The Rori Raye Way

First @mstar thanks for this tip. Your help is exactly the reason we all keep paying.

Apparently books on style, fashion, dieting and now relationships are just topics I love to read about over and over. I've got a post in another thread on my rundown of just what different books have to offer on this particular topic. I give that background to underscore the point that many of us have made that the advice in the rori raye book "have the relationship you want" isn't anything new. What's new is her tools and techniques for implementing the same advice. What I like about Rori is that I've had new thoughts based on the way she asked the questions even though her advice is ultimately similar to Alison Armstrong, fascinating womanhood, the total woman, etc.

One thing I like and can expand on is that the nurturing do it all supermom is a feminine myth. That concept makes total sense.

I've said a million times on LHCF that my goal is to get back to the way I saw my parents marriage unfold. One example of the supermom myth has been right in front of me all along. Even though my mom was a stay at home mom, my dad took us to school every morning and we took the bus home. My mom did take us to after school events. We had a housekeeper to do the cleaning. My mom could just be mom and make sure we were presentable for my dad. And if you think about it the housewives in the old sitcoms also had housekeepers too, whether they worked or not.

Another example of this model is in one of my colleagues marriages. His wife works full time and they have daughters who are very active. He is the one busting his tail to work around his children's schedule to get them to and from school and their activities. He cooks dinner and grocery shops. He is a former officer in the armed services, in management at work, very athletic alpha male and he does all this for his family.

I'm almost done with the book. I'll probably bounce over to katarina khan if I can find it. But I'm pretty much sold on rori r and would recommend her to others as a good resource.

Excuse the typos on the iPhone.
 
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I have been perusing KP's website since yesterday and I think I've changed my mind. There was only one thing that I saw that I felt like I couldn't get from RR's program.

I finished Modern Siren and it was interesting. They covered everything from having your own life, to voice inflections when meeting men (or anyone really) to how to handle first dates/circular dating. I think it was @SurferBabe who asked if it was solely focused on self and I can give a better answer now. The answer is yes and no. I swear that is a better answer. :laugh: The program is about attracting men but it isn't really about what you have to do (or not do) to hook him or make him/them notice you. It's about being your natural feminine self and getting in touch with that. Enough to relax enough where men will just come. It focuses on you in the sense that you get more mindful of you and your femininity when in contact with them. I really liked it and I think it's something that any woman can keep coming back to if she feels nervous, anxious or unsure. About herself. About anything. I have a few favorite parts. The part about pleasuring yourself was a good one, the part where the girl asked how often do you tell yourself you're awesome was really nice and I liked all of the Siren statements used basically telling you that everything begins and ends with you.

I'll be rewatching but for now on to Toxic Men. Even though I'm going kind of fast I don't feel like I'm blowing through them at all. Things are sinking in and even in this week on Modern Siren I've behaved in a way where the men at work are taking notice. I'm not interested in any of them but like Rori said they're just practice.
 
Modern Siren's message of absolute confidence in yourself and emotional stability reminds me of Men Don't Love Women Like You. So if you didn't receive that book well, try this program. Listen, read, watch whatever you need to - to get this message. There would be no relationship forum if every women understood the power of true self confidence and how important it is to keep it.
 
I did a section of Toxic Men and then wrote in my journal and it was weird. There's the part about "your stranger" and naming her. Why was the first name that came to mind for mine a man's name. And I'm not talking unisex like Tracey or Stacey or Erin or something like that. I'm talking a full out purely identifiable man's name. Lol im not sure what that means as obviously my stranger is a woman. But it was therapeutic. I'm thinking after I finish I'll go back and do Modern Siren again since I probably won't be ready for Target Mr. Right just yet.
 
I finished modern siren and I'm half way through commitment blueprint. I plan to go through all of her material. Some for personal use, some as research. I'm listening to one session a day and doing the workbook. I never realized how out of touch I am with my emotions. I am seeing now how there have definitely been times I let my emotions take me off my bridge.
 
Doing Heart Connection now. I like the "switch the flow." Visualizing receiving while doing nothing really made me feel a little anxious. My heart rate started to increase LOL. I'm going to star that exercise because clearly there's something there that I need to work through :yep:
 
Would anyone feel comfortable sharing a few feeling messages that don't sound weird? I just can't imagine leading with "I'm feeling..." to a question that doesn't really seem to require it?
 
@Belle Du Jour Rori did some feeling messages in Modern Siren I think when she role played with a woman on the phone with a prospective date. When she asked where would you like to meet and the woman said "I think this place would be..." Rori balked and was like NEVER say I think. :lachen:I cracked up laughing but I couldn't understand how to work feeling messages into something as simple as that. And then the woman switched it to "Downtown feels good" or something like that and it did sound better.

So what kind of questions are you thinking of that would make you feel silly using a feeling message? Let's see if we can come up with ways to work them in because I'm working on this myself and I tell you I feel weird but men respond. It is the oddest thing.
 
KammyGirl said:
@Belle Du Jour Rori did some feeling messages in Modern Siren I think when she role played with a woman on the phone with a prospective date. When she asked where would you like to meet and the woman said "I think this place would be..." Rori balked and was like NEVER say I think. :lachen:I cracked up laughing but I couldn't understand how to work feeling messages into something as simple as that. And then the woman switched it to "Downtown feels good" or something like that and it did sound better.

So what kind of questions are you thinking of that would make you feel silly using a feeling message? Let's see if we can come up with ways to work them in because I'm working on this myself and I tell you I feel weird but men respond. It is the oddest thing.
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Ok THAT response "Such and such feels good" is a nice way to phrase something. I think she gave an example where a grocery teller asked if she found everything okay and she launched into "I felt overwhelmed by all the cucumbers" or something like that. It just sounded odd. But I know she wants a person to come up with answers that make sense to her. :yep: I really like the way "XYZ feels good" is phrased. I'm going to really try to practice this language on random men everywhere. :giggle: When you say men respond, how so? What have you noticed?
 
Belle Du Jour said:
Ok THAT response "Such and such feels good" is a nice way to phrase something. I think she gave an example where a grocery teller asked if she found everything okay and she launched into "I felt overwhelmed by all the cucumbers" or something like that. It just sounded odd. But I know she wants a person to come up with answers that make sense to her. :yep: I really like the way "XYZ feels good" is phrased. I'm going to really try to practice this language on random men everywhere. :giggle: When you say men respond, how so? What have you noticed?
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Oh yeah that was funny. I could have come up with something better than that. You know how when you go up to the cashier and they ask you something and you want to complain or you want to say something but you just don't bother. I'd use that time to practice. I did it in Target the other day and the cashier said "how you doing did you find everything ok?" and they almost never ask me that in target. I took it as a sign. lol And I said "I'm good. I felt so lost in the hair section though" and before I could even continue old boy was like what were you looking for I can find it for you. But it wasn't just a helpful sales associate kind of thing. I'm so serious he was about ready to close the register to walk me back to the hair section. It was such a strange interaction. I was looking around like :look: ok dude it's not that serious just chill.
 
KammyGirl said:
Oh yeah that was funny. I could have come up with something better than that. You know how when you go up to the cashier and they ask you something and you want to complain or you want to say something but you just don't bother. I'd use that time to practice. I did it in Target the other day and the cashier said "how you doing did you find everything ok?" and they almost never ask me that in target. I took it as a sign. lol And I said "I'm good. I felt so lost in the hair section though" and before I could even continue old boy was like what were you looking for I can find it for you. But it wasn't just a helpful sales associate kind of thing. I'm so serious he was about ready to close the register to walk me back to the hair section. It was such a strange interaction. I was looking around like :look: ok dude it's not that serious just chill.
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Oh wow! Very interesting. :yep: Well, we know men are wired to provide and for them when something is needed, it's a critical and urgent need. For women, we can "need" 10 things but not really all at the same time. So he probably thought you really needed that hair care item LOL. That's a great example. I'm going to look at the workbook now and see what I can come up with. :yep:
 
I started listening to modern siren today. That combined with Alison Armstrong and Katarina Phang made me realize that I really am the problem in my relationships. I don't let men lead. I need to allow myself to receive. I'm not used to it. I have no problem attracting masculine men and getting dates. The problem is I get scared when a man gets close to me. I realize that when I'm afraid I become more masculine by trying to do more and control everything. Lord forbid he doesn't give in to me and do what I want (no alpha man ever does) then that means he never cared about me and was only after sex! No man is gonna say: "I'm acting like this as a reaction to you and your behavior." I'm learning though.
 
Belle Du Jour said:
Would anyone feel comfortable sharing a few feeling messages that don't sound weird? I just can't imagine leading with "I'm feeling..." to a question that doesn't really seem to require it?
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Two recent examples:

1. I was in Trader Joe's and one of the male employees asked me if I found what I needed. I told him that I was sad (I didn't use the word feel, I just stated the feeling) that I couldn't find a specific reuseable bag that I wanted to purchase. He walked me over to the display, apologized and asked if I wanted him to go look in the back. I said yes and he came back with a handful. He gave me one and then I asked for another because I wanted to buy another. He gave me the other for free also and was happy to do so.

2. I went to a restaurant and the manager came over and asked how every thing was. I said, "My only regret was that I didn't order large cheese fries instead of a medium because they were so delicious." He offered to bring me a medium at no charge. I told him that it would make me so happy (with a big smile on my face). I then said, the only thing that would make me happier, would be a winning lottery ticket.:look: He laughed and said that he couldn't help with the ticket, but he would get me some fries. He seemed so happy when we got our fries.

This really works. You don't have to necessarily use, "I feel", just figure out how to naturally state your feelings.
 
Those affirmations!


I listened to this the other day and was a little apprehensive but I going to listen again. I think it has some value to knock out negativity. I don't aim to overshare but man, I listened to "Gravity" a billion times today. That and reconciliation where Fr. told me something to do like, a spiritual exercise, is working on me in ways I had not thought was the case. I'm kinda beside myself today. Learning to let go. Feels like therapy.

One thing...about letting men lead...I haven't read the material you all have but I'm apprehensive about that because you have to make sure the one you are allowing to lead is the right person before you get all wound up. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a strong woman who knows her boundaries. What's the gist/difference in the technique of male leadership in this thread?
 
kanozas said:
Those affirmations!


I listened to this the other day and was a little apprehensive but I going to listen again. I think it has some value to knock out negativity. I don't aim to overshare but man, I listened to "Gravity" a billion times today. That and reconciliation where Fr. told me something to do like, a spiritual exercise, is working on me in ways I had not thought was the case. I'm kinda beside myself today. Learning to let go. Feels like therapy.

One thing...about letting men lead...I haven't read the material you all have but I'm apprehensive about that because you have to make sure the one you are allowing to lead is the right person before you get all wound up. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a strong woman who knows her boundaries. What's the gist/difference in the technique of male leadership in this thread?
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Regarding letting a man lead in commitment blueprint she goes into the differences on toxic men, clueless men and good men and how to determine which is which. She also has a whole program on toxic men but I haven't listened to it yet. But basically leaning back let's you know where they stand on that spectrum and sometimes you need to turn around after leaning back to get that toxic man out of your life asap. I liked it. Becuase some women really need to keep it 100 up front that the man they are dealing with or trying to work through the material for is a toxic guy and he ain't worth it.

So far, even in commitment blueprint her teachings aren't about how to make a guy do anything. It's about you and how men react to you. She spends about 85% of her advice on emotional or mental states and 10% on you being in your body and like 5% on the outer shell keeping yourself nice type of stuff.
 
ArrrBeee said:
Two recent examples:

1. I was in Trader Joe's and one of the male employees asked me if I found what I needed. I told him that I was sad (I didn't use the word feel, I just stated the feeling) that I couldn't find a specific reuseable bag that I wanted to purchase. He walked me over to the display, apologized and asked if I wanted him to go look in the back. I said yes and he came back with a handful. He gave me one and then I asked for another because I wanted to buy another. He gave me the other for free also and was happy to do so.

2. I went to a restaurant and the manager came over and asked how every thing was. I said, "My only regret was that I didn't order large cheese fries instead of a medium because they were so delicious." He offered to bring me a medium at no charge. I told him that it would make me so happy (with a big smile on my face). I then said, the only thing that would make me happier, would be a winning lottery ticket.:look: He laughed and said that he couldn't help with the ticket, but he would get me some fries. He seemed so happy when we got our fries.

This really works. You don't have to necessarily use, "I feel", just figure out how to naturally state your feelings.
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Excellent. Thank you!
 
So I will say in some strange way, saying what I feel in a particular moment and stating what I don't want makes me feel more genuine to myself and is less work for me mentally and physically. If something's not ok, it's ok to say just that and if something is better than ok, it feels nice to say that too. It's the opposite of "be cool"

Also, leaning back is fun to practice, especially on strange men. With my man, it is so hard for me to receive. I went on a Target spree and he paid for it and while we were checking out I had to take deep breaths to calm myself so I could just accept the gift and not at least make a symbolic offer to pay.
 
Kimbosheart said:
So I will say in some strange way, saying what I feel in a particular moment and stating what I don't want makes me feel more genuine to myself and is less work for me mentally and physically. If something's not ok, it's ok to say just that and if something is better than ok, it feels nice to say that too. It's the opposite of "be cool"
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Same here. I've been honest with my friends and family about what I'm really feeling in any given moment. They love it! They usually ask me for more details about my feelings so they can understand where I'm coming from better. Sometimes I make them laugh with some of the things I say. Turns out I'm totally normal. Who knew? :lol: It feels weird but good! I'm being authentic. I'm being myself and I'm loved even more for it. I gave up on being cool after reading: "Daring greatly" and "Gifts of imperfection" by Brene Brown years ago. Excellent books!
 
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