Browndilocks
Browndisha Brownie Sundae
I found these lists in 2 separate articles. I have personally been through this and I thought a lot of these points were accurate:
All you need is love. Unfortunately, love is not everything to some people. They need more. The world we live in may be a reason to become paranoid of strangers, and suspicious of our own family, at times. However, when you are in a relationship, those feelings should subside. For some, the fears go away without a second thought. For others, it is hard to trust. That is the main reason a boyfriend can become a controlling nightmare. It is hard to pinpoint the answer to why this behavior exists, but, if you feel as if you are being controlled, being able to identify the behavior is your first step to freedom.
ALWAYS BY YOUR SIDE
If you are in a relationship where it seems that you have no time to yourself, chances are you have a controlling boyfriend. He never wants you to go anywhere without him. There is no more “girls night out” for you and your friends, unless he is with you. Doesn’t sound like a good time.
DO THINGS FOR HIM
“Honey, go pick up some soda for me.” sounds like a genuine request for assistance. If your boyfriend is constantly asking you to run errands, without including you as the benefactor, this is another sign of the need to feel in control. Instead of “…pick up some soda for me.”, the request should be, “We’re out of soda. Can you go pick some up, please?”. Can you see the difference? WE are in need of soda, simply.
QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS
When you can finally break through the chains, and find some free time for yourself, be prepared: your controlling boyfriend will interrogate you when you return. Putting himself in a “father figure” position will install more of a sense of control. Treating you like a child that went to the mall, prior to doing her homework, is the kind of humiliation in you he is trying to achieve.
NO QUESTIONS, NO ANSWERS
Unlike the aforementioned subject, your boyfriend will come and go as he pleases, without answering to anyone – especially to you. If you try to question his whereabouts or activities, he will become defensive. The subject will immediately transfer from your asking, “where were you?” to his comeback remark about how you nag him too much, or something similar to that effect. He will ignore answering the question, and make you feel guilty for asking it. This is in hope that you will not do it again.
HE’S ALWAYS RIGHT
In an argument with a controlling personality, it is very difficult for him to accept defeat. The controlling boyfriend will get more defensive, change the subject, or bring up a past occurrence, when he was, indeed, correct, in order to prove his point with the issue at hand. He may not always be right, completely, but he is never wrong.
CAN’T BUY ME LOVE
Fools gold has been around for centuries. However, a fool AND his gold have special meaning to the controlling boyfriend. He will buy you nice jewelry, take you to expensive restaurants and maybe even offer to pay a debt of yours. He will say it is because he loves you. Not true. He needs to feel superior to you. You now owe him, in his mind. Who is the fool? To him, you are.
HE DOESN’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS
Does he say your friends are a bad influence or does he think one of your guy friends are hitting on you? He starts to choose your friends and tells you whom to hang out with. Eventually you’d find yourself losing touch with most of your friends
HE’S INSECURE AND DOUBTS YOU
He plays mind games and tries to trap you with tricky, unnecessary questions. He tries confusing you into giving him contradictory answers which makes you feel like you are the bad person in the relationship.
HE WANTS TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU
He hates secrets. He tells you all his passwords and secrets, and expects you to do the same, be it your email, twitter or facebook account. He wants to know every single detail of your daily life, and when he finds out that you haven’t told him a few things, he acts pained and hurt.
HE STALKS YOU
He wants you to keep in touch with him very often, and he wants to be informed about everything you’re doing even if you’re just stepping out of office for a coffee break with your friends.
HE CRIPPLES YOU
He looks for any excuse to prove a point. If something offends or bothers him, he’ll wait for a perfect excuse to bring that conversation up and prove his point. If your friend gets into a car crash, he may gloat about it and make it a point to tell you why he doesn’t like you travelling with that guy. He loves saying “I told you so” and makes you feel lost without his guidance in life.
HE’S JEALOUS
This can seem cute at first, but over time, his jealousy could turn into an obsession that borders on insanity.
HE’S NEVER AT FAULT
But you always are. Even if he meets with an accident on the way to work, he blames it on someone else or the big fight both of you had that morning. But if you make a mistake, he’ll make sure he constantly reminds you about the incident over and over again.
HE HAS DIFFERENT PRINCIPLES FOR YOU AND HIM
He doesn’t like it when you hang out with a few of your friends. But when he meets his own friends, even the ones you dislike, he makes it seem like you’re the one misunderstanding his friends. He creates his own rules for himself, and imposes different rules on you.
HE BREAKS DOWN WHEN YOU TAKE A STAND
This is a sick trait of an emotionally controlling boyfriend, but it’s one that’ll always show up when you take a stand. Whenever you take a stand or refuse to listen to him, he may argue with you. But when he can’t get it his way, he may break down and cry about how you don’t understand him anymore. What happens eventually is that you’d end up giving in for his happiness.
YOU LOSE YOUR FREEDOM
You find yourself asking for his permission to do anything. You assume he’s the best thing that’s happened in your life. All of a sudden, you’re convinced that he’s your personal god and the one who’s always right.
YOU NO LONGER KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
Your whole life revolves around him. He makes you believe that he’s the one who can make you happy and no one else. And surprisingly, you’d start believing it too. His happiness becomes yours, his wants are your wants, and his likes become your likes. Your whole world will start to revolve around him, and nothing else.
Every lover has a controlling streak within them, but there’s the thin red line that makes all the difference. A relationship shouldn’t change who you are, especially when you’re already a happy person. You should be the only one who can change who you are.
All you need is love. Unfortunately, love is not everything to some people. They need more. The world we live in may be a reason to become paranoid of strangers, and suspicious of our own family, at times. However, when you are in a relationship, those feelings should subside. For some, the fears go away without a second thought. For others, it is hard to trust. That is the main reason a boyfriend can become a controlling nightmare. It is hard to pinpoint the answer to why this behavior exists, but, if you feel as if you are being controlled, being able to identify the behavior is your first step to freedom.
ALWAYS BY YOUR SIDE
If you are in a relationship where it seems that you have no time to yourself, chances are you have a controlling boyfriend. He never wants you to go anywhere without him. There is no more “girls night out” for you and your friends, unless he is with you. Doesn’t sound like a good time.
DO THINGS FOR HIM
“Honey, go pick up some soda for me.” sounds like a genuine request for assistance. If your boyfriend is constantly asking you to run errands, without including you as the benefactor, this is another sign of the need to feel in control. Instead of “…pick up some soda for me.”, the request should be, “We’re out of soda. Can you go pick some up, please?”. Can you see the difference? WE are in need of soda, simply.
QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS
When you can finally break through the chains, and find some free time for yourself, be prepared: your controlling boyfriend will interrogate you when you return. Putting himself in a “father figure” position will install more of a sense of control. Treating you like a child that went to the mall, prior to doing her homework, is the kind of humiliation in you he is trying to achieve.
NO QUESTIONS, NO ANSWERS
Unlike the aforementioned subject, your boyfriend will come and go as he pleases, without answering to anyone – especially to you. If you try to question his whereabouts or activities, he will become defensive. The subject will immediately transfer from your asking, “where were you?” to his comeback remark about how you nag him too much, or something similar to that effect. He will ignore answering the question, and make you feel guilty for asking it. This is in hope that you will not do it again.
HE’S ALWAYS RIGHT
In an argument with a controlling personality, it is very difficult for him to accept defeat. The controlling boyfriend will get more defensive, change the subject, or bring up a past occurrence, when he was, indeed, correct, in order to prove his point with the issue at hand. He may not always be right, completely, but he is never wrong.
CAN’T BUY ME LOVE
Fools gold has been around for centuries. However, a fool AND his gold have special meaning to the controlling boyfriend. He will buy you nice jewelry, take you to expensive restaurants and maybe even offer to pay a debt of yours. He will say it is because he loves you. Not true. He needs to feel superior to you. You now owe him, in his mind. Who is the fool? To him, you are.
HE DOESN’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS
Does he say your friends are a bad influence or does he think one of your guy friends are hitting on you? He starts to choose your friends and tells you whom to hang out with. Eventually you’d find yourself losing touch with most of your friends
HE’S INSECURE AND DOUBTS YOU
He plays mind games and tries to trap you with tricky, unnecessary questions. He tries confusing you into giving him contradictory answers which makes you feel like you are the bad person in the relationship.
HE WANTS TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU
He hates secrets. He tells you all his passwords and secrets, and expects you to do the same, be it your email, twitter or facebook account. He wants to know every single detail of your daily life, and when he finds out that you haven’t told him a few things, he acts pained and hurt.
HE STALKS YOU
He wants you to keep in touch with him very often, and he wants to be informed about everything you’re doing even if you’re just stepping out of office for a coffee break with your friends.
HE CRIPPLES YOU
He looks for any excuse to prove a point. If something offends or bothers him, he’ll wait for a perfect excuse to bring that conversation up and prove his point. If your friend gets into a car crash, he may gloat about it and make it a point to tell you why he doesn’t like you travelling with that guy. He loves saying “I told you so” and makes you feel lost without his guidance in life.
HE’S JEALOUS
This can seem cute at first, but over time, his jealousy could turn into an obsession that borders on insanity.
HE’S NEVER AT FAULT
But you always are. Even if he meets with an accident on the way to work, he blames it on someone else or the big fight both of you had that morning. But if you make a mistake, he’ll make sure he constantly reminds you about the incident over and over again.
HE HAS DIFFERENT PRINCIPLES FOR YOU AND HIM
He doesn’t like it when you hang out with a few of your friends. But when he meets his own friends, even the ones you dislike, he makes it seem like you’re the one misunderstanding his friends. He creates his own rules for himself, and imposes different rules on you.
HE BREAKS DOWN WHEN YOU TAKE A STAND
This is a sick trait of an emotionally controlling boyfriend, but it’s one that’ll always show up when you take a stand. Whenever you take a stand or refuse to listen to him, he may argue with you. But when he can’t get it his way, he may break down and cry about how you don’t understand him anymore. What happens eventually is that you’d end up giving in for his happiness.
YOU LOSE YOUR FREEDOM
You find yourself asking for his permission to do anything. You assume he’s the best thing that’s happened in your life. All of a sudden, you’re convinced that he’s your personal god and the one who’s always right.
YOU NO LONGER KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
Your whole life revolves around him. He makes you believe that he’s the one who can make you happy and no one else. And surprisingly, you’d start believing it too. His happiness becomes yours, his wants are your wants, and his likes become your likes. Your whole world will start to revolve around him, and nothing else.
Every lover has a controlling streak within them, but there’s the thin red line that makes all the difference. A relationship shouldn’t change who you are, especially when you’re already a happy person. You should be the only one who can change who you are.
erplexed. I left him for that reason he was controlling.
