Single Christian Women's Support - THE REMIX!
- Thread starter Glib Gurl
- Start date
Lucia
Well-Known Member
Verses quoted or Referenced
Matt 12:43-45
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew 12:43-45&version=DRA;NIV
a man he walketh through dry places seeking rest, and findeth none.
44 Then he saith: I will return into my house from whence I came out. And coming he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished.
45 Then he goeth, and taketh with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is made worse than the first. So shall it be also to this wicked generation.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
3 All things have their season, and in their times all things pass under heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted.
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal. A time to destroy, and a time to build.
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh. A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
5 A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather. A time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.
6 A time to get, and a time to lose. A time to keep, and a time to cast away.
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew. A time to keep silence, and a time to speak.
8 A time of love, and a time of hatred. A time of war, and a time of peace.
Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Divine.
Well-Known Member
How is everyone doing? Are we embracing this season? Are we having trouble being content? Do you want this season to just be over?
I'm STILL overcoming being rejected from the last guy I was talking to. It's been such a long journey, but I have finally gotten to a place where not speaking to him doesn't impact me. I'm not completely over the sting of rejection but I am doing my best to move forward. I am living my life without him and I'm okay
I'm STILL overcoming being rejected from the last guy I was talking to. It's been such a long journey, but I have finally gotten to a place where not speaking to him doesn't impact me. I'm not completely over the sting of rejection but I am doing my best to move forward. I am living my life without him and I'm okay
bellatiamarie
Well-Known Member
Not embracing it all lol. I feel like I want to be married but still don't think I'm ready. I don't even know what "ready" looks like. I have not been preparing like I should.
Divine.
Well-Known Member
I know what you mean. I want to bring more into a marriage than a pretty face. I want to be way more established than I am right now before I meet someone. The same expectations I hold for my future spouse are the same for me.
bellatiamarie
Well-Known Member
I understand. I think I'm looking for somebody to share some of these burdens with
in essence I know I need to cast my cares on Jesus. I'm just a little over pulling this wagon alone.
Divine.
Well-Known Member
I understand. I think I'm looking for somebody to share some of these burdens with
Same here! It would be nice to have someone help carry the weight.
Divine.
Well-Known Member
"Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?" Amos 3:3
I would meditate on that verse.
mz.rae
Well-Known Member
Thank you, I am just tired of the constant whining from him every Sunday about how late the services are (We start at 1 and get out at 2/230). Which he knew this before he joined, so I don't know why he keeps bringing it up. I am tired of the constant comparing of other ministries, our church has only been around since November so of course it's not going to have or be like a church that's been around for 5-10 years and he should know that from experience because our old church was a start up ministry. And it really ticked me off how he did about this group we were in at church. He doesn't want to be apart of the group anymore (which is fine) due to feeling like it's immature and wanting to do more Deacon like things and wanting to see where God wants him to be. All of this he is telling me after service and after he didn't show up to the meeting on Sunday. And I am telling him that he needs to talk to the Pastor and tell him that he no longer wants to be apart of the group. Because they have assigned him to certain roles that he said he wanted to be apart of and if he wants the Pastor to make him a Deacon how does it look if he stops coming to meetings with no explanation of how he isn't interested. And it isn't for me to be telling the Pastor either. That doesn't show that he is dependable or good at communicating. And now he is talking about wanting to do all this research on what they do with the money and asking questions because he doesn't want to make the same mistakes he did at the previous ministry that closed. And I am just thinking aren't all these things stuff you do before you join a ministry not after?
All in all I am pretty fed up with him, he has made me dread service with him. I started attending this church a month before our old church closed and I felt like I could grow and serve here that I didn't feel at the previous church. He didn't start coming till after the old church closed. Now I just feel like I made a mistake joining that I should have went somewhere else and all that feeling of serving has been replaced with being critical of a ministry that I enjoyed being a part of. And I feel he wouldn't be acting this way if this were the Pastors from our old church. Like I am to the point of just telling him to find his own way to and from church or to just find somewhere else to worship because clearly he has so many issues with this ministry.
Divine.
Well-Known Member
@mz.rae If you two are seriously courting (working toward marriage), I think it's better to discuss church business during the engagement period. If he doesn't want to be apart of the church you're currently at, I would let him find his own church home. It's not a requirement for you two to go to the same church. Or even go together for that matter. If meeting him there makes you feel better, I would do that for the time being.
Now if you two previously agreed that you would find a church together, you guys may need to go back to the drawing board. You have to agree on the direction you're going in or else there will always be tension.
Now if you two previously agreed that you would find a church together, you guys may need to go back to the drawing board. You have to agree on the direction you're going in or else there will always be tension.
mz.rae
Well-Known Member
Thank you again!! Now that I think about it I really do believe that us going in with the mindset that we have to do these things together has caused more problems that wouldn't be if we did some things separately.
Lucia
Well-Known Member
How is everyone doing? Are we embracing this season? Are we having trouble being content? Do you want this season to just be over?
I'm STILL overcoming being rejected from the last guy I was talking to. It's been such a long journey, but I have finally gotten to a place where not speaking to him doesn't impact me. I'm not completely over the sting of rejection but I am doing my best to move forward. I am living my life without him and I'm okay
It's been ups and downs but I've been praying a lot and reading Gods word a lot. I also put more stuff on my plate working out, reading studying the word, and more work hours via my side hustle, picked up a new hobby on purpose so my mind is not wandering and I am good and tired every night. I don't have time to be sad if I feel a sadness I think of all I have to do and snap out of it. Confession and adoration have really helped me in the really low points also different lay speakers and pastors some Ive posted and recently this message about how to avoid being ungrateful has helped me a lot.
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Lucia
Well-Known Member
You're not married yet so you don't have to go to church together every Sunday I do think it's better on some level if you do but it's not necessary. Let him find a church he's happy with then go check, it out with him see how you like it but continue where you are for now. You could go to each other's churches together Every other week or find some happy compromise. In the future you will have to revisit the question of which church you will be a member of and serve in. I think if I had a SO he would have to visit my church and I would have to visit his and then we'd have to make a choice later as a married couple. JMO but even when you're married you have to have some things you and he do separate on your own so you come back with a fresh perpective and don't smother each other. I don't believe in that we must do everything together you can do some stuff independantly but of course he has to know where what and who? Hth
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mz.rae
Well-Known Member
Thank you so much! And me and him ended up talking about it and he said he does enjoy the ministry and being there and feels we have worshipped together for years and that is what keeps us strong together. He feels weird when we worship apart.
Lucia
Well-Known Member
http://www.heatherllindsey.com/2012/10/the-lord-told-me-he-was-one.html#.VuZYB_A8KrU
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
(Me & my hubby toasting in Africa last month!)
I get this question a ton-- people say, "The Lord told me that so & so was the one," so I figured that I would address it in my blog.
Let me tell you my quick husband story. My husband and I attended the same church. I was extremely active in ministry as I was a part of the Media Team, Dance Ministry, Women's Ministry, Prayer Counselor and the Special Events Team. I was busy about pursuing God. Granted, I kept me a boyfriend on the side here & there but for the most part-- I was committed to Christ. I attended the church in New York-- my now husband attended the church in Atlanta (same church, two locations). He would always travel with the pastor because at the time, he was his assistant and right hand man. So, every Saturday, the pastor and Cornelius would travel to New York and I would always see this young guy in a suit running around-- looking all serious! Was I attracted to him? I mean, I thought he was cute-- but he was always so serious and like I mentioned before, I kept me a little boyfriend so I always was pretty focused on them. So we walked by each other for three years. We both attended the same meetings together and we were even in a room with just 2 other people & spoke briefly just 2 years before we actually started courting.
4 months pregnant at an event
Three years after walking by each other-- and one day we started talking. I'll be honest with you, I knew within 15 minutes of talking to my now husband that we were going to get married & have a ministry. HOWEVER, 4-5 years earlier than that-- I thought I heard the same thing. I was being introduced to this guy at church and I shook his hand, I heard "That is going to be your husband"--I thought.. HUH? No way! And just kept it moving. A few months later, we became friends-- always hanging with the same group of people and then I started to become attracted to how nice he was. He wasn't my TYPE whatsoever but he was such a nice person-- I almost felt obligated to give him a chance.Plus, I mean.. I "heard" he was going to be my husband right? Mind you-- I knew my purpose. I knew that one day I would be in ministry full time with my husband and do all these things for Christ. I was confused on how this was going to happen because that relationship began to NOT glorify God. We started to do things that SEPARATED us from God. And I won't beat around the bush, I told the guy I didn't want to kiss until I get married .. and we ended up fornicating. Then, I couldn't stop! I couldn't find the breaks. Then, what I thought I heard.. I began to not believe. The proof was in the pudding. Our relationship was pushing me FURTHER & further AWAY from God. Our relationship was so far from ...
Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
So as I read that scripture, I begin to weep. I said.. God.. how is my then boyfriend who said he's going to be my one-day husband presenting me? It scared me because I knew the answer. My one-day husband was supposed to PUSH me closer to Christ and I knew that it started in the courting process. Although he said he loved me & we were boyfriend & girlfriend for a long time.. I knew that I became his idol and vice versa. God is clear in Exodus 20:3 that I was to NOT worship any other god but Him. So although I was saying that God was my God.. and I served in all these ministries and prayed for all these people.. my heart was so far from Him. I called out His name with my lips but went right back into the bed with my little boyfriend and SHOWED God who my real "god" was. It was my flesh. It was my desires. It wasn't GOD. If it was REALLY GOD-- I WOULD HAVE LIVED LIKE IT!!
Long story short, we broke up. God told me over & over again to BREAK IT OFF. I learned that EVEN if you "hear" that a certain guy is the "one"-- you may be WRONG. You may have mis-heard God. The proof is in the pudding baby. God is so powerful, so awesome that He knows in advance EVERY situation and EVERY relationship. He even foreknew who would CHOOSE Him one day and get saved. He knew that guy wasn't my husband!!!!!!!! That was either my emotions or satan telling me that lie. GOD knew my husband was going to be Cornelius & wasn't surprised by it!! It was a DISTRACTION and some of the things we think we "hear" distract us and PUSH us so far from GOD! We get all wrapped up in what we think we heard & then the guy marries another girl .. & then you're all mad at God so you ignore Him & start dating some thug guy that sleeps with you & everything else that moves. Guess what sis?
God didn't tell you that "he" was the one! Why would God tell you that when you cannot be faithful in small things? Why would He tell you that & now its got you ALL messed up because now.. you're trying to throw yourself at some guy to "make" something work that wasn't meant to be!! Why would he tell you something that would replace your desire for HIM for another man?
So, I gotta be honest with you. Like.. this is sister to sister-- heart to heart. If you thought you heard God say that about a person-- LET IT GO. Seriously. Let it go. If the relationship is meant to be-- IT will develop with FIRST, the man pursuing YOU. Sadly, you're taking ownership in your mind & heart over a man that doesn't even know your last name. He aint yours baby girl. Your focus must always be on Christ & NOT on the distractions of this WORLD! Your life is much greater than your MARTIAL status & if you don't get up get BUSY about what GOD is calling you to do, you're going to be switching all hard trying to get the attention of somebody else's ADAM! (I talked about "Where is my Adam here-- if you want to read it).
(our very first date 1/8/2009)
Now, back to the story with my husband and I. Both my husband and I KNEW within 15 minutes that we were going to marry each other. Neither one of us said anything. We just talked and talked.. and talked..and talked & got to KNOW each other. We discussed marriage & if I would be willing to move to Atlanta if we got married. We courted with PURPOSE. Sometimes, we tend to get "wrapped" up in what we think "God" said & we start playing house like we're married.. and you ain't married honey. On our first date, Cornelius said "I'm not going to kiss you until the wedding day." THEN we set up boundaries. No sleeping together, no cuddling, no kissing on the hand, the cheek, no movies, no NOTHING. We hung out in groups. I didn't dress half naked around him or try to test the standard he set up. Over time, I saw myself developing emotionally. It wasn't pretty. Courting
was ROUGH. I began to watch God peel off my layers of heart & show me how jacked up I was through my relationship with Cornelius. Although it was hard.. I was getting better.. stronger, less emotional, less manipulative.. and gosh darn it.. Cornelius was PUSHING me closer to CHRIST! He was doing what Ephesians 5 said to do! The process was HARD but it was so worth it! The proof is in that PUDDING baby! I had PEACE about Cornelius. God told me to PRAY earnestly for him when I didn't' like the way he was treating me. God told me to be sweet with him & love him earnestly. The difference between this relationship & all others is GOD was giving me the HOOK-UP on how to work out my relationship! It was so cool & a BIG change from Him always telling me to break things off! Finally, GOD had an input!! So, then Cornelius proposed to me 1 year after we officially started courting... 8 months later, we got married. God remained first during the courting, engaged & now as husband & wife-process. He was never on the back-end.
Quick crazy story: While Cornelius & I were engaged, a woman came up to him at church and said "The Lord told me that you're supposed to be my husband." Cornelius said, I'm sorry-- I'm "engaged"-- she said "you aint married yet." When Cornelius told me this story-- my heart broke. I wanted to find the woman & talk to her & explain to her all of the above. Sis, don't be that girl. Pinky Promise.
Our wedding day 8/14/2010
So I want to encourage you ladies to REST. Sometimes, we want to awaken LOVE before it's time (Song of Solomon 2:7). So calm down sister. If God told you-- He will tell him, YOU don't need to go running around, telling some man that "The Lord told you that he is going to be your husband." You're only going to freak him out and embarrass yourself. Just bite your tongue & stay focused on what GOD called YOU to do. Then, you'll look up and HE will be PURSUING you. Then, you'll smile and laugh with God.
Have you signed up for Pinky Promise? There's local groups all over the world!
www.pinkypromisemovement.com
You can rock super cute bracelets & shirts at our Pinky Promise Store!
www.heatherlove.bigcartel.com
Have you signed up for the Pinky Promise Conference? We would love to meet you!
www.pinkypromiseconference.com
Have you picked up my husband's book? "So, You Want To Be Married?"
www.SoYouWantToBeMarried.com
God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
(Me & my hubby toasting in Africa last month!)
I get this question a ton-- people say, "The Lord told me that so & so was the one," so I figured that I would address it in my blog.
Let me tell you my quick husband story. My husband and I attended the same church. I was extremely active in ministry as I was a part of the Media Team, Dance Ministry, Women's Ministry, Prayer Counselor and the Special Events Team. I was busy about pursuing God. Granted, I kept me a boyfriend on the side here & there but for the most part-- I was committed to Christ. I attended the church in New York-- my now husband attended the church in Atlanta (same church, two locations). He would always travel with the pastor because at the time, he was his assistant and right hand man. So, every Saturday, the pastor and Cornelius would travel to New York and I would always see this young guy in a suit running around-- looking all serious! Was I attracted to him? I mean, I thought he was cute-- but he was always so serious and like I mentioned before, I kept me a little boyfriend so I always was pretty focused on them. So we walked by each other for three years. We both attended the same meetings together and we were even in a room with just 2 other people & spoke briefly just 2 years before we actually started courting.
4 months pregnant at an event
Three years after walking by each other-- and one day we started talking. I'll be honest with you, I knew within 15 minutes of talking to my now husband that we were going to get married & have a ministry. HOWEVER, 4-5 years earlier than that-- I thought I heard the same thing. I was being introduced to this guy at church and I shook his hand, I heard "That is going to be your husband"--I thought.. HUH? No way! And just kept it moving. A few months later, we became friends-- always hanging with the same group of people and then I started to become attracted to how nice he was. He wasn't my TYPE whatsoever but he was such a nice person-- I almost felt obligated to give him a chance.Plus, I mean.. I "heard" he was going to be my husband right? Mind you-- I knew my purpose. I knew that one day I would be in ministry full time with my husband and do all these things for Christ. I was confused on how this was going to happen because that relationship began to NOT glorify God. We started to do things that SEPARATED us from God. And I won't beat around the bush, I told the guy I didn't want to kiss until I get married .. and we ended up fornicating. Then, I couldn't stop! I couldn't find the breaks. Then, what I thought I heard.. I began to not believe. The proof was in the pudding. Our relationship was pushing me FURTHER & further AWAY from God. Our relationship was so far from ...
Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
So as I read that scripture, I begin to weep. I said.. God.. how is my then boyfriend who said he's going to be my one-day husband presenting me? It scared me because I knew the answer. My one-day husband was supposed to PUSH me closer to Christ and I knew that it started in the courting process. Although he said he loved me & we were boyfriend & girlfriend for a long time.. I knew that I became his idol and vice versa. God is clear in Exodus 20:3 that I was to NOT worship any other god but Him. So although I was saying that God was my God.. and I served in all these ministries and prayed for all these people.. my heart was so far from Him. I called out His name with my lips but went right back into the bed with my little boyfriend and SHOWED God who my real "god" was. It was my flesh. It was my desires. It wasn't GOD. If it was REALLY GOD-- I WOULD HAVE LIVED LIKE IT!!
Long story short, we broke up. God told me over & over again to BREAK IT OFF. I learned that EVEN if you "hear" that a certain guy is the "one"-- you may be WRONG. You may have mis-heard God. The proof is in the pudding baby. God is so powerful, so awesome that He knows in advance EVERY situation and EVERY relationship. He even foreknew who would CHOOSE Him one day and get saved. He knew that guy wasn't my husband!!!!!!!! That was either my emotions or satan telling me that lie. GOD knew my husband was going to be Cornelius & wasn't surprised by it!! It was a DISTRACTION and some of the things we think we "hear" distract us and PUSH us so far from GOD! We get all wrapped up in what we think we heard & then the guy marries another girl .. & then you're all mad at God so you ignore Him & start dating some thug guy that sleeps with you & everything else that moves. Guess what sis?
God didn't tell you that "he" was the one! Why would God tell you that when you cannot be faithful in small things? Why would He tell you that & now its got you ALL messed up because now.. you're trying to throw yourself at some guy to "make" something work that wasn't meant to be!! Why would he tell you something that would replace your desire for HIM for another man?
So, I gotta be honest with you. Like.. this is sister to sister-- heart to heart. If you thought you heard God say that about a person-- LET IT GO. Seriously. Let it go. If the relationship is meant to be-- IT will develop with FIRST, the man pursuing YOU. Sadly, you're taking ownership in your mind & heart over a man that doesn't even know your last name. He aint yours baby girl. Your focus must always be on Christ & NOT on the distractions of this WORLD! Your life is much greater than your MARTIAL status & if you don't get up get BUSY about what GOD is calling you to do, you're going to be switching all hard trying to get the attention of somebody else's ADAM! (I talked about "Where is my Adam here-- if you want to read it).
(our very first date 1/8/2009)
Now, back to the story with my husband and I. Both my husband and I KNEW within 15 minutes that we were going to marry each other. Neither one of us said anything. We just talked and talked.. and talked..and talked & got to KNOW each other. We discussed marriage & if I would be willing to move to Atlanta if we got married. We courted with PURPOSE. Sometimes, we tend to get "wrapped" up in what we think "God" said & we start playing house like we're married.. and you ain't married honey. On our first date, Cornelius said "I'm not going to kiss you until the wedding day." THEN we set up boundaries. No sleeping together, no cuddling, no kissing on the hand, the cheek, no movies, no NOTHING. We hung out in groups. I didn't dress half naked around him or try to test the standard he set up. Over time, I saw myself developing emotionally. It wasn't pretty. Courting
was ROUGH. I began to watch God peel off my layers of heart & show me how jacked up I was through my relationship with Cornelius. Although it was hard.. I was getting better.. stronger, less emotional, less manipulative.. and gosh darn it.. Cornelius was PUSHING me closer to CHRIST! He was doing what Ephesians 5 said to do! The process was HARD but it was so worth it! The proof is in that PUDDING baby! I had PEACE about Cornelius. God told me to PRAY earnestly for him when I didn't' like the way he was treating me. God told me to be sweet with him & love him earnestly. The difference between this relationship & all others is GOD was giving me the HOOK-UP on how to work out my relationship! It was so cool & a BIG change from Him always telling me to break things off! Finally, GOD had an input!! So, then Cornelius proposed to me 1 year after we officially started courting... 8 months later, we got married. God remained first during the courting, engaged & now as husband & wife-process. He was never on the back-end.
Quick crazy story: While Cornelius & I were engaged, a woman came up to him at church and said "The Lord told me that you're supposed to be my husband." Cornelius said, I'm sorry-- I'm "engaged"-- she said "you aint married yet." When Cornelius told me this story-- my heart broke. I wanted to find the woman & talk to her & explain to her all of the above. Sis, don't be that girl. Pinky Promise.
Our wedding day 8/14/2010
So I want to encourage you ladies to REST. Sometimes, we want to awaken LOVE before it's time (Song of Solomon 2:7). So calm down sister. If God told you-- He will tell him, YOU don't need to go running around, telling some man that "The Lord told you that he is going to be your husband." You're only going to freak him out and embarrass yourself. Just bite your tongue & stay focused on what GOD called YOU to do. Then, you'll look up and HE will be PURSUING you. Then, you'll smile and laugh with God.
Have you signed up for Pinky Promise? There's local groups all over the world!
www.pinkypromisemovement.com
You can rock super cute bracelets & shirts at our Pinky Promise Store!
www.heatherlove.bigcartel.com
Have you signed up for the Pinky Promise Conference? We would love to meet you!
www.pinkypromiseconference.com
Have you picked up my husband's book? "So, You Want To Be Married?"
www.SoYouWantToBeMarried.com
God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey
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Lucia
Well-Known Member
http://goodguyswag.com/the-wife-list-10-qualities/
Well, I can sum up most of my friends’ lists right here: 1. Blonde, 2. Skinny, 3. Hot. A few others might include: she likes football, she drinks beer with my buds, and she’s at least a full C. No matter what I write below, that list isn’t going away for some of guys. We’re all stubborn, but we can also be authentic. Sometimes we just have to learn the hard way.
Earlier this week, I wrote the article An Uncrafty Guy’s Guide to Making a Vision Board about keeping you visually focused on your dreams. Should we be specific about the woman we want to marry? Absolutely. However, make a list with long-term vision. Most of the characteristics we think we want in a wife aren’t ones that make for a good, lifelong relationship. They are characteristics of a woman we want for one night.
Just like character is the most important quality of a good guy, the woman you’re going to marry should have good character as well. When you find her, she is more valuable than anything. Here are 10 qualities of good future wife material:
1. She shares your beliefs
When it comes to finding your wife, I’ve heard “equally yoked.” It has nothing to do with weightlifting for those of you guys who like muscle women. Your potential wife should share common beliefs with you. You may think you can do some missionary dating, and turn that situation around so she will believe everything you do, but you’re probably going to be very disappointed with some bad side effects. If you don’t share core beliefs….good luck.
2. She makes you a better man
If everyday is hell with her, that should be a red flag. Your potential wife should elevate you to Yourself 2.0. You can get a good idea from your friends and family. Do they say you act differently in a bad way when you are around her? Not a good sign. She should bring out the best in you, not bring out heartache and frayed nerves.
3. She’s trustworthy
In fact, she should inspire trustworthiness within you. If you don’t trust her, you’re probably making her as bitter as you’re making yourself. Not worth it. If you can’t trust her, maybe you’re not ready to date her or maybe you need to work on confidence issues within yourself. If there’s good reason not to trust her, don’t even go there. Just like any cheater, it’s bound to happen again.
4. She has ambition
She should have strength in character and carry herself with confidence. As a man, you should be the leader in the relationship, but for any dictators who feel justified here; we’re talking servant leadership. You probably don’t want the consummate follower either. She should have plans too. In fact, she should be a hard worker just like you. That doesn’t mean having a job is a requirement. One of my friends is a stay-at-home wife with three kids, and she works harder than any of my friends with careers.
5. She’s selfless
She should care about others. Look at the way she treats her family and her friends. If she’s not close with her family, and doesn’t have any good friends, that’s not a good sign. If you start dating her, much less marry her, you will discover why soon enough. Some questions to ask yourself: Does she care about causes? Does she go out and volunteer? Does she give change to the needy or buy them a meal? These are important characteristics to consider.
6. She’s attractive
In your eyes, she should be a “10.” When my wife walks in the room, I’m awestruck by her every time. She’s beautiful from the inside out. However, I’ve dated “hot” girls who ended up being downright ugly by the time we broke up. Personality plays into attractiveness big-time. Just remember, “charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting.” She should be beautiful down to her soul because that kind of beauty lasts forever.
7. She’s smart
You’re going to be spending a lot of time with her, so she should be able to hold a good conversation. She should be wise, smart, and give you good advice. Her women’s intuition should be strong. I look to my wife all the time for advice. She’s collected all sorts of wisdom from her mom. She remembers everything. Yes, everything….maybe too much.
8. She loves you unconditionally
If she’s trying to change you to be another person, it’s time to move on. Your future wife should love you just as you are, regardless of anything you’ve done in your past. There will be minor adjustments along the way, but if she nags you about your core characteristics, it won’t get any better in marriage.
9. She’s responsible
Does she remember appointments and meetings? Does she flake all of the time? She should already do a good job of managing her own life. If she’s got loads of debt and doesn’t work, you’re going to be taking all of that on. Ultimately, she will have some part in your financial well-being, and guess what? Finances remain one of the leading causes of divorce.
10. She gets along with your family and friends
If she doesn’t even try to connect with your family and/or friends, let her go. She shouldn’t be critical of the people who you love and have been loyal to you throughout your life. There might be cases where your mom doesn’t like your future wife, and that may require your intervention; but in general, she should be a good fit with the people in your life. Marriage is a joining of two lives that existed prior to meeting the other person.
When it comes down to it, you know what you can handle. Love can overwrite any of the qualities above, but having these qualities will certainly make your lives easier once you are married. No one’s perfect. Even with this list, both of you are still going to bring some kind of baggage into the relationship. First start with yourself. Check a few boxes off The Self List. Make sure premarital counseling is a huge priority once you find her. My wife and I did a relationship bootcamp in addition to premarital counseling. One session just doesn’t cut it. Throw everything but the kitchen sink at the most important decision you will ever make.
10 Ways To Win A Girl’s Heart the book is now available.
Well, I can sum up most of my friends’ lists right here: 1. Blonde, 2. Skinny, 3. Hot. A few others might include: she likes football, she drinks beer with my buds, and she’s at least a full C. No matter what I write below, that list isn’t going away for some of guys. We’re all stubborn, but we can also be authentic. Sometimes we just have to learn the hard way.
Earlier this week, I wrote the article An Uncrafty Guy’s Guide to Making a Vision Board about keeping you visually focused on your dreams. Should we be specific about the woman we want to marry? Absolutely. However, make a list with long-term vision. Most of the characteristics we think we want in a wife aren’t ones that make for a good, lifelong relationship. They are characteristics of a woman we want for one night.
Just like character is the most important quality of a good guy, the woman you’re going to marry should have good character as well. When you find her, she is more valuable than anything. Here are 10 qualities of good future wife material:
1. She shares your beliefs
When it comes to finding your wife, I’ve heard “equally yoked.” It has nothing to do with weightlifting for those of you guys who like muscle women. Your potential wife should share common beliefs with you. You may think you can do some missionary dating, and turn that situation around so she will believe everything you do, but you’re probably going to be very disappointed with some bad side effects. If you don’t share core beliefs….good luck.
2. She makes you a better man
If everyday is hell with her, that should be a red flag. Your potential wife should elevate you to Yourself 2.0. You can get a good idea from your friends and family. Do they say you act differently in a bad way when you are around her? Not a good sign. She should bring out the best in you, not bring out heartache and frayed nerves.
3. She’s trustworthy
In fact, she should inspire trustworthiness within you. If you don’t trust her, you’re probably making her as bitter as you’re making yourself. Not worth it. If you can’t trust her, maybe you’re not ready to date her or maybe you need to work on confidence issues within yourself. If there’s good reason not to trust her, don’t even go there. Just like any cheater, it’s bound to happen again.
4. She has ambition
She should have strength in character and carry herself with confidence. As a man, you should be the leader in the relationship, but for any dictators who feel justified here; we’re talking servant leadership. You probably don’t want the consummate follower either. She should have plans too. In fact, she should be a hard worker just like you. That doesn’t mean having a job is a requirement. One of my friends is a stay-at-home wife with three kids, and she works harder than any of my friends with careers.
5. She’s selfless
She should care about others. Look at the way she treats her family and her friends. If she’s not close with her family, and doesn’t have any good friends, that’s not a good sign. If you start dating her, much less marry her, you will discover why soon enough. Some questions to ask yourself: Does she care about causes? Does she go out and volunteer? Does she give change to the needy or buy them a meal? These are important characteristics to consider.
6. She’s attractive
In your eyes, she should be a “10.” When my wife walks in the room, I’m awestruck by her every time. She’s beautiful from the inside out. However, I’ve dated “hot” girls who ended up being downright ugly by the time we broke up. Personality plays into attractiveness big-time. Just remember, “charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting.” She should be beautiful down to her soul because that kind of beauty lasts forever.
7. She’s smart
You’re going to be spending a lot of time with her, so she should be able to hold a good conversation. She should be wise, smart, and give you good advice. Her women’s intuition should be strong. I look to my wife all the time for advice. She’s collected all sorts of wisdom from her mom. She remembers everything. Yes, everything….maybe too much.
8. She loves you unconditionally
If she’s trying to change you to be another person, it’s time to move on. Your future wife should love you just as you are, regardless of anything you’ve done in your past. There will be minor adjustments along the way, but if she nags you about your core characteristics, it won’t get any better in marriage.
9. She’s responsible
Does she remember appointments and meetings? Does she flake all of the time? She should already do a good job of managing her own life. If she’s got loads of debt and doesn’t work, you’re going to be taking all of that on. Ultimately, she will have some part in your financial well-being, and guess what? Finances remain one of the leading causes of divorce.
10. She gets along with your family and friends
If she doesn’t even try to connect with your family and/or friends, let her go. She shouldn’t be critical of the people who you love and have been loyal to you throughout your life. There might be cases where your mom doesn’t like your future wife, and that may require your intervention; but in general, she should be a good fit with the people in your life. Marriage is a joining of two lives that existed prior to meeting the other person.
When it comes down to it, you know what you can handle. Love can overwrite any of the qualities above, but having these qualities will certainly make your lives easier once you are married. No one’s perfect. Even with this list, both of you are still going to bring some kind of baggage into the relationship. First start with yourself. Check a few boxes off The Self List. Make sure premarital counseling is a huge priority once you find her. My wife and I did a relationship bootcamp in addition to premarital counseling. One session just doesn’t cut it. Throw everything but the kitchen sink at the most important decision you will ever make.
10 Ways To Win A Girl’s Heart the book is now available.
Lucia
Well-Known Member
O Jesus, lover of the young, the dearest Friend I have, in all confidence I open my heart to You to beg Your light and assistance in the important task of planning my future. Give me the light of Your grace, that I may decide wisely concerning the personwho is to be my partner through life. Dearest Jesus, send me such a one whom in Your divine wisdom You judge best suited to be united with me in marriage. May her/his character reflect some of the traits of Your own Sacred Heart. May s/he be upright, loyal, pure, sincere and noble, so that with united efforts and with pure and unselfish love we both may strive to perfect ourselves in soul and body, as well as the children it may please You to entrust to our care. Bless our friendship before marriage, that sin may have no part in it. May our mutual love bind us so closely, that our future home may ever be most like Your own at Nazareth.
O Mary Immaculate, sweet Mother of the young, to your special care I entrust the decision I am to make as to my future wife/husband. You are my guiding Star! Direct me to the person with whom I can best cooperate in doing God's Holy Will, with whom I can live in peace, love and harmony in this life, and attain to eternal joys in the next.
Amen.
http://www.catholic.org/prayers/prayer.php?p=497
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
kanozas
se ven las caras pero nunca el corazón
Hmmm, let me be in critical-thinking mode...these two are problematic on that list because...what happened to the relationship for her to become "ugly by the end of it" and then loving you unconditionally enough to bypass all your faults to where she just defers without tension at all? Hm... This is a kang mentality.
Lucia
Well-Known Member
True, something can't come from nothing. If he's talking about dating a selfish or unsuitable for whatever reason type woman and he finds out later then that's on him he's should have been focusing on her interior qualities early on.
I see what you mean "iron sharpens iron" just cause you love someone doesn't man you leave them to their negative or bad habits, or accept those habits your spouse is supposed to encourage in some cases even push you to be in a better version of you.
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
I feel like I'm in a new place. I feel really READY. Like I don't think I actually felt ready before. I'm like ok Lord, I'm ready for him to come along. It won't be easy and I'm sure it will be scary but I'm ready for it. Can anyone relate?
Kacie
Well-Known Member
I ran across this blog post (https://lovelimitless.wordpress.com/2012/02/04/the-becoming-series-summary/) which profiles desirable qualities of women in the Bible. I have no desire for a Ruth-Boaz type of relationship, but after reading Ruth's profile on this blog I'm so inspired to prepare for my mother in love. I really desire everyone connected to my husband and I to be blessed through our union.
Kacie
Well-Known Member
I don't have that definitely ready vibe, but I feel as if my "to do" list is dwindling down. Focused on how to love God's people (folks outside of my personal circle) consistently with 1 Cor 13 qualities and time management..
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