Spinoff - Did he wait for you?

[Glib Gurl]

In another thread, I asked about this alleged "rule" that if a woman won't color by the fourth date, the dude will drop her, to which prettyfaceANB appropriately replied:

Thats some bull.

Sorry this is one of the reason so many women (black, women, or indifferent) are single because we give it up with no ring and no commitment. If we just had enough strength and savvy to make these men wait before they get to color all over you , you wouldnt complain everytime a man got the goods then dropped you anyway.

Contrary to popular belief, if a man wants you, he WILL wait for you.

This thread relates to the bold text --

Was there ever a man in your life who you were over the moon about, yet made him wait? Did he wait for you? If so, how long did you make him wait (several months? until you were exclusive? engaged? married?)

Also, were there guys who didn't wait for you . . . tell us about that, too!

DISH!

 

[loolalooh]

....................

 

[dlewis]

The men I have been with have waited several months.

 

[sunnydaze]

My ex-husband waited 8 months.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Did he wait for you?

The RIGHT one would....and the right one WILL.

Some men have waited until marriage w/a woman.

As long as you allow him time to REALLY get to know you...and get him "hooked"...the right guy will wait until you are comfortable. As long as he feels like he could get it "some day", you should be okay if he's VERY into you.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

He's waiting now.
Heck, he tells me NO when I try to get going. LOL! But we know the deal so we wait for each other.

 

[Natasha009]

I agree the right guy will wait. If he really likes you it won't matter, b/c he'll be so excited about just the getting to know you and spending time with you part. My fiancee waited for several months, and we were exclusive since the night we met, and spent every day together afer the night we met. Like literally everyday. So we basically went out on over 90 dates

Also sometimes you may find out you don't even LIKE the guy, and then I'm always happy I do wait so long. Theres 1 guy I dated for like 3 months and now we can't stand each other, and everytime we see each other I thank goodness he never got any of this, that I waited long enough to see past the BS.

 

[Allandra]

GG - You got me over here hoping and praying for you girl.

 

[song_of_serenity]

As a Christian woman, I date Christian men and I let it be KNOWN I'm not down for ANYTHING that's going to compromise MY walk with God. Either you are with it or not. I'm not that thirsty for a man that I'm going to hope and pray that he "sho nuff follows his faith and waits for me!" Thats' between him and God. If he's like "I can't do this..." NEXT!

And yes, I the ones I have dated have...once I'm seeing now is marriage minded but... we
will see.
And also, I've dated men who's been like "Geeze, you're perfect and I don't wanna give you up...can't we do OTHER things so we can wait till we're married?"
NO!
Don't sacrifice ANYthing for a man! Make sure you are likeminded in such an important area!!

 

[newbiemom]

Yes .My DH waited over 6 months.

 

[JayAnn0513]

How about I waited for him.

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

Yep he waited...said he didn't have a problem with waiting either b/c he knew I was "the one"

 

[kismettt]

Was there ever a man in your life who you were over the moon about, yet made him wait?
male a: yes
male b: yes

Did he wait for you?
male a: for about a month, then he got itchy
male b: yes

If so, how long did you make him wait (several months? until you were exclusive? engaged? married?)
male a: he bounced before his time was up (where is the thankfully smiley?)
male b: when i was ready, he wasn't. i had to convince him. it ended up being ~4 months. oh & it was after we were exclusive/said i love you. he's my current SO

 

[princessnad]

He waited several months... way after we were exclusive and were in love.

 

[imaccami]

I don't really know if that 4th date rule is real. Really, after the fourth date?

My answer is yes, because no man has ever gotten anything other than a hug and sometimes a kiss from me after the 4th date. It takes several months for me to be intimate with someone, no one's had a problem with it or even said anything about it.

I guess it's different for people who've been friends for years and just started dating. I can understand the 4th date rule under those circumstances.

 

[Nayeli]

My SO and I are waiting - we've been exclusive for more than a year. He promised me that nothing would happen before I am ready. BUT, we are like-minded ie. we both know that if we start there will be no stopping, and we would both love to wait until marriage.

The guy I was casually speaking to before him bounced after the second date - drove me straight home when he found out nothing was going to be happening. Good riddance too because he made way for the man who's in my life now.

 

[softblackcotton]

There's this Guy now. I told him from the very first month. I'm saving myself for marriage. He didn't bounce and that was since April 2009. We went on many dates but not exclusive. He asked me to be exclusive earlier this month but I've been telling him time and time again no chemistry. He really likes me more than I like him for whatever reasons but I just have the feeling he is definitely getting some cyan, cerulean, magenta, and burnt sienna on the side. He ain't really waiting I'm the only one but I don't care because we are not exclusive and my heart isn't on him.

 

[Ediese]

I always make them wait 2-3 months until we're exclusive, and we have some type of emotional connection. They always wait. After the 4th date? Umm..nooo way. lol

 

[natural in ATL]

My fiance waited and is still waiting. We discussed early on (about one month into our relationship) that we both wanted to wait until marriage. Neither one of us had to convince each other to wait. (We are extremely attracted to each other, so it has been hard...but we support each other in our times of weakness in order stay on course.)

There was a guy I dated previously that I was really into. He liked me a lot also and we dated frequently and became exclusive a couple of months into the relationship. I told him I wanted to wait until marriage and he said that was no problem so we continued dating. Well, about a month later I get an email from him saying that if he "cannot express his love physically" then we could only be friends. I responded and told him I appreciated his honesty and best of luck. Why is he still calling/texting every so often to this day asking if I'm still in a relationship...his loss!

 

[DarkHair]

I've always been a rule girl. I made dh wait MONTHS after we started dating. I wanted to get to know him better. I also had to know where he lives, works, and meet his family. I had to see his 'background' before we moved forward.

 

[yaya24]

My (now ex) SO waited several months. Then after "coloring" we dated for 5 years

I have re-dedicated my life to Christ and broke up with him so I would not be tempted in that way (plus additional reasons). He says that he is going to make changes in his walk and he is not prepared to lose me...

The next relationship will be lined up with the word and he will wait until we are married.

 

[Bunny77]

I've always been a rule girl. I made dh wait MONTHS after we started dating. I wanted to get to know him better. I also had to know where he lives, works, and meet his family. I had to see his 'background' before we moved forward.

Good point!

I need to know who folks' "peoples" are (yes, that was sooooo grammatically incorrect ) before I get intimate with them, and I don't just mean sexually.

Unless I'm only looking for something physical and don't care after that (which I'm not), I need to know who you are before I start sharing myself with you emotionally, mentally, financially, physically, etc.

(By financially, I only mean things like contributing on a date AFTER we're together and we're seeing each other on a regular basis.)

 

[Kerryann]

you will know if that person is for you or not by holding out and standing firm

 

[Prudent1]

you will know if that person is for you or not by holding out and standing firm

This is so true. You are able to think clearly when your emotions are not all tied up in this individual. It takes courage to stand for what you believe in. Courage to let the ones go who weren't really right for you anyway. Wisdom to know that you are worth it. Wisdom to avoid situations that will cause you years of hurt, recovery (some never do), and needless introspection. Courage to say I am going to do me and I don't owe any explanations.

 

[Ladybelle]

my dh & I were in a committed relationship first, he waited a year before he finally got to "know" me intimately.

I think waiting is best, it helps you to weed out the losers without getting emotionally attached or giving up the goods to someone who is no good.

 

[JustKiya]

Here I come, the voice of dissent.

I never made a man wait for long, because I never wanted to wait....... and honestly, I never understood the whole 'make him wait' thing.

It implies, to me, that a) women don't have sexual needs and b) a man who only wants the puddy will wait indefinitely for it. Both of which are incorrect, IMO.
Of course, if you have religious reasons for waiting, that's a whole nother ball of wax.

If a man wants more from you than just sex, having sex on the first date or the 50th won't make much difference.

If a man only wants sex, having sex early on means that he's now out of your hair.

I doubt that I waited for much longer than the 3rd date for anyone I've ever dated. DH and I had sex on the second date....and yes, if we hadn't had sex early on, he would have moved on. I'm 100% certain of that.

 

[Bunny77]

Here I come, the voice of dissent.

I never made a man wait for long, because I never wanted to wait....... and honestly, I never understood the whole 'make him wait' thing.

It implies, to me, that a) women don't have sexual needs and b) a man who only wants the puddy will wait indefinitely for it. Both of which are incorrect, IMO.
Of course, if you have religious reasons for waiting, that's a whole nother ball of wax.

If a man wants more from you than just sex, having sex on the first date or the 50th won't make much difference.

If a man only wants sex, having sex early on means that he's now out of your hair.

I doubt that I waited for much longer than the 3rd date for anyone I've ever dated. DH and I had sex on the second date....and yes, if we hadn't had sex early on, he would have moved on. I'm 100% certain of that.

Hi Kiya!

I see it like this... (and btw, although I'm Christian, I actually think one can make a decision to wait for practical purposes as well).

Speaking from a non-religious, yet pro-waiting prospective... I'm with you on having sexual needs... women DO have them. BUT, for me, those needs did not trump the desire for security in an intimate relationship. Again, if I or any other woman is only looking for something physical and really don't care about the outcome, then from a non-religious perspective, I have ZERO objection to two people going and getting it on right then and there.

However, I didn't want to be ruled by my sexual needs when making my decision to be with a person that I hoped would be a long-term partner. By keeping sex out of the equation for a period of time, I was able to judge him and "vet" him to determine whether he would be the type of partner that I wanted. I didn't want to stick with someone who was a loser everywhere but the bedroom, and stay with someone only because the sex was good... not if I'm looking for a husband, that type of man is NOT husband material. Fling material, yes, but if I'm not in the market for a fling, then he's a waste of my time.

Also, it's about waiting until I am comfortable. Once I have reached the point in which I feel comfortable enough to be with him sexually -- if I haven't determined that I'm waiting for marriage -- then it will happen. But it will be MY choice, and the sex will be inherently better because I will be 100% comfortable about the person I'm with, the timing, and my feelings.


I guess I'm a person who thinks that just because you want something, it doesn't mean that it's good for you either. I might have a sexual need at a certain point in time, but that doesn't mean that I should go out and fulfill it at that very moment either, because the overall outcome will not be optimal for me.

So, for me, a man who wants sex early would not be a good fit. But he would be a good fit for someone else. The person who's right for me would understand the reasons why I want to wait.

 

[JustKiya]

However, I didn't want to be ruled by my sexual needs when making my decision to be with a person that I hoped would be a long-term partner. By keeping sex out of the equation for a period of time, I was able to judge him and "vet" him to determine whether he would be the type of partner that I wanted. I didn't want to stick with someone who was a loser everywhere but the bedroom, and stay with someone only because the sex was good... not if I'm looking for a husband, that type of man is NOT husband material. Fling material, yes, but if I'm not in the market for a fling, then he's a waste of my time.

And you know, I suspect that was the difference for me. Sex never blinded me to a man's faults. *sigh* At. All. Neither does love, really.
I could appreciate a good plumber without romanticizing him into something more/better than a good plumber - but I suspect many people (esp. women) can't do that.

 

[Bunny77]

And you know, I suspect that was the difference for me. Sex never blinded me to a man's faults. *sigh* At. All. Neither does love, really.
I could appreciate a good plumber without romanticizing him into something more/better than a good plumber - but I suspect many people (esp. women) can't do that.

I will add this... I think that women can separate men into a, "Plumbing only" category and then a "Potential Partner + Plumber" category.

A woman could be in a place in her life where she only wants a plumber. Or she sees a potential plumber and goes for him and has NO desire to make him more than that.

That same woman could then meet a man that she falls for in multiple ways, and then gets upset when he only wants to be a plumber.

I do think women can be more complex than just, "Oh, I can't separate sex from love." I think they can separate the two with certain men at certain times in their lives (like early 20s, perhaps), but maybe if they've gone a LONG time without being in a committed relationship, they become more sensitive about the whole thing.

 

[Nayeli]

I will add this... I think that women can separate men into a, "Plumbing only" category and then a "Potential Partner + Plumber" category.

A woman could be in a place in her life where she only wants a plumber. Or she sees a potential plumber and goes for him and has NO desire to make him more than that.

That same woman could then meet a man that she falls for in multiple ways, and then gets upset when he only wants to be a plumber.

I do think women can be more complex than just, "Oh, I can't separate sex from love." I think they can separate the two with certain men at certain times in their lives (like early 20s, perhaps), but maybe if they've gone a LONG time without being in a committed relationship, they become more sensitive about the whole thing.

This cannot be said enough !!! Women ain't stupid at all!