movingforward
Moving forward and onward
Me too!! Although I believe I will get married in my 40s. I spent my 30s single and sexless. I WILL NOT spend my 40s the same way. I just cant.
Single Christian Women's Support - THE REMIX!
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Me too!! Although I believe I will get married in my 40s. I spent my 30s single and sexless. I WILL NOT spend my 40s the same way. I just cant.
movingforward
Moving forward and onward
Yes. I always have broaden my pool in that area. Now, I'm including divorcees and men with children.
I've only met one man in my life that was over 40, childless and has never been married.
A friend and I was discussing how narrow my pool is because I refuse to date certain men. SHe has a point. but I dont see the wisdom in widening my pool for any type of guy. It would be me to fall in love WITH THE WRONG GUY.
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
movingforward
Moving forward and onward
Yes! I actually was fortunate enough to do it for about two years and was ok financially. I would prefer to work from home and travel for work. But I'm in the works of setting myself up that when I decide to "retire" early I can travel More often.
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
movingforward
Moving forward and onward
Details please
I just save money for eight years. Also I made sure to keep my dead level such as credit card. This go-round I'm illuminating all of my debt in student loans so I can put more money towards. I would like to travel the world more and I plan to do that at least the next six years, God willing. Also I increase my annual income by constantly applying for jobs where I receive better pay.
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
Ok, thank you for answering. How were you able to save for eight years? What was your living situation like? Did you have one steady job or did you switch jobs during that time?
And about increasing your annual income: I find myself in the same boat right now, I've landed a good job but I'm so afraid of not being able to deliver and losing the job per consequence. Any tips regarding that? TIA for your answers.
movingforward
Moving forward and onward
I had money in 401K and personal savings. I didnt job hop but applied for a different position within my company. lived minimally....not to say I didn't shop or travel. I just socked money away. I learned early on to always be on the look out for another job, whilst performing above expectations in my current role. It takes at minimum for me to get another job about 8 months.
When it comes to jobs (anything really) don't operate out of fear. Talk to God figure out the direction for your life. For me I'm learning and absorbing as much as I can....while I'm looking for me better position. Either way Father won't move me until he says it's time..
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
To All My Sisters Who Are Praying For A Husband.
I want to encourage you to stop. Hear me out...
The Bible tells us that when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favor with the Lord. Proverbs 18:22. That says a whole lot more than we give it credit for.
This verse in Proverbs speaks volumes about the order of things in God's kingdom.Genesis Chapter 1 tells the story of God deciding to make the earth and everything on it. He then makes man and has man proceed to set everything up, get everything in order and lock it down. He blesses everything that Adam does and in Chapter 2, God lays down the rules regarding the tree of life for Adam, in other words, He gives Adam the vision. Notice that Eve wasn't even there yet. We'll get back to that.
Once man has done all his preparing and organizing and gotten the vision from God (learns what it is that God wants him to do), then God says that its not good for him to be alone, lets make him a help meet.
That's when woman is taken out of what was already made and created to be a second half.
Why did I mention all of this?
Because ladies, I'd like to present to you the idea that its time to stop praying for your husband to appear, but instead, its time to pray and thank God for your marriages, and pray for yourself as a wife. Faith is an interesting thing, I tell you.
There are two types of women. The first type is simply that, a woman. She was made to be a woman and without the grace and mercy of God has no business being anybody's wife. Y'all know what I'm talking about, you see them and hear about them all the time. They have no desire to be anybody's team mate or help meet or anything else for that matter. It's all about them and what they want and when they want it. And you can't fault them because they're just living out their nature. But there's even hope for the woman because with prayer, supplication, study and sacrifice, she too can be a Godly wife. God's grace is sufficient for ALL of us
The second type is what is referred to in Proverbs 31 as the virtuous woman.This is a woman who was created to be a wife. God has instilled within her the desire to be married, to be submitted, to be loved and cared for and to reverence her husband, to care for the people in her life and children if they are her heart's desire, to be a servant to the people who she loves because she's confident in the love she has for herself.
Some of us feel like we are are just born to do it, and we are born to do it because God makes us that way. Some of us are born to be a wife. And what we do, we do it well. Yeah, we don't always get it right, we stumble and make mistakes, but what we are at our very core, is a woman who knows how to be a wife. If you're reading this post, that's probably the call that God has placed on you. Knowing that you were created to be a wife that will cause your thinking to change.
If you were created to be a wife then that means your husband was made to be your husband. In other words, you don't have to pray him into existence because he already exists. Here's where it gets good ladies. I tell you, God thinks of everything. Ain't He awesome?!
Eve didn't get there before Adam, Adam was already in position and he had already gotten the vision from God. Adam didn't even know he needed help, but God knew, and God created what he needed. This tells me that before I knew I was supposed to be somebody's wife, my husband had already been chosen by God and everything that man needed was put inside of me. As a matter of fact, after we got married my husband would always say that God gave him more than what he wanted, He gave him what he needed when He gave him me. And I'm so thankful that He did!
But see, that's God's order of things. That's why God says its the man who finds a wife, not a wife who prays for a husband.
See, God loves His women a great deal, and He sees us as the gift that he gives to man. He is our protector, our Ultimate Daddy. Knowing this, He set up the order of things for the man to find, nurture and cherish the woman he isgiven. All you have to do is be found. That's it.
We don't have to make it happen because its already been done.
You just sit pretty and be ready to be found.
I encourage you to change your prayers. Stop praying for a husband.
If you're a wife, that means you've already got one. Just sit pretty and wait for him to find you. And when the time is right, he will find you. But to be found, you have to be ready to be pulled out of where you are and fashioned into something new. The only way to do this is to focus on God and what He is saying to you. When you believe God's going to do something for you, you prepare yourself for it. I encourage you to devote yourself to learning about how to be a Godly wife so that when your day comes, you'll have some virtue to bring honor to your husband and glory to God.
Waiting does not consist of dating. Waiting consists of being selective and very protective of who you give your time and attention to. One of the reasons why the man is supposed to have to look for you is because you're supposed to be so hidden in God, so wrapped up in Him (and yourself) that he has to literally make you notice him, make you see him.
He's supposed to work for it not get it handed to him on a silver platter. Come on ladies, we have to keep it real. I guarantee you that if you stop looking you'll get found. It may not happen over night because of the facts of life, but God's word is always yes and amen. He says in Isaiah that His Word will NOT return to Him void. It will ALWAYS accomplish that which He sent it to do. Isaiah 55:11. Stand on that.
Get all the knuckleheads and fools out of your life. They're taking up valuable space and making it harder for your husband to find you. Be selective about yours, get into the Word and find out how much you're worth. If anyone needs help with this, let's encourage each other in the Lord. If you're struggling in this area, say so, and allow your sisters in God to lift you up in prayer, hold you accountable and keep you reminded of what the Word says. I wish there was less judgment in the church and more love and encouragement. We all gotta start from somewhere.
Be encouraged!
-----pmrannie
I want to encourage you to stop. Hear me out...
The Bible tells us that when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favor with the Lord. Proverbs 18:22. That says a whole lot more than we give it credit for.
This verse in Proverbs speaks volumes about the order of things in God's kingdom.Genesis Chapter 1 tells the story of God deciding to make the earth and everything on it. He then makes man and has man proceed to set everything up, get everything in order and lock it down. He blesses everything that Adam does and in Chapter 2, God lays down the rules regarding the tree of life for Adam, in other words, He gives Adam the vision. Notice that Eve wasn't even there yet. We'll get back to that.
Once man has done all his preparing and organizing and gotten the vision from God (learns what it is that God wants him to do), then God says that its not good for him to be alone, lets make him a help meet.
That's when woman is taken out of what was already made and created to be a second half.
Why did I mention all of this?
Because ladies, I'd like to present to you the idea that its time to stop praying for your husband to appear, but instead, its time to pray and thank God for your marriages, and pray for yourself as a wife. Faith is an interesting thing, I tell you.
There are two types of women. The first type is simply that, a woman. She was made to be a woman and without the grace and mercy of God has no business being anybody's wife. Y'all know what I'm talking about, you see them and hear about them all the time. They have no desire to be anybody's team mate or help meet or anything else for that matter. It's all about them and what they want and when they want it. And you can't fault them because they're just living out their nature. But there's even hope for the woman because with prayer, supplication, study and sacrifice, she too can be a Godly wife. God's grace is sufficient for ALL of us
The second type is what is referred to in Proverbs 31 as the virtuous woman.This is a woman who was created to be a wife. God has instilled within her the desire to be married, to be submitted, to be loved and cared for and to reverence her husband, to care for the people in her life and children if they are her heart's desire, to be a servant to the people who she loves because she's confident in the love she has for herself.
Some of us feel like we are are just born to do it, and we are born to do it because God makes us that way. Some of us are born to be a wife. And what we do, we do it well. Yeah, we don't always get it right, we stumble and make mistakes, but what we are at our very core, is a woman who knows how to be a wife. If you're reading this post, that's probably the call that God has placed on you. Knowing that you were created to be a wife that will cause your thinking to change.
If you were created to be a wife then that means your husband was made to be your husband. In other words, you don't have to pray him into existence because he already exists. Here's where it gets good ladies. I tell you, God thinks of everything. Ain't He awesome?!
Eve didn't get there before Adam, Adam was already in position and he had already gotten the vision from God. Adam didn't even know he needed help, but God knew, and God created what he needed. This tells me that before I knew I was supposed to be somebody's wife, my husband had already been chosen by God and everything that man needed was put inside of me. As a matter of fact, after we got married my husband would always say that God gave him more than what he wanted, He gave him what he needed when He gave him me. And I'm so thankful that He did!
But see, that's God's order of things. That's why God says its the man who finds a wife, not a wife who prays for a husband.
See, God loves His women a great deal, and He sees us as the gift that he gives to man. He is our protector, our Ultimate Daddy. Knowing this, He set up the order of things for the man to find, nurture and cherish the woman he isgiven. All you have to do is be found. That's it.
We don't have to make it happen because its already been done.
You just sit pretty and be ready to be found.
I encourage you to change your prayers. Stop praying for a husband.
If you're a wife, that means you've already got one. Just sit pretty and wait for him to find you. And when the time is right, he will find you. But to be found, you have to be ready to be pulled out of where you are and fashioned into something new. The only way to do this is to focus on God and what He is saying to you. When you believe God's going to do something for you, you prepare yourself for it. I encourage you to devote yourself to learning about how to be a Godly wife so that when your day comes, you'll have some virtue to bring honor to your husband and glory to God.
Waiting does not consist of dating. Waiting consists of being selective and very protective of who you give your time and attention to. One of the reasons why the man is supposed to have to look for you is because you're supposed to be so hidden in God, so wrapped up in Him (and yourself) that he has to literally make you notice him, make you see him.
He's supposed to work for it not get it handed to him on a silver platter. Come on ladies, we have to keep it real. I guarantee you that if you stop looking you'll get found. It may not happen over night because of the facts of life, but God's word is always yes and amen. He says in Isaiah that His Word will NOT return to Him void. It will ALWAYS accomplish that which He sent it to do. Isaiah 55:11. Stand on that.
Get all the knuckleheads and fools out of your life. They're taking up valuable space and making it harder for your husband to find you. Be selective about yours, get into the Word and find out how much you're worth. If anyone needs help with this, let's encourage each other in the Lord. If you're struggling in this area, say so, and allow your sisters in God to lift you up in prayer, hold you accountable and keep you reminded of what the Word says. I wish there was less judgment in the church and more love and encouragement. We all gotta start from somewhere.
Be encouraged!
-----pmrannie
movingforward
Moving forward and onward
So been on Christian Mingle for six months. No bites. I do find it interesting that the cutest guys have like three plus children....divorce of course. Or they are just ugly.
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
Social media and electronic communication has ruined everything. I try to reach out to people by phone, text, email even handwritten cards. Some may think I'm a weirdo.
phynestone
Well-Known Member
@mz.rae @Belle Du Jour
You ladies aren't weird. I too am an individual who prefers physical interaction over social media.
I also think some people use these new tools as weapons to justify missed communication as well. The right people will appreciate your efforts.
I realized that it's best to just live for God. Not for anyone else. You can change your appearance, personality, careers, social circle all to impress those who won't matter over time. I look back over my life, the struggles I've endured and ask myself where are the people who were making mountains over these now-molehills? Not one has remained in my life, pays my bills, helped me get my job or anything else. I'll stick to doing me. And being more confident in myself and everything I do, regardless of what people think.
You ladies aren't weird. I too am an individual who prefers physical interaction over social media.
I also think some people use these new tools as weapons to justify missed communication as well. The right people will appreciate your efforts.
I realized that it's best to just live for God. Not for anyone else. You can change your appearance, personality, careers, social circle all to impress those who won't matter over time. I look back over my life, the struggles I've endured and ask myself where are the people who were making mountains over these now-molehills? Not one has remained in my life, pays my bills, helped me get my job or anything else. I'll stick to doing me. And being more confident in myself and everything I do, regardless of what people think.
Lucia
Well-Known Member
Thank you for posting this. I needed an encouraging word today.
beingofserenity
Well-Known Member
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
For the women that want to be mothers, at what age or what point would you seriously consider adopting as a single woman?
Lucia
Well-Known Member
This is going to sound harsh but here it is.
I wouldn't consider it as a single woman, married yes. Here's why and this is all my POV:
1. It's hard enough to find a good man to marry much less being a single mom no matter the circumstances that got one there. We all know most men will not take care of another mans kids and that's what a SM will look like to them before they know the whole story. It's different when you're already married or engaged and talk about possibly adopting a child then you know whether he's on board or not. We like to think men are less shallow than that but we know most aren't and quite frankly he's not obliged to sign up for that even if he's into you.
2. It seems as adopting while being single it's no better than having a child out of wedlock or bringing that child into an already "broken" home because of the struggles and lack of father figure will produce the same effects on the child emotionally and spiritually. There is no "man" to cover the woman's (and the child's) head and answer for them.
3. It would be like making that decision for God in your own human timing and not His in other words your will not His be done. And that would show a doubt in ones own faith that God would and will bless them with a family when the time is right.
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
I think if a woman adopts as a single she most likely has concluded that marriage may not be in the cards.
What if a woman is beyond child bearing years?
While I do think a two parent home is ideal, I do think single parent adoption is still a loving option for a child who has no one. I don't think adopting is at all akin to going to the sperm bank to have a child which to me shows a lack of faith.
I think it's a situation that requires serious serious discernment.
kanozas
se ven las caras pero nunca el corazón
Isn't declaring women with children damaged goods and this positioning and comparisons we do kinda catty? Are women worth more than securing some validation from a man? If, by contrast, we look at the "damaged goods" of men who are in the make (not attained their career goals, in school, promiscuous, non-committal minded but settling, emotional immaturity etc.), it doesn't get half the negative attention we women pay to one another. Besides, isn't the most important reason not to have pre-marital/extra-marital sex is not to offend G-d - not making oneself "less valuable?"
IMO, one reason it's more difficult for Black American women to marry is that there is no present cultural support system in place to help them marry well as most all other cultures have. They are on their own these days. I'm not talking about marrying a Black man but that the Black American culture she comes from is not supporting her in ways that other cultures support their girls in marriage. Our 'value' is not in being found but in existing, period.
Of all the women (in general) waiting for marriage to just find them, most of those will remain single. Look at the Black churches. Plenty of single women are waiting for eternity while pastor's are fat-stacking benjis and he's preaching "wait on that L-rd...let your Boaz find ya." Boaz #dead. No other cultures in Christendom I know of quote Boaz in the manner that Black women do. Look at Jesus' mother, Mary. She was PREGNANT before the engagement was sealed and contract finalized. Maybe there's something in that as well?
Seeking a mate requires active participation. Just think, if there is cultural support, that girl isn't just sitting there twiddling her holy thumbs for a prince to show up. She's vetting people, her family is vetting people in a network of matchmakers. I propose that BW start a system of matchmakers if their own families are not privy to such. Wait, that's a lucrative idea...
Maybe "Boaz finding a bride" equates to modern models of dating and marriage? Nobody dated in the days of the scriptures.
As for single parents adopting, well, some women don't want to marry. Some of those willing to accept a child who needs someone to love him/her. How many of them rot in orphanages or foster homes, never having the chance? Before you know it, they're 18 and on their own. These blessed souls taking in a child while single are saints in my book. They aren't looking for a man to validate their existence. Are they any differ from those in religious life running orphanages? Not really. And truthfully, plenty of single women with children marry, many of them happily. Shrugs. Maybe the focus ought not be on damning someone in a single-parent circumstance "no matter how they got there." Goodness knows, men die and you're on your own. Life doesn't end and you're no less valuable than anyone else. Shrugs. If that's the type of attitude a guy takes then, obviously, that man is of no caliber for you.
IMO, one reason it's more difficult for Black American women to marry is that there is no present cultural support system in place to help them marry well as most all other cultures have. They are on their own these days. I'm not talking about marrying a Black man but that the Black American culture she comes from is not supporting her in ways that other cultures support their girls in marriage. Our 'value' is not in being found but in existing, period.
Of all the women (in general) waiting for marriage to just find them, most of those will remain single. Look at the Black churches. Plenty of single women are waiting for eternity while pastor's are fat-stacking benjis and he's preaching "wait on that L-rd...let your Boaz find ya." Boaz #dead. No other cultures in Christendom I know of quote Boaz in the manner that Black women do. Look at Jesus' mother, Mary. She was PREGNANT before the engagement was sealed and contract finalized. Maybe there's something in that as well?
Seeking a mate requires active participation. Just think, if there is cultural support, that girl isn't just sitting there twiddling her holy thumbs for a prince to show up. She's vetting people, her family is vetting people in a network of matchmakers. I propose that BW start a system of matchmakers if their own families are not privy to such. Wait, that's a lucrative idea...
Maybe "Boaz finding a bride" equates to modern models of dating and marriage? Nobody dated in the days of the scriptures.As for single parents adopting, well, some women don't want to marry. Some of those willing to accept a child who needs someone to love him/her. How many of them rot in orphanages or foster homes, never having the chance? Before you know it, they're 18 and on their own. These blessed souls taking in a child while single are saints in my book. They aren't looking for a man to validate their existence. Are they any differ from those in religious life running orphanages? Not really. And truthfully, plenty of single women with children marry, many of them happily. Shrugs. Maybe the focus ought not be on damning someone in a single-parent circumstance "no matter how they got there." Goodness knows, men die and you're on your own. Life doesn't end and you're no less valuable than anyone else. Shrugs. If that's the type of attitude a guy takes then, obviously, that man is of no caliber for you.
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Lucia
Well-Known Member
To clarify bolded 2, the point I was trying to make is that even with the best of intentions that does not automatically cancel out the effects of being a single mom. I wasn't equating the act of adopting to the act of intentionally fornicating and having a baby OOW.
I was equating it to the effects that are produced in each case. Those effects are hard, difficult, sometimes tragic. Those effects can happen to any SM and her children no matter how beyond her own control or noble her situation is look at the stats. Now a women shouldn't a need the man to validate her, but she does need a good upstanding Christian man to compliment her, help her, to pick up where she can't fill in those gaps. Whether we women want to admit or not, a non-abusive 2 parent, married man-woman household is always better than any other situation. Whether divorced, OOW, widowed, or other personal tragedies. I purposefully did not get into widows or divorce etc... cause those are complicated situations.
I have personal experience of how women and children are taken advantage of in every way in this world when they are alone with no husband or father, uncle or older brother, or a good man in the family to protect them under his wing and stand up for them. There is a difference between being forced into a situation by circumstnces or tragedies and making a conscious choice to bring a child into a single parent home- which is by definition a broken home. I want to emphasize the consequences of our choices/actions. We have come a long way as women but we cannot turn the family hierarchy in it's head and be surprised when we suffer the consequences. That's not the popular consensus but it's unfortunately true.
What's nuns do may appear the same but they not only have the Preist, Bishops, and ultimately the Popes assistance but they are under the protective mantle of those men plus first theyre under the mantle of Jesus. They sacrificed their lives to serve God in whatever capacity. Normal every day women are not required to go so far above and beyond, but if it's a choice they consciously make they shouldn't go into it blind and not expect many hardships.
And if a woman finds herself in a SM situation she should prepare, pray, and get and stay in the Word, cause the devil can and will reek havoc on her and her children's lives because it's an open door. She can offer it all up to Jesus and make Him the head of her household. That doesn't mean the struggles and hardships won't happen but they will survive hopefully with minimal emotional, mental, or physical damage.
If my post appears to stigmatize any SM that's not my intention, but how can we fix the problems in our community in our country and by extension the world if we can't face the cold harshness of how this world really is?
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Lucia
Well-Known Member
After we go to church make our visits, open presents etc. I am going to make pot of hot cocoa and watch my favorite Christmas movies.
mz.rae
Well-Known Member
Had a moment of weakness, I created a new Facebook page and lo and behold I get a friend request from an ex. A part of me was saying don't accept it just leave it sitting there, even my best friend to leave it sitting. But what do I do? I accepted it. Thinking well if he extended an olive branch, and I'm trying to put aside my grudge and ill feelings toward him why not? It's been 3 years. And it's like since then I've been having weird dreams involving him, I'm checking my inbox and wondering if I should message him just to say hey. I don't want to be with him the relationship was toxic and knowing him he doesn't add his exes to talk to them.
It's funny how I started a new page to start fresh just to get friend requested from an ex. I'm reminded of why the past should stay in the past. And if you have overcame something then don't go back to bondage by allowing what you have been freed from to enter your life. Soul ties are really something else. I forgive him for what he did to me and I known he forgave me for what I did to him, though I do want to write him and apologize for what I did. But I'm not sure we could be friends or why I would even want to be friends.
It's funny how I started a new page to start fresh just to get friend requested from an ex. I'm reminded of why the past should stay in the past. And if you have overcame something then don't go back to bondage by allowing what you have been freed from to enter your life. Soul ties are really something else. I forgive him for what he did to me and I known he forgave me for what I did to him, though I do want to write him and apologize for what I did. But I'm not sure we could be friends or why I would even want to be friends.
Lucia
Well-Known Member
Jesus said forgive, Shakespeare said forgive and forget. I'm not saying make him your enemy, but if he's hurt you in the past forgivenesss is good but be cautious in having any sort of friendship with this man. I would be wondering what he wants, but that's just me.
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