Single Christian Women's Support - THE REMIX!

[kanozas]

@Lucia

ETA: On second thought, succinctly to the point...


I truly hope Christian woman can learn support each other rather than shoving down their throats how they are considered failures in some sense. There truly is someone for everyone.

Single Christian Women's Support - there was so stipulation on how they are single. Why not focus on HOW to marry in whichever stage of singlehood they are in?

The point of this thread is not to fix community social problems but to focus on marriage and living out singleness until marriage....right where a woman is today.

 

[mz.rae]

Jesus said forgive, Shakespeare said forgive and forget. I'm not saying make him your enemy, but if he's hurt you in the past forgivenesss is good but be cautious in having any sort of friendship with this man. I would be wondering what he wants, but that's just me.

Thanks you! Yes I was wondering what he wanted cause after we broke up he said he hated me. And then a few days later said he forgave me for what I did. And he was going around telling people I was a friend of his sisters and trying to deny or forget that chapter of his life. But from what I've seen him do in the past when were together, was he would befriend his ex in Facebook and when I would ask him about it he would say he forgave them. But when they would comment or try to talk to him he would be cold towards them. So it was like ok so why did you add them then in the first place.

 

[kanozas]

Look at Jesus' mother, Mary. She was PREGNANT before the engagement was sealed and contract finalized. Maybe there's something in that as well?

Um, not saying it's something to do but that the rules of family and marriage differed in the way in which the Messiah came, through outward appearances. Mary has suffered from all those speaking what they thought they knew and, like Jesus, maybe that makes her even more a Mother to women who have had children oow. Saying that we judge too much and oftentimes, we judge what we think we see but aren't privy to the details. Shrugs. No, I've never had kids oow. I do know of the embarrassment women face who have, esp. in the Christian community. Clarifying my initial statement as I'm not promoting oow situations. Just, after-the-fact, whaddayagonnado? Gotta move one and upwards.

______

@Lucia I'm not trying to be mean or anything but it kinda stung...those opinions on single motherhood. Do you know how many widows are on here? Quite a few of us. We can't just go out and refill that place just so someone doesn't take advantage of us or so we will not "struggle" trying to provide for our families in all ways. Life hands out lemons sometimes. It's not our fault.

 

[kanozas]

Thanks you! Yes I was wondering what he wanted cause after we broke up he said he hated me. And then a few days later said he forgave me for what I did. .

Not going to pry but if what u did was expose him (toxic relationship) or decide to move on, don't feel guilty in the least. He sounds like he's manipulating u to get back for his loss. Please unfriend him stat. No toxic person is worth it. Guard ur personal peace.

 

[mz.rae]

Not going to pry but if what u did was expose him (toxic relationship) or decide to move on, don't feel guilty in the least. He sounds like he's manipulating u to get back for his loss. Please unfriend him stat. No toxic person is worth it. Guard ur personal peace.

Thank you! Yes I believe I am going to delete him. Outside of the friend request and liking one of my pictures he hasn't made any other contact with me. Back when we were together after we had met up for a talk, he followed me while I was hanging out with a guy from church. He said I was cheating which I guess so. Me and the guy weren't doing anything just hanging out. I felt bad for hurting him. After we broke up I later was talking to another woman who was saying he was trying to talk to her while me and him were still together. I still feel bad for what I did to him because I was wrong. But since he was out doing the same thing and no telling how many others there were I know I shouldn't feel that bad.

 

[kanozas]

Thank you! Yes I believe I am going to delete him. Outside of the friend request and liking one of my pictures he hasn't made any other contact with me. Back when we were together after we had met up for a talk, he followed me while I was hanging out with a guy from church. He said I was cheating which I guess so. Me and the guy weren't doing anything just hanging out. I felt bad for hurting him. After we broke up I later was talking to another woman who was saying he was trying to talk to her while me and him were still together. I still feel bad for what I did to him because I was wrong. But since he was out doing the same thing and no telling how many others there were I know I shouldn't feel that bad.

Was there a marriage contract? Were you exclusively announced? If not, well. He doesn't own you. He's hurt, so what. Let him put on his big boy drawls and leave the Spiderman toddler pants. If you all didn't declare exclusivity, I don't see the problem here. Gurl, don't let this guy keep you on any kind of string. Cut totally, block him after you unfriend him. He's stalking you, possibly. And probably cuz his latest "relationship" didn't work out either lol.

 

[Lucia]

Um, not saying it's something to do but that the rules of family and marriage differed in the way in which the Messiah came, through outward appearances. Mary has suffered from all those speaking what they thought they knew and, like Jesus, maybe that makes her even more a Mother to women who have had children oow. Saying that we judge too much and oftentimes, we judge what we think we see but aren't privy to the details. Shrugs. No, I've never had kids oow. I do know of the embarrassment women face who have, esp. in the Christian community. Clarifying my initial statement as I'm not promoting oow situations. Just, after-the-fact, whaddayagonnado? Gotta move one and upwards.

______

@Lucia I'm not trying to be mean or anything but it kinda stung...those opinions on single motherhood. Do you know how many widows are on here? Quite a few of us. We can't just go out and refill that place just so someone doesn't take advantage of us or so we will not "struggle" trying to provide for our families in all ways. Life hands out lemons sometimes. It's not our fault.

@kanozas

That particular opinion was not towards widows or divorced mothers I didn't mention those on purpose I wasn't referring to widows, divorced SM because their situation is more complicated and more different.
I wasn't trying to stigmatize widows or anything of the sort but I just didn't want women adopting all alone even with the best of intentions and not understanding that the many sacrifices and hardships would be more than they could even imagine. I'm also not for people just getting any old Joe off the street to replace their husbands, it's picking a husband all over again, it takes time and even more responsibility because that man will have to be mature Christian man, a good provider etc... to handle a family and be the protector that I think God wants all husbands and fathers to be.

I would never throw any shade on SDM, SWM etc... cause I'm a child, a product of that environment and all the good intentions in the world many times just weren't enough. That's where my strong language and opinion on this issue comes from, that's all. I'm not and I wasn't trying to attack you or other SDM or SWM or insinuating anyting of an amoral nature at all. Or was I blaming you ladies in that particular situation.
I did mention OOW here as an aside here and there because I do think we need to be bold and say that if you have the power to make that choice , it's not a good choice- which we agree on. That was not directed towards you or any other SDM,SWM.

You may or may not be able to get where I'm coming from but it's the close of the year and I went to confession, so no harm no foul, hope you didn't get too offended, again not my intention. We're good.

 

[mz.rae]

Was there a marriage contract? Were you exclusively announced? If not, well. He doesn't own you. He's hurt, so what. Let him put on his big boy drawls and leave the Spiderman toddler pants. If you all didn't declare exclusivity, I don't see the problem here. Gurl, don't let this guy keep you on any kind of string. Cut totally, block him after you unfriend him. He's stalking you, possibly. And probably cuz his latest "relationship" didn't work out either lol.

We were together 4 in a half years, supposedly exclusive. We talked marriage and engagement, and last time we talked about it he said something about wanting us to be stable. But I believe he was probably cheating behind my back, the only difference is he didn't get caught outright. I am sure there are other women he tried to talk to. I just so happen to have known one of them. He is one of those people I feel likes to play victim a lot because of the attention it brings. And will try to flip things to his advantage. You know typing this out has been really helpful to me. At first when he sent the friend request I was open to being friends or cordial associates. And even kind of wanted to be back with him (something I would never admit to him).

But when I really think about the relationship even though we did have some fun times, dude was really a jerk! There are still scars that I am trying to heal from after being in that relationship and one of them was that I never felt good enough and that something was always wrong with me. And I don't miss having to walk on egg shells with him, where when things were going good they were great! But if I said something he didn't like, or didn't do something he felt I should have done, then he was back to being a jerk. And I definitely don't miss being given the silent treatment. I honestly don't know how I did it for 4 in a half years!

 

[Maracujá]

@Maracujá
Ladies please check out the finance section here on the boards. Even when we do get married we have to know how to balance the finances.

Hope this is not an intrusive question but how do you ladies earn your living? Are y'all working part time / full time and if so, how are you managing your household in the meantime?

 

[movingforward]

Hope this is not an intrusive question but how do you ladies earn your living? Are y'all working part time / full time and if so, how are you managing your household in the meantime?

I work in HR as a Manager, full-time. Im primarily trying to pay off all of my debt, buy a house, 'm doing everything by myself. I hate it.

 

[mscurly]

What do you guys think about online dating?

I've heard some say that as Christian women we shouldn't try to "make it" happen and just wait on God. While others think there's nothing wrong with keeping your options open.

I'm starting to feel like just waiting around is wasted time. Yes you can work on yourself, and allow God to continue to work on you as well. But does that mean we should just wait for a man to appear during that time???

I think if God has specifically revealed to you to wait on the man he has for you and not date them you should do that. I can't really say that God ever told me to just wait around.

Been waiting around for a few years and I'm still single........ just saying

 

[blessedandfavoured]

What do you guys think about online dating?

I've heard some say that as Christian women we shouldn't try to "make it" happen and just wait on God. While others think there's nothing wrong with keeping your options open.

I'm starting to feel like just waiting around is wasted time. Yes you can work on yourself, and allow God to continue to work on you as well. But does that mean we should just wait for a man to appear during that time???

I think if God has specifically revealed to you to wait on the man he has for you and not date them you should do that. I can't really say that God ever told me to just wait around.

Been waiting around for a few years and I'm still single........ just saying

Hello @mscurly, I think that waiting on God isn't (or doesn't have to be) just sitting around doing nothing (not saying that's what you're doing). It's actively pursuing a closer relationship with Him and listening for His instructions. If He has instructed you to do online dating, obey Him. If He has not instructed you to do online dating, obey Him. Whilst it's not the first thing I'd recommend, I don't believe there's anything inherently wrong with internet dating - like most other things, it can be used for good or evil, depending on what's in the heart of the user. I do believe, however, that it requires an extra level of vigilance, prayer and discernment that might not be necessary with meeting people face-to-face.

To me, the most important thing is seeking God's will, then doing it. Never do anything out of fear or desperation, or even curiosity. It's probably easier said than done, but pour out your heart to God, and let Him comfort, strengthen and direct you. He's a good Father, and He will not give you a snake instead of a fish. God bless you, and have a merry Christmas. This is the season of miracles! A virgin conceived, what can't God do?

PS: A friend of mine got married recently to a lovely Christina man, after being single for about 14 or 15 years! She had other prospects (both Christian and other) in that time, and was desperate to get married, but she always listened to the still, small voice of God, and held back. The Lord provided this man, and she actually said that she's so glad that she waited on Him. Praise God, He is faithful.

 

[Divine.]

I say go for it @mscurly! As long you're not doing it out of a place of desperation and God has given you peace about it, I don't see why not.

If you've been waiting years and years, and have yet to see any results, I honestly believe it's time to re-evaluate your "waiting". When you're living life to the fullest and pursuing God's purpose, you inadvertently make yourself more available for possible suitors to pursue you. They can't find you sitting idly in your house!

This is just my personal opinion on the matter.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

To me, the most important thing is seeking God's will, then doing it. Never do anything out of fear or desperation, or even curiosity. It's probably easier said than done, but pour out your heart to God, and let Him comfort, strengthen and direct you. He's a good Father, and He will not give you a snake instead of a fish. God bless you, and have a merry Christmas. This is the season of miracles! A virgin conceived, what can't God do?

PS: A friend of mine got married recently to a lovely Christina man, after being single for about 14 or 15 years! She had other prospects (both Christian and other) in that time, and was desperate to get married, but she always listened to the still, small voice of God, and held back. The Lord provided this man, and she actually said that she's so glad that she waited on Him. Praise God, He is faithful.

^^EXCELLENT point!


I can't stress this enough.

(Great news about your friend btw! Wow! )


@mscurly I understand your dilemma. I've been in your shoes before (friends urging me to "try" online dating) and I've toyed with the idea myself. But every single time I think about "trying" online dating or even start to make a profile, something holds me back.

I just don't think that deep down this is the way that I want to meet my future marriage spouse. Something is telling me deep down that this is not the way...for ME. Now maybe for you and for others it is the best way they have available. Everyone knows their own circumstances, and if you have prayed to God about it, and you feel he has given you a sign that it is right for you, then by all means do it. But the very fact that you're asking a question about it on here gives me the impression that you're not fully convinced yourself whether or not you should go that route.

I know for me personally, when I really started looking inward and being honest with myself about why I was considering seeking out online dating (even though it went against my gut instinct), I realized that I was considering it based on FEAR. A fear of never finding someone, a fear of being alone, a fear of reaching 40 and STILL being single... But then it hit me that I don't ever want to be doing anything out of fear.

When you act in fear, you tend to make poor decisions. You tend to settle.


Have you earnestly prayed to God and told him how you feel (not just about your loneliness or desire for a mate but also) about your curiosity/desire to try online dating? Have you asked him for a sign to show you whether or not this medium for finding a husband/bf is a good one for you?

If you haven't done so already, I would consult him and pour your heart out to him and wait and see for the next few weeks what "feeling" or vibe you get. I honestly believe that if you give a genuine prayer and pour out your heart to him and ask him for his guidance, he will definitely give you a sign.

 

[Lucia]

Hope this is not an intrusive question but how do you ladies earn your living? Are y'all working part time / full time and if so, how are you managing your household in the meantime?

I work as a professional in healthcare full time. When I do have a husband and family of my own I would cut back to part time or quit. But first I would like to have some other passive income stream outside work. I don't want to be a burden on my future hubby.

 

[Maracujá]

Merry Christmas ladies!

 

[phynestone]

Merry Christmas!

I visited a church today and a man proposed to his girlfriend towards the end of service. He had orchestrated the whole thing with the reverend prior to service and was a little nervous, hoping she would say yes. The pastor asked the girlfriend to come down from the balcony where the choir was seated as the man got out of the pew and made his way to the front. Other male family members came to stand at the altar where this was taking place. He began his speech, saying how much he loved her and couldn't imagine his life without her. Obtained her parents' blessing and got down on one knee to ask. She said yes and he slipped two - that's right - two rings, one after another, onto her hand. It was so cute.

This gave me a little encouragement today. I thought it was a nice touch and simple. Not overdone, in the house of the Lord with close family and friends watching.

 

[bellatiamarie]

Merry Christmas!

I visited a church today and a man proposed to his girlfriend towards the end of service. He had orchestrated the whole thing with the reverend prior to service and was a little nervous, hoping she would say yes. The pastor asked the girlfriend to come down from the balcony where the choir was seated as the man got out of the pew and made his way to the front. Other male family members came to stand at the altar where this was taking place. He began his speech, saying how much he loved her and couldn't imagine his life without her. Obtained her parents' blessing and got down on one knee to ask. She said yes and he slipped two - that's right - two rings, one after another, onto her hand. It was so cute.

This gave me a little encouragement today. I thought it was a nice touch and simple. Not overdone, in the house of the Lord with close family and friends watching.

That's awesome! Two couples I know got engaged today as well. I'm happy for them.

 

[Maracujá]

http://theoneuniversity.com/early-access/ (Preparation is never time wasted )

 

[Maracujá]

Ladies, how are the other women in your family treated by men? I ask because I am starting to notice a negative pattern within my family.

 

[Maracujá]

 

[bellatiamarie]

Ladies, how are the other women in your family treated by men? I ask because I am starting to notice a negative pattern within my family.

Unfortunately, negative within mine also. I was treated pretty poorly by my ex when I was younger. Now? I wouldn't dare.

 

[mz.rae]

I'm so sad right now ladies, I just broke up with my boyfriend and can not stop crying. I'm not sure I did the right thing, it was a long time coming. I don't know ladies I'm just very very sad and even more sad that he is hurt.

 

[Lucia]

Link between cancer and the pill, pheromone changes and mate selection, etc... really important stuff were not being told when making decisions about our health.

 

[Lucia]

I'm so sad right now ladies, I just broke up with my boyfriend and can not stop crying. I'm not sure I did the right thing, it was a long time coming. I don't know ladies I'm just very very sad and even more sad that he is hurt.

I know you're hurting now but lay your pain and burdens on Jesus, let him be your BFF during this time. Things will get better just get through 1 day 1 step at a time, keep doing your daily routine as soon as you can, and one day soon you won't be faking it til you make it, you'll really be feeling and doing fine. God works in mysterious ways, trust that He will work things for your good and something better is out there for you.

 

[Maracujá]

Link between cancer and the pill, pheromone changes and mate selection, etc... really important stuff were not being told when making decisions about our health.

That part about mate selection really had my attention! Very interesting stuff! I've never taken the pill, I don't even trust the flu vaccine either. It's already bad enough I have to take medicine for my mental illness.

 

[mz.rae]

I know you're hurting now but lay your pain and burdens on Jesus, let him be your BFF during this time. Things will get better just get through 1 day 1 step at a time, keep doing your daily routine as soon as you can, and one day soon you won't be faking it til you make it, you'll really be feeling and doing fine. God works in mysterious ways, trust that He will work things for your good and something better is out there for you.

Thank you so much!

 

[Lucia]

@Maracujá

Thanks for posting this.
Wow great stuff, all of it short but straight truth. I like all his points finding and keeping your value as a woman, don't chase after a man, make a list of who your are now and who you want to be as a wife (adding: and mother) do they match, proverbs 31, not waiting on a man to fix your problems or set you up in your dream life do it yourself, position yourself as the woman so he can find and chase you. Going to take these points and expand on them today in adoration.

 

[Maracujá]

And Jesus loved them, so He made them wait (John 11:5-6).

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I'm so sad right now ladies, I just broke up with my boyfriend and can not stop crying. I'm not sure I did the right thing, it was a long time coming. I don't know ladies I'm just very very sad and even more sad that he is hurt.

I'm sorry--I know it's tough. But He is waiting to comfort you. Let Him heal your heart.