Studies Show That Husbands Stress Women Twice As Much As Children

Leeda.the.Paladin

Well-Known Member
In a survey done by Today, which interviewed more than 7,000 moms from the United States, they found that on average, most moms would rate their stress levels at an 8.5 out of 10. According to the same study done by Today, almost half the mothers (46 percent) found that their husbands caused them more stress than their children did!

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The study found that most mothers became stressed and irritated when they don’t have enough time in the day to perform all the tasks that needed to be done. Moreover, 75 percent of the participants stated that they did most of the parenting and household duties in the family.

And finally, researchers in that Today survey found that 1 in every 5 mothers said that a major source of daily stress was a lack of help from their significant other.





According to the University of Padova, these stress levels actually play a role later in life within the marriages as well as in health and longevity. These researchers found that later in life when the wife passes away, the husband’s health tends to deteriorate while when a wife loses her husband she tends to become healthier and shows improvement in dealing with stress and depression.

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While the researchers at the University of Padova were unable to come up with a deciding factor as to why this was the case, they speculated that the cause was because male partners relied more heavily on their female partners than vice versa.

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An article done by Healthy Holistic Living revealed several tips that can bring partners closer together. If both spouses work full-time jobs, make sure there is a list of responsibilities that must be abided by. Simple congregation of duties such as splitting up who does what can relieve a lot of stress and get a lot more work done.

For instance, fathers can organize play dates, doctor appointments and deal with pick-up and drop off, while mothers can deal with homework duties and disciplining and reward. Nowdays with smartphones and tablets, couples can use a shared calendar app in order to keep one another accountable and up to date.

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I see this with my married friends. They end up being superwomen, by choice for many, but resent it later when the second child comes or when life is complicated by the husband starting a business (or any financial crisis) and more is required from the wife financially while she’s still doing the heavy lifting raising the family. She’s burdened by the stress while he’s comforted knowing she can handle it. One of my friends is contemplating divorce because of this.
 
I think a lot of women get themselves into a situation with a man who they do not trust to make husband decisions. Therein lies the rub, so they shoulder more and more of the home stuff, while resenting the fact that they do it, and the man is none the wiser. Level setting form the beginning and throughout and stop trying to micromanage men like toddlers.
 
How does one accomplish this? "I need you to be this type of friend" I feel a spin-off thread coming on...

Basically when I meet someone and we click. I go "if we are going to be friends, then you need to understand what is and what is not acceptable to me in a friendship." I then ask the same of them. Same thing when I meet a man and there may be something there. I don't care if it has relationship potential or a booty call situation, I let em know. No point wasting time and energy on someone who is not on the same page as myself.
 
I think a lot of women get themselves into a situation with a man who they do not trust to make husband decisions. Therein lies the rub, so they shoulder more and more of the home stuff, while resenting the fact that they do it, and the man is none the wiser. Level setting form the beginning and throughout and stop trying to micromanage men like toddlers.


Yup!! All of this.

You've got to trust your husband's decision making! It is imperative to you living with minimal stress.

If you don't, you must make quiet provisions.
 
According to the University of Padova, these stress levels actually play a role later in life within the marriages as well as in health and longevity. These researchers found that later in life when the wife passes away, the husband’s health tends to deteriorate while when a wife loses her husband she tends to become healthier and shows improvement in dealing with stress and depression.
thats why they get remarried so quickly
 
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Not in my house...nope. These kids are the ones who keep my wine on tap.
Right. If I drank it would be the kids that drove me to it lol. Not their fault, partly it's just them being kids and part of it is just wondering if they will be okay in the future.

I don't believe in being married to a source of great stress. no way.

eta: I see part of the problem is being expected to bring in income and manage the details of daily life. Nope. I don't care about making sure uniforms are clean and double checking field locations and all the daily blah blah because I don't have to do all that AND go to somebody's job every day.
 
So what is there to look forward to in marriage? It just sounds like the men and children benefit. I don't want to live that life. :confused: I have the habit of being super "insert role here" in everything I do, so I know I would be the one trying to be super mom. Why are men so useless? Uh! I'm wondering if female same sex marriages have the same problem.

I agree what the other posters have said we need to give these men more responsibilities. Our role as women and mothers have changed. We work now and contribute to the household income. We have fought for the same rights as men and have more influence in our society than we did years ago. We also have to take care of the family and household. Meanwhile the men's role hasn't changed. They are still operating as the "breadwinner" just working, coming home and contributing little to nothing to the family structure. Their role needs to expand just as ours has.
 
So what is there to look forward to in marriage? It just sounds like the men and children benefit. I don't want to live that life. :confused: I have the habit of being super "insert role here" in everything I do, so I know I would be the one trying to be super mom. Why are men so useless? Uh! I'm wondering if female same sex marriages have the same problem.

I agree what the other posters have said we need to give these men more responsibilities. Our role as women and mothers have changed. We work now and contribute to the household income. We have fought for the same rights as men and have more influence in our society than we did years ago. We also have to take care of the family and household. Meanwhile the men's role hasn't changed. They are still operating as the "breadwinner" just working, coming home and contributing little to nothing to the family structure. Their role needs to expand just as ours has.

The good news is if you marry a black man, you are more likely to have a partner who shares household/parenting responsibilities. I wonder how the findings in the op broke down by race...
 
So what is there to look forward to in marriage? It just sounds like the men and children benefit. I don't want to live that life. :confused: I have the habit of being super "insert role here" in everything I do, so I know I would be the one trying to be super mom. Why are men so useless? Uh! I'm wondering if female same sex marriages have the same problem.

I agree what the other posters have said we need to give these men more responsibilities. Our role as women and mothers have changed. We work now and contribute to the household income. We have fought for the same rights as men and have more influence in our society than we did years ago. We also have to take care of the family and household. Meanwhile the men's role hasn't changed. They are still operating as the "breadwinner" just working, coming home and contributing little to nothing to the family structure. Their role needs to expand just as ours has.

How you start is how you will finish so if you plan to work outside of the home make your expectations clear from the beginning.

Well I guess I'm in the minority - DH gets on my nerves but even with all of his imperfections, he is a cape-wearing super husband.

I thank God for him because I'm not sure if I could put up with me.
 
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So what is there to look forward to in marriage? It just sounds like the men and children benefit. I don't want to live that life. :confused: I have the habit of being super "insert role here" in everything I do, so I know I would be the one trying to be super mom. Why are men so useless? Uh! I'm wondering if female same sex marriages have the same problem.

I agree what the other posters have said we need to give these men more responsibilities. Our role as women and mothers have changed. We work now and contribute to the household income. We have fought for the same rights as men and have more influence in our society than we did years ago. We also have to take care of the family and household. Meanwhile the men's role hasn't changed. They are still operating as the "breadwinner" just working, coming home and contributing little to nothing to the family structure. Their role needs to expand just as ours has.

You have to be mature and healthy, choose a mature, healthy, kind man, and keep yourself at the center of your life. Always care about yourself and wellbeing above your husband, the kids, and the institution of marriage. Of course there are times when the kids rank higher, especially when they are very little and/or sick etc. But generally you have to maintain your autonomy, your uniqueness, pursue your dreams, take good care of yourself. And I believe a woman must always be prepared to leave if her husband stops holding up his end of the bargain. So many times a man slowly backs away from his promise. Ever so slowly and the woman slowly takes on more and more assuming the change is temporary. And our society encourages women to take it all on and to hold together her family and fix her marriage, etc. It’s all bs. You deserve to be happy and supported, period.

All men aren’t jerks. All marriages don’t suck. But you should be mature, healthy, strong, know what you must have, and what are dealbreakers before marrying. But if you marry the wrong guy or too young, it’s okay, everyone deserves a second chance.

I personally think your wellbeing must be more important than being married — always. Many men know how important being married is to women and they use that against us. People can’t always have this all figured out upfront. You do the best you can. Be open to love — just never be open to losing yourself or being taken advantage of, not even temporarily.
 
Marriage is what you make it. I’m still kinda newly married (1.5 years) and I am making sure that this never happens to me. One of my greatest fears was that I would get married and be run down and stressed out because everything was on me. And that I would regret it all.

So we set expectations before our wedding and we adjust them as we go. We don’t have kids yet, but when we do, we will adjust them as needed especially since the mother tends to do more for the kids. We each have our responsibilities and though there are some things I could do better/ more efficiently than him, I just let it go. The good thing is that I married a man who is very domestic and has no problem cleaning, cooking or washing clothes.

I also have my unnegotiable me time and I let him know that I will continue having my time when we have kids. I refuse to forget about me and I see no purpose in being a superwoman. A little bit of selfishness is essential.
 
I set my expectations with DH when we were dating. We do stress check ins regularly to make sure neither of us is overwhelmed. He feels its his job to make sure I'm not doing too much and that I eat properly and get enough sleep.

This study is also why I get so irritated when I hear a man talking about his wife "let herself go." Because I know the reason is likely that he isn't helping her and she has no time for herself.
 
There is a retired Kenyan pastor who said that women thrive after their husbands' deaths because their oppressor is gone and that women pamper men so they die faster and they can be free. Tim be wildin on twitter.

So the moral of the story.

Better to be single than to be married to an oppressive man. And most men don’t show up overtly as your future oppressor:look:.

If you accidentally marry an oppressive man, leave him.

If you can’t leave, have fun after he dies. Seriously lots of women start living after their husband dies. It’s sad but I’m always happy for these women :).

Happiest for women who choose well or luck up with getting a good guy from jump. Also happy for women who enjoy and value being single. I just want women to be happy.
 
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