Spinoff: Serenity's "looks unprofessional, need to relax"

[CurliDiva]

This thread has me so TORN.......I agree with many that her mentor had good intentions when gave her "opinion" that Serenity Peace's hair was looked "un-combed" and needs to be "styled".

I'm don't agree with the "you need to relax it to look professional" part......but that is an totally different thread.

I know WE all want healthy, longer hair but at what cost?

It seems that MOST hair styles for black women are/or can be damaging. We (relaxed and natural) have to do so much to hair just be "presentable" and "protected". Will we always have to trade one (hair health) for the other (hair styling)?

There has to be a happy medium between getting great growth, hair health, and a great style/look!

 

[AfroKink]

Most hair styles for black women are not damaging. People just seen to love the damaging ones. By hair is presentable minus the damage. It's in great health and easy to style. I'm a natural 4b with the kinkiest of textures and the finest of hair strands. I also have 85-90% shrinkage. I think if you dont fight your hair, you wont damage it.

Lys

 

[Serenity_Peace]

I truly think that what my mentor was speaking of was the fact that I have two textures going on that I needed to do something about. And because I'm at that awkward stage when I'm at an impasse about relaxing, my hair was probably starting to look bad. I guess her thing was, either relax or go natural, or do whatever, but don't come to work looking like "who done it and why." Her thing about the relaxing so that it could all be one texture rather than the two textures combatting each other.

I agree, though. I don't think that one has to be relaxed in order to be professional. I was natural for a long time as well and I was always able to wear my hair in nice styles that look neat and well kept. Anyway she is still trying to convince me to go natural. Either be all-relaxed or all-natural, but not in between like I'm doing.

However, sadly, I know plenty of black women who relax the second one strand of NG appears because they associate any kind of natural texture with something bad. It's sad but we still have a long way to go before we overcome that way of thinking about afro-textured hair.

 

[HoneyA]

No, I don't think that you have to relax in order to look professional at all. To my mind, her mentor just gave her an option to make her hair look better/more professional and we at LHCF gave her about another dozen so she could make her own choice about what to do. I think it worked out pretty well because it gave the rest of us who are thinking about long stretches more ideas and alternatives for a more polished look.

 

[OneInAMillion]

This thread has me so TORN.......I agree with many that her mentor had good intentions when gave her "opinion" that Serenity Peace's hair was looked "un-combed" and needs to be "styled".

I'm don't agree with the "you need to relax it to look professional" part......but that is an totally different thread.

I know WE all want healthy, longer hair but at what cost?

It seems that MOST hair styles for black women are/or can be damaging. We (relaxed and natural) have to do so much to hair just be "presentable" and "protected". Will we always have to trade one (hair health) for the other (hair styling)?

There has to be a happy medium between getting great growth, hair health, and a great style/look!

Thank you for starting this thread because I was torn when I read the story as well. While I'm glad SP's mentor gave her some advice in the proper manner, I'm not sure if I agree with the advice persay. I completely understand that the in between phase where you have two textures can be challenging, but I don't think it HAS to look unprofessional. I mean, it's easy enough to smooth your edges with all the techniques we have, but why couldn't that be one of the mentor's suggestions?

It just rubbed me the wrong way because if black women ever do want stop relaxing, I don't think you have to BC so that there's one texture and that = professionalism. Transitioning & multiple-textured hair is a reality for black women and I don't think it's unprofessional, as I can think of many glued up do's that I see that are hardly professional, yet the texture is the same. I mean, I really do appreciate that SP's mentor came to her and let her know her feelings (and possibly things other's were saying). But at the same time if all you needed was to smooth your hair down, why couldn't that be said? Just make it neat...

ETA: SP, I think it's real cool of you to take it in stride, because I'm not sure how I'd feel. I hope you use the many techniques mentioned and that your mentor gives you positive feedback.

 

[AfroKink]

The mentor is not relaxed, so she doesn't have to deal with 2 textures. Maybe she doesn't know how to make 2 textures look better. I think when people say, "it's time for you to relax" they really mean, "it's time to make those 2 textures blend or look better with each other".

Lys

 

[Tamrin]

I truly think that what my mentor was speaking of was the fact that I have two textures going on that I needed to do something about. And because I'm at that awkward stage when I'm at an impasse about relaxing, my hair was probably starting to look bad. I guess her thing was, either relax or go natural, or do whatever, but don't come to work looking like "who done it and why." Her thing about the relaxing so that it could all be one texture rather than the two textures combatting each other.

I agree, though. I don't think that one has to be relaxed in order to be professional. I was natural for a long time as well and I was always able to wear my hair in nice styles that look neat and well kept. Anyway she is still trying to convince me to go natural. Either be all-relaxed or all-natural, but not in between like I'm doing.

However, sadly, I know plenty of black women who relax the second one strand of NG appears because they associate any kind of natural texture with something bad. It's sad but we still have a long way to go before we overcome that way of thinking about afro-textured hair.

I don't think you should relax until you are ready to. Just smooth out your edges by using the scarf method and a soft bristle brush. Im 26 weeks post relaxer and last week I had them out. I simply applies spray mist a lil castor oil and held it down. Don't stress over what she said.

 

[loved]

I understood what her mentor was saying - some straight hair sitting on top of a puff of NG may not be a professional look.

Some of this may depend on your natural texture. Everyone does not have NG that waves nicely with a little moisture. My texture is 4z and my first stretch was 4 months. I did it by weaving. Just before I relaxed, I had an afro with a few strands of straight hair. I wore a wig just before I relaxed because there was no way those 2 textures could be seen together in public at that point.

A pic of my 4 months of NG is in my fotki to give you an idea of what I'm talking about.

 

[HoneyDew]

No trade off for me! I MUST have my hair in cute, styled condition at all times. If I take a little longer to reach my goals - SO BE IT. For that reason, I wear my hair down if I want, don't do things like baggies and wet buns, or stretch my relaxers or anything like that. I also use heat if I want. I think I've found my happy medium - I can look good and still retain length and see progress.

Looking good and on top of my game is just as important to me.

 

[sonce]

I guess her thing was, either relax or go natural, or do whatever, but don't come to work looking like "who done it and why." Her thing about the relaxing so that it could all be one texture rather than the two textures combatting each other.

If that was her point, then I can understand that. One of my friends transitioned for over a year and her hair looked a HOT mess the entire time. She didn't know how to work with her new growth, so it was this tangled mess with stringy, relaxed ends coming out of it. Gosh, I was so glad for her when she finally cut the relaxed ends off and went fully natural. Unlike your mentor, however, I did not have the heart to tell my friend just how messy and ragged her hair looked. Your mentor might have done you a big favor if you were looking anywhere near as bad as my friend was.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I truly think that what my mentor was speaking of was the fact that I have two textures going on that I needed to do something about. And because I'm at that awkward stage when I'm at an impasse about relaxing, my hair was probably starting to look bad. I guess her thing was, either relax or go natural, or do whatever, but don't come to work looking like "who done it and why." Her thing about the relaxing so that it could all be one texture rather than the two textures combatting each other.

That's what I took from the story. It would have been an entirely different situation if SP was fully natural and was told to relax.

 

[angellazette]

I guess her thing was, either relax or go natural, or do whatever, but don't come to work looking like "who done it and why." Her thing about the relaxing so that it could all be one texture rather than the two textures combatting each other.

That's the way I interpreted it. I'm not understanding some of the "she's natural and told you to relax " responses. I mean you do relax your hair so she suggested that. It's not like you're transitioning.

 

[Finesse]

No trade off for me! I MUST have my hair in cute, styled condition at all times. If I take a little longer to reach my goals - SO BE IT. For that reason, I wear my hair down if I want, don't do things like baggies and wet buns, or stretch my relaxers or anything like that. I also use heat if I want. I think I've found my happy medium - I can look good and still retain length and see progress.

Looking good and on top of my game is just as important to me.

ITA.....

 

[ravenmerlita]

Will we always have to trade one (hair health) for the other (hair styling)?

There has to be a happy medium between getting great growth, hair health, and a great style/look!

I think that there is a happy medium between the two but finding it -- and maintaining it -- can be very, very hard. It has taken me several years, hundreds of dollars in products and countless hours learning what works to find my way. And even once you do find your own happy medium, it may not meet someone else's standard of a "great style/look."

Also, when you are growing your hair out, there are even more trade offs between style and health because your hair looks different at every stage and often requires different care. For example, when my hair was shorter my wash n' go would dry so cute. Every one at the office loved it and it was both my favorite style for me and others favorite style for me. And I got a lot of growth. So I was happy, but then the wash n' go wasn't so cute anymore on my longer hair. In fact it was a bit of a scraggly mess.

Was it unprofessional? Probably. Did I care? Kinda. So I had to learn some new ways to wear my hair and still keep it healthy. And, now, I'm at a point with my hair where it is healthy and does look professional and stylish. Most days anyway.

 

[Soliel185]

I think that there is a happy medium between the two but finding it -- and maintaining it -- can be very, very hard. It has taken me several years, hundreds of dollars in products and countless hours learning what works to find my way. And even once you do find your own happy medium, it may not meet someone else's standard of a "great style/look."

Also, when you are growing your hair out, there are even more trade offs between style and health because your hair looks different at every stage and often requires different care. For example, when my hair was shorter my wash n' go would dry so cute. Every one at the office loved it and it was both my favorite style for me and others favorite style for me. And I got a lot of growth. So I was happy, but then the wash n' go wasn't so cute anymore on my longer hair. In fact it was a bit of a scraggly mess.

Was it unprofessional? Probably. Did I care? Kinda. So I had to learn some new ways to wear my hair and still keep it healthy. And, now, I'm at a point with my hair where it is healthy and does look professional and stylish. Most days anyway.

This happened to me - I wore natural braids for 1 1/2 - 2 years and was perfectly happy with it. It looked super cute all through the medium stage, and the ends would curl up - everyone loved it including me. Then my hair got longer - and the braids fell to about collarbone. My hair lost shape, it just hung there looking flat and frizzy, and I decided I had to do something -- either cut it ( which seemed stupid, even though I didn't braid it expecting growth ) or try relaxing again and the rest is history. I still worry that if I transition I won't be able to handle longer natural hair as far as styling it in a way that is still "professional". While no one ever said anything about the braids, they made me look younger and that made it harder for me to be taken seriously at times - I don't have that problem with straight/sleek hair, but I think that goes for anyone no matter their actual race.

 

[gradygirl]

If that was her point, then I can understand that. One of my friends transitioned for over a year and her hair looked a HOT mess the entire time. She didn't know how to work with her new growth, so it was this tangled mess with stringy, relaxed ends coming out of it. Gosh, I was so glad for her when she finally cut the relaxed ends off and went fully natural. Unlike your mentor, however, I did not have the heart to tell my friend just how messy and ragged her hair looked. Your mentor might have done you a big favor if you were looking anywhere near as bad as my friend was.

Girl this was me too. Nobody had to tell me how torn up I looked thats why I went ahead and bc at 5 months instead of waiting a year.

 

[CurliDiva]

I think that there is a happy medium between the two but finding it -- and maintaining it -- can be very, very hard. It has taken me several years, hundreds of dollars in products and countless hours learning what works to find my way. And even once you do find your own happy medium, it may not meet someone else's standard of a "great style/look."

Also, when you are growing your hair out, there are even more trade offs between style and health because your hair looks different at every stage and often requires different care. For example, when my hair was shorter my wash n' go would dry so cute. Every one at the office loved it and it was both my favorite style for me and others favorite style for me. And I got a lot of growth. So I was happy, but then the wash n' go wasn't so cute anymore on my longer hair. In fact it was a bit of a scraggly mess.

Was it unprofessional? Probably. Did I care? Kinda. So I had to learn some new ways to wear my hair and still keep it healthy. And, now, I'm at a point with my hair where it is healthy and does look professional and stylish. Most days anyway.

Thanks to all that responded!

I'm not trying to judge SP's mentor actions or intentions! If SP is feeling cool about it, then I support my LHCF sister!

The issuse I focused on is the idea that HEALTHY, GROWING black hair is not enough.......we have to have a STYLE to be considered professional, presentable, or grown!

 

[sonce]

Girl this was me too. Nobody had to tell me how torn up I looked thats why I went ahead and bc at 5 months instead of waiting a year.

I am so glad nobody had to tell you. Bless you for doing right by yourself. Some folks know how to transition but when transitioning goes wrong, God almighty, it goes wrong.

 

[gradygirl]

I am so glad nobody had to tell you. Bless you for doing right by yourself. Some folks know how to transition but when transitioning goes wrong, God almighty, it goes wrong.

Whatchu Say!!!

 

[DarkVictory]

We (relaxed and natural) have to do so much to hair just be "presentable" and "protected". Will we always have to trade one (hair health) for the other (hair styling)?

The trend will probably change over time. It used to be that unrelaxed hair was never seen in public. Now we see natural-texture styles in offices and on TV. At some point, as-is African hair will come into style. Maybe our great-grandchildren will chuckle over us struggling with edges and kitchens.