Nonie]

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread. I'm only on page two and have to run so I apologize if these are redundant posts because they were already discussed in later pages.

@yuhlovevybz

I cant wash everyday bcos

1. My hair is too fine... all that manipulation will break it off.
2. How am i going to walk out of the house... I cant braid daily... or wet bun... i could blow dry daily but by month end ill b bald... i cant walk out in a fro if i dont want to spend the whole night detangling and crying over broken hair... i cant wash and go anywhere... so technically i can wash but not if i plan to have long hair...

@judy4all, washing everyday doesn't have to be done in the morning. You could wash at night, braid it to airdry early in the evening, and sport a braid out in the AM. If you were in twists, you could most certainly CW every day and if you did it with a reconstructor like GPB every other day. I used to. That's how I'd get my twists to hang. I'd let them drip dry so the weight of the water makes them hang; this also gives the ends a nice rounded finish that I find very tidy

@prettypithy no, but i didnt care to. Even if my hair was 3a... i probably wont wash daily.. evry other day maybe... but at least i have d option.... it takes quite some effort for my hair to look presentable by my standards..

About washing your hair daily, you didn't care to do so when your hair was relaxed. So is this a new desire? Or what about your hair now makes you feel not washing daily is a problem?

I know a lot of people don't care for their hair until a few days after washday...It seems for you too, your freshly washed hair may seem more difficult to you. So the fact that you don't need to wash it daily, shouldn't that mean you can have it looking presentable for more days than not?

BTW, I went to school with a girl who had nice long strong type 4A hair. She washed her hair with water once a year...but she cleaned it with oil/grease regularly. Her hair never looked dirty and it flourished. It also was always stretched and she wore it three braids or in a ponytail. (Our school uniform required that all hair be combed out daily, or if braided, the braids could not be more than 3.) Now that they have waterless shampoos, I wonder if my friend's regimen punctuated with the waterless shampoos may work for you? Well, :scratchch I just had second thoughts about that. Maybe the waterless shampoos aren't for our hair...

BTW, I love how so many ladies are so at home with our hair. OP, you'll get there too one day. Keep your eyes to the sun and you won't see the shadows.

@silenttullip, your post made me smile. I've decided I'm momma and you make momma proud.

 

[Chioniso]

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread. I'm only on page two and have to run so I apologize if these are redundant posts because they were already discussed in later pages.



@judy4all, washing everyday doesn't have to be done in the morning. You could wash at night, braid it to airdry early in the evening, and sport a braid out in the AM. If you were in twists, you could most certainly CW every day and if you did it with a reconstructor like GPB every other day. I used to. That's how I'd get my twists to hang. I'd let them drip dry so the weight of the water makes them hang; this also gives the ends a nice rounded finish that I find very tidy



About washing your hair daily, you didn't care to do so when your hair was relaxed. So is this a new desire? Or what about your hair now makes you feel not washing daily is a problem?

I know a lot of people don't care for their hair until a few days after washday...It seems for you too, your freshly washed hair may seem more difficult to you. So the fact that you don't need to wash it daily, shouldn't that mean you can have it looking presentable for more days than not?

BTW, I went to school with a girl who had nice long strong type 4A hair. She washed her hair with water once a year...but she cleaned it with oil/grease regularly. Her hair never looked dirty and it flourished. It also was always stretched and she wore it three braids or in a ponytail. (Our school uniform required that all hair be combed out daily, or if braided, the braids could not be more than 3.) Now that they have waterless shampoos, I wonder if my friend's regimen punctuated with the waterless shampoos may work for you? Well, :scratchch I just had second thoughts about that. Maybe the waterless shampoos aren't for our hair...

BTW, I love how so many ladies are so at home with our hair. OP, you'll get there too one day. Keep your eyes to the sun and you won't see the shadows.

@silenttullip, your post made me smile. I've decided I'm momma and you make momma proud.

Sorry to revive an old thread but Nonie how did she 'clean her hair with grease/oil'? I have never heard of this, how did her hair get moisture without water, wouldn't the oil/grease seal it out and dry out her hair?

 

[Nonie]

Sorry to revive an old thread but Nonie how did she 'clean her hair with grease/oil'? I have never heard of this, how did her hair get moisture without water, wouldn't the oil/grease seal it out and dry out her hair?

Chioniso, you young uns don't know but back in the day black folks used nuffin but grease on our hair and our hair survived. "Moisture" is a new word to me. I had never heard that water was "moisture" until 2001. So yeah, we used grease and our hair survived somehow. Even back in jheri curl days, I didn't think the "moisture" in activator had anything to do with my hair thriving.

I have "cleaned" my hair her way too. I explained her method here: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showpost.php?p=14083991&postcount=51

ETA: And just so you can see an example of what my friend's hair used to look like, here's someone who uses Blue Magic grease and her hair doesn't look dry--maybe it's coz we used to towel dry and apply the grease so it "sealed in the moisture for days": http://girlmetoo.blogspot.com/2012/03/fashionista-fridays-blue-magic-update.html

 

[Chioniso]

Nonie - Blue magic is taboo round here! shhhhh!

My mum used to use blue magic on my hair and it was long and soft...maybe I should try it out again...

 

[greenandchic]

@Chioniso, you young uns don't know but back in the day black folks used nuffin but grease on our hair and our hair survived. "Moisture" is a new word to me. I had never heard that water was "moisture" until 2001. So yeah, we used grease and our hair survived somehow. Even back in jheri curl days, I didn't think the "moisture" in activator had anything to do with my hair thriving.

I have "cleaned" my hair her way too. I explained her method here: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showpost.php?p=14083991&postcount=51

ETA: And just so you can see an example of what my friend's hair used to look like, here's someone who uses Blue Magic grease and her hair doesn't look dry--maybe it's coz we used to towel dry and apply the grease so it "sealed in the moisture for days": http://girlmetoo.blogspot.com/2012/03/fashionista-fridays-blue-magic-update.html

Barely survived. LOL My hair was still dry, but when my mother used this produce Avon used to make until the mid-'80s called "One Step", my hair was fluffy as a cloud. I'm so glad we evolved from the so-called "good ole" grease days.

 

[hillytmj]

I haven't read through everything, so forgive me if my comment is repetitious. Yes, it does take a little more effort to get the results that you dream of. IMHO, it's the same as how some people are naturally fit and toned while others work out daily, count calories and still struggle with weight. Life isn't fair, but I'm glad to now know what does work, even if it takes more care and effort, as opposed to going through life thinking that black hair won't grow long unless it's a certain texture. If you embrace the fact that there is a way, your haircare journey will feel less like a chore but more like a joy where you will someday reap great benefits. I'm a witness like many others that all of this stuff really, really works. Please stay encouraged.