Soooo Who Pays Once You Two Are In A Relationship

[theRaven]

When you and your guy officially become a couple what are you expectations when the check comes? Do you expect him to pay all the time, you both switch back and forth when going out or split 50/50 everytime ? Please explain in detail with your reasoning. (This is AFTER the dating phase, you are NOW a couple!)

Please state your age or age group ie millennial, boomer, gen X..., current relationship status, and whether your values/Ideals are traditional, modern, or a combination of both?

 

[FemmeFatale]

32
In a relationship
Traditional beliefs mixed with me getting what I want.

He pays for everything when we go out regardless of who suggests.

 

[NOEChic]

I pay sometimes, he pay majority of the time.

 

[Petal26]

Hubby always pays. We dated 4 years, married 8. I'm half traditional, half modern, I guess. I'm 35.

 

[LostInAdream]

He pays all the time with the exception of his birthday or if I feel like it which is few and far between. Together 6 years married for 2.
ETA: I'm traditional and modern in certain ways,29 years old.

 

[theRaven]

I pay sometimes, he pay majority of the time.

Please state age or age group and traditional, modern, or combination

 

[Damaris.Elle]

When you and your guy officially become a couple what are you expectations when the check comes? Do you expect him to pay all the time, you both switch back and forth when going out or split 50/50 everytime ? Please explain in detail with your reasoning. (This is AFTER the dating phase, you are NOW a couple!)

Please state your age or age group ie millennial, boomer, gen X..., current relationship status, and whether your values/Ideals are traditional, modern, or a combination of both?

27
In a relationship
I'd say I'm a combination of both traditional and modern.

-He pays most of the time...I pay every once in a while.

 

[Miss617]

He pays all the time with the exception of his birthday or if I feel like it which is few and far between. Together 6 years married for 2.
ETA: I'm traditional and modern in certain ways,29 years old.

Same, he pays unless it's his birthday or I want to do something nice. Happens maybe once a year lol.

Together 10 years (on and off), married three. I'm 27. I'd say I'm pretty modern but my DH is more of a combination.

 

[bajandoc86]

He pays > 90% of the time.

I'm 30, and quite traditional in a lot of aspects.

 

[Lucie]

37.

I forgot what generation. My memory says Baby Boomer, LOL.

Involved.

Combination.

I'd say it's 70-30. He pays 70 and I pay 30. I like to pay.

I really don't believe most ladies that say their man pays all the time. Regardless of being traditional or not. I am not sure if it is just a way to come across like a unicorn but it just seems like a peeing contest.

 

[Dee-Licious]

Married >5 years
Millennial
Traditional modern combo
All of our money is joint so it doesn't matter. ( but I still don't pull out a card or cash when we're together)

 

[sissimpson]

BOOMER! Married a LONG time. I pay sometimes, he pays sometimes. I'm working, he's retired.

 

[FemmeFatale]

37.

I forgot what generation. My memory says Baby Boomer, LOL.

Involved.

Combination.

I'd say it's 70-30. He pays 70 and I pay 30. I like to pay.

I really don't believe most ladies that say their man pays all the time. Regardless of being traditional or not. I am not sure if it is just a way to come across like a unicorn but it just seems like a peeing contest.

But picking up the check for date night isn't a biggie for some men and it's not anything worth bragging/lying about in the 30+ age group.

Honestly I wish women would spartan up more in these areas so that they're not caught up in some 50/50 roommate mess later down the line . Set the standard so that he knows to take care of you.

 

[Lucie]

But picking up the check for date night isn't a biggie for some men and it's not anything worth bragging/lying about in the 30+ age group.

Honestly I wish women would spartan up more in these areas so that they're not caught up in some 50/50 roommate mess later down the line . Set the standard so that he knows to take care of you.

I understand that. I am not sure why picking up the tab would be a big deal, especially in my age group and older. It's a certain vibe I get from some women that just seem seems phony is all.

I could never fathom the 50/50 sitch either. LOL!

 

[qchelle]

26, in a relationship, combo ideals I'd say.

He's paid all of the times we go anywhere, regardless of who suggests. Ive done the suggesting 99% of the time lol. He has a weekly budget, that I try to be aware of

We haven't been on any big expensive trips yet, but I'm fine with divvying up the costs somehow (with him paying most, and of course all the restaurants once we get there lol). So like I'd pay for my plane ticket, period. That's cool. Once in a relationship.

 

[fluffyforever]

I'm 27 married to a 30 yr old. I have mixed beliefs on the matter. Mainly I believe the man should pay for everything in my life. However, in this age one person's income can only go so far to meet the needs and wants of the household. I believe his income is my income and my income is none of his business.

When we go out to restaurants, he pays. It's a 50/50 who suggests it.

For trips, I may use my credit card for the points, but it's his budget that accounts for vacations so I take the cash from his account to pay off the card. On vacation he brings his cash and credit cards. I only have mine as backup in case of a problem. I suggest 80% of the vacations.

 

[Chocolate_Silk]

But picking up the check for date night isn't a biggie for some men and it's not anything worth bragging/lying about in the 30+ age group.

Honestly I wish women would spartan up more in these areas so that they're not caught up in some 50/50 roommate mess later down the line . Set the standard so that he knows to take care of you.

I agree with this and in a relationship, I've never paid for a date. Unless like someone mentioned a birthday outing.

ETA I'm 38

 

[summertimewine]

I'm a millennial/ Gen Z. My FH and I are 23.
He pays for everything unless it's his birthday or If I am surprising him with something then I purchase the tickets and he buys everything we do while we are there. We have joint accounts, and our own credit cards.

 

[secretdiamond]

37.

I forgot what generation. My memory says Baby Boomer, LOL.

Involved.

Combination.

I'd say it's 70-30. He pays 70 and I pay 30. I like to pay.

I really don't believe most ladies that say their man pays all the time. Regardless of being traditional or not. I am not sure if it is just a way to come across like a unicorn but it just seems like a peeing contest.

You're a generation X. Baby boomers are born in the 50's (and early sixties, I think).
I'm 32, a millennial.
People younger than 18 are generation Z or centennial.

 

[FemmeFatale]

I understand that. I am not sure why picking up the tab would be a big deal, especially in my age group and older. It's a certain vibe I get from some women that just seem seems phony is all.

I could never fathom the 50/50 sitch either. LOL!

I've learned from my mom that you have to make men "mache S S", you set the tone very early regardless of how much you're in love and want to pop out his babies, that way there's no confusion. Before direct deposit was a thing, my dad used to come home every Friday and give my mom (who also worked) the entire paycheck to handle the home affairs, get whatever she needs/wants.. there was no "here's my half, or here's my portion". She gave him pocket money and made sure all was well. Of course he had his CCs but still, you get the drift.

 

[Godsdaughter001]

Generation X. Dh pays all the time. Except for his b-day (although he paid for his b-day last month against my wishes).

 

[LivingInPeace]

Generation X
Traditional in some ways.Very modern in others.
My husband pays 99% of the time when we go out. I pay on his birthday or when I feel like treating.
Sometimes I'll pay the tip if I'm feeling generous.

 

[melisandre]

Millennial. Engaged. He pays, except on his bday or the rare occasions that I feel like treating. Mix of traditional and modern.

 

[sj10460]

Late 20s he's 34. We've been together for 4 years with a few breaks engaged for almost a year.

He pays 80% of the time. I like to think of myself as a modern traditionalist. I think men should pay always but I understand sometimes it isn't always practical or most beneficial. Men like to be treated too- and sure there are many different ways a woman can show her appreciation without coming out of her wallet but I think it's quite selfish not to do so.
I normally only pay for his birthday and other rare times but lately I've been stepping it up and surprising him. He's notice and he's happy and I'm reaping the benefits too

 

[hopeful]

I've learned from my mom that you have to make men "mache S S", you set the tone very early regardless of how much you're in love and want to pop out his babies, that way there's no confusion. Before direct deposit was a thing, my dad used to come home every Friday and give my mom (who also worked) the entire paycheck to handle the home affairs, get whatever she needs/wants.. there was no "here's my half, or here's my portion". She gave him pocket money and made sure all was well. Of course he had his CCs but still, you get the drift.

What does mache S S mean? And what are CCs?

 

[FemmeFatale]

What does mache S S mean? And what are CCs?

CC means credit card and mache SS ironically means to walk a straight line, lol.

Now I will say that I don't mind bdays treats (his is in March so it hasn't come by yet while we've been together) and a once in a blue treat, my first one was me surprising him with a couple's massage during our trip because he's a great guy who handled everything so well with the trip.

 

[lux10023]

Ummm

Mid 30's

Married

Sooooo one big joint account so whatever is clever

DH never lets me pay
We are often in front of or dinning or etc around mostly white ppl
For DH he would be totally put off of me paying or reaching or bringing out any cash
He is a bonafide provider!!!!
He hates to see women pay for men!!!

Um I plan and schedule a bunch of nice things for him with our money... so I'm always doing sweet things for him

Thinking back to our dating days
Let's just say I've always dated men with money so I let them spoil me, men like to see your big smile and that excited high pitch squeel when they do something to make you happy
I did pay for pizza, ice cream and some beverages, meals unders $20 that's my price point for that dating lol
His birthday I always would go all out...

If I was with a man whose income was moderate than I think I would consider it differently but I dated solely dudes with coins... intrinsically nothing inside of me feels odd about a man paying for everything if they have it... like we as woman do so much so our jobs are so priceless as mates I always think it equals out

In the end do what works for you!

 

[Supervixen]

Mid 30s
Married
Joint account
When we were exclusively dating I wasn't working, so he always paid. If I was, I would've offered to pay every once in a while. I honestly don't know if he'd let me pay or not though, women paying for him isn't his thing.

 

[Lucie]

I've learned from my mom that you have to make men "mache S S", you set the tone very early regardless of how much you're in love and want to pop out his babies, that way there's no confusion. Before direct deposit was a thing, my dad used to come home every Friday and give my mom (who also worked) the entire paycheck to handle the home affairs, get whatever she needs/wants.. there was no "here's my half, or here's my portion". She gave him pocket money and made sure all was well. Of course he had his CCs but still, you get the drift.

LOL @ marche S-S. My dad used to tell me that's what I need to do when it came to him. I agree with your mom. A very smart woman.

 

[MsKinkycurl]

Mid 20's
Traditional values with modern interpretation
Married this Fall
We're transitioning to using joint accounts.
The first 6 months or so of being a serious couple he paid 90% of the time
Over then next 3 years it became closer to 70% of the time. With the exception of his birthday, holidays, surprise takeout, etc., the meals I covered were inexpensive places. During some holidays he might pay for the hotel, travel, and activities while I'd cover dinner.

I thought it was fun to pay for a nice meal on those rare occasions. I'd make jokes about being a sugar mama even though I was more like the sugar baby in our relationship. But we like to have fun with these types of things.