TO RELAX OR NOT TO RELAX... LETS TALK IT OUT!

[Mandy4610]

^^^whenever i get extra confused about it, i ask myself, "how do i plan to wear my hair 85% of the time?" "what texture needs the most work to look nice, and how much time can i dedicate to that?"

Thats a good way of looking at it.

BostonMaria and Glamazon386, I just wanted you to know that I feel the same way about naturals. I see how luscious and full their straightened hair looks and how delightfully curly it is and I'm like "I wanna go natural!" . I guess we all have that grass is always greener on the other side syndrome. It's nice that we all admire and respect each others hair.

Yep, the grass will always be greener on the other side. For me I think I have to find a happy medium...I just don't know if that happy medium is texlaxing or natural and flat ironed or something else

 

[me-T]

Yep, the grass will always be greener on the other side. For me I think I have to find a happy medium...I just don't know if that happy medium is texlaxing or natural and flat ironed or something else

just finding a happy medium is hard. texlaxing, press n curl, dreads? even thinkin bout dreads you have to figure out what size, what techinique, etc

 

[glamazon386]

BostonMaria and Glamazon386, I just wanted you to know that I feel the same way about naturals. I see how luscious and full their straightened hair looks and how delightfully curly it is and I'm like "I wanna go natural!" . I guess we all have that grass is always greener on the other side syndrome. It's nice that we all admire and respect each others hair.

And see that's part of my issue too. My relaxed hair was thin and I assumed that it was thin from the relaxer. I went natural and it's still thin. It turns out that I just have fine hair by nature. I hate it. It's not that bad when I wear it loose in it's natural state but if I twist/braid it or straighten it, you can tell that it's thin. It's like umm where'd all your hair go? I think the 3 dimensional curls make it look more bulky when it's loose.

 

[*Muffin*]

And see that's part of my issue too. My relaxed hair was thin and I assumed that it was thin from the relaxer. I went natural and it's still thin. It turns out that I just have fine hair by nature. I hate it. It's not that bad when I wear it loose in it's natural state but if I twist/braid it or straighten it, you can tell that it's thin. It's like umm where'd all your hair go? I think the 3 dimensional curls make it look more bulky when it's loose.

Aww, it's all right. Your natural hair is beautiful! It looks so soft and nice. Overall I like my relaxed hair. It gives me problems on occasion, just like any hair type would, and I don't think those problems would go completely away if I went natural . I guess I'm just in love with everyone elses hair right now. Hopefully when my hair grows up it will be similar to all the relaxed and natural ladies with beautiful hair on this forum .

 

[BostonMaria]

BostonMaria and Glamazon386, I just wanted you to know that I feel the same way about naturals. I see how luscious and full their straightened hair looks and how delightfully curly it is and I'm like "I wanna go natural!" . I guess we all have that grass is always greener on the other side syndrome. It's nice that we all admire and respect each others hair.

I hear ya! I don't regret my decision, just wish I could show its true length all the time without the shrinkage. When I transitioned I knew that it would be a 2-3 year sacrifice of just bad hair days I'm almost BSL (might be there, have no idea yet) and I know that in order to have the CURLY long hair I desire I'll probably have to grow it ankle length and drag it thru the ground like a cavewoman.

 

[Mandy4610]

And see that's part of my issue too. My relaxed hair was thin and I assumed that it was thin from the relaxer. I went natural and it's still thin. It turns out that I just have fine hair by nature. I hate it. It's not that bad when I wear it loose in it's natural state but if I twist/braid it or straighten it, you can tell that it's thin. It's like umm where'd all your hair go? I think the 3 dimensional curls make it look more bulky when it's loose.

And I am on the opposite...When my hair was relaxed, it was pretty thick (not as thick as I would have liked, but thick) the back is a different texture so it is thinner.
My hair in its natural state is super super thick that it just feels weird and dry. The only time it feels soft and moisturized is after I blow dry it and..Oh my gosh..blow drying is so painful because I can not get anything to soften my hair so that it does not hurt. I end up losing a whole bunch of hair in the process too.
Maybe now is a good time to try texlaxing for me. Now I know what caused the problems I had with my relaxed hair, maybe now I can start over and do things differently and then see what happens...but what if there is no improvement...will I have to cut my hair again? Cutting is not an option right now or in the next few years.

 

[Lyoness]

I started out this year undecided and so I decided to continuously stretch and see how I felt, if I was happy I'd carry on and if I wasn't I'd take a break from my hair (braid extensions). I thought that a break from my hair would jgive me time to think and weigh up my options. I'm now in my eyes beyond a stretch and transitioning, I'm a week away from my 11th month..

I love my ng, I love the thickness, texture and I'm determined now to become 100% natural.. chemicals made my hair thin, broke off my baby hair, burned my scalp and I hated the smell.. If I want a new look I'm quite happy to throw on a wig..

 

[nakialovesshoes]

I've always been into the upkeep of my hair. It's even more important now that I'm natural, because 4a hair doesn't "shine" as much as the other curlies, so sheen and moisture is a super high priority to me. I just don't want it feeling greasy. There are so many naps around me with the driest, brilloest looking hair ever in LA. You can see that they go to sleep without twisting or putting their hair up in a puff, because the back looks matted. I'm sorry, but I don't want to be standing next to nappies with their hair like this. IT BOTHERS ME!! Jeez, slap some crisco on it on sumthin!

In reading everyone's posts, I'm here 2 share my struggle yet again. & thanks so much 4 this b/c once again, it helps 2 know I'm not alone.

My ultimate goal has been really long, healthy hair.

So now I'm natural & I get the microscopic knots & I can't find the right products 2 keep my natural hair from looking so dry & the KCCC makes my curls look good but it doesn't last long & it already takes 2 hours 2 style that way. & I'm natural hair styles challenged so my twist outs r never as pretty as every1 elses & anything more complex just ain't happening.

So on the flip side I could relax/texlax & have healthy long hair & no more knots & no more brillo pad feeling hair & no more 2 hour styling sessions (I got the rollerset down in less than an hr).

But I just don't know what I want 2 do. So I've decided for now 2 focus on my length goals. I'm weaved up & will remain so until September of next year. My target 4 then is BSL.

@ BSL I'm going 2 play around w/my natural hair, c if it's manageable, c if I like it enuf 2 remain that way & if I still can't decide, I'm going 2 weave, bun, wig until I reach WL & I'm going 2 give my natural hair 1 last chance & if we still can't get along, then & only then will I texlax. (Well @ least that's how I feel @ this very moment - of course that's sooo subject 2 change.)

 

[hopeful]

And see that's part of my issue too. My relaxed hair was thin and I assumed that it was thin from the relaxer. I went natural and it's still thin. It turns out that I just have fine hair by nature. I hate it. It's not that bad when I wear it loose in it's natural state but if I twist/braid it or straighten it, you can tell that it's thin. It's like umm where'd all your hair go? I think the 3 dimensional curls make it look more bulky when it's loose.

I think the bolded is one of the best reasons to go natural. When you go natural you really get to know your hair and what it needs. My nape broke off for years, stylists and I always applied the relaxer there first for years as well. Well it turned out that my nape was fine and dry, and the rest of my hair is thick--I had no idea and so it seems neither did the stylists. I thought my nape was just "bad," when it was just fine and fragile.

 

[Nice & Wavy]

And see that's part of my issue too. My relaxed hair was thin and I assumed that it was thin from the relaxer. I went natural and it's still thin. It turns out that I just have fine hair by nature. I hate it. It's not that bad when I wear it loose in it's natural state but if I twist/braid it or straighten it, you can tell that it's thin. It's like umm where'd all your hair go? I think the 3 dimensional curls make it look more bulky when it's loose.

You are not alone....when i became natural, my hair was so fine, I hated it too. It has gotten thicker since using MT...alot thicker. It's still fine but it feels and looks much better to me now, so its not so bad.

 

[mistee11]

I am sick and tired of not being able to decide.
I need some people to partner with.
Anyone else not able to make the decision?
Please share your dilemma.
Lets help each other make the DECISION.


FYI: This is not a "stay natural" or "go ahead and relax" thread. This is a place to write about where we all are at, to talk it out so that each individual can make a decision that is best for them, on their own.
We will be here to listen, share info and empathize, not criticize or tell the person what they should do.

I'm in a dilemma as well... I guess you could say I'm really reluctant about getting another relaxer because I'm at 19-20 week stretch and I really ponder whether or not to go back to relaxer. I noticed that the last time I got touch up my hair was not as full as when I first got relaxer back in January of '08. (2nd touchup was in March and 3rd one in June). Even then my hair was so flat to my head and limp it was kinda scary. It took several weeks before I could see the fullness and body that I'm normally used to. I guess staying away from direct heat could help alleviate this problem for me. I go to JCPenney's and get my touchups. I remember once seeing a sales associate who gets her hair done there as well and I was looking at her hair (it was touching her collarbone and shoulders in the back but it was very thin) She's older than I am, so I was wondering if that might have something to do with it or was it the relaxer that she was getting. I have heard that Affirm can thin out the hair over a period of time. That's why I'm not in a hurry to get a retouch anytime soon. Unless I can get one that doesn't wreak so much havoc... I'm going to be stretching for a lot longer.

 

[Mandy4610]

In reading everyone's posts, I'm here 2 share my struggle yet again. & thanks so much 4 this b/c once again, it helps 2 know I'm not alone.

My ultimate goal has been really long, healthy hair.

So now I'm natural & I get the microscopic knots & I can't find the right products 2 keep my natural hair from looking so dry & the KCCC makes my curls look good but it doesn't last long & it already takes 2 hours 2 style that way. & I'm natural hair styles challenged so my twist outs r never as pretty as every1 elses & anything more complex just ain't happening.

So on the flip side I could relax/texlax & have healthy long hair & no more knots & no more brillo pad feeling hair & no more 2 hour styling sessions (I got the rollerset down in less than an hr).

But I just don't know what I want 2 do. So I've decided for now 2 focus on my length goals. I'm weaved up & will remain so until September of next year. My target 4 then is BSL.

@ BSL I'm going 2 play around w/my natural hair, c if it's manageable, c if I like it enuf 2 remain that way & if I still can't decide, I'm going 2 weave, bun, wig until I reach WL & I'm going 2 give my natural hair 1 last chance & if we still can't get along, then & only then will I texlax. (Well @ least that's how I feel @ this very moment - of course that's sooo subject 2 change.)

This sounds kind of like my story..except I don't have that much of a plan

 

[TaraDyan]

I am extremely happy with my natural hair and I will NEVER relax it again. I know you should never say never ... but I'm sayin' it.

 

[Mandy4610]

I am extremely happy with my natural hair and I will NEVER relax it again. I know you should never say never ... but I'm sayin' it.

Good for you...if you know what you want for sure, then you can say it loud and proud!

 

[glamazon386]

I am extremely happy with my natural hair and I will NEVER relax it again. I know you should never say never ... but I'm sayin' it.

That's what I thought. And realistically, I have no reason to relax it. I'm really not having any problems with my hair. It's growing fine. I did loose quite a bit to those highlights but I don't have tangles and knots, it's not dry, it's not hard to manage, it doesn't take all day to detangle so I realy have no excuse other than I want to relax. And those are the reasons most naturals want to go back to being relaxed.

 

[PittiPat]

I am currently 34 weeks post …. again. I have 3-4 textures going on right now (stubble, about two inches of new growth, under processed middle, straight/raggedy ends). Since I suffer from alopecia (I have no hair around the perimeter of my head from temple to temple about two inches up all around …yeah, it’s bad), I’m very limited in what I can do style wise. I love the way the hair closest to my scalp looks when I do braidouts. However, the ends are too straight and I just want to cut those suckers off, but I need the length to hide my bald spots. Oooooooooo, but I’m so tempted to “texlax” just to see how long the rest of my hair has gotten. I tried to flat iron it, but my roots laughed and laughed. I said that I was going to wait until April before I decided to do anything drastic, but I don’t know ….

 

[baddison]

Been natural since 2005!! I am barely at SL and am considering relaxing when my HardCore C&G challenge is over. I want APL/BSL length....but if my hair is this thick now at SL....lord help me when it gets longer.
I washed, DC'd and put my Giovanni Direct, then sealed with coconut oil. I air dried. I cant belive how thick my hair is....I was actually CRYING that night as I prepared my hair for my bedtime braids. I tried to play-it-off to hubby that I was watching a really emotional movie......

YEAH RIGHT....HighSchool Musical part 2!!! He wasn't buying it!

I'm thinking about at least tex-laxing first with Mizani BB (mild)

 

[tocktick]

Every time I think my natural hair is too much to maintain or see some beautiful relaxed hair, I think of what I'd have to do to keep up relaxed hair. All the trial and error that I'd have to do all over again, the money I'd have to spend, learning how to self-relax since I don't trust anybody with that chemical, the in-built problems that I'd get right from the start (e.g - it's more fragile) etc. I see these threads asking what to do with relaxed hair during exercise erplexed. No, thanks. Add the fact that with relaxed hair, I can forget having blown out afros and I would get very bored of it quickly. With natural hair, there is more versatility. There are too many cons and not enough pros of relaxed hair for me. I could list them all day. I've gone though this stage of indecisiveness many times but I realised relaxing was never the solution.

I'm in awe of so many relaxed women here but I know their hair just doesn't magically become that way - they put work into it and I admire that. But I'm too lazy to go through what relaxed heads seem to do.

 

[KiSseS03]

I have to be the Princess if not Queen of the transition. I change my mind daily about whether or not to stay/go natural or relax. I have transitioned at least 3 times since High School, and I am in the process of transitioning now, but I'm craving a sexy short cut right now, and I doubt it will look right on transitioning hair.

My hair inspirations are Lauryn Hill's locs circa '99 and Rihanna's current short cut! Could they be any more opposite?!

 

[Mandy4610]

Been natural since 2005!! I am barely at SL and am considering relaxing when my HardCore C&G challenge is over. I want APL/BSL length....but if my hair is this thick now at SL....lord help me when it gets longer.
I washed, DC'd and put my Giovanni Direct, then sealed with coconut oil. I air dried. I cant belive how thick my hair is....I was actually CRYING that night as I prepared my hair for my bedtime braids. I tried to play-it-off to hubby that I was watching a really emotional movie......

YEAH RIGHT....HighSchool Musical part 2!!! He wasn't buying it!

I'm thinking about at least tex-laxing first with Mizani BB (mild)

I am thinking along the same lines too, but we will see...

 

[Mandy4610]

Every time I think my natural hair is too much to maintain or see some beautiful relaxed hair, I think of what I'd have to do to keep up relaxed hair. All the trial and error that I'd have to do all over again, the money I'd have to spend, learning how to self-relax since I don't trust anybody with that chemical, the in-built problems that I'd get right from the start (e.g - it's more fragile) etc. I see these threads asking what to do with relaxed hair during exercise erplexed. No, thanks. Add the fact that with relaxed hair, I can forget having blown out afros and I would get very bored of it quickly. With natural hair, there is more versatility. There are too many cons and not enough pros of relaxed hair for me. I could list them all day. I've gone though this stage of indecisiveness many times but I realised relaxing was never the solution.

I'm in awe of so many relaxed women here but I know their hair just doesn't magically become that way - they put work into it and I admire that. But I'm too lazy to go through what relaxed heads seem to do.

When I see relaxed ladies and how beautiful their hair is, I too am in awe and then I see natural ladies with beautiful heads and I am still in awe. I know that for me both relaxed and natural would require work in order to look fly.

I have to be the Princess if not Queen of the transition. I change my mind daily about whether or not to stay/go natural or relax. I have transitioned at least 3 times since High School, and I am in the process of transitioning now, but I'm craving a sexy short cut right now, and I doubt it will look right on transitioning hair.

My hair inspirations are Lauryn Hill's locs circa '99 and Rihanna's current short cut! Could they be any more opposite?!

You are not alone, I started this thread because I can't decided and I feel like a crazy woman always thinking things that are parallel to each other.

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

What a great thread!!! I'm currently 24 weeks and every week I tell myself I am going to make an appointment to get my relaxer....then I chicken out. At this point I don't know if I am transitioning or stretching. I am enjoying the thickness of my ng and I am finding it easier to maintain. Also, my flatiron and blowdryer works great for the straight look....who knows what I'll do

 

[YummyC]

This is a great thread.
I am currently 16wks post relaxer and as of right now I say I am transitioning. I don't really know what my natural hair looks like and I really want to find out. My family thinks that I am crazy and they all say I will look funny. My Bff says that I dont have the face for it, she says my face is too small. So my reply was "how do you know that?"
Some days I get really frustrated about the whole thing but I'm still determined to grow out this realxer and have kinky goodness all over this head.

 

[Lynnerie]

I've gone back and forth about relaxing. I'm 7 months into my transition and to me there is no turning back now.

For 1, I've already lost some relaxed hair that broke off. If I relax now it would be a set back because my relaxed hair was healthier before.

2- I will only start looking at natural heads and I'll feel defeated for not completing my journey.

3- I have been on this site since 05 lurking before then and I just made APL. So I'm convinced relaxed hair isn't for me. My natural hair when I stretch it is outgrowing the relaxed part. So my scalp has to be healthier.

4- I will have more versatility. I flat ironed my hair last week and it looked way better than my relaxed hair. It was thick and full and cmplemented my features.

5-As a relaxed head I was always looking at new growth, it feels good to just let my hair be and not focus on new growth. I can't wait to be all the way natural and know the real me!

 

[glamazon386]

I have to be the Princess if not Queen of the transition. I change my mind daily about whether or not to stay/go natural or relax. I have transitioned at least 3 times since High School, and I am in the process of transitioning now, but I'm craving a sexy short cut right now, and I doubt it will look right on transitioning hair.

My hair inspirations are Lauryn Hill's locs circa '99 and Rihanna's current short cut! Could they be any more opposite?!

I think DDTexlaxed has you beat. She's transitioned, relaxed and bced at least 4 or 5 times since I've been here. I think she holds the board record.

Just something to think about - everytime I think about relaxing I remind myself that I didn't chop all my hair off for nothing. It'll be double the length it is now if I had never gone natural and bced.

 

[Mandy4610]

I think DDTexlaxed has you beat. She's transitioned, relaxed and bced at least 4 or 5 times since I've been here. I think she holds the board record.

Just something to think about - everytime I think about relaxing I remind myself that I didn't chop all my hair off for nothing. It'll be double the length it is now if I had never gone natural and bced.

I think this is what has made me hang in there to this point.

 

[ebonylocs]

Great thread. Good to see people posting honestly about the back and forth so many of us do in our heads.

For me:

Pros of relaxed hair:
*Shows length a lot more, not so much of the hated shrinkage
*Less knots and tangling
*Easier and shorter detangling sessions (although it's still not easy for me)
*Easier to get into flat and sleek styles, e.g. my bun as a natural was always too bulky to look neat, and rollersets are a sophisticated style that it's much easier to do with relaxed hair.


Pros of natural hair;
* There is something very sensuous and tactile about my kinks - I miss touching them
* The look of healthy, springy, elastic, moisturised, cloud-like natural hair is a unique thing and cannot be replicated with texlaxed or relaxed hair, even (especially) in wash-n-gos, twist-outs, braid-outs, braids, twists
*No worry about having to do touch-ups, overprocessing or underprocessing
*Hair is stronger and less fragile

Right now I'm considering going back to natural. If I do, I'll have to find ways of minimising shrinkage and making detangling less of a chore. I did try the last time, but didn't manage to find solutions before I ran out of patience...

Funny, my natural hair really was not much trouble the first 16 years of my life. Maybe now it's much thicker (although it was very thick back then too), and now I am trying to retain length, so I'm much more careful with it, whereas as a child and teenager I would just drag to comb through, manipulate it into the style I wanted, and be done with it.

I tell you - if someone were to invent a product that dramatically reduced shrinkage and tangling in natural hair, they would be very very rich.

 

[MJ]

A few weeks ago, I created a similar thread. It was very helpful. The answers I recieved help me to form a decision that I'm happy with. I decided to wait until I reach my BSL goal before considering texlaxing or relaxing. I've been wanting to have BSL hair since 2002, but I kept changing from natural to relax. I BC'd each time I switched from relax to natural. So now, I'm going wait until after I've achieved my goal before doing anything drastic or permanent.

 

[hopeful]

^^^MJ, that sounds like a great plan.

 

[heyfranz]

i bc'd twice, relaxed again in April, last touch up in Sept. I miss my natural hair even though it wouldn't grow. Now that i found LHCF, I'm pretty sure i'm going to go natural again. I'm mad at myself for relaxing, but who knows i may relax again. Aargghh! i'm so indecisive when it comes to this natural/relaxed thing. Okay, i was absolutely no help. Just sharing..