The Importance of Marriage Preparation: QUESTIONS!!


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There are quite a few shows on television where marriages take place on the very day of the proposal. Some of these couples have been dating for years. But is it wise even for these to enter marriage without premarital counseling? What about for christians?

Preparing for Marriage: Help for Christian Couples
is a new ebook from Desiring God aimed at aiding couples – whether dating and considering marriage, or engaged and preparing for marriage – to get to know each other better in some of life’s most significant matters, and be more fit to discern God’s leading for their lives.
Along with the questions contained in this blog post, we've packaged three additional resources from John Piper in hopes of enriching such important preparation.
In each of these sections one item could be added that I have not listed, namely, How do you handle and live with differences? How do you decide what can remain differences without jeopardizing the relationship? So as you deal with each subheading, include that in the discussion.

  • What do you believe about...everything?
  • Perhaps read through the Desiring God Affirmation of Faith to see where each other is on various biblical doctrines.
  • Discover how you form your views. What is the reasoning-believing process? How do you handle the Bible?
Worship and Devotion

  • How important is corporate worship? Other participation in church life?
  • How important is it to be part of a small accountability/support group?
  • What is the importance of music in life and worship?
  • What are your daily personal devotional practices? Prayer, reading, meditation, memorization.
  • What would our family devotions look like? Who leads out in this?
  • Are we doing this now in an appropriate way: praying together about our lives and future, reading the Bible together?
Husband and Wife

  • What is the meaning of headship and submission in the Bible and in our marriage?
  • What are expectations about situations where one of you might be alone with someone of the opposite sex?
  • How are tasks shared in the home: cleaning, cooking, washing dishes, yard work, car upkeep, repairs, shopping for food, and household stuff?
  • What are the expectations for togetherness?
  • What is an ideal non-special evening?
  • How do you understand who and how often sex is initiated?
  • Who does the checkbook—or are there two?

  • If and when, should we have children? Why?
  • How many?
  • How far apart?
  • Would we consider adoption?
  • What are the standards of behavior?
  • What are the appropriate ways to discipline them? How many strikes before they’re...whatever?
  • What are the expectations of time spent with them and when they go to bed?
  • What signs of affection will you show them?
  • What about school? Home school? Christian school? Public school?

  • Own a home or not? Why?
  • What kind of neighborhood? Why?
  • How many cars? New? Used?
  • View of money in general. How much to the church?
  • How do you make money decisions?
  • Where will you buy clothes: Department store? Thrift store? In between? Why?

  • How much money should we spend on entertainment?
  • How often should we eat out? Where?
  • What kind of vacations are appropriate and helpful for us?
  • How many toys? Snowmobile, boat, cabin?
  • Should we have a television? Where? What is fitting to watch? How much?
  • What are the criteria for movies and theater? What will our guidelines be for the kids?

  • What makes you angry?
  • How do you handle your frustration or anger?
  • Who should bring up an issue that is bothersome?
  • What if we disagree both about what should be done, and whether it is serious?
  • Will we go to bed angry at each other?
  • What is our view of getting help from friends or counselors?

  • Who is the main breadwinner?
  • Should the wife work outside the home? Before kids? With kids at home? After kids?
  • What are your views of daycare for children?
  • What determines where you will locate? Job? Whose job? Church? Family?

  • Is it good to do things with friends but without spouse?
  • What will you do if one of you really likes to hang out with so and so and the other doesn’t?
Health and Sickness

  • Do you have, or have you had any, sicknesses or physical problems that could affect our relationship? (Allergies, cancer, eating disorders, venereal disease, etc.)
  • Do you believe in divine healing and how would prayer relate to medical attention?
  • How do you think about exercise and healthy eating?
  • Do you have any habits that adversely affect health?
Previously posted as "Topics for Conversation When a Man and a Woman Are Considering Marriage."
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Surprise proposal/weddings same-day seem romantic but for christians, they are rash and unwise. If they had even been living a christian life while in the relationship and had never been intimate, outright marrying someone will not give you a medical background for that person. What about dating for years and never hearing from one partner, "I love you?" The adage of not rushing into marriage is important.

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Christians should take their cues from their faith on how to marry, not television looking for ratings. When that crosses over into daily life and people begin imitating that, something is definitely lost in the translation of what the bible tells us is good and honorable, wise and protected.
Belle Du Jour

I think of the Marriage Act. Honestly, I don't care which gay person marries another. It's not a valid marriage and doesn't affect me. However, I think about all the posts here that are sounding the alarm of the attacks. It just hit me that those t.v. shows, imho, are from the pit of hell. Marriage is certainly under attack and it's far more involved than preserving the definition between man and woman. It's made such folly and people are imitating what they see in fantasy-land television. SMH.
Exactly :yep: This is why some marriages in effect never took place because they were entered into fraudulently. God knows when a valid, sacrament took place.

Lady Belle, thank you for sharing this:

"God knows when a valid 'Sacrament' took place."

Marriage is indeed a 'Sacrament'... a Holy Communion, made between a husband and wife unto God.

The consummation of their marriage, coming together as 'One', sexually is a Holy Union that seals the Marriage. For God said that the 'Two' shall become 'One'. Adam said of Eve, "This is here now, "Bone of my bone, Flesh of my flesh". All of which means that the sexual love between a Man and a Woman, Married is 'Sacred' unto God and the Husband and Wife.

If more people took this Truth to heart, there would be fewer divorces, fewer acts of adultery, and I just gonna' say it, fewer acts of homosexuality.
EXCELLENT resource! So many marriages are in trouble from the onset because they have not considered the everyday practical matters that extend well beyond the superficial.
And even in those questions there needs to be two columns...your ideal and then your reality. Its easy to say the right things but is this a reality for your life or just something that sounds right/nice that you'd like to do...maybe?

example: You may agree that 10% tithe is what yall should do...but are you doing that now? Becuase if you're not then it may cause difficulties lining up the principle with your reality. Or it may sound nice to say "my wife doesn't have to work when we have kids" but is your paycheck able to make that a reality...right now? If not...whats the plan?