Soooo Who Pays Once You Two Are In A Relationship

[MzSwift]

Late 30's
Married
Traditional with a little modern sprinkle
Joint account and separate accounts

He typically pays. I enjoy treating him from time to time.

 

[PretteePlease]

When you and your guy officially become a couple what are you expectations when the check comes? Do you expect him to pay all the time, you both switch back and forth when going out or split 50/50 everytime ? Please explain in detail with your reasoning. (This is AFTER the dating phase, you are NOW a couple!)

Please state your age or age group ie millennial, boomer, gen X..., current relationship status, and whether your values/Ideals are traditional, modern, or a combination of both?

The same person pays who been payin.............HIM or I pay with his checks, credit card or cash
Generation X
Seriously Dating
traditional values with free spirit application
I've had access to his accounts since before even being a couple
I don't pay because for one he wouldn't let me and for 2 I wouldn't let myself. I MIGHT pay on his birthday
He said his money is my money and my money is my money.

 

[theRaven]

Thanks you guys

@PretteePlease @MzSwift @FemmeFatale @NOEChic @Petal26 @Ms.Lyons @Noelle01 @Miss617 @bajandoc86 @Lucie @everyonelseinthethread

On a date this past weekend we were talking about relationship expectations, and I mentioned one being to continue paying for our dates. I had an issue with an ex in that situation, so I thought I should make it clear this time.

This guy I'm dating says if were to become official dates should be split 50/50. Goes on to explain about marriage and paying bills, partnership and building each other up, men feeling used blah blah blah

I was like :le sigh:

I'm so mad he's Haitian born and raised, so not even Americanized...

 

[FemmeFatale]

Thanks you guys

@PretteePlease @MzSwift @FemmeFatale @NOEChic @Petal26 @Ms.Lyons @Noelle01 @Miss617 @bajandoc86 @Lucie @everyonelseinthethread

On a date this past weekend we were talking about relationship expectations, and I mentioned one being to continue paying for our dates. I had an issue with an ex in that situation, so I thought I should make it clear this time.

This guy I'm dating says if were to become official dates should be split 50/50. Goes on to explain about marriage and paying bills, partnership and building each other up, men feeling used blah blah blah

I was like :le sigh:

I'm so mad he's Haitian born and raised, so not even Americanized...

Jesus was his dad around and cared for his mom? That 50/50 mess is a NO.

My SO is Haitian and ensures that I am good. All the men in his family are like that, especially his dad.

 

[lux10023]

Op never discuss this...

1- it will appear that your not use to being taken care of as the amazing women you are

2- I don't want to overuse the term but Spartan up...
Your mindset is you expect for him to take care of things point blank, when the bill comes sit, sip and be pretty

Thanks you guys

@PretteePlease @MzSwift @FemmeFatale @NOEChic @Petal26 @Ms.Lyons @Noelle01 @Miss617 @bajandoc86 @Lucie @everyonelseinthethread

On a date this past weekend we were talking about relationship expectations, and I mentioned one being to continue paying for our dates. I had an issue with an ex in that situation, so I thought I should make it clear this time.

This guy I'm dating says if were to become official dates should be split 50/50. Goes on to explain about marriage and paying bills, partnership and building each other up, men feeling used blah blah blah

I was like :le sigh:

I'm so mad he's Haitian born and raised, so not even Americanized...

 

[theRaven]

Jesus was his dad around and cared for his mom? That 50/50 mess is a NO.

My SO is Haitian and ensures that I am good. All the men in his family are like that, especially his dad.

They never married. That was strike one in my head. This and his color blind comment just threw me for a loop!

 

[theRaven]

Op never discuss this...

1- it will appear that your not use to being taken care of as the amazing women you are

2- I don't want to overuse the term but Spartan up...
Your mindset is you expect for him to take care of things point blank, when the bill comes sit, sip and be pretty

That's the problem. I did not want the same issue that occurred with my ex (he seemed to take a problem with me expecting him paying for everything. I would literally just smile when the check came, it happened twice before I made it clear I don't do dutch). We just talked about expectations: committment, monogamy, meeting family, and I brought up paying for dates. I just wanted up front clarity.

 

[Browndilocks]

1 - If I'm at the grocery store and I know I'm going to his place later I may call and ask if he wants anything. OR if I'm at his house for a few days at a time I'll make a grocery run for the both of us.
2 - If I want to try a new restaurant and I tell him about it, I may treat.
3 - If I want to go to a concert or event, I might jump on it and buy the tickets right there without expecting to get paid back.
4 - Ordering the take out if I'm going to his place after work.
5 - If he has been spending a particularly large of money on me lately like on car repairs/airline tickets etc. Ill probably treat dinner somewhere within that.

Thing is whenever I pay for something it usually balances out in my favor by him paying for something else anyway. I never reach into my pocket when we're out with friends and I never expect to pay for the majority or half of anything. I guess my experience has been more like 75/25. Not in a relationship now though so might do things differently next time. When I say differently I mean less lol.

 

[Jas123]

Curious, now that you have clarity how wil you handle this going forward?
What color-blind statement did he make?

That's the problem. I did not want the same issue that occurred with my ex (he seemed to take a problem with me expecting him paying for everything. I would literally just smile when the check came, it happened twice before I made it clear I don't do dutch). We just talked about expectations: committment, monogamy, meeting family, and I brought up paying for dates. I just wanted up front clarity.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

When you and your guy officially become a couple what are you expectations when the check comes? Do you expect him to pay all the time, you both switch back and forth when going out or split 50/50 everytime ? Please explain in detail with your reasoning. (This is AFTER the dating phase, you are NOW a couple!)

Please state your age or age group ie millennial, boomer, gen X..., current relationship status, and whether your values/Ideals are traditional, modern, or a combination of both?

He pays. It's his preference. We do joint and separate and I have access to his personal. He has seen my check stub. We're a mix- but mostly traditional. I'm 30 he's 32.
Married four years, known him 8.
I'll do birthdays or if I have a good month freelancing.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

partnership and building each other up, men feeling used blah blah blah .

Women shouldn't build men up financially.

 

[theRaven]

Women shouldn't build men up financially.

Oh I agree with you

 

[JerriBlank]

Not married, we've been together 3 years. I honestly cannot think of a time when we have went out, and I've paid. He has been paying for dates since befpre we were officially daring. No reason to change that now. I don't want to pay, and I don't. I do buy the majority of the groceries, and cook, so I think that balances it out.

 

[PretteePlease]

I'm so mad he's Haitian born and raised, so not even Americanized...

Ummmmm well my dude is Ghanian but i don't care who you are or where you are from I DON'T PAY. I CAN'T PAY. I always have my own money but my daddy was stingy & i cant date a stingy man. I wont even pay for a coffee. I just cant. I dont pay for groceries i just dont pay. I'm not trying to marry someone then figure out if they are a miser.

I told a guy i could never pay my arm was broke & i can't even reach for the bill.

Did you see the video i posted in the how to find a rich man thread? It is about financial advice in general but he touched on dating finances.

Folk know from date 1 i aint payin
No
Nope
Nah

 

[Sosa]

If a guy asks me out, he's paying. If I'm in a relationship, I'll pay 10% of the time or less. It's so basic, it would have never occurred to me that ppl would be lying about that.

 

[greight]

TBH the only thing I paid for in recent memory was ice cream.

I honestly am not a very traditional woman but I attract traditional men. Male friends sometimes pay for me at this point, so I dunno.

 

[PretteePlease]

Like when you ladies are on dates how does he even ask you to pay?

Like when the bill comes does he say separate checks?

Does he get a calculator and tell you your portion?

How do you even make it to a second outing if the 1st isn't paid for?

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

Some men want a 50/50 relationship and some men are perfectly fine with paying for everything when going out. I just want to say it's not hard at all to get a man who is willing to pay all the time. It's very common. So don't worry about that.

If you disagree with this guy's set of values, there are plenty of guys out there willing to pay for dates 100%.

 

[GraceJones]

I just went out to lunch on Saturday with a group of folks I just met at a community service event. Me and a guy got the special together and decided we were going to split it.

You know before I could reach and get my wallet out he paid? I don't know him and I'm not even sure of his name.

I feel like if I'm in a relationship with you (sleeping with you) I'm not paying for anything! Full stop!

If I see a guy trying to get me to shell out money when we go out it's clear to me he is looking for a sponsor and that is the last time we're seeing each other.

And I'm not building any man that's not my husband. And even then there only so much I will do

 

[topsyturvy86]

When we were dating he would usually pick up the bill but now we're an item we usually split it, although not necessarily equally - so if we're out and he pays for the lunch/ dinner I buy the coffees or buy the drinks if we get more drinks/ go somewhere else. Or if it's a big bill I contribute something towards it

We go out a lot and are both working so it would be somewhat unfair if he pays for everything all the time. He never asks and always draws out the card but I always suggest and quite like to contribute so going out with me is never seen as an expense/ financial burden

I don't know what I am - perhaps a Gen X? - I'm 30
In a relationship
I would say a combination but definitely more traditional than modern

 

[Browndilocks]

The thing is - when money's not an issue, it's not an issue. That tone is set by him. If you feel like you have to death grip your wallet or stay busy nickel and diming everything then yall don't need to be together.

 

[**SaSSy**]

You're a generation X. Baby boomers are born in the 50's (and early sixties, I think).
I'm 32, a millennial.
People younger than 18 are generation Z or centennial.

I'm a millennial, but I feel more like I'm in the middle of Gen. X and millennials because a lot of my childhood was spent doing what Gen. X people do. I perfer to date Gen. X men over my generation because they are more traditional.

 

[Damaris.Elle]

Thanks you guys

@PretteePlease @MzSwift @FemmeFatale @NOEChic @Petal26 @Ms.Lyons @Noelle01 @Miss617 @bajandoc86 @Lucie @everyonelseinthethread

On a date this past weekend we were talking about relationship expectations, and I mentioned one being to continue paying for our dates. I had an issue with an ex in that situation, so I thought I should make it clear this time.

This guy I'm dating says if were to become official dates should be split 50/50. Goes on to explain about marriage and paying bills, partnership and building each other up, men feeling used blah blah blah

I was like :le sigh:

I'm so mad he's Haitian born and raised, so not even Americanized...

at the bolded.
Do you plan on continuing to see him, even though you two have differing views on who pays for dates? I agree with @Bunnyhaslonghair...there are plenty of other men who have no problem paying for all dates.

 

[theRaven]

@PretteePlease @lux10023 @Noelle01 @Jas123 @Bunnyhaslonghair @Honey Bee e

I promise y'all I have yet to reach for my wallet and pay on a date maybe I'm not being clear I just talk a lot and I like to cover my bases.

No I will not continue dating him, I already mentally dropped him in my mind. Just too many issues even though he's a nice fella. His jokes and jabs kinda rubbed me the wrong way, like an instance he mentioned me being a princess due expecting the car door to be opened. He will open a building door and pull out my chair but the car door oh too much He jokes saying he's there to serve me but I feel some underlying hint of animosity when he laughs about it. He even made fun of me being too proper. When men make reference to me being too proper it annoys me

I think I'm just going to start dating older men at this point at least men already graduated and in their field a few years already.

 

[PretteePlease]

I promise y'all I have yet to reach for my wallet and pay on a date maybe I'm not being clear I just talk a lot and I like to cover my bases.

.

Ok cause i was concerned you were a dutch dater

 

[greight]

@PretteePlease @lux10023 @Noelle01 @Jas123 @Bunnyhaslonghair @Honey Bee e

I promise y'all I have yet to reach for my wallet and pay on a date maybe I'm not being clear I just talk a lot and I like to cover my bases.

No I will not continue dating him, I already mentally dropped him in my mind. Just too many issues even though he's a nice fella. His jokes and jabs kinda rubbed me the wrong way, like an instance he mentioned me being a princess due expecting the car door to be opened. He will open a building door and pull out my chair but the car door oh too much He jokes saying he's there to serve me but I feel some underlying hint of animosity when he laughs about it. He even made fun of me being too proper. When men make reference to me being too proper it annoys me

I think I'm just going to start dating older men at this point at least men already graduated and in their field a few years already.

That animosity is real. He should be happy to open the door for you.

Glad you're already done with that fool.

 

[PrissiSippi]

28
Married
Traditional beliefs mixed with a little modern twist.

He pays for everything when we go out unless it's his bday. We don't go out if he doesn't have it.

 

[Naveah2050]

37.

I forgot what generation. My memory says Baby Boomer, LOL.

Involved.

Combination.

I'd say it's 70-30. He pays 70 and I pay 30. I like to pay.

I really don't believe most ladies that say their man pays all the time. Regardless of being traditional or not. I am not sure if it is just a way to come across like a unicorn but it just seems like a peeing contest.

I agree...

 

[PretteePlease]

ok i take it back i paid for cappuccino on a road trip I'm not so petty as to walk back to the car for $2 then again maybe i am but I'm more lazy so i just paid because he was in the car when i came out of the rest room

 

[jerseyhaircare]

In my 20's, dating guys my age-the men paid 100% for dates; in a relationship, closer to 40/60 cause most guys were equally broke. In my late 20's, I started dating older guys and let them pay for everything-dates, vacations, etc. Much preferred the latter situation.

Currently married, joint account, so there's no mine vs his. However, I never have a wallet when I'm out with hubby-he takes care of that.