SpiritJunkie
Well-Known Member
Did you get the book from her website with the videos? If so, did it help in clarifying your thoughts on a few things?
The Queen's Code By Alison Armstrong Bookclub
- Thread starter caribeandiva
- Start date
Did you get the book from her website with the videos? If so, did it help in clarifying your thoughts on a few things?
BK Bombshell
Well-Known Member
Like what? Just curious. You can PM me if you want.
Ivonnovi
Well-Known Member
I just finished ch2. I can seeseveral aspects of my life & relationships w the tactics taught & discussed will be useful. I find myself stuck in "Melissa" mode, especially where family is concerned.
ETA: I dont plan to join the GoodReads site, does anyone else want to continue their discussions here? There was a chapter schedule posted upthread that I'm following.
ETA: I dont plan to join the GoodReads site, does anyone else want to continue their discussions here? There was a chapter schedule posted upthread that I'm following.
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
I would like to discuss on here as well @Ivonnovi. I am enjoying the goodreads group. It is a more intimate setting but I think it will be helpful for others to read our thoughts here. And will help us work through the teachings. I just won't be quite as open as I am on the private group but I think that is okay.
almond eyes
Well-Known Member
Hello. I got the book on amazon kindle.
I have checked out her videos. I may need to go over them again.
Best,
Almond Eyes
caribeandiva
Human being
Feel free to discuss here instead. It's whatever works for you.
SpiritJunkie
Well-Known Member
Ok..I buying Queen Code from Alison's website tonight and I joined Goodread as SweetG. can I please join the group? I look forward to sharing my thoughts with you and hopefully getting some insight from all of you. These recommendations couldn't come at a better time. my heart is so filled with gratitude for finding this & the feminine thread when i did. hugs to you all. (i also bought Getting to I do and Keys to the kingdom so when ever that club starts up, i'm in)
almond eyes
Well-Known Member
Feel free to discuss here instead. It's whatever works for you.
So not as to spoil for others can we agree to start discussing from when? Or say spoiler alert don't read further.
Best,
Almond Eyes
Ivonnovi
Well-Known Member
@almond eyes Thanks & good point
Below is the original recommended reading schedule. From the comments just this week, it seems a great percentage of us are 2 weeks ahead. I have no real fear of spoilers because IMHO they give me insight into the perspective and reflections of my LHCF sisters [with whom I have more in common with]; afterall it was you all that led me to the book. AND I THANK YOU ALL!
Below is the original recommended reading schedule. From the comments just this week, it seems a great percentage of us are 2 weeks ahead. I have no real fear of spoilers because IMHO they give me insight into the perspective and reflections of my LHCF sisters [with whom I have more in common with]; afterall it was you all that led me to the book. AND I THANK YOU ALL!
Alright ladies there's 8 chapters. If we do 1 every 2 weeks we'll be done in 16 weeks which is pretty good. So here's the schedule so far:
Sep. 25 - Oct. 10: Chapter 1
Oct. 11 - Oct. 24: Chapter 2
Oct. 25 - Nov. 7: Chapter 3
Nov. 8 - Nov. 21: Chapter 4
Nov. 22 - Dec. 5: Chapter 5
Dec. 6 - Dec. 19: Chapter 6
Dec. 20 - Jan. 2: Holiday Break
Jan. 3 - Jan. 16: Chapter 7
Jan. 17 - Jan. 31: Chapter 8
Update your thoughts, insights, aha moments as you go. Also do the exercises that the characters are assigned.
Kimbosheart
Well-Known Member
Ok ladies, sorry I have been out of it in terms of updating on info for the call-in. I'll update the thread on goodreads. Since we have all pretty much read the book let's start next sunday for the calls discussing chapters 1 &2. If that's ok..post in the call-in thread on goodreads. It's been pretty unclear exactly what the consensus is due to the 2 bookclub threads (here and goodreads).
For all the new ladies, welcome. I'm glad you've found the book and the ladies on this thread.
For all the new ladies, welcome. I'm glad you've found the book and the ladies on this thread.
caribeandiva
Human being
I agree. Use spoiler alert or the spoiler button. I'm hoping we can start the live discussions this Sunday to get the ball rolling on this thing. I am in charge of the "post as you go" discussions so don't hold back if you want to.
caribeandiva
Human being
I think the first 2 chapters is good for the first call in.
i think you have to read this book from the queens code site..the video's after each chapter are great--this book is best experienced straight from the site--Im glad i didn't buy the hardcopy...once you hear allisons voice you can kinda get in jest with the way the characters are presented and etc
very valuable tools..hero language and not punishing
my main issue was punishing dh if he did something i didn't like like really didn't like...so instead of punishing him I'm doing the total opposite and checking my sensitive ass on the whatever it is that i dont like...and coming to terms with that and moving on...dh is really good to me...and i have to focus on the good because there is way more good than bad with him..the small nuances that peeve me off dont require the silent treatment which in turn prolongs our positive environment together..no more silent treatment.....its childish and not necessary if your dealing with someone who is in fact cherishing and appreciating you...and loving you...in turn i dont allow him to go silent either...i am super sugary and nicely ( putting my sword down) loll nudging him to open up and talk about wtf I'm doing that has caused his silence..lmaooooo
its a process but the punishing thing was a major thing for me...i didn't really see it as punishing but its a way to re-exert my power and i dont need to re-exert my power with my dh as we are on the same team and he protects me so why am i tryna get back power with a man i share the same damn last name with....i meed to reevaluate why I'm being childish and resorting to that kind of solution to address an issue we are having...
exhale....lololol
very valuable tools..hero language and not punishing
my main issue was punishing dh if he did something i didn't like like really didn't like...so instead of punishing him I'm doing the total opposite and checking my sensitive ass on the whatever it is that i dont like...and coming to terms with that and moving on...dh is really good to me...and i have to focus on the good because there is way more good than bad with him..the small nuances that peeve me off dont require the silent treatment which in turn prolongs our positive environment together..no more silent treatment.....its childish and not necessary if your dealing with someone who is in fact cherishing and appreciating you...and loving you...in turn i dont allow him to go silent either...i am super sugary and nicely ( putting my sword down) loll nudging him to open up and talk about wtf I'm doing that has caused his silence..lmaooooo
its a process but the punishing thing was a major thing for me...i didn't really see it as punishing but its a way to re-exert my power and i dont need to re-exert my power with my dh as we are on the same team and he protects me so why am i tryna get back power with a man i share the same damn last name with....i meed to reevaluate why I'm being childish and resorting to that kind of solution to address an issue we are having...
exhale....lololol
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GeorginaSparks
Well-Known Member
i purchased on amazon weeks ago and it seems like i really need to read it.
SpiritJunkie
Well-Known Member
i want to be a better wife and partner to dh and i want to make sure I'm doin my part to keep the environment positive and our equilibrium in a good space...lawwwddd this is a process but i am very proud of myself 
we had a great wknd this wknd and had i silent treatment him it would've been a bad wknd....over some foolishness and the foolishness wouldve been me not accepting that I'm the one taking something personal that is not that damn serious...lol dh protects me and cherishes me and no reason for me to be acting like that...on a team if you dont communicate to your team mate you cant accomplish the goal...doing the silent treatment is leading the team blind and the end result will not be good.
so yeah im checking myself more and doing the exact opposite of what i would do in my lil sensitive, my feelings are hurt stage..if my feelings are hurt and they are serious cool but half the stuff i silent treatment over are just me being extra...
we had a great wknd this wknd and had i silent treatment him it would've been a bad wknd....over some foolishness and the foolishness wouldve been me not accepting that I'm the one taking something personal that is not that damn serious...lol dh protects me and cherishes me and no reason for me to be acting like that...on a team if you dont communicate to your team mate you cant accomplish the goal...doing the silent treatment is leading the team blind and the end result will not be good.
so yeah im checking myself more and doing the exact opposite of what i would do in my lil sensitive, my feelings are hurt stage..if my feelings are hurt and they are serious cool but half the stuff i silent treatment over are just me being extra...
So glad to read all the good results here at LHCF and at GoodReads.
I'm wondering: Do you think the skills in this book only work if the man does not have serious issues? In other words, does this book assume that the man involved is responsible and healthy?
I'm wondering: Do you think the skills in this book only work if the man does not have serious issues? In other words, does this book assume that the man involved is responsible and healthy?
Kimbosheart
Well-Known Member
I've posted the call-in info on Goodreads.
This is just a start. We can tweak this format as we go along and I am always open to suggestions. Thank you
This is just a start. We can tweak this format as we go along and I am always open to suggestions. Thank you
Kimbosheart
Well-Known Member
@mysblossom yes. I do think that this info is only if you have a relatively healthy and good man. There are unstable men and women and people who have been so traumatized in life that I don't think this information is necessarily meant for- in terms of taking on this task to repair your relationships.
In some of her other writings/recordings she talks about not having certain people around her for various reasons. And I like that tact she is taking regarding that. Just as I stopped using the B word or calling women out their names and gossiping because I just didn't want to be a part of tearing any woman down, I won't disparage or emasculate any man from now on. I can just choose not to engage or let them near me if I find them distasteful.
In some of her other writings/recordings she talks about not having certain people around her for various reasons. And I like that tact she is taking regarding that. Just as I stopped using the B word or calling women out their names and gossiping because I just didn't want to be a part of tearing any woman down, I won't disparage or emasculate any man from now on. I can just choose not to engage or let them near me if I find them distasteful.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
@mysblossom I agree with @Kimbosheart . The results are fast and beautiful for a relationship with a good and healthy man who genuinely cares about you. The info will be helpful to the woman regardless though because it is so healing. If you are able to do everything she says and the man is still completely resistant or shut down, I think the teachings will make it easier for a woman to move on.
Also, she offers more in depth help as well, such as the upcoming course starting at the end of October, workshops, and even one on one coaching/counseling. I imagine some people may need deeper help. In one of her videos she also noted that many of the people who follow her had already been on a self-help journey and/or done some therapy etc. for some time before reading her books.
The books and her teachings help with being happier and having better relationships with everyone -- men, women, children, parents, co-workers, etc.
. The results are fast and beautiful for a relationship with a good and healthy man who genuinely cares about you. The info will be helpful to the woman regardless though because it is so healing. If you are able to do everything she says and the man is still completely resistant or shut down, I think the teachings will make it easier for a woman to move on.Also, she offers more in depth help as well, such as the upcoming course starting at the end of October, workshops, and even one on one coaching/counseling. I imagine some people may need deeper help. In one of her videos she also noted that many of the people who follow her had already been on a self-help journey and/or done some therapy etc. for some time before reading her books.
The books and her teachings help with being happier and having better relationships with everyone -- men, women, children, parents, co-workers, etc.
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Kimbosheart
Well-Known Member
I feel like I'm not exaggerating when I say that these books have helped me become a carefree black girl again. My mind seems clearer and I can have a well calibrated reaction in my day to day life rather than carrying around resentment and fear.
I'm realizing that so much of what was causing me to frog farm in my relationship was also holding me back in other areas of my life.
I'm realizing that so much of what was causing me to frog farm in my relationship was also holding me back in other areas of my life.
almond eyes
Well-Known Member
Yep co signing the language in this book only works with healthy men or men trying to become healthy.
If you have a seriously damaged man, all the hero talk and making a deal will be a waste of precious time and energy.
Best,
Almond Eyes
If you have a seriously damaged man, all the hero talk and making a deal will be a waste of precious time and energy.
Best,
Almond Eyes
Ivonnovi
Well-Known Member
That is an interesting question.
I'm on chapter 3.2 (barely in chapter 3) and here is my take:
In regards to those of us who have had [early] trauma and/or are forever on guard to ensure that we don't get got no mo', we wind up battling with the 97% of folks [men] while trying to protect ourselves from the 3% that actually mean us harm. With that said we've effectively turned innocent people into combatants; have you ever heard the saying that if the only tool you have is a Hammer the whole world looks like a Nail?
If the man in the relationship is unhealthy, and you are reading the QC then perhaps your change in tactic will in turn lead him to change his tactics and perspective too; think of it as Taming the Shrew (ETA: except this time the HE is the Shrew).
If the man in the relationship is unhealthy, and you are reading the QC then perhaps your change in tactic will in turn lead him to change his tactics and perspective too; think of it as Taming the Shrew (ETA: except this time the HE is the Shrew).
The bolded struck a nerve with me because that is so me; in work and in relationships. AA talks about being willing to put your sword down; the chacters must be willing to do this B4 learning the tools to avoid /rid themselves of Tools, pun intended.
As a dedicated Frog Farmer (FF), I can now see how/why there is no way a "frog" will take a chance on transforming into a Prince; given my FF'n ways. And as a dedicated FF I'm not recognizing nor attracting many Prince qualities.
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
Her videos available to everyone on the website, connected to the ebook, and elsewhere are so good. She is funny! Makes you laugh at yourself, our men, and all of the foolish situations. It feels great to laugh at stuff that you've fretted or worried about in the past.
Thanks to everybody for the replies here at LHCF and at GoodReads.
All of that is very encouraging and made me smile.
I've decided to continue reading the book but cut down on my posting: I feel very welcomed to post, but I feel my issues are slightly different and I don't want to clutter up the LHCF and GoodReads boards with my "side issues."
I'll keep reading the boards.
Many blessings, ladies!
Kimbosheart
Well-Known Member
Nope not fair. You never know who you're helping. And they aren't side issues they are very very relevant to what we are all reading and experiencing
michelle81
Well-Known Member
How do I find/join the discussion on Goodreads?
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