Spinoff - Do you have a certain age that you will make a drastic change?

[Glib Gurl]

This is a spinoff of Vevster's post about taking yourself out of the game. I was just thinking - does anyone have a certain age that they will just decide to do something drastic to improve or change your love life? Like take themselves out of the game, hire a matchmaker, etc., etc.?

I am 31. I think that if I'm still in my same situation by 36 (i.e., never been in a committed relationship) I will hire a professional matchmaker. (Those joints are expensive - several thousands of dollars! So yeah, by that time I know I will be ready to pony up the cash. Now, not so much.) I will also start investigating adoption/foster care options.

What about you?

 

[Ms Red]

Although I totally understand the logic behind it, I honestly feel like that is selling yourself short. Although it took me 2 years (and I am still a work in progress), when I became serious about finding a life partner, I started working on me immediately. For instance, I knew that losing weight wasn't just about attracting the kind of man I desired, but it was the healthy thing to do for *me*... So I did. I knew that taking better care of my appearance (hair, make-up, nails, weight, etc.) wasn't just to attract a man, but it made me feel better about myself. I did (and continue to)...

I am a homebody. The best part about a Friday night to me is finally being done with the workweek and cuddling up to a good book and chai tea in my windowseat. I'd rather do that than go out and network, party, go to singles events. But when I got serious about finding him... I knew he wasn't going to find me... on the couch. So I got out there. I am not married or even engaged but I'm in a relationship and happy. A big change from 2 years ago (or even 1 year ago!)

So while I totally understand that reality dictates that we MUST have some type of contingency plan (what if we DON'T meet 'the one'... and we want to adopt, etc.?).... I truly feel like why not work on what you can control (things you KNOW are hindering your success at dating) NOW? May be no need for the drastic change... ? Sorry if I've totally missed your point and gone off on a tangent..lol

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

I think by 35 if Im not married then I will officially take myself out of even being attracted to men anymore.I mean im 23 and if with in another 10-12 yrs I have worked the kinks out of myself enough to be found attractive by a man then I don't believe I will after being way under the hill

 

[Sunshine_One]

Interesting thread Glib. I'm not sure. I'm currently at that crossroads so to speak. I wonder often what women over 35 who are single and still want to be married are doing? I'm in that age group and I'm at a loss at this point. Ms_Red you gave a some great suggestions. I know for me I've been doing at lot what you staring doing for years now. I've always taken great car of myself. I go out and about on my own ALL the time. I do need to step up my fitness goals. So I will work on that. But I'm not trying to lose a whole bunch of weight just to attract a man. I just want to stay healthy.

 

[Xerxes]

Hmm, that's a good question. And I've already begun changing my behavior so that I don't end up a bitter old single BW. So my cutoff age was 28 and this whole year, I have KIM and kept myself focused on only marriage material. I too have not been in a committed relationship and I don't plan on being in one until I meet the guy I marry. Monogamy is stupid if he hasn't put a ring on it.

Regardless, I think I've already met the guy I will marry. Now, I just can't wait to see what happens over this next year. Maybe we should start an engagement/proposal challenge for those who are currently/chronically manless! LOL

Our very own "52 weeks to find him" thread might be nice and more fruitful than the original website.

 

[ThickHair]

Hmm, that's a good question. And I've already begun changing my behavior so that I don't end up a bitter old single BW. So my cutoff age was 28 and this whole year, I have KIM and kept myself focused on only marriage material. I too have not been in a committed relationship and I don't plan on being in one until I meet the guy I marry. Monogamy is stupid if he hasn't put a ring on it.

Regardless, I think I've already met the guy I will marry. Now, I just can't wait to see what happens over this next year. Maybe we should start an engagement/proposal challenge for those who are currently/chronically manless! LOL

Our very own "52 weeks to find him" thread might be nice and more fruitful than the original website.

You really should change the mindset that older, BW are bitter. Older can be better if you make it. If you believe in LOA then you will definately be an old, bitter BW, it is all about what you are throwing out.

 

[Glib Gurl]

Although I totally understand the logic behind it, I honestly feel like that is selling yourself short. Although it took me 2 years (and I am still a work in progress), when I became serious about finding a life partner, I started working on me immediately. For instance, I knew that losing weight wasn't just about attracting the kind of man I desired, but it was the healthy thing to do for *me*... So I did. I knew that taking better care of my appearance (hair, make-up, nails, weight, etc.) wasn't just to attract a man, but it made me feel better about myself. I did (and continue to)...

I am a homebody. The best part about a Friday night to me is finally being done with the workweek and cuddling up to a good book and chai tea in my windowseat. I'd rather do that than go out and network, party, go to singles events. But when I got serious about finding him... I knew he wasn't going to find me... on the couch. So I got out there. I am not married or even engaged but I'm in a relationship and happy. A big change from 2 years ago (or even 1 year ago!)

So while I totally understand that reality dictates that we MUST have some type of contingency plan (what if we DON'T meet 'the one'... and we want to adopt, etc.?).... I truly feel like why not work on what you can control (things you KNOW are hindering your success at dating) NOW? May be no need for the drastic change... ? Sorry if I've totally missed your point and gone off on a tangent..lol

Oh, not to worry - I am doing all of those things you mentioned as well. Yeah, I love to sit at home . . . but unless I want to marry the pizza delivery dude, I need to put myself out there.

 

[Glib Gurl]

Hmm, that's a good question. And I've already begun changing my behavior so that I don't end up a bitter old single BW. So my cutoff age was 28 and this whole year, I have KIM and kept myself focused on only marriage material. I too have not been in a committed relationship and I don't plan on being in one until I meet the guy I marry. Monogamy is stupid if he hasn't put a ring on it.

Regardless, I think I've already met the guy I will marry. Now, I just can't wait to see what happens over this next year. Maybe we should start an engagement/proposal challenge for those who are currently/chronically manless! LOL

Our very own "52 weeks to find him" thread might be nice and more fruitful than the original website.

Xerxes - how old are you, if you don't mind my asking? Also, I think the "52 Weeks to Find Him" thread might be fun . . . like our own "That Girl" thread for the Relationship Forum

 

[Bunny77]

Although I totally understand the logic behind it, I honestly feel like that is selling yourself short.

So while I totally understand that reality dictates that we MUST have some type of contingency plan (what if we DON'T meet 'the one'... and we want to adopt, etc.?)...lol

You know, I used to have contingency plans, but I don't even believe in those any more... it seems that when you plan for "what ifs" in these situations, the "what ifs" actually happen.

 

[mychai]

If I'm single at 30, I'll become a slag for 2 years and see if I get better results.

 

[aribell]

If I found myself 35 and single, I would probably move to a different country, live a totally different lifestyle, and really do something with myself that I couldn't do if I were married with kids. The thought doesn't depress me. I feel like there are tradeoffs for both the single and married life, and if I were single for a protracted period of time for reasons beyond my control, I'd go and explore the benefits of life as a single person. And life being as ironic as it is, that'd be just when my husband came along.

I don't believe it's going to happen that way though.

 

[Oasis]

24...........

 

[Raspberry]

If I'm single at 30, I'll become a slag for 2 years and see if I get better results.

funny.. I understand where you're coming from tho..