Spinny: twentysomething and not married

[mischka]

Do you worry that you will struggle to become married and potentially hit the "high risk" for marriage age (whatever you personally determine that to be) with no prospects for marriage?

I'm twenty-five and I'm still not sweating about marriage even though I have nothing even resembling a potential future prospect. Firstly because it's not the type of thing I want right now and secondly because I just feel like when I'm ready to think about marriage it won't be a riddle of the sphinx to find the guy. Maybe I'm just young and dumb and naive but I truly don't feel like I'm going to have a hard time finding a husband when I'm ready for one.

What say you?

 

[MD_Lady]

Do you worry that you will struggle to become married and potentially hit the "high risk" for marriage age (whatever you personally determine that to be) with no prospects for marriage?

I'm twenty-five and I'm still not sweating about marriage even though I have nothing even resembling a potential future prospect. Firstly because it's not the type of thing I want right now and secondly because I just feel like when I'm ready to think about marriage it won't be a riddle of the sphinx to find the guy. Maybe I'm just young and dumb and naive but I truly don't feel like I'm going to have a hard time finding a husband when I'm ready for one.

What say you?

I think your feelings have everything to do with your priorities and nothing to do with being young and dumb. If you're happy with your life and content to let the future unfold, don't think/analyze/question yourself any further, just let it be.

 

[mischka]

Agreed. But I'm also wondering, for other women my age, if the biological clock is already on.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

Do you worry that you will struggle to become married and potentially hit the "high risk" for marriage age (whatever you personally determine that to be) with no prospects for marriage?

I'm twenty-five and I'm still not sweating about marriage even though I have nothing even resembling a potential future prospect. Firstly because it's not the type of thing I want right now and secondly because I just feel like when I'm ready to think about marriage it won't be a riddle of the sphinx to find the guy. Maybe I'm just young and dumb and naive but I truly don't feel like I'm going to have a hard time finding a husband when I'm ready for one.

What say you?

When I was 25, I was the same way. I don't think that's a bad place to be.
Now that I am in my late 20's, I have desire to settle down. Marriage is something I am looking forward to, but I am waiting on Mr. Right. As far as my biological clock goes, I don't want kids any time soon. I really want to enjoy being married for a few years, so have about 12 to 15 years to worry about starting a family.




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[Nelli04]

I don't really stress the idea of marriage right now. There's so much I need to work on, for myself..before I can truly be comfortable with someone to the point where we'd consider marriage...

But once I get myself together, I also don't feel it will be hard to find a husband. I'm 24 btw

 

[Ash25]

Im 26 and I feel that same way. Im open to getting married but happy wit my life as it is now. I know its coming so im jus chillin till it happens. Plus im not havin kids for another 7-10 yrs!!! Maybe longer

Im too focused on making my dreams a reality now. No, that is not code for "ima bitter single man hatin betty". I am involed wit a man and we both feel that marriage is a couple of chapters away. And its a long book with few chapters....and a very happy ending

 

[Victorian]

I'm 27 and not married. Wanting to be married is only a recent development for me -- I wasn't thinking about it at all before. I think my mother has given up on having grandkids (my older sister isn't married or looking to be either).

Now that the desire to have someone to share my life with has magically appeared out of nowhere lol, I'm governing myself accordingly. Some people may find it abnormal that I've never been in a relationship before, but I honestly didn't want to be in one (and wouldn't have been able to maintain one--I know that now), so I wasn't.

I consider myself a "late bloomer", or maybe just a "slow" one. I have resented it sometimes of course--I don't live under a rock and know good and well that society gives people like me the side-eye--but that isn't very productive. I just had some stuff I had to work through and things I needed to get done before I felt stable, established, and ok with myself. Trying to search for a husband before I was ready would have been a disaster, and probably would have damaged me to the point that it would take even LONGER before I was able to be successful at it. It is what it is.

I'm going to enjoy my dating stage while it lasts, while also keeping an eye out for "the one". I'm not rushing it, but I am being intentional. I'm sure I still have plenty of lessons to learn and will have stumbling blocks, etc., but I don't expect to have a terribly difficult time finding what I'm after.

 

[Oasis]

23, no interest in being married at the mo'. i'll get married when i'm dead.*shrugs*

I truly don't feel like I'm going to have a hard time finding a husband when I'm ready for one.

i feel the same. i just can't bring myself to take those "Black Women Will Be Forever Alone" reports from CNN or here seriously.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

I'm 27 and working on myself so marriage isn't on my mind right now. I would like to get married in the future but if it doesn't happen, I'm not going to cry about. God obviously has a different life planned for me.

As for my biological clock, no worries. The older I get though, the more I'm leaning towards not having any children.

 

[Theo]

I worry about it.

First, my parents are putting pressure on me to get married and give them grandbabies. I told my mom that I think its perfectly fine for a women to not desire a husband and kids and she told me that she doesn't appreciate the recent decline of my morals since I started grad school and she's going to continue praying for me. erplexed

She also told me that its ridiculous for me to want to delay having children until after residency.

Like... why is she putting pressure on me to give her grandbabies? Its annoying.

Add to the fact that I see a lot of women in my field struggling in the man department... I mean, a lot of them have hubbies and stuff, but a lot of them don't as well....

and its not that I don't think I can get a man, its that I want a man who's tall, chocolate, muscular, with good money (>$250K in salary), successful in his field, intelligent, funny, dominant in bed, kind, family-oriented, enjoys travel and helping the needy, and who has a personality compatible with my own (I'm kind of quirky in real life). And Christian.

I just don't know if I'm ever going to find that man, or if he even exists.

That's the type of stuff I worry about unfortunately.

ETA: I'm 23.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I think I'm going to struggle unless God plans on throwing me a surprise party in the next few years, like "Here's your man!" But seriously, I don't want to be a sad, lonely type. By 35, if it hasn't happened, I want to still be fulfilled in my life. I'd love to travel, adopt kids, etc.

 

[Imani]

I'm 28, not married and I'm really good with that. I don't desire to be married anytime soon and not sure if I ever want to be married, has never been a goal/desire of mine; if I do it will prob be like in my mid-thirties or something like that.

I'm not interested in kids, so no biological clock.

Right now I just want to do well at work and explore my hobbies/interests and personal growth. I'd like to maybe date for a little while and then have a boyfriend w/in the next year or two. I've only had one supposedly real relationship and that was a disaster; I definitely would like to actually have an authentic and deep connection with someone, that would be awesome. I'm almost 30 and never have had a solid real romantic relationship.

 

[Imani]

I'm 27 and not married. Wanting to be married is only a recent development for me -- I wasn't thinking about it at all before. I think my mother has given up on having grandkids (my older sister isn't married or looking to be either).

Now that the desire to have someone to share my life with has magically appeared out of nowhere lol, I'm governing myself accordingly. Some people may find it abnormal that I've never been in a relationship before, but I honestly didn't want to be in one (and wouldn't have been able to maintain one--I know that now), so I wasn't.

I consider myself a "late bloomer", or maybe just a "slow" one. I have resented it sometimes of course--I don't live under a rock and know good and well that society gives people like me the side-eye--but that isn't very productive. I just had some stuff I had to work through and things I needed to get done before I felt stable, established, and ok with myself. Trying to search for a husband before I was ready would have been a disaster, and probably would have damaged me to the point that it would take even LONGER before I was able to be successful at it. It is what it is.

I'm going to enjoy my dating stage while it lasts, while also keeping an eye out for "the one". I'm not rushing it, but I am being intentional. I'm sure I still have plenty of lessons to learn and will have stumbling blocks, etc., but I don't expect to have a terribly difficult time finding what I'm after.

I'm in a similar boat. I had the high school sweetheart, but honestly that was just to pass time. Didn't have my first real boyfriend until I was 25 and it was someone I knew before, a very close friend. So, there wasn't any "dating" persay. So I'm 28 and haven't ever really dated at all. I do feel like I'm behind the curve as far as my social/emotional development. But I don't really sweat it much, it is what it is.

@ the 2nd bolded. Since my 1st so called relationship was such a massive disaster, I wonder if it did more harm than good. On the one hand, yeah I learned a lot but on the other hand, it was so awful it kind of makes me want to be closed down and there's still many emotional scars. I knew I wasn't ready to be in a relationship, but I went for it anyway.

Before I got with my ex, the one or two times I did go on a date, I got the serious side eye for being my age, successful, attractive, etc and never having had a boyfriend. I didn't think it was that big of deal. But they were like immediately thinking something must be wrong with me.

 

[lushcoils]

I'm 23, and I'm struggling with getting quality attractive men to approach me in real life and online. So, yes, I do worry about my future prospects and my likelihood of getting married sometimes. But all you need is one, so hopefully it works out in the end, though I may not have a lot of choices.

I want to have kids in my 30s, so my biological clock isn't ticking.

 

[BlueEra]

I honestly don't worry about it. If I never get married, I can't say I'll be upset. I don't even want kids.

 

[Victorian]

Before I got with my ex, the one or two times I did go on a date, I got the serious side eye for being my age, successful, attractive, etc and never having had a boyfriend. I didn't think it was that big of deal. But they were like immediately thinking something must be wrong with me.

Argh...this is my biggest source of resentment. Something was wrong with me, in a sense...but I'm totally dateable now! Really!

Dude:

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I'm definitely in that ready for marriage (given its the right guy) stage. But biological, baby clock is not and has not even ticked.

 

[Simply_elle]

I'm 25 and ready, I met my s/o at 23 and honestly, set my heart out for love. I believe that this is the right path for me, turning 30 and then going wth... Wasn't appealing to me. I would like my children and marriage in my twenties, so my thirties could be focused on career and personal goals. I think that these are very hard times, and being young does NOT help!! Having my guy is very comforting and we're growing and learning together... It's awesome. He's 29 (black) at a good place life, career motivated (pilot), and college educated...however he has some emotional growing to do, as do I Too many people our age discount true companionship and how valuable it is to have a solid relationship. My parents have been together since they were 22 and they have been inseparable ever since... <3

ETA: Sorry for drifting but yes I was worried, In my early twenties...I took the steps to work on myself, education, and mindset at 20..21..22, Until I felt ready to get serious.

 

[4bslbound]

Honestly, at 25 mine was. I had completed my educational goals. Plus, Ive always wanted several kids and since my mom had me at 25 that was my reference point. I'm married now (30) and expecting baby #1.

 

[qchelle]

No, I'm not worried about it right now. I can't take the BW are doomed crap seriously either lol. Is that crap even targeted at our age group anyway?

I can't say that I don't care if i never get married though. I don't know how I'll feel 5, 10 years from now. But right now, hell no I don't wanna be nobody's wife. Wtfuugggg? I'm working on myself right now.

My standard for marrying age is like 32-40. Since that's when my parents and most of my friends parents got married....and stayed that way. So I'm always baffled when I hear 30somethings worry about marriage. Im my mind, that's not old at all and there's still plenty of time.

So...let's see...if I put a number on it...I'll say 20 yrs. 20 yrs before I start freaking out. Ill be 41(lawd lol). You mean to tell me I'm not gonna find someone in 20yrs?! maybe Im young, dumb, and naive too but girl, please My brain is incapable of taking that seriously lol.


My parents don't pressure me about guys, dates, marriage, babies. Maybe they'll start to when I'm 35 lol.

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[Etherealsmile]

Agreed. But I'm also wondering, for other women my age, if the biological clock is already on.

I don't have one I'm not planning on having children and because of that I'm not worried about getting married anytime soon.

I've been single for so long that the thought of a long term relationship leading to marriage leads me to break out in a cold sweat gotta work on that LMAO! I've thoroughly enjoyed being single, learning about myself, growing and losing this weight. It has been an adventure and I'm not ready to trade it in just yet

I'm hoping to find a potential future husband when I begin grad school this fall. We'll see how that goes. I know for me my options will be pretty limited because i'm looking for a like minded individual who does not want children as well *good luck to me*

 

[Etherealsmile]

High five to all the late bloomers and ladies who don't want kids

<----massive late bloomer

 

[Etherealsmile]

My standard for marrying age is like 32-40. Since that's when my parents and most of my friends parents got married....and stayed that way. So I'm always baffled when I hear 30somethings worry about marriage. Im my mind, that's not old at all and there's still plenty of time.

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Thanks was not enough at this paragraph. I always look at those threads like WTH? IMO that is the perfect age group to get married. I feel in your 20's one is still developing themselves, establishing career goals, enjoying parties growing and maturing emotionally as a person.

I know of several people who divorced after marrying in their 20's. That's not to say people who marry in this age group are going to fail; all i'm saying is there is still a lot of development and growth to be made by folks in this age group (I believe) before they are ready for a serious commitment like marriage.

 

[Imani]

Argh...this is my biggest source of resentment. Something was wrong with me, in a sense...but I'm totally dateable now! Really!

Dude:

I know right. Our relationship was so dysfunctional and not "normal" but yet the mere fact of having been in one makes me "normal" now. Wtf ever. I often say I have no regrets in life and I don't bc obviously it went down the way it did bc that's the way the universe intended it to. But trust me id love to have my "never been in a relationship" status back at 28 and getting the side eye than having went thru that mess.

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[ScorpioBeauty09]

I'm 23 and marriage/having kids is on my mind a lot because I want to be married and have my first child in my late 20s. I'm not worried about attracting men, that's never been my problem. I just worry I won't be able to find the type of man I'm looking for. Part of my problem is that I'm right smack in the middle of grad school and will be until I'm 26-27 and I don't have the time or energy to be really aggressive about finding the man I want. Maybe I'd feel differently if I'd had serious relationships at the point but I haven't.

My father's not worried about me getting married, he likes that I'm focused on school and my career. He wants me married at some point, but he's always said it will happen when it's supposed to. My mother used to pressure me about getting married and becoming a stay-at-home mother like she was (she got married at 21, had me at 27) but now she's changed her tune and wants me to focus on school and finding my own happiness first before making familial commitments.

 

[Dreamer48]

I worry sometimes, only because I expected/wanted to be married at age 28 (not before or after) and I'm 27 now. I plan to marry a younger man and adopt children, so I'm not really that concerned about it.

 

[lesedi]

I'm 26 now and ideally would like to be married at 29. I am with a great guy now and I believe that marriage is on the cards for us but I'm not naive enough to believe that there may be a possibility I could be single again. If i am single anytime soon, I'd be a little worried if I wasn't in a long term relationship looking towards marriage by age 28. I want kids before 30.

 

[azuquita_morena]

I used to want a husband and a family by the time I was 30, but now, at almost 26, I really don't have that yearning anymore, not even to be in a long term relationship. I don't even hear the biological clock ticking anymore. I realized I really like the freedom I have right now, and I really don't like to stay in one place/city for long periods of time. Plus, there are so many things I have to accomplish in all aspects of my life before I even begin to think about long term dating and marriage.

 

[MissSenegal]

I only think about marraige when I'm on here or facebook. Seeing so many people I grew up with get married does make me think. I'm in no rush. I am happy my last relationship ended because I would have been unhappily married. I know I'll get married. I'm 23 I have time and I refuse to have kids before 30.

 

[Beautytalk69]

I'm 27 and married. Yall ain't missing anything..trust me