*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

okange76 said:
Her funeral was last week on Saturday and today, he sent me this beautiful love song and all I can say is that I'm in a big pickle. I've never heard the song before and have no idea who the artist is but the words were super deep. He then sent a note telling me to listen and that is how he feels about me. The song was basically I'm in love with you. I can't help but feel that it is probably just emotional attachment due to this tragedy.

He had expressed his interest in the beginning and I was honest about not feeling the same way. I think the fact that I showed him so much compassion has made things super tricky. How long do I wait before I tell him that truly we cannot happen?
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I haven't experienced this first hand- however I had to do some research on grief because my SO was expecting his father to die earlier this year and I was trying to prepare myself for it. I think you are right about the bolded. Obviously, he liked to you some extent- you were probably his release. When she died- you were the (only) one he could go to/ was available.
If you do not intend on keeping this man in your life, google counselors for grief and give him the number, wish him well, then block him. That may seem harsh, but what I think is even more harsh is keeping this guy around, while he continues to attach himself to you without the intention of it going farther. Rip the bandaid off now and disappear from his life so he can grieve on his own.
Men grieve differently when we do- when a tragedy happens like that, they respond with sex. So, it makes sense why he is trying to get close to you.
 
Sooo, this cute med student that I went on a date with last year has randomly re-surfaced. We casually went out for drinks, but didnt really maintain contact afterwards. I chalked it up to him being busy with school. Fast forward to the present, after reconnecting he eventually asks me "...when am I going to take him out? lol" Now I vehemently detest, bih-made men, but I dont really know him well enough to determine if he's serious or just testing the waters cuz he wants to see me again. Its been a few hours since he texted and I havent responded yet. What should I say?
 
I just went out to lunch with Dee and we had a good time. At the end we hugged and this ninja took the oppritunity to start kissing on my neck ...I won't say I did not like that, but caught me off guard like I don't know what. Damn.
 
Chocoluxe said:
Sooo, this cute med student that I went on a date with last year has randomly re-surfaced. We casually went out for drinks, but didnt really maintain contact afterwards. I chalked it up to him being busy with school. Fast forward to the present, after reconnecting he eventually asks me "...when am I going to take him out? lol" Now I vehemently detest, bih-made men, but I dont really know him well enough to determine if he's serious or just testing the waters cuz he wants to see me again. Its been a few hours since he texted and I havent responded yet. What should I say?
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I personally say things like "yea I dont take men out. Thats just weird..."

but you can be nice and say "when you take me out :) "
 
Chocoluxe said:
Sooo, this cute med student that I went on a date with last year has randomly re-surfaced. We casually went out for drinks, but didnt really maintain contact afterwards. I chalked it up to him being busy with school. Fast forward to the present, after reconnecting he eventually asks me "...when am I going to take him out? lol" Now I vehemently detest, bih-made men, but I dont really know him well enough to determine if he's serious or just testing the waters cuz he wants to see me again. Its been a few hours since he texted and I havent responded yet. What should I say?
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Keep it playful for now. I'd say something similar to the previous post, "When are YOU going to take ME out? *insert related gif*".
 
LovinLea said:
I went on a second date. Still no kiss. Why no kiss?! Lol I'm thinking about asking him because I don't know what's up.

I accidentally brought back up a conversation I had with another guy and he said "No that wasn't me. It must have been one of the other guys you're talking to". Has that ever happened to you guys? What did you do/say?

He said that he has stopped talking to other women. I asked him if he wanted me to stop talking to other men and he said he won't ask me to because he wants me to do it because I want to stop. I don't really want to stop yet until we are further along.
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*blushes* I've done this. Which is why I don't like talking to more than one guy at a time. It gets confusing.
 
We haven't talked all day which is fine with me! I have old Becky my supervisor to deal with at my job amd trying to get around her to be promoted (so I can FINALLY be debt free and moce the fluck out 56% pay increase). And my brother is mad at me for something I should be mad at him.

Like boo if you're mad that I'm not showing any interest. Either get on this moving train amd help me conduct or I'm leaving without you! I ain't got time for hobos riding on the empty cars in back.
 
So he went on a trip. A family reunion down south. He's been making sure to text me throughout the day and call. We've been texting about meeting his family and his friends. I told him it's no rush and he said he's not rushing anything. I beg to differ. I've been single for two years, and haven't dated in seven years. Only been with one man so I feel very naive about men and relationships. And because of that, I think he's just saying things he thinks I want to hear.

My elementary school "boyfriend" found me on social media. Last time I saw him, I was a senior in high school and he tried to talk to me. My friends quickly shut that down. Lol he pops up about once every 10 years but I have been ignoring him for this other dude. But there's nothing wrong with catching up with an old friend, right? Especially since I'm SINGLE. I'm thinking about giving him my number.
 
LovinLea said:
So he went on a trip. A family reunion down south. He's been making sure to text me throughout the day and call. We've been texting about meeting his family and his friends. I told him it's no rush and he said he's not rushing anything. I beg to differ. I've been single for two years, and haven't dated in seven years. Only been with one man so I feel very naive about men and relationships. And because of that, I think he's just saying things he thinks I want to hear.

My elementary school "boyfriend" found me on social media. Last time I saw him, I was a senior in high school and he tried to talk to me. My friends quickly shut that down. Lol he pops up about once every 10 years but I have been ignoring him for this other dude. But there's nothing wrong with catching up with an old friend, right? Especially since I'm SINGLE. I'm thinking about giving him my number.
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How long have you guys been seeing each other?

Yes, you should definitely give that old friend your number.
 
I have a bad habit of sitting in my car and responding to text messages after I park (bad idea cuz it's real in these streets). Anyways, a couple weeks ago while I was sitting in the car in my apartment's parking structure, I see an escalade pull in a few spots away. I don't pay it any mind, but I just happen to look up as the driver is walking behind my car headed to the building...

Y'all....

This is the finest man I have EVER SEEN!!!!!!! On TV or in person. Like I was dumb struck. He looked in my car and smiled as he walked by, and I just froze. He lives on my floor but not my hallway. Every time I see his escalade my heart skips a beat. Now I gotta look halfway decent walking through my building.

I kinda want to plot a seduction, but I promised I'd be a good girl in Houston and leave my heaux tendencies back in DC. And since he lives in my building it would literally be sh*%ing where I eat.
 
sgold04 said:
I have a bad habit of sitting in my car and responding to text messages after I park (bad idea cuz it's real in these streets). Anyways, a couple weeks ago while I was sitting in the car in my apartment's parking structure, I see an escalade pull in a few spots away. I don't pay it any mind, but I just happen to look up as the driver is walking behind my car headed to the building...

Y'all....

This is the finest man I have EVER SEEN!!!!!!! On TV or in person. Like I was dumb struck. He looked in my car and smiled as he walked by, and I just froze. He lives on my floor but not my hallway. Every time I see his escalade my heart skips a beat. Now I gotta look halfway decent walking through my building.

I kinda want to plot a seduction, but I promised I'd be a good girl in Houston and leave my heaux tendencies back in DC. And since he lives in my building it would literally be sh*%ing where I eat.
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Lol no don't do it!
 
No thia dude did NOT just message me his address to pick him up. :angry2::censored:

Now see I was trying to plan 2 meet ups in one day to just eliminate these guys but it looks like I might go to jail tomorrow.

Someone give me permission to stand him up. Or at least what to tell him lol.
 
aviddiva77 said:
No thia dude did NOT just message me his address to pick him up. :angry2::censored:

Now see I was trying to plan 2 meet ups in one day to just eliminate these guys but it looks like I might go to jail tomorrow.

Someone give me permission to stand him up. Or at least what to tell him lol.
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I picked up a guy for a date ONCE. He was too broke. Made me drive somewhere that required a toll. Made me pay the toll and pay for my own drink. Never again.

Or perhaps tell him that for the first meeting, you're not comfortable going to his house yet.
 
LovinLea said:
I picked up a guy for a date ONCE. He was too broke. Made me drive somewhere that required a toll. Made me pay the toll and pay for my own drink. Never again.

Or perhaps tell him that for the first meeting, you're not comfortable going to his house yet.
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hopeful said:
Permission given. Just say no can do and KIM. You don't have to be polite to a rude request.
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Done and done. Thanks ladies. I also threw in thag I didn't like that he didn't have a car.

So first meet up today. If y'all don't hear back from me I just wanted to let y'all know it has been such a pleasure talking to you ladies. Seeking knowledge, the laughs and the fights. It truly felt like we were all cousins/aunts in this big ole e-family. And especially that you're black women. I didn't have any black women around me consistently except for my mother. You guys helped me embrace everything about myself and helped me self-improve. From the bottom of my heart I thank you ladies.
 
I'm visiting my sister and a her hubs for a few days. Last night I felt like dancing, and they were tired from the work week... So...I decided to do something that I have never done before... Go to a bar by myself!

So at the first spot there wasn't nearly enough melanin in the room for me. I decided to sit at the bar, and plot my next move. The cute bartender actually bought my drink for me, and we did a shooter together lol. I saw a couple of really pretty black girls and followed them to the bathroom to ask where the cool black kids hang lol. They gave me a name, and I hopped into an uber and was on my way. The second place was way more my speed but I got talking to a couple of guys in line and they mentioned a private event that would be playing some Afrobeat, reggae and all of the other stuff I love... say no more!!

I hopped in my third uber of the night and went to the event and had an amazing time! I love parties where everyone is dancing and no one is posted on the wall watching... The place had such a good, fun, vibe. I met another, entirely too young, but super handsome, Congolese guy and we danced the night away! He snuck in a kiss when I left and has been texting me all morning.

So yeah, I'd say going out alone was a success lol!
 
NOPE. That was garbage!

He mostly talked about his job. So I was being a good listener. Asking engaging questions etc. When he would stop talking I would say something about me to try to get him to ask about me and nope. He would go into another story about work.

Then he said he wanted to put that aside. Ok. So he asks me why did I do online datinf and not find someone online. And I told him I was always concentrating on something else and now I want to try to start dating. So I asked him the same. And he went into a story about his old girlfriend back in Haiti. He said he was trying to get me to understand the difference in dating there vs here. Which is fine but that's not what I asked bro.

And his breath STANK. And I couldn't stand his body smell (I don't think it was BO. It was just the way he smelled). Like it literally made me nauseous (And I still am fighting it). My friend called me to make sure I was ok. Dude was like "where to next?" I was like :nono: especially since I just met him. This was suppose to be a meetup to see if we wanted to date. Not a all day event. 2 hours was plenty.

Dude said he had to go to the bathroom. I went too and then said I had to leave because I had an eye appointment.

He texted asking me what was wrong. And it was weird that I had a call went to the bathroom and then left. Haven't texted him back yet.


Dude has 2 jobs. One M-F and another on the weekends. He met me after getting off one of his jobs. Like I don't want to get together after work. I don't get home until 6:30. I have gym and/or dinner. I am usually dead in the water by 9 or 10.


The no car dude called me. I didn't answer. He lives right down the street from my mom's job and works at the 7-11 across from her job. The job which I am now sitting at trying to eat.

So. I don't think online dating is for me. I think I have to get to know people face to face.

Or maybe he was just a dud. We dodnt talk much nor did we have a very good rapport before we met.

It will probably change but right now I am SOOO GOOD with dating (online at least).
 
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BUT I have Delivery Guy's phone number. So what had happened was...

He accidentally left a page of his job application in these papers that he gives us after he's delievered the packages (He must have went to HR while he was delivering and got them mixed up). So it has everything on it: social, address, phone number, birthdate.

So I tried to give it to him on Friday and I found out he's off until Tuesday. I didn't want to leave it with his boss just in case she doesn't know he's apply for another position. I want to call and ask him what he wants me to do with it but maybe I should wait until Tuesday and just give it to him like I just found it?
 
Well I guess I'm in this B now.

So I've been single since the engagement I broke off about 4 years ago. I spent some time with men here and there during those 4 years, but my focus was strictly on getting my life together so I had no interest in anything serious. Recently I fell hard for a friend, and unfortunately the feelings weren't mutual, so I'm slowly trying to recover and get my confidence back.

While I don't see myself entering into anything serious anytime soon (I still have some inner work to do and I'm VERY picky), I know that I do need to date casually. It's easy for me to put off dating and men when I'm not interested in a serious relationships. I think this does more harm than good because it takes me out of the game and I lose a bit of my edge. When a guy I dig does come around, I've been lonely for so long that I get stupid and fall hard. No bueno.

So I have a couple of prospects. I'm not interested in either one of them, but my lack of interest in them is a good thing right now. In the past I would have brushed these guys off, but I've come to realize that there is some value in letting these type of men pursue you and shower you with attention. It creates a sense of competition in the type of men you do actually want. Right now this city is my playground and I'm ready to take it by storm!

Prospect #1 spoils me and makes a lot of money. He wants to take me on some international trips. He's VERY into me even though I brushed him off for months while I foolishly chased the other guy. Typical Virgo man/Capricorn woman deal. I'll take the dinners, trips, and gifts.
Prospect #2 is a popular local musician (who my former friend is a huge fan of devil: ). He's the complete opposite of my type looks-wise, but he has a lot of connections and he's smitten. He's ready to start taking me on trips as well. I'll take the dinners, vip & backstage passes, free drinks from bartenders who think I'm his "girl", and trips. I also want him to write a song about me for his next album so I have some work to do on getting him sprung.

So there's that and the list is growing. Both guys travel a lot for work which makes it easy to juggle everyone. I've placed some restrictions on who I will casually date from here on out. I used to be opened to and try to give any guy who seemed nice and genuine a chance which is how I got caught up in that situation with my former friend, but I don't have time for that right now-- I'm on a mission. I'm in it for the experience, trips, and gifts until I come across someone I really dig and with whom I can see long-term potential. There is no need to settle anymore. Game on.
 
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