So my fiancee postponed our wedding!!

Natasha009

Natasha009

New Member
I've postponed it twice, but only by a few months. The reasons being (which i gave in another post) was that everyone was nagging me to do this and do that and while he had suggestions, he was offering no physical help. I only postponed it by a few months, so that we were supposed to be getting married in the summer.

Today on the phone he says "oh, I thought we were getting married next summer":nono: I was like "WHAT?? You KNOW we're getting married this summer!" And he's like "oh...that's not enough time to plan, we should get married next summer" and I'm like "what do you think I've been doing all this time???" Then I was like whatever, we can get married whenever. And he was like "see, now your mad. It's not that I don't want to marry you, I do. I just want to have the money to plan a really nice wedding". Then i was like "okay, I don't really care when we get married" and I guess I suck at sarcasm, b/c he was like "see baby, and thats one of the reasons why I love you and your the only one I want to marry, b/c you don't care about things like that". And he was being serious, not sarcastic back.

So what does it mean when a guy postpones a wedding by a whole YEAR?? In the long run of things, I don't care THAT much b/c i hate planning this wedding, but at the same time I feel some type of way he pushed it back a whole year!

I really think he wants to get married still, but then he was so hurt when i pushed it back by two months that its weird he's doing it by a whole year suddenly. I'm just confused - 3 weeks ago everything was fine (when I saw him last) and now this. I don't think he's cheating on me, but maybe having a change of heart?
 
Is he being petty and revengeful because you pushed it back originally? So you both have agreed that it should be next year?

I would be super irritated by this, to the point of calling the entire thing off. I don't like my emotions being played with and I can be a bit extreme when it comes to people deliberately trying to hurt me.
 
i think you should have a face to face conversation about this. i've come to realize that guys think very differently from ladies. instead of speculating, sit down with him face-to-face and discuss this and come up with a solid plan. if you marry him, you'll have to learn to have these types of uncomfortable face-to-face conversations anyway. just think of this as getting practice at that

sarcasm generally doesn't move a relationship in a positive direction
 
I think you should tell him exactly how you feel. Sometimes they just don't get it when we try to be sarcastic. If you feel he is having a change of heart then it will be in your best interest to try and get to the bottom of it. If he doesn't have cold feet try to make him understand that you really don't care for all of the extra frills. Be direct and straight-forward and let him know that you do not need an extra year to plan the wedding. Let him know that it is more important to you for the two of you to start your life together.
 
I don't think he was trying to be hurtful, that's why I don't understand where it is coming from. We were getting along and fine -talking about what kind of cake he would have for his birthday (this weekend) and then we started talking about what kind of wedding cake we would have, and then he said the whole wedding thing.

I didn't agree with postponing the wedding, but I was so mad I was like "whatever, i gotta go".

We live in 2 different countries, I'll see him Monday so we will have a face to face talk then.

I saw him 3WEEKS AGO and even then we were planning for a summer wedding, he said nothing about postponing it, he was happy about it, I don't know what changed in those 3 weeks. He knows I don't need to have a fancy wedding, my dream wedding would include me, him, our parents, and the person marrying us, so I can't see how cost is really an issue suddenly.
 
Talk about miscommunication!?

How could you guys not mean the same summer?

Maybe he was just joking?
 
Hmm.. seems a bit strange. When you say you have been planning this whole time, what exactly did that entail? Have you spent any money for a dress, reception hall, etc...? Summer is just few months a way, did you guys have a date set? How could he not know you wanted to get married this year, not next year? From what you have described, it sees more like he had the dates confused for whatever reason, not that he is trying to postpone it...
 
Natasha009 said:
He knows I don't need to have a fancy wedding, my dream wedding would include me, him, our parents, and the person marrying us, so I can't see how cost is really an issue suddenly.
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Sounds like my dream wedding minus the parents. :grin:

I hope everything works out. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. Hopefully, it's all just a misunderstanding.
 
If I were you'd I'd press him hard. I'd clear errythang up. I thought we were getting married this summer. I was very excited. You asked me and I said yes. Remember, we picked blank date and :blah:. Then I'd say I want to get married this summer as planned. Then I'd see where it went from there. You need the truth and no way I'd give him a whole year to string me along. You need to get to the bottom of what's going on. Seriously, you aren't going to die if he changed his mind, but you need to know sooner than later. And be very careful. Whenever the wedding starts being about the man's dream wedding and what he wants I feel kind of funny. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I love it when the guy is trying to make sure his bride has the wedding day she wants, but maybe that's just me.
 
Something about this is so strange. Something is off. How could he not know the wedding was this summer? Seriously?
 
Natasha009 said:
I don't think he was trying to be hurtful, that's why I don't understand where it is coming from. We were getting along and fine -talking about what kind of cake he would have for his birthday (this weekend) and then we started talking about what kind of wedding cake we would have, and then he said the whole wedding thing.

I didn't agree with postponing the wedding, but I was so mad I was like "whatever, i gotta go".

We live in 2 different countries, I'll see him Monday so we will have a face to face talk then.

I saw him 3WEEKS AGO and even then we were planning for a summer wedding, he said nothing about postponing it, he was happy about it, I don't know what changed in those 3 weeks. He knows I don't need to have a fancy wedding, my dream wedding would include me, him, our parents, and the person marrying us, so I can't see how cost is really an issue suddenly.
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I think you should have said the last paragraph of wht u said to us to him
and got to the bottom of whatever is going on in the first place

So hopefully whn u c him next week yall an really tlkabt it cause me personally I dont like to b played with in a way that effects my life
 
HoneyA said:
Something about this is so strange. Something is off. How could he not know the wedding was this summer? Seriously?
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I agree..it's all very..very weird.:ohwell:

Not sure what to say...I can't imagine him not knowing that you all were due to get married THIS summer...
 
my first inclination would be that he's not trying to get married or it's not very important to him....

if you hate planning the wedding and money seems to be an issue and the perfect wedding would have only the essential people anyway, why have one?.... sounds like a perfect reason to go to a justice of the peace or a chapel or something and handle business.... that's if BOTH of u are on the same marriage page.....
 
^^^ That's what came to mind for me. Why have a big wedding if you're suffering pulling it together? If the point is you want to be married to each other then go get married and then maybe have some kind of post wedding party if you want to celebrate with people. Or even have the more formal wedding in a year but get legally married this summer. I know lots of people who have done that.

Also his response does sound a little tit for tat to me, especially since you said he was put off by you pushing the wedding out 2 months. I would clear the air when you see him.
 
Murjani said:
I agree..it's all very..very weird.:ohwell:

Not sure what to say...I can't imagine him not knowing that you all were due to get married THIS summer...
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What's odd to me is actual conversation. It seemed somewhat casual, and not talking about the date but simply refrencing summer (which is like...next month, LOL). It seemed more like a conversation I'd have with DH about what day we said we were going to go buy mulch.

 
You know, I'm going to be honest.

I thought I was going to hear much worse than I did. He isn't cheating, neither are you, and he wants to 1) Have a nice wedding and 2) Marry you.

Chances are he may be hurt, but it can also be other factors too. I think this miscommunication needs to be worked out, and that's that.

At the end of the day, I don't care about your wedding if it's more important than making sure the both of you are on the same page. ;-)


 
Let's see.

You set a date, then postponed it twice for various reasons.

Now HE postpones it (or misunderstands the date, or whatever, which is BIZARRE to me, didn't you all set a date and have the minister or whoever is marrying you and WHEREVER you're getting married set up by now if it's THIS summer?), and now you mad?

I don't get it. You don't WANT to plan a big wedding, he isn't ready to pay for one, WHY are y'all going through this? A wedding is SO much less important than a marriage, and isn't that what you want in the end anyway, to be husband and wife?

You all need to figure out what it is you want - some big extravagant day or to be man and wife. Real simple.
 
There is more to this. If he was that hurt that he changed it to a whole year then his response is very passive agressive.

Something is very hinky, maybe he is listening to family members, maybe he is more hurt than you realize.

Either way the communication in this situation is soooooo waaaaaay off the mark it is incredible.

If you both still feel you want to do this, sit down with a calendar and pick a DATE, then the next thing would be for both of you to be on the phone with the church and the place where you want to have the reception in order to confirm that the DATE you want is available.

Please keep us posted, and I hope the best for you both. :yep:
 
Getting married in the summer /= setting a date to get married.
Getting married on August 15, 2010 = setting a date to get married.

I'm curious as to how much planning you've done - it sounds like you haven't booked a location or minister if it's that easy to shrug and say, okay, we aren't getting married - and if you haven't reserved those two things at this point - I can understand him thinking the wedding was next summer.

If he's in another country, how much help can you really expect from him in the planning process?

If you don't want a big wedding, and he doesn't want to pay for one, and you hate planning it - why are you planning one? :look: Go to the JOP and hit a fancy spot for dinner and be married.
 
Do you two speak the same language? I don't mean that figuratively. I mean, are y'all native speakers of the same language?

My questions are the same as everyone else's. Did you set a date? Reserve a location for wedding and/or reception? Just trying to understand if he could really have thought it was an entirely different year. You are in 2 different countries right now? Were you planning to live together after the wedding? Did anybody make plans to move this year? How could this have happened?
 
It's just all very weird to me - On one hand I'm like could he have REALLY thought it was next summer?? But then there's just no way. When I postponed it the last time the only thing that consoled him was that it was only by a few more MONTHS. That was a huge point that was made. The date was set then and there.

I spoke to him today. He feels like we're going to be together forever so it doesn't really matter if we get married tomorrow or next year. My point is that if it doesn't matter, then let's do it in August. I got the feeling that his parents want a later wedding for us, but then I also know they couldn't make him do something he didn't want to.

He speaks German first and English second, but he's been fluent in English since like the 5th grade, so it's not a language problem. I also understand and can read German pretty fluently (learning to speak it fluently too) but English is my first language.

I don't know..I feel like by suddenly pushing it a year back is like saying "I'm not sure anymore". He was really hurt when i pushed it back the last time, so that is what really doesn't make sense, for him to suddenly not care when it happens. We see each other all the time, in the last 4 months we've only been apart about 6 weeks. I feel like I'm missing something in the equation...like what I have doesn't add up. I think I definitely need to see him in person to read him, the phone and emails leave too much up for interpretation.

I was planning to move to Germany next January, but we wouldn't live full-time together even though we were supposed to be married by then (moving to a different city than he lives in).
 
dude is not trying to be married right now. What's next ya'll get married and 5 years later he doesnt even recall you walking down the aisle or exchanging vows? "oh word babe we got married in 2010?...dang for real?" :ohwell:
 
OP you didn't answer some of the questions? Have you already booked the ceremony and/or reception venue? Or prepaid a caterer, florist, or anything towards a wedding this year?
 
Why did you postpone the wedding twice before?

He might be "punishing" your for postponing it twice on him.
 
TayMac said:
OP you didn't answer some of the questions? Have you already booked the ceremony and/or reception venue? Or prepaid a caterer, florist, or anything towards a wedding this year?
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He booked the church and the pastor (he wanted a specific person and a specific church in his village).

The food and music are taken care of, so is my dress. We didnt decide decor or the cake as we haven't decided on the actual colors.

I postponed it b/c everyone keeps wanting more and more. . Everytime I would think I was done someone would throw there 2 cents in and I'd have to change everything around. Luckily his priest and church are flexible (it's a small village, so it's not like they have alot of weddings there). I posted it in detail below. As a matter of fact, we discussed it on the same day before I posted if we should change the August date by a few weeks but later that night decided to keep it.

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=456208
 
:ohwell: I'm thinking that you should have a serious conversation with him. One, try to keep things as YOU and HE wants. You're the ones paying for the weddings and :rolleyes: with the extra stuff other people want. Are you both really committed to one another and are you both wanting this marriage? If so, please communicate better beforehand. The thread you posted left me feeling as if you are the one doing all the planning. That is not good. You have to plan for your lives together and planning for the wedding is just the beginning. Sorry for typing so much, but you sounded so sad and hurt in this thread. I don't want to think anything is off, but my intuition is telling me that something is not right. I hope all works out for the best. You deserve to be happy.
 
Natasha009 said:
He booked the church and the pastor (he wanted a specific person and a specific church in his village).
Click to expand...

If he booked this for SUMMER 2010...I don't understand how he could have forgotten. :confused: Perhaps when you two talk face to face, everything will become clearer.
 
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