THE CASE OF THE "FRIEND"

[Mandy4610]

I posted this in the hair forum as well because it is partly to do with hair.


Ok, this is gonna sound really strange and you guys need to hear me out.

I really need to get my hair cornrowed. I had a stylist that was gonna do it for me, but she never got back to me and did not return my calls.

So, today I was talking to DH about this, he mentions that his female "kind of friend" does cornrows.

Well, here is the weird problematic part.....DH and this so called "kind of friend" used to hang out a long long time ago and a couple of times "THINGS" happened back in the day (Lawd, my heart is uncomfortable even as I type this)
I have always known about this and I have met this woman...It was a long time ago I told myself and it was two friends and things happened, it was way way before me.

Now I have met her and everything....but then DH tells me that this woman had tried to throw herself on him when she found out that he had met me........ CAN SOMEONE SAY PIIIIIIIVVVVEEEDDDD OFF!

Would you get your hair done by such a woman?
Am I absolutely crazy to feel like I do not want her hands up in my hair?

I was fine with knowing things happened way back and I met her because she is the only living "friend" DH has and I know from DH's part he will not speak to her unless I am around.
Heck she did my hair for me once before....but now that I know she tried to get with my man after she found out he had met me, I am uncomfortable to let her do my hair.

If I am being weird please tell me. I know it is a long time ago, but I can't understand this kind of woman.



In case anyone is wondering why DH and I still even speak to this woman, it is because when she used to hang out with DH 10yrs ago, she got herself preggo by some dude and when the baby was born DH, his friends and his family did a lot for the baby because this woman used to leave the baby with them while she partied, so DH has always had a good relationship with this woman's daughter( NO DH is not the father) DH and I still help her daughter out when she can't do it because she is out partying and sleeping around.

I NEEDED THAT VENTING...

Is it weird for me to continue to have anything to do with this woman and her daughter? Because I do feel weird. I know DH will cut all ties as soon as I say the word.

ETA: She has her own man now.

 

[hopeful]

If it were me I would cut all ties. Plenty people grow their hair out just fine without wearing cornrows. Your hair seems to be flourishing. As a wife sometimes you just get this funny feeling about certain women. I know you like being able to help out with the little girl though. Perhaps you can find a babysitter that you can pay to watch her when she is out doing who knows what? IDK it's a pretty strange situation to be in.

 

[Mandy4610]

If it were me I would cut all ties. Plenty people grow their hair out just fine without wearing cornrows. Your hair seems to be flourishing. As a wife sometimes you just get this funny feeling about certain women. I know you like being able to help out with the little girl though. Perhaps you can find a babysitter that you can pay to watch her when she is out doing who knows what? IDK it's a pretty strange situation to be in.

Thanks hopeful...the girl is all grown now and she has gone to another country where her father is.
So there really is no reason to have ties with her, except that she is the only "friend" from DH's past, but DH is ok to cut ties as long as I say so.

Is it unfair to ask him to do this considering she is the only "friend" from years back?

 

[discobiscuits]

I edited this after I saw the OP's other post.


I think I read somewhere that if u have to ask the question u already know the answer.

Sooo... No u r not crazy for the way u feel. I would not have let her do my hair even b4 the secret past was revealed but that is just me. With the new info not only would I not let her touch me. I'd cut her off if dh was ok w/ it.

 

[Tarae]

Does your DH know how you feel? I would talk to him about it. I don't think it's unfair to ask since it makes you uncomfortable, and since he'd be willing to drop them for you, but I'd really talk to him about it before just cutting them off.

This is such a weird situation. And no, that woman would not get anywhere near my hair.

 

[hopeful]

Thanks hopeful...the girl is all grown now and she has gone to another country where her father is.
So there really is no reason to have ties with her, except that she is the only "friend" from DH's past, but DH is ok to cut ties as long as I say so.

Is it unfair to ask him to do this considering she is the only "friend" from years back?

Does your dh want to continue the friendship? I wonder if he gave you that tidbit so that you would tell him to cut her off? I guess you need to find out how important it is for him to remain friends with her. Did she she try to get with him after he met you or after she knew you guys were together?

Really don't know why I'm asking all of these questions, if it were me I'd say cut the off and keep it moving. It's obvious that you feel uncomfortable but you want to be nice. This is not some upstanding guy friend who is married. This is a woman with questionable ethics and morals and she has made out with your man in the past and just four years ago tried to get at him. One of those things where either way you are going to feel bad. But once she's out of you guys life you will feel better over time I believe.

 

[Mandy4610]

Thanks Ladies, just wanted to add that she has a stable man now.

 

[Mandy4610]

Does your dh want to continue the friendship? I wonder if he gave you that tidbit so that you would tell him to cut her off? I guess you need to find out how important it is for him to remain friends with her. Did she she try to get with him after he met you or after she knew you guys were together?

Really don't know why I'm asking all of these questions, if it were me I'd say cut the off and keep it moving. It's obvious that you feel uncomfortable but you want to be nice. This is not some upstanding guy friend who is married. This is a woman with questionable ethics and morals and she has made out with your man in the past and just four years ago tried to get at him. One of those things where either way you are going to feel bad. But once she's out of you guys life you will feel better over time I believe.

DH does not care for the friendship. If said forget the friendship right now, he would. When the girl was around I did not feel comfortable to cut her off because she was such a good girl that was headed in the wrong direction if we did not help her. Now I see no reason to keep this woman in our life, except that I feel bad because all of DH's friends have either moved on with other things and other places or have past away.
DH could not care less about this woman, now that her daughter is safe with her father.

See the thing is this woman tries to be very very nice to me....WHY????? IS it genuine???? Guilt???? WHAT??????

Gosh yall can see that I am just being crazy up in here

 

[discobiscuits]

LOL @ u keep adding tidbits of info.

Seems like u have questions. If u want answers ask them and b ready 4 the answers whatever they may be.
I repeat. If it were I, she would be cut off. I would not care what her motives for bening "nice" to me are. If my dh said it was ok & he did not care, then I would not want a woman who did "things" with him around esp is she tried to get w him after he was with me. Not b/c of insecurity but b/c (as u've indicated) she's disrespectful & untrustworthy.

I'm not a psych, but my layman mind thinks u want more info about their past. Ask what u wanna know. Ask her why she's behaving like that.

Me: I'd cut & not look back.

 

[Mandy4610]

LOL @ u keep adding tidbits of info.

Seems like u have questions. If u want answers ask them and b ready 4 the answers whatever they may be.
I repeat. If it were I, she would be cut off. I would not care what her motives for bening "nice" to me are. If my dh said it was ok & he did not care, then I would not want a woman who did "things" with him around esp is she tried to get w him after he was with me. Not b/c of insecurity but b/c (as u've indicated) she's disrespectful & untrustworthy.

I'm not a psych, but my layman mind thinks u want more info about their past. Ask what u wanna know. Ask her why she's behaving like that.

Me: I'd cut & not look back.

Girl I have asked for every detail of their past and Dh has not kept a thing from me. You can not even imagine how many I have asked DH about it. He has really been good about it. I think it is just time to cut ties and move right along.

 

[gabulldawg]

Waiting for someone to come in and call OP insecure...

Seriously, I would tell him to let her go. She isn't the only person in the world that does cornrows.

 

[Mandy4610]

Waiting for someone to come in and call OP insecure...

Seriously, I would tell him to let her go. She isn't the only person in the world that does cornrows.

Insecure?

I am confused please explain.

 

[inthepink]

In a simply word in answer to your question. No. I would find someone else.

 

[gabulldawg]

Insecure?

I am confused please explain.

Just a "joke." Around these parts it seems like if you have an issue with your man and another female people are quick to call you insecure.

I'm DEFINITELY not saying that this is the case. I'm actually against the use of that word, since most people tend to overuse it in cases where it actually doesn't apply.

 

[Mandy4610]

Just a "joke." Around these parts it seems like if you have an issue with your man and another female people are quick to call you insecure.

I'm DEFINITELY not saying that this is the case. I'm actually against the use of that word, since most people tend to overuse it in cases where it actually doesn't apply.

Ok...Thanks for the clarification. I certainly hope that this will not be taken out of context and be seen as insecurity.

Its not about my hair either, its about doing the right thing and feeling good about it all things considered.

Thanks again.

 

[SoniT]

DH does not care for the friendship. If said forget the friendship right now, he would. When the girl was around I did not feel comfortable to cut her off because she was such a good girl that was headed in the wrong direction if we did not help her. Now I see no reason to keep this woman in our life, except that I feel bad because all of DH's friends have either moved on with other things and other places or have past away.
DH could not care less about this woman, now that her daughter is safe with her father.

See the thing is this woman tries to be very very nice to me....WHY????? IS it genuine???? Guilt???? WHAT??????

Gosh yall can see that I am just being crazy up in here

I would cut her off. Your DH doesn't even care about the friendship so there's no need to worry about it. The little girl is all grown and DH doesn't care so I don't think you need to keep her in your life.

 

[Mandy4610]

Thanks Ladies.
I appreciate your responses. I know what I need to do. I have known for a long time.
sometimes I just need an objective voice.

Thanks

 

[Lylddlebit]

~~~~~~~~~Deleted~~~~~~~~~~

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Puh lease. You know the answer. You ain't krazy. That chick prolly got it out for you. Aight...Keep playing. You'll come in there for cornrows, and leave and end up with .5 inches of hair.

 

[caribeandiva]

I wouldn't let her near my hair.