Single Christian Women's Support - THE REMIX!

Welp, LHCF called it: I am currently working at a call center with two men whose behavior/lifestyle/work ethic has struck me. The black one is married an has two children. Prior to working at this company, he had a great job but it was outsourced to Australia. All he does is complain all day about how this company sucks. After 8 months of being there, he's now starting to miss days of work, stating that his commute is too long and that he'd rather be spending time with his children. He's only been in Europe for four years now so he's not really used to how things work around here. It reminds me of what some ladies on LHCF have always stated about white collar workers: he's unwilling to do anything else that is deemed beneath him.

The other guy is white and 42, very attractive but never been married and has 0 children. Apparently he has somekind of living arrangement with his mom where he pays no rent so he only works part time and "enjoys" life for the rest of the time.

All this just to say, ladies, pray for your man's work ethic.
 
Five Red Flags for Christians Blinded by Romance
Here’s your sign! You’re in a bad relationship if…

…there is abuse in your midst.
It’s such a common thing that either you’ve heard of it or are caught up in it yourself! What is it? It is the seemingly endless habit many couples have in which they will fight and makeup on a regular basis. Sure! It makes for great movies, but what works for a 90-minute Hollywood hit is a no-go in the real world. When it comes to making up, don’t misunderstand me. It’s perfectly healthy to forgive, but it’s not OK to be unwise. What I mean is this: if fighting in your dating world means hitting, pushing, shoving, name calling, yelling, manipulating, or anything rude that occurs on a consistent basis then, of course, turn walk away. It’s simple. In bad relationships, bad things happen and will continue to happen if you let them. Don’t be stupid; be wise. Wisdom always does now what brings satisfaction later. For you, being smart means that after you leave the relationship you shouldn’t go back! When God gave the Israelites an exodus opportunity, they took it. You should too! If your relationship is even slightly abusive, consider this your sign to exit the relationship NOW!

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” I Corinthians 6:19-20

…you are living together.
I assume you know right and wrong when it comes to sins such as lying, stealing, and killing. This article isn’t meant for Bonnie and Clyde couples headed for jail. Rather, I’ll cut to the chase and zone in on those of you caught up in one of the more deceptive, yet prevalent sin in the dating world. More than likely you or someone you know is "messin’ around". You guessed it! Some call it premarital sex; others call it marriage out of wedlock. In case you haven’t heard, God calls it S-I-N. Yeah, I know. It feels so right, and you have every excuse in the world to continue. However, what seems right in the heat of the moment is not worth its cost in the end. When you have sex with anyone other than your spouse, things happen, bad things. It takes one time to lose your virginity, one time to contract an STD, one time to become addicted to sexual immorality, one time for your fiancé’s respect for you to dissipate forever… Get my point? The Bible states that while sin is pleasurable for a season, the after effects are horrible. If you’re living in sin, make a u-turn. Repent and stay pure until you’ve said your wedding vows.

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually sins against his own body.” I Corinthians 6:18

…you doubt the person you are dating is “the one” you are meant to marry and fear keeps you from breaking off the relationship.

James T. Draper wrote, “Doubt never means yes and always means no or wait a while: God does not lead through doubt. If you can’t get peace, that is an answer.” When God opens the door for marriage in your life, you will know that you know you are with the right person. If you aren’t 100 percent certain that things should progress, you’d better take a time-out from the relationship and pray for God to clearly confirm His will! I know. I know. You don’t think it’s that simple. I know because I’ve been there. If you choose to ignore the unrest in your spirit and continue on with this person you just don’t think you can live without, I’ll tell you what comes next -- excuses! Don’t go so far as justifying staying in a relationship you’ll wish you had abandoned later. Here’s why: in the dating world, thoughts like, “I can’t break up because…,” mean that doubt has given the keys to fear which will drive you down a rough road containing potholes of confusion and bumps of anxiety. If that’s not enough, your joy tank will eventually read empty. If travels down doubt path have you pondering whether or not to proceed in your current dating relationship, allow me to throw out a sign for you which reads, “faith and peace mean go; doubt and fear mean NO!”

…The one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. James 1:6-8

…concerned attitudes surround you.
Ever turned on the television or radio to catch a sermon, song, or message seemingly written specifically for you? Anyone ever crossed your path leaving a comment or two that spoke directly to your heart? What about people who know you well? Are family and/or friends at all iffy about your decision to move forward with the one you are presently dating? Rather than take a defensive approach to their input, consider that emotions can hamper your ability to see as clearly as those positioned on the outside-looking-in to your life. If it’s true that you don’t want to look back someday after the romantic feelings subside (and they will), and regret you lost (amongst other blessings) valuable time. Then, ask God for discernment as you listen to others’ advice. If what they are saying is consistent with His Word and spoken in love, then imagine His mighty hand gently tapping your shoulder, prompting you to turn from your plans, and take a better path. Consistent concerns are red flags God has lovingly placed in your life to warn you of trouble up ahead! Listen. Learn. Be smart. Break up. Get out of the danger zone.

“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man’s rebuke to a listening ear.”Proverbs 25:11-12

…you’re dating an unbeliever.
Are you dating someone who does not have a personal relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ? Most Christians who hang onto a non-believer actually think they are the best chance that their unsaved date will ever have for knowing Jesus? Don’t be deceived. Someone has already coined a word for this false evangelistic strategy. It is called "missionary dating". Christian, you are not Holy Spirit Junior. There are no guarantees in life, and this includes the salvation of your current date. God gives each person free will. He waits to be wanted, and so should you. If you’re a believer dating an unsaved person, your date has not only rejected the Lord but also the Lord living in you. Therefore, he or she does not want ALL of you! You are God’s, and He is jealous for you. Any emotional attachment you have toward a person who is not on the same spiritual page as you, or vice versa, is an unhealthy attachment. Read and learn from those such as Samson of the Bible, and do now what you’ll otherwise wish you would have done later. Heed God’s Word, and be not unequally yoked. Yes, that means break up and move on.

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? II Corinthians 6:14
 
How to Avoid Marrying the Wrong Christian
Why "he's a really great, godly guy" is not enough. - Marlena Graves

What do you do if you're engaged but have serious misgivings about your decision, red flags popping up left and right? Do you a) get married, since you've set a date, sent out the invitations, spent a boatload of money, are too embarrassed to back out, and believe that most people get cold feet anyway? Or b) call the whole thing off until further notice? I think most of us would choose the latter, and would recommend thus to any friend or family member having serious doubts. But in practice, it isn't what we many of us do, and understandably so: Calling the whole thing off is difficult, painful, and risky.

Jennifer Gauvain, a licensed social worker and coauthor of How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy, recently reported in the Huffington Post's "Divorce" section that 30 percent of the nearly 1,000 divorced women she surveyed admitted to marrying despite serious doubts they had about their relationships long before the wedding day. According to reporter Katherine Bindley, the website IndieBride.com nowhosts 33,000 conversation threads just about the urge to bolt.

I did.

I broke off an engagement to a really nice Christian guy. When it came down to it, we were incompatible on many levels. I had doubts at the inception of the relationship, but ignored them. Continuing the relationship was my way of trying to force a puzzle piece into a place it didn't fit. As the doubts grew, I tried harder to make the relationship work. However, if I hadn't heeded my gut-wrenching doubts, and paid attention to my mom and abuelita's words, ("he's a nice guy, but not the one for you") and the words of a friend I deeply respected, I would've made the worst mistake of my life. Even so, breaking the engagement and ending the relationship was far from easy.

For a while I balked because I didn't want to hurt the guy and was worried what others would think of me should I call it off. But in the end, I preferred the pain of breaking up with him and potential lifelong singleness over the pain of being married to him. If I had married him, I would've wilted. And now I know I would have forfeited marrying my priceless treasure of a husband, the one person I most love, admire, and respect.

Unfortunately, there are many Christian women (and men) who ignore their gnawing suspicions. They forge ahead into marriages they didn't belong in. Why?

Gauvain lists four overarching reasons cited by the women in her survey: 1) "Age: The self-imposed biological clock is starting to tick a little louder." 2) "Marriage will instantly make the relationship better." 3) "It's my last chance to get married and no one else will come along"; and, 4) "If it doesn't work out I can always get a divorce." I'd add a fifth and sixth reason that are specific to Christian men and women: 5) to legitimize sex, and 6) because of guilt associated with premarital sex or over having conceived a child out-of-wedlock.

I counsel many Christian college students (mostly women, but some men, too) and can't tell you how often I am fit-to-be-tied over their relationships. There are so many instances when I want to bang my head against the wall because they proceed to ignore the red flags they themselves point out or because they admit to pursuing marriage for the wrong reasons (for example, to avoid falling prey to the worst fate imaginable in the evangelical church: lifelong singleness). I think that partially explains why many Christian marriages end in divorce—we ignore the road signs that say "turn back" or "cease and desist." We think that companionship or sex or children will alleviate relational problems. But most often, they only intensify underlying incompability.

Marriage is a holy institution. We should enter into it with fear and trembling, fully dependent on God and the community of Jesus to uphold and guide us in all of our relationships (whether we are single, dating, or married). If we have persistent doubts or if those closest to us, those we most respect, express grave concern, we must pay attention. We cannot let our sexual desires, our desires for companionship, or fear of what others will think keep us from doing what is right and healthy.

Is it better to marry the wrong person or someone we have nagging doubts about rather than stay single? Absolutely not. Granted, singles might quip, "That is easier said than done." And they are right. However, none of us is alone and dependent on our own resolve. We have God and his community to assist us.

Consider this: If we forge ahead, marrying someone we have doubts about, a community of people may become casualties of what could potentially be a mal-formational, death-dealing marriage. Marriage is to be life-giving, an icon of our relationship with God. So let us choose life, for both ourselves and for the people whose lives are closely linked to ours, by paying attention to our doubts and the concerns of our trusted community. We may end up saving a life besides our own.

 
Hmmm, expectations of marriage has changed drastically over the last century compared up against our long history as humans. There are many "reasons" to marry. Red flags can show dangers or can just indicate areas that are going to be difficult to navigate. There are NO perfect relationships and no perfect men to find. Even the most near-perfect engaged couple knows practically nothing about each other. It's through years of marriage that they learn each other and if open to G-d, they will grow in love. Sometimes, we set ourselves up to expect the impossible in a relationship and the reason people divorce is usually because someone didn't follow through on commitment. It's an act - not a feeling.
 
kanozas said:
Hmmm, expectations of marriage has changed drastically over the last century compared up against our long history as humans. There are many "reasons" to marry. Red flags can show dangers or can just indicate areas that are going to be difficult to navigate. There are NO perfect relationships and no perfect men to find. Even the most near-perfect engaged couple knows practically nothing about each other. It's through years of marriage that they learn each other and if open to G-d, they will grow in love. Sometimes, we set ourselves up to expect the impossible in a relationship and the reason people divorce is usually because someone didn't follow through on commitment. It's an act - not a feeling.
Click to expand...

This is so true. It's interesting how couples who were married in the 80's/90's didn't really follow a specific formula to find a spouse. There wasn't a science to getting married. Today, there are so many blogs and books on how to find the one it's almost overwhelming. SO much emphasis is placed on finding the perfect or best spouse! We have lists upon lists of expectations. Then when you get married, that perfect facade fades just as quickly as the wedding ends.

Expectations are what's keeping many people single and it's also causing people to divorce. Marriage can be hard regardless of who you marry.
 
Divine. said:
This is so true. It's interesting how couples who were married in the 80's/90's didn't really follow a specific formula to find a spouse. There wasn't a science to getting married. Today, there are so many blogs and books on how to find the one it's almost overwhelming. SO much emphasis is placed on finding the perfect or best spouse! We have lists upon lists of expectations. Then when you get married, that perfect facade fades just as quickly as the wedding ends.

Expectations are what's keeping many people single and it's also causing people to divorce. Marriage can be hard regardless of who you marry.
Click to expand...

Many of those couples got divorced though that's why I suppose people put so much emphasis on finding the "best match". They don't end up in the broken home they either experienced or saw.
 
It's a lot easier to divorce these days the sting of stigma has greatly lessened. Women aren't tied to a men no matter what now, either religiously or socially. She has options. That wasn't the case much in the early 1900's. Around the 30's or so, divorces began increasing? They increased exponentially with more rights for women. From the 70's and on, we're at our highest chronologically if we compare decades or quarters of centuries but I think it has to be concomitant with change in marital law (no-default divorce).

I do think there were formulas in the 80's and 90's as women were seeking their educational and professional equals. We had seen a big surge in attainable wealth (Clinton years) and with the increase in degreed persons, well, women had options and sought those out. These days, it's so derned nit-picky on who is good and who isn't. Red flags are important but you can see this shift in how we pick mates. For a time, it became all about love then it shifted in compatibility and wealth management. Maybe it's just that we think we're calling it differently but those appear to be the two sides we swing from. Is it "love" or is it material/education/wealth management compatibility?

With the social shift on women's issues, their safety, happiness, equality, we shift in how we view marriage and divorce. I'm not saying that is a bad thing. No one, imo, should be stuck to an abuser of any type. Our Catholic Church has allowed for more annulments and has changed its process at tribunal (?). There's more mercy on determining what was a valid or invalid marriage these days and not so cut-and-dry. But people still are just not happy. We are focused ever more on materialism. But then again, if you don't focus on material stability, how can you be happy in a marriage? It needs balance. And non-married couples setting up households are greatly affecting marriage as well as sex outside marriage. I dunno, it's not wrong to use some kinda formula but no man is perfect, ever. I guess, select the one you want and be committed. If that bond is broken, you aren't obligated. Shrugs. But these nit-picky formulas are irritating lol.
 
To add to that, some communities are facing serious obstacles to marriage - mindset. Consider the AA community. I mean, marriage is truly in danger. It's the mindset and low self-esteem, racism etc. People think that Black women don't deserve marriage and promote this attitude of going alone. It's a mess!
 
LiftedUp said:
Many of those couples got divorced though that's why I suppose people put so much emphasis on finding the "best match". They don't end up in the broken home they either experienced or saw.
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My parents are still together, so that's the only perspective I have. There's noting wrong with wanting to marry a man that meets your standards. We just need to be careful in managing our expectations for that man and just our view of marriage in general.
 
Divine. said:
My parents are still together, so that's the only perspective I have. There's noting wrong with wanting to marry a man that meets your standards. We just need to be careful in managing our expectations for that man and just our view of marriage in general.
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My parents are still together as well. However, my mother was very particular about the man she were to marry so I use that as a benchmark. However, I've unfortunately seen failed marriages as well so it contributes to my caution.
 
The second time around is just as daunting, maybe more. I'm from a two-parent household. My mother died first and my father 11 months after her. They had a long, loving life together. I'm a widow with 4 kids. .......(eta: because times up lol).
___________

@WeirdoBeauty Sure, what's on your mind?
 
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kanozas said:
Hmmm, expectations of marriage has changed drastically over the last century compared up against our long history as humans. There are many "reasons" to marry. Red flags can show dangers or can just indicate areas that are going to be difficult to navigate. There are NO perfect relationships and no perfect men to find. Even the most near-perfect engaged couple knows practically nothing about each other. It's through years of marriage that they learn each other and if open to G-d, they will grow in love. Sometimes, we set ourselves up to expect the impossible in a relationship and the reason people divorce is usually because someone didn't follow through on commitment. It's an act - not a feeling.
Click to expand...

I agree with you @kanozas, but I think that all the red flags listed are quite serious ones, hence me posting. It's not like, oh he's really godly, but he's light-skinned and I wish he was a chocolate brother, you know? Or he likes orange toilet paper, and I like it blue, lol.

I do think the most important thing is that both in the couple are seeking to know and love God more, and then that will flow into all aspects of their lives. And if they are following Christ, then they will obey Him regarding their relationships. But if one is in an abusive relationship, or shacking up, etc, I believe they're heading for unnecessary and avoidable trouble, should they choose to get married.

I also agree that "options" have contributed to the increase in divorce. And with the increase has come a level of acceptance/expectation of it that is, frankly, unsettling.
 
to make a long story short(er): he just will not leave me alone. My ex (D) and I actually dated last year for about 7 months and we broke up a couple of weeks after my car accident in Nov. During our relationship, it almost felt like i was dating two people. Either he was always disinterested or didnt wanted to talk at all for weeks or days at a time. (yet would get mad at me for not texting him good morning. Like really?:whyme:)Or he would get upset he didnt get ft or call me due to my job( i used to work 10 hr shifts during the summer). He lived out of state 10 hours away,so the only way for us to communicate was facetime,texting and phone calls. So you think he would want to at least text or call me once a day or something similar. Nope, i would have to text or call him first most of the time after a while. When i brought this up to him, he would just brush it off and tell me he doesn't feel like talking to anyone or he was at work and he inst allowed to text at work (but he would text my brother at while he was at work:p:whyme:). Im not saying we have to text all day every day,but dang can at least get GM text or something?!?!?Then during the summer, i got to go to essence fest for my internship. Which was in New Orleans, which was like a 2 hours drive for him. I was down there for 5 days(including the weekend), and he never came to see me and that really hurt my feelings.Mainly because he got me all hyped up about us spending time together. ( i was free after like 3 or 4 o'clock). Then he processed to ignore my feelings about it and sweep the problem under the rug like usual. (he doesn't like to deal with issues).Fastfoward to Nov,, i was in a care accident that caused me to miss almost a month of school (my senior year at that) due to a broken leg. During that time, he didn't really support me like boyfriend should. So i got tried of him so we broke up.Now he has moved back to where I live ( he grew up here) and is staying with my brother. My brother(j) has 2 cell phones( why i don't know) and he(d) has FT me twice using J phone. I have D's number blocked so he can't call me, he can only DM on facebook which i have been ignoring. He just kinda of making me frustrated a little bit:wallbash: because he is 20 years old and im 18,but he acts sooooooo childish since we broke up. I have told him multiply times to leave me alone and we have none thing to talk about because we broke up.( he is one of those people who like to stay friends with their exs. I don't, i see zero point in it unless you have children together which we dont.)Just want him to really leave me alone, im busy ok? Im currently taking a online class for school,prepping for my fall classes in college,learning to swim,working, and learning how to drive among other things I have to do. Sir, i need you to take several seats ok? I don't even plan on dating ANYONE my freshman year because i want to stay focus on doing well in school for my program (nursing),which is super competitive at my school.i really dont know a way for him to stop contacting me,he doesn't seem to get it.
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@Divine. @Lucia @kanozas yall seemed to be having a really deep and serious conversation i just didn't want to jump and irrupt with my foolishness. :laugh:
 
WeirdoBeauty said:
to make a long story short(er): he just will not leave me alone. My ex (D) and I actually dated last year for about 7 months and we broke up a couple of weeks after my car accident in Nov. During our relationship, it almost felt like i was dating two people. Either he was always disinterested or didnt wanted to talk at all for weeks or days at a time. (yet would get mad at me for not texting him good morning. Like really?:whyme:)Or he would get upset he didnt get ft or call me due to my job( i used to work 10 hr shifts during the summer). He lived out of state 10 hours away,so the only way for us to communicate was facetime,texting and phone calls. So you think he would want to at least text or call me once a day or something similar. Nope, i would have to text or call him first most of the time after a while. When i brought this up to him, he would just brush it off and tell me he doesn't feel like talking to anyone or he was at work and he inst allowed to text at work (but he would text my brother at while he was at work:p:whyme:). Im not saying we have to text all day every day,but dang can at least get GM text or something?!?!?Then during the summer, i got to go to essence fest for my internship. Which was in New Orleans, which was like a 2 hours drive for him. I was down there for 5 days(including the weekend), and he never came to see me and that really hurt my feelings.Mainly because he got me all hyped up about us spending time together. ( i was free after like 3 or 4 o'clock). Then he processed to ignore my feelings about it and sweep the problem under the rug like usual. (he doesn't like to deal with issues).Fastfoward to Nov,, i was in a care accident that caused me to miss almost a month of school (my senior year at that) due to a broken leg. During that time, he didn't really support me like boyfriend should. So i got tried of him so we broke up.Now he has moved back to where I live ( he grew up here) and is staying with my brother. My brother(j) has 2 cell phones( why i don't know) and he(d) has FT me twice using J phone. I have D's number blocked so he can't call me, he can only DM on facebook which i have been ignoring. He just kinda of making me frustrated a little bit:wallbash: because he is 20 years old and im 18,but he acts sooooooo childish since we broke up. I have told him multiply times to leave me alone and we have none thing to talk about because we broke up.( he is one of those people who like to stay friends with their exs. I don't, i see zero point in it unless you have children together which we dont.)Just want him to really leave me alone, im busy ok? Im currently taking a online class for school,prepping for my fall classes in college,learning to swim,working, and learning how to drive among other things I have to do. Sir, i need you to take several seats ok? I don't even plan on dating ANYONE my freshman year because i want to stay focus on doing well in school for my program (nursing),which is super competitive at my school.i really dont know a way for him to stop contacting me,he doesn't seem to get it.
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@Divine. @Lucia @kanozas yall seemed to be having a really deep and serious conversation i just didn't want to jump and irrupt with my foolishness. :laugh:
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@WeirdoBeauty

Ok so you've already made the decision that he shouldn't be in your life, good because he sounds like he's either slightly effeminate whiny boy, bi-polar or trying to be a "player" and not smooth about it. Bottom line: he's immature and unstable and frankly ain't nobody got time for that.
Very important: Change your phone numbers, email, any social media he knows you on etc... unfriend him and lock him out of your FB make sure you turn on the strict privacy settings so no friends of friends can see you post or find your stuff. If you're not that active on FB or other social media delete it, then ask your brother to help on his end, and not give the ex boyfriend your new numbers, and don't update him if he asks what you're doing now.
that you don't want to have anything to do with this ex bf and he needs to act like your brother and help you maintain a healthy distance from this guy for your own emotional healing and good health.

*I have a pet peeve the mans first communication with me after meeting must be a phone call I'm not answering texts if I haven't had at least 1-2 convos with you. IMO it's just too easy for them to juggle multiple women like that they don't have to talk to you just text no personal interaction.

I think you have made some very good decisions so far breaking it off with him, focusing on school/career and working on yourself it the utmost importance now. But don't forget about Jesus in this walk.

What I would ask you about is how is your prayer and church life?
Are you consistent in that?
Are you giving God His due? How often do you study the Bible?
Are you putting Him first in all things regarding your life?

You don't have to answer these questions on here this is for you to answer in private and see where you are and what you may need to do. I hope you don't take this the wrong way but to even be prepared for a relationship or marriage you have to get yourself to a balanced level, spiritually, mentally, physically and financially. Have a good grasp of what a romantic relationship is for and what marriage is really for as well. (hint: it's not what the secular world tells us). ;)
No you don't have to be perfect to get a good man but you should be at a point where you know yourself pretty well and you have your boundaries, self respect, and standards set before any man walked into your life.

I mean like how he will treat you and so on. If a man walks into your life and he's a "pretender" to the throne or he's not your God given husband your strong sense of self, boundaries, respect and values and morals will dictate the type of relationship/courtship you will have, thus weeding out the chaff/pretenders from the get go.

I'm going to suggest some books and resources that have helped me and I hope they will help you as well.

How to find your soulmate without loosing your soul - Jason and Crystalina Evert
http://www.amazon.com/Find-Your-Sou...swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1465007156&sr=1-2

Pure Love- Jason Evert
http://www.amazon.com/Pure-Love-Jas...ID=9VGFNW64G5S9JHJ9Q29F&ref_=pd_cart_vw_1_4_p

If you really loved me- Jason Evert
http://www.amazon.com/You-Really-Loved-Questions-Relationships/dp/1933919248/ref=pd_sim_sbs_14_3?ie=UTF8&dpID=414RttVpvyL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR105,160_&refRID=1PT16NE0RKB8P9J0V7V8

Theology of his/her body
http://www.amazon.com/Theology-His-..._14_img_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=0Y67CQ40S45XQFR3X1WV










More on next posts there's a lot but take your time it's all good info. God bless
 
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kanozas said:
Hmmm, expectations of marriage has changed drastically over the last century compared up against our long history as humans. There are many "reasons" to marry. Red flags can show dangers or can just indicate areas that are going to be difficult to navigate. There are NO perfect relationships and no perfect men to find. Even the most near-perfect engaged couple knows practically nothing about each other. It's through years of marriage that they learn each other and if open to G-d, they will grow in love. Sometimes, we set ourselves up to expect the impossible in a relationship and the reason people divorce is usually because someone didn't follow through on commitment. It's an act - not a feeling.
Click to expand...
Divine. said:
This is so true. It's interesting how couples who were married in the 80's/90's didn't really follow a specific formula to find a spouse. There wasn't a science to getting married. Today, there are so many blogs and books on how to find the one it's almost overwhelming. SO much emphasis is placed on finding the perfect or best spouse! We have lists upon lists of expectations. Then when you get married, that perfect facade fades just as quickly as the wedding ends.

Expectations are what's keeping many people single and it's also causing people to divorce. Marriage can be hard regardless of who you marry.
Click to expand...

I really took what you two said to heart. I find that I expect far too much from a person and then get mad or upset at them when they don't meet those expectations. Or a person shows me who they are but I expect that in time they will change as opposed to just leaving them alone. I'm really learning its not fair to expect a person to give more than they can or are willing to give. The person I end up with isn't going to to be perfect, and neither am I. I feel like our strengths and our weaknesses should balance each other out.
 
@WeirdoBeauty

You might be thinking why do I need to know about Biblical manhood ?
Well it's very helpful to know what kind of man you should be looking out for when guys start popping up in your life.






 
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@Lucia
Im definitely going to take your advice on this one. I plan on talking to my brother about this later this week when I go to see him. I just finished blocking him on all SM sites so there can not be any more communication. I just really want to focus on myself and my relationship with God. Eventually, i would like to be open to dating/courting to meet my future husband,but only after I have improved myself to the point of being a good wife.
Thank you for the various resources, I have saved some of them but Im going to start going thru this soon.:yep:
 
Belle Du Jour said:
This video brought me to tears:
http://pulptastic.com/the-whole-world-cant-even/

True love is worth waiting for!
Click to expand...

Beautiful!

Wow so emotional that's true love for sure. I've only been to 1 wedding like that. On the other hand I've been to many weddings where everyone was Just perfect Oscar worthy acting, cold no real feelings, just going through the motions, smiling (cause they were getting what they wanted) etc but all business.

No offense to them but let's say I havent been suprised when they call it quits.
 
Last edited:
LiftedUp said:
I went looking for resources and couldn't find what I wanted. The material I found focused on being a good Christian mother but not wife specifically. Plan B is to source some online resources. I also want a good Christian husband of course who can provide in the type of way God would want him to. I want him to provide in his capacity as head the household. I want him to lead.
Click to expand...

I posted and reposted some resources unthread about just that. check them out.
 
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