Spinoff - Did he wait for you?

[Ladybelle]

Hi Kiya!

I see it like this... (and btw, although I'm Christian, I actually think one can make a decision to wait for practical purposes as well).

Speaking from a non-religious, yet pro-waiting prospective... I'm with you on having sexual needs... women DO have them. BUT, for me, those needs did not trump the desire for security in an intimate relationship. Again, if I or any other woman is only looking for something physical and really don't care about the outcome, then from a non-religious perspective, I have ZERO objection to two people going and getting it on right then and there.

However, I didn't want to be ruled by my sexual needs when making my decision to be with a person that I hoped would be a long-term partner. By keeping sex out of the equation for a period of time, I was able to judge him and "vet" him to determine whether he would be the type of partner that I wanted. I didn't want to stick with someone who was a loser everywhere but the bedroom, and stay with someone only because the sex was good... not if I'm looking for a husband, that type of man is NOT husband material. Fling material, yes, but if I'm not in the market for a fling, then he's a waste of my time.

Also, it's about waiting until I am comfortable. Once I have reached the point in which I feel comfortable enough to be with him sexually -- if I haven't determined that I'm waiting for marriage -- then it will happen. But it will be MY choice, and the sex will be inherently better because I will be 100% comfortable about the person I'm with, the timing, and my feelings.


I guess I'm a person who thinks that just because you want something, it doesn't mean that it's good for you either. I might have a sexual need at a certain point in time, but that doesn't mean that I should go out and fulfill it at that very moment either, because the overall outcome will not be optimal for me.

So, for me, a man who wants sex early would not be a good fit. But he would be a good fit for someone else. The person who's right for me would understand the reasons why I want to wait.

ITA. sums up how I feel about it. There is certainly a difference between fling sex and husband material sex - IMHO.

 

[biancaelyse]

Let's see my college bf was supposed to be waiting for me but was pretty much a big sloppy cheater LOL!!! Nasty rabbit !!! I'm glad we never went there because he was not very discriminating about what coloring page he scribbled on .

DH and I both waited for religious and other reasons. Because he had already made that decision long before he met me, it was not a big deal to him at all.

It was not quite 7 months from the 1st date until we said "I do."

 

[sidney]

If he wants it then he better put a ring on it,lol. If you are dating christian men you probably don't have to worry about this like biancaelyse stated. If I wasn't christian I would still make him wait until maririage, I mean...when does buying a few movie tickets and some fast food earn you exclusive rights to my body. Boy bye!

 

[Bunny77]

If he wants it then he better put a ring on it,lol. If you are dating christian men you probably don't have to worry about this like biancaelyse stated. If I wasn't christian I would still make him wait until maririage, I mean...when does buying a few movie tickets and some fast food earn you exclusive rights to my body. Boy bye!

Except those Christian men who find a way to make an exception in the sexual realm of their lives! You know, those "God knows my heart" people.


Oh, and I love your last sentence. Honestly, I'm like flat out offended these days when men want to argue you down if you say NO after the first few days. I mean, what's with this sense of ENTITLEMENT? That's what gets me... it's one thing if they try, you say no, and they just move on, but no, they gotta tell you what's wrong with you like you owe THEM something!

Just ugh.

 

[sidney]

Except those Christian men who find a way to make an exception in the sexual realm of their lives! You know, those "God knows my heart" people.


Oh, and I love your last sentence. Honestly, I'm like flat out offended these days when men want to argue you down if you say NO after the first few days. I mean, what's with this sense of ENTITLEMENT? That's what gets me... it's one thing if they try, you say no, and they just move on, but no, they gotta tell you what's wrong with you like you owe THEM something!

Just ugh.

Oh yes, I dated one of those "God knows my heart men," but this one was extra messy. I got rid of him quickly!

Yeah, I have no idea why men feel so entitled. I can take my ownself to a dinner and a movie, I'm like...what else you got?

I don't see how this is going to work for most women who are seriously looking for something more long term. I mean if you plan on dating a lot, that's is giving way too much of yourself. Save some for your husband!

 

[sidney]

Oh yes, I dated one of those "God knows my heart men," but this one was extra messy. I got rid of him quickly!

Yeah, I have no idea why men feel so entitled. I can take my ownself to a dinner and a movie, I'm like...what else you got?

I don't see how this is going to work for most women who are seriously looking for something more long term. I mean if you plan on dating a lot, that's is giving way too much of yourself. Save some for your husband!

Didn't mean to sound gold diggerish,lol. That's not what I meant.

 

[Renewed1]

This subjects always crack me up. Because I have friends that believe a man WON'T wait for a woman and some laugh at my "audactiy" to practice celibacy until marriage.

My theory is this....a man will wait for a woman if she is WORTH something to HIM.

A man's nature is to never pass on a good thing. YOU may be good for him; but he may not be good for you; but he will keep coming after you; because you ARE a GOOD WOMAN. He WILL change to be with you; because YOU are a GOOD woman.
He will wait to have sex with YOU because you are a GOOD woman.

Plus, if you make a man wait; he'll be ready to marry you quicker.

 

[Kimberly]

My FH did wait and said he would wait as long as it took...it only took about 3 months...there were plenty who didn't wait...but who the heck cares about them?! lol

my exdh waited too...although...maybe it was him making me wait...lol...it took him 6 weeks for us to get to our first kiss!

 

[Lucia]

This subjects always crack me up. Because I have friends that believe a man WON'T wait for a woman and some laugh at my "audactiy" to practice celibacy until marriage.

My theory is this....a man will wait for a woman if she is WORTH something to HIM.

A man's nature is to never pass on a good thing. YOU may be good for him; but he may not be good for you; but he will keep coming after you; because you ARE a GOOD WOMAN. He WILL change to be with you; because YOU are a GOOD woman.
He will wait to have sex with YOU because you are a GOOD woman.

Plus, if you make a man wait; he'll be ready to marry you quicker.

Say it again! Preach!

 

[Renewed1]

^^^ Girl it's the truth!

I wish somebody would have told me this when I was younger.

 

[aribell]

Interesting...I never really thought of sex as being a "waiting for someone" type of thing, more like something based on a person's principles. People who like to jump in quickly get together and those who wait do so together. I've had to part ways with someone because of our different perspectives in this regard, but I guess I never took it personally like he didn't want to wait for me, more like he'd assigned a certain amout of significance to having sex regularly, and abstinence was absolutely nowhere on the list. Regular sex has different levels of significance to different people.

I guess I see it as more of a compatibility thing than an interest-level thing.