The "Rules" girls

[ThickHair]

I met a gentleman about 2 weeks ago and he is considerably older. We went on a date earlier this week. LOVELY. Since I am divorced I wanted to try a new approach to dating since I have been out of the service for a bit of time. Plus taking time after the divorce to get my head right. So I read "The Rules" book and it is ok for what it is. I am going to incorporate some into what I am doing, I am not playing games but I do want to keep him interest.

I am not blowing up his phone. I am not rattling off at the mouth about nothing. We have been speaking with each other about every other day for about 15-20 minutes.

He told me that he likes me and is looking forward to knowing more, I am beautiful.........

Those of you who keep it casual, how has this worked out for you. Just to let you know I am very impatient but I know I have to take it slow.

What are some of your tips on taking it slow? I have read the other threads about "The Rules" that some think are playing games blah blah blah so that really isn't needed at this point in time since I have decided I am going to use them anyway.

ETA: We have all ready had the discussion about neither one of us wants to get married and no shacking. He has never been married but has one adult child. I do not want children. So there is no marriage pressure.

 

[Aidenberry03]

I want to know too!!! I thought I had the game and gone with it, but I have been sadly mistaken. When I do start dating, I need some firm ground rules. So hook a sista up too

 

[caribeandiva]

I'm a "RULES" girl too! Since i picked up the book a few months ago, i've reread it twice. i've always been a rules girl naturally but i never knew it. I mean i never called guys (because i've never liked talking on the phone much), i'm always busy, i never ditch my friends for a guy's last minute plans, etc... The book helped me tighten up my game and see why some things work and why some don't. The 5-minute phone thing is so hard to do but it works!

other good books to read: "Why men love b*tches" and "Why men marry b*tches" by Sherry Argov. They're more modern, funnier and easier to follow than "The Rules".

 

[Aidenberry03]

Who are these books written by, I need to know.

 

[ThickHair]

I have 'Why men love "B's". Nice. I do have to tighten up on the phone calls. But it is good that we only speak to each other every other day.

Aidenberry
http://www.amazon.com/Rules-TM-Time...8115858?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185555373&sr=1-2
More Rules
http://www.amazon.com/Rules-II-More...8115858?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185555411&sr=1-3

The book that I have is 2 in one.

Also the book that really helped during my divorce is Don't Call That Man. http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Call-Tha...8115858?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185555604&sr=1-1
Good read and an easy read. It really helped since I always needed to talk about feelings. Every phone call with my ex ended in tears for me. When I stopped calling him my life did a 180 and I am doing swell and never again will I let a man control me like that. If he is not calling he does not want you. Plain and simple. I finally got it. My healing began.

 

[MissScarlett]

I have 'Why men love "B's". Nice. I do have to tighten up on the phone calls. But it is good that we only speak to each other every other day.

Aidenberry
http://www.amazon.com/Rules-TM-Time...8115858?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185555373&sr=1-2
More Rules
http://www.amazon.com/Rules-II-More...8115858?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185555411&sr=1-3

The book that I have is 2 in one.

Also the book that really helped during my divorce is Don't Call That Man. http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Call-Tha...8115858?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185555604&sr=1-1
Good read and an easy read. It really helped since I always needed to talk about feelings. Every phone call with my ex ended in tears for me. When I stopped calling him my life did a 180 and I am doing swell and never again will I let a man control me like that. If he is not calling he does not want you. Plain and simple. I finally got it. My healing began.

Funny b/c I read that book a single girl I knew had I was like "oh wow that's me"

 

[Aidenberry03]

Boy, that third book might be exactly what I need.

Thanks:blowkiss:

I have 'Why men love "B's". Nice. I do have to tighten up on the phone calls. But it is good that we only speak to each other every other day.

Aidenberry
http://www.amazon.com/Rules-TM-Time...8115858?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185555373&sr=1-2
More Rules
http://www.amazon.com/Rules-II-More...8115858?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185555411&sr=1-3

The book that I have is 2 in one.

Also the book that really helped during my divorce is Don't Call That Man. http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Call-Tha...8115858?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185555604&sr=1-1
Good read and an easy read. It really helped since I always needed to talk about feelings. Every phone call with my ex ended in tears for me. When I stopped calling him my life did a 180 and I am doing swell and never again will I let a man control me like that. If he is not calling he does not want you. Plain and simple. I finally got it. My healing began.

 

[SoforReal]

I didn't read the "Rules" book but I have read "Why men love b*tches" and loved it! Taking it slow is definitely a good idea at this point since you 1) just met him 2 weeks ago 2)recently got out of a divorce and need to heal plus you don't want to make him the "rebound " and 3)Almost any guy seems attractive in the 1st month, it's not until later do they really show their true colors...so this buys you time for all of this.

If you haven't already please verbalize with him that you want to take it slow and let things happen naturally. This takes the pressure off of him and at the same time makes you look that more intriguing. To keep him interested try doing activities that you both love versus going to the movies all the time. Try a new activity if he's open to that. Also, make sure YOU are your main focus right now and make sure YOU are getting yourself together while you are learning him. Guys will find you even more intriguing if they know they are not the "one and only" or center of attention in your life. That is why it's good to have your own stuff going on to occupy your time as well.

During your conversations make sure you are a good "active" listener and that you don't dominate the conversation. Guys get even more interested if they know they have someone who can carry out an engaging conversation versus having a pretty girl who's clueless or talks too much; because when the looks fade what else do you have to offer other than the obvious.

Lastly, try to differentiate yourself from any female he has ever had. But don't put too much pressure into doing this otherwise he will pick this up and get turned off.

Well that's all I can think of for now. Wishing you the best right now.

 

[Kalayani]

I think i need to get a copy of the third book listed...i`m the one always crying and depressed after a conversation with my ex.

 

[cocoberry10]

I have 'Why men love "B's". Nice. I do have to tighten up on the phone calls. But it is good that we only speak to each other every other day.

I also read this book, and can identify with the things they said (guess following mom was right—glad I did)

 

[ThickHair]

2)recently got out of a divorce and need to heal plus you don't want to make him the "rebound "

Divorce was 2 years ago and the rebound relationship if you want to call it that was a disaster. That is why I have stayed clear of men for a while. I was not truly healed.

Your advice is good. My sister also mentioned to just listen. Men loved to talk about their career and stuff they have done especially if they really into their career. Such as the guy I am dating.

 

[SoforReal]

Divorce was 2 years ago and the rebound relationship if you want to call it that was a disaster. That is why I have stayed clear of men for a while. I was not truly healed.

Your advice is good. My sister also mentioned to just listen. Men loved to talk about their career and stuff they have done especially if they really into their career. Such as the guy I am dating.

You're welcome. Didn't know your divorce was that long ago. Happy Friday

 

[Demi27]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE "Why Men Love B*tches" and "Why Men Marry B*tches."

Those two books are the absolute best! I've only read bits and pieces of "The Rules," but nothing held my interest like the "B*tches" books.

The books are funny, but I also like to re-read them when I'm feeling down. They're a definite pick me up.

 

[Cien]

Thanks to sunshinelady (thanks lady!! )--- I checked out The Rules at the library a few weeks ago...and I LOVE this book!!

I also checked out --'The Rules II' on cassette tape (that's the only format the library had).....AND I checked out 'The Rules for Marriage'.

I love ALL of these books! I haven't completely read The Rules or Rules for Marriage yet---but I"ve listened to The Rules II in it's entirety while at work!! GREAT BOOKS!! I've re-checked them all out, so I have 3 more weeks to read them all.

Just recently, I also checked out 'Why Men Love B*tches'....and oh my goodness, just from scanning the pages...I LOVE this book!! I have GOT TO buy this one, and Why Men Marry B*tches.


Most of this stuff is almost common sense, but some ladies (like myself) have always played the nice girl, and I'm sick of it! NOT a doormat....but just a do it all, working too hard for the relationship type of girlfriend.
I've been incorporating some of what I've learned in my current relationship, and it's working like a charm!!!

I wish I had known about these books a long time ago...

co-signing SoforReal's post!

 

[dlewis]

I read The Rules many many years ago. My mother made me read it. I'm not sure what I took from it.

Alot of my friends say I'm really B itches when it comes to men and DH says that also. So it may be something to that.

I'm not sure what ThickHair is asking. How to take it slow?

Do you mean physically or emotionally?

I don't know how you take it slow emotionally because you like who you like and most times feeling come naturally.

 

[ThickHair]

I'm not sure what ThickHair is asking. How to take it slow?

Do you mean physically or emotionally?

I don't know how you take it slow emotionally because you like who you like and most times feeling come naturally.

How to take everything slow? Not letting on that I like him a lot since it has only been two weeks. Not getting caught up in the romance type thing.

 

[***Toy-Pisces***]

I will be reading the B. book. Thnx ladies!

 

[Integrity]

Divorce was 2 years ago and the rebound relationship if you want to call it that was a disaster. That is why I have stayed clear of men for a while. I was not truly healed.

Your advice is good. My sister also mentioned to just listen. Men loved to talk about their career and stuff they have done especially if they really into their career. Such as the guy I am dating.

i so agree about letting them do the talking. You learn so much more about them that way!!! I have cut off a lot of bad apples or those not compatible by listening and making links in everything they said 100% of the time you will catch out the liars and deceivers purely by what they say

 

[Integrity]

How to take everything slow? Not letting on that I like him a lot since it has only been two weeks. Not getting caught up in the romance type thing.

i think the way to do this is having the MINDSET 'its not that serious' and 'have fun'

a lot of times we get our hearts broken because we are thinking waay to ahead. Just enjoy the dates and nothing else

 

[turnergirl]

My mom made me do the rules. I had to read it and show complete understanding before I was allowed to even have boys call the house. Then she was able to controll how much I talked to them or even went out. Because of thisI was never in the habit of even smothering a man. It was natural for me. Honestly, it kept me from being able to committ or get attached in relationships. For a while they thought I would never stay in a relationship long enough to get married. I was all over the place but I could be, because my relationships rarely got physical and I always had wayyyy to much going on to get concerned about anyone.

I met my husband when I was 20 and did not even begin to go out with him more than once a month until I was 22. Because I would not travel out of state to meet his parents he brought them to Atlanta to meet me. Less than a year after I committed to dating him exclusively (May 2004) we were engaged (Feb. 2005) and Married (May 06). I know your goal is not to get married but I just wanted to share my testimomy, that giving a relationship time to progress and more importantly giving yourself time to be top priority just makes sense.

The biggest tip I can give is to truly committ to seeing what is going on with you. Give yourself time to see what is going on with you. Do somethings you have always wanted to do. I started back dancing in college, joined a theatre troop, started a book club with my girlfriends and whatever else. I really did not have time to do anything else.

 

[ThickHair]

The biggest tip I can give is to truly committ to seeing what is going on with you. Give yourself time to see what is going on with you. Do somethings you have always wanted to do. I started back dancing in college, joined a theatre troop, started a book club with my girlfriends and whatever else. I really did not have time to do anything else.

I am going to grad school at the end of August and I have started working out again. Plus I may be pledging (see how it goes) so I will have more than enough to keep my busy.

 

[chellero]

The Rules worked for me when I was dating. The Rules for Marriage are great too.

 

[ThickHair]

******UPDATE******

Apparently I did the "Rules" and I may have over done the "Rules". Friday I am speaking with my friend and he ask me was I really interested in him or was I just biding my time til something better came along. He said he was no fool and he knew if someone was feeling him and if they weren't, but he wanted to ask me before he made an assumption. He said that he was sweatin thinking he did something wrong. Ladies this gentleman is very nice and when he said that, it felt like he kicked me in the gut with his size 14 shoe. So I told him that this was just the beginning and I am trying to get to know him and I did not want to crowd his space but that I do like him. No further elaboration. He said to give him a crumb to go on. So now while I am still going to do the "Rules" but I think I will communicate a little more with him. No initiating the calls but I will return them in the same day.

Luckly this guy did ask me about it because I know many other men would just drop it and never call again. I think I would have missed out on a great guy.

Well I did get roses 2 dozen 2 times last week and a lovely poem. So the "Rules" do work, I just have to keep his attention.

 

[caribeandiva]

I'm glad they're working for you. sounds like you found yourself a keeper.