humility1990
New Member
Ladies who have been heartbroken before, but have learned how to not let it happen again, could you please share your strategies?
Spinoff: How to avoid heartbreak
- Thread starter humility1990
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humility1990
New Member
lmao. I know when you break up with someone that there is pain involved. I'm talking about how to avoid the soul crushing pain I've witnessed.
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
have 100% confidence that you will find somebody else, somebody better 
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Don't date..............................................................................................................................................................................ever
Basically.
SmileyNY
Well-Known Member
There's no way to avoid heartbreak 100%... but I believe most women can cut their heartbreak down by at least 80% by stoping the ever so popular practices of:
-Giving their all to someone who wouldn't do the same.
-Only dating 1 guy at a time.
-Not being complete, whole, and confident enough to walk away from an unworthy situation .... AKA settling.
-Giving their all to someone who wouldn't do the same.
-Only dating 1 guy at a time.
-Not being complete, whole, and confident enough to walk away from an unworthy situation .... AKA settling.
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GoingNatural
Well-Known Member
Love God more...
And don't date lol
And don't date lol
humility1990
New Member
Lol. Well perhaps I may cultivate the gift of singleness and not date.
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
(learning to love dating is key to thinning out heartbreak )
)
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Stay completely in love with you, adore yourself, while with the other person. Always have your own back. If he leaves that should not mean an end to being treated, being sent flowers, being touched gently and sweetly, etc. Be there for you. I think that will help. That will also help you with being aware of being mistreated more quickly. If you truly know how it feels to be loved, you will know when and if he is slacking sooner. Being this way also makes you more attractive to other guys, keeps men on their toes, because they in essence have to compete with you for your affection.
GoingNatural
Well-Known Member
But seriously you should love God more than anything and anyone. If you love God more than anything and anyone in the world his love will envelop you. No one can hurt you because you know you have God. God should be your boyfriend and you will attract men like that. Dating and marry who follows God and has the head of Christ will help.
If you date because you're lonely or looking for a person to fill anything that you think you're missing you'll always find yourself heart broken because you are getting something from a man that can be taken away. No one can take God from you
If you date because you're lonely or looking for a person to fill anything that you think you're missing you'll always find yourself heart broken because you are getting something from a man that can be taken away. No one can take God from you
Briabiggles
Well-Known Member
Briabiggles
Well-Known Member
There really isn't a way to prevent being heart broken but you can make it easier to get over.
Stop talking to the guy.
Don't be "friends."
Cut them off completely.
Give them back any stuff they left at your place....or throw it out.
Block their number because they WILL try to contact you.
Go ahead and take some time to grieve but don't wallow in your sorrow.
Go out with your girlfriends and have some fun. That doesn't mean you have to be on the prowl for another guy. Just go out and drink, dance, hike, run, whatever makes you happy!
Remember that you were happy before that dummy and you WILL be happy again!
Stop talking to the guy.
Don't be "friends."
Cut them off completely.
Give them back any stuff they left at your place....or throw it out.
Block their number because they WILL try to contact you.
Go ahead and take some time to grieve but don't wallow in your sorrow.
Go out with your girlfriends and have some fun. That doesn't mean you have to be on the prowl for another guy. Just go out and drink, dance, hike, run, whatever makes you happy!
Remember that you were happy before that dummy and you WILL be happy again!
GoingNatural
Well-Known Member
Christianity ... Or what part confused you?
Building a relationship with God so you weed out men that won't love you like Christ loved the church. And if you so happen to date the wrong guy, then you're heart shouldn't be broken because you have God.
But I guess that depends on your belief system
Building a relationship with God so you weed out men that won't love you like Christ loved the church. And if you so happen to date the wrong guy, then you're heart shouldn't be broken because you have God.
But I guess that depends on your belief system
Briabiggles
Well-Known Member
I'm not christian so those thoughts just baffle me that's all! I have many thoughts about "church" but this isn't the place to get into it.
GoingNatural
Well-Known Member
I'm not a fan of church either. It's an institution.so we are probably on the same page 
Briabiggles
Well-Known Member
I'm not a fan of church either. It's an institution.so we are probably on the same page
Not quite since also don't believe in god!
NGraceO
Well-Known Member
I can see this being true, but humanity is still there; you will still get hurt.
To answer your question, OP, you can build walls and become emotional unavailable;
lol. It definitely serves it's purpose, but it gets lonely behind those walls.
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barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
Heartbreak is painful and devastating while youre going throughout it. But experiencing it is the best teacher providing valuable life lessons money will never buy.
IMO heartbreak can be a matter of perception, experience and maturity. As I've gotten older the same things I viewed as heartbreaking that left me heartbroken in the past would feel like disappointments or wouldnt even bother me today.
If you're not open to heartbreak you're not open to love. Relationships require one to be emotionally available. Being emotionally available requires vulnerability which consequently makes being a relationship a risk. Without risk there is no reward. So if the goal is to become close to another person and have them close to you, avoiding heartbreak is a form of self-sabotage. Closing yourself off will be counterproductive and detrimental to achieving the type of relationship you want.
IMO heartbreak can be a matter of perception, experience and maturity. As I've gotten older the same things I viewed as heartbreaking that left me heartbroken in the past would feel like disappointments or wouldnt even bother me today.
If you're not open to heartbreak you're not open to love. Relationships require one to be emotionally available. Being emotionally available requires vulnerability which consequently makes being a relationship a risk. Without risk there is no reward. So if the goal is to become close to another person and have them close to you, avoiding heartbreak is a form of self-sabotage. Closing yourself off will be counterproductive and detrimental to achieving the type of relationship you want.
LivingInPeace
Well-Known Member
That has not been my experience. For me, the pain of heartbreak depends on what the person meant to me and brought to my life. It didn't matter if I had sex with him or not. If I was in love and lost him, I ached.
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
This is what I don't get either. Theoretically it's fine but in reality we are human. As much as we put God first in our lives, our feelings get hurt. Be it in a romantic relationship, relationships with friends, family members etc. People let us down and it emotionally affects us regardless of our relationship with God.
Stage 1 for me was trying to learn from the relationship. Figuring out what I could learn about myself from it.
TBH I think that was the thing that really impacted my love life. I learned from my mistakes from that first time and picked well from then on because of it. If you pick men well then you're less likely to have any heartbreaks in general imo.
STILL you can't control humans and cannot trust them to be one way 100%! I think you can further protect against heartbreak by accepting the different outcomes that are possible in dating and relationships. Accepting without fear makes you a prepared person IMO. You can love someone while simultaneously accepting that relationships can potentially go different ways.
If you don't even consider different outcomes at all, or if you actively fear certain outcomes then you're more likely to get butt hurts and severe heartbreaks.
Also as someone else said you have to love yourself also. If you love yourself and love another then you know that if that situation doesn't work out you always have you. If you don't feel that it will be like going from having something great to having nothing.
TBH I think that was the thing that really impacted my love life. I learned from my mistakes from that first time and picked well from then on because of it. If you pick men well then you're less likely to have any heartbreaks in general imo.
STILL you can't control humans and cannot trust them to be one way 100%! I think you can further protect against heartbreak by accepting the different outcomes that are possible in dating and relationships. Accepting without fear makes you a prepared person IMO. You can love someone while simultaneously accepting that relationships can potentially go different ways.
If you don't even consider different outcomes at all, or if you actively fear certain outcomes then you're more likely to get butt hurts and severe heartbreaks.
Also as someone else said you have to love yourself also
. If you love yourself and love another then you know that if that situation doesn't work out you always have you. If you don't feel that it will be like going from having something great to having nothing.
Kindheart
Well-Known Member
The only way not to get hurt is not to get emotionally attached . It's hard to do cuz you can't control your emotions,however you can control your actions . For instance,if you re getting too attached to someone you can keep your distance by not seeing them too often or avoid talking to them on a daily basis .
The brain plays a huge role in this ,avoid picturing yourself in love with the person or have a family/kids with him. This will plant an image of established happiness that will increase the chances of attachment .
The brain plays a huge role in this ,avoid picturing yourself in love with the person or have a family/kids with him. This will plant an image of established happiness that will increase the chances of attachment .
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tru4reele
Well-Known Member
There's really know way to avoid heartbreak if you are really in love with someone. Even when you hold a piece of yourself back you can still be heartbroken. I just think that there are different levels of heartbreak. When you give them all your heart you will shut down physically, mentally and emotionally. Will probably never get over it or still cry about years later.
When you hold a little back your heart will still ache for that person but it will be less severe. Probably cry for a couple weeks or whenever you sit and dwell on it but you won't totally shut down. You pick up and move on.
When you are fully in, heart and all, all walls down, the only thing that heals that pain is time. And the pain will always be tucked away somewhere deep inside.
When you hold a little back your heart will still ache for that person but it will be less severe. Probably cry for a couple weeks or whenever you sit and dwell on it but you won't totally shut down. You pick up and move on.
When you are fully in, heart and all, all walls down, the only thing that heals that pain is time. And the pain will always be tucked away somewhere deep inside.
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