Sick of being just the girl "friend" or "buddy"...

[Crystalicequeen123]

Have any of you ladies ever felt this way??

I feel like most guys just see me as a good "friend", or good "buddy", whereas my other girl friends, I feel like they see THEM as girl friend material. Don't get me wrong, I don't think most guys see me as thier "sister" or something, but I very rarely ever get the impression that a guy wants more than just friendship from me. And the ones that DO want more than friendship are just plain....

I don't know... at first it was good because I tend to get along with both guys AND girls, and so I got to be pretty well-rounded. I can be girlie with my girl friends, but also hang with the guys and feel comfortable. I like to play sports like the guys, and I can banter back and forth with them if they ever cross the line . I'm not going to run home crying to mommy in other words. I like to joke around and have fun with guys. I can tell that they respect me, appreciate my input, and they think I'm smart and fun to hang out with, but I just dont' get the vibe that they like me as a GIRLFRIEND. I feel like they just see me as a "buddy"/"pal".

Most of the time I get the impression that guys are somewhat intimidated by me... I get the feeling they would really prefer the flirty ditzy girl who acts like she has a marble clanking in her head than a young woman who can carry on a good conversation and talk about deep meaningful things sometimes.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

OH, I meant to add... Just so you don't get the wrong impression, I dont' dress like a boy, or act like a tom-boyish girl. I'm not crude or crass (I don't even curse). Not that there's anything wrong with a girl who is a tom boy, I'm just saying that I am very much a woman, so it's not like they can mistake me for "one of the guys". *sigh*

So, have any of you ladies felt this way or been in this situation? What did you do to overcome it?? Am I doing something wrong?? Did you have to change your dress style, or how you acted or came across? Or, did you just happen to find a guy who liked you just the way you were?

 

[ALWAYZL8]

I've been in this situation. I've learned that if a guy wants to be with you, they will let you know. If you don't like where things are going, you can simply walk away. Sometimes that is enough to get them out of the "door open" friendship zone.

 

[gymfreak336]

This was ME!!! I have always had alot of guy friends and I always felt like they would never consider "me" as girlfriend material....like there was something wrong with me. But I will say this....Don't underestimate what is really going on. After I started dating someone, I got to really hear what they thought of me. Most of them were like they would love to date someone like me but they didn't know how to approach me which is why they didn't in that way.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

This was ME!!! I have always had alot of guy friends and I always felt like they would never consider "me" as girlfriend material....like there was something wrong with me. But I will say this....Don't underestimate what is really going on. After I started dating someone, I got to really hear what they thought of me. Most of them were like they would love to date someone like me but they didn't know how to approach me which is why they didn't in that way.

True dat or lets even put an interesting spin on it...Im the type that avoids husband material type of guys "right now" . Since Im not ready to become that serious with someone, I will pass him up just for a chill buddy I dont care how great of a catch he is. Guys feel the same way. Call me stupid but some folks are just not ready to be level headed and commited yet.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

True dat or lets even put an interesting spin on it...Im the type that avoids husband material type of guys "right now" . Since Im not ready to become that serious with someone, I will pass him up just for a chill buddy I dont care how great of a catch he is. Guys feel the same way. Call me stupid but some folks are just not ready to be level headed and commited yet.

Hmm...wow! Never thought about it that way! You telling me that some guys will DELIBERATELY avoid a girl who is "wifey" material if all they want to do right now is play the field and have a little "fun" or "drama" in their lives?? Hmm.....wow! Interesting indeed! :scratchch

This was ME!!! I have always had alot of guy friends and I always felt like they would never consider "me" as girlfriend material....like there was something wrong with me. But I will say this....Don't underestimate what is really going on. After I started dating someone, I got to really hear what they thought of me. Most of them were like they would love to date someone like me but they didn't know how to approach me which is why they didn't in that way.

Yeah, that has happened to a girl friend of mine too. She said that as soon as she started dating another guy, ALL of these guys came out of the woodwork and were saying how he was interested in her for a long time..blah blah blah. But yet, they never DID anything about it! UGH! Makes me so sick!

 

[Ms Red]

I totally get where you're coming from.

But now I can admit that I'm glad the guys back in college that I was friends with didn't see me in the light of a 'girlfriend.' It saved both our friendships and probably my self esteem.

I really liked a friend in college for like 2 yrs. We were thisclose, going to dinner, going to the movies, hanging out at football games, parties, you name it. But he just saw me as a 'friend.' Well I finally figured out that he was looking for a sex buddy- he wasn't interested in a relationship. Kind of like what billzbacker is saying.... it's not that the attraction wasn't there but we wanted totally different things.

So perhaps you have not met the person for you? Because I guarantee when you do, he will SHOW it. You'll *know* lol

 

[gymfreak336]

True dat or lets even put an interesting spin on it...Im the type that avoids husband material type of guys "right now" . Since Im not ready to become that serious with someone, I will pass him up just for a chill buddy I dont care how great of a catch he is. Guys feel the same way. Call me stupid but some folks are just not ready to be level headed and commited yet.

You are right....In fact I think it is best to do what you do if you know you are not ready. It just helps prevent sticky situations. I really think more people should just be honest with themselves and do the same.

 

[myco]

This was ME!!! I have always had alot of guy friends and I always felt like they would never consider "me" as girlfriend material....like there was something wrong with me. But I will say this....Don't underestimate what is really going on. After I started dating someone, I got to really hear what they thought of me. Most of them were like they would love to date someone like me but they didn't know how to approach me which is why they didn't in that way.

This has happened to me quite a few times over the years. A guy that I thought only saw me as a friend would wait until I was about to move away to "confess" that he always liked me, but didn't know how to say it or thought that I wouldn't give him a chance.

 

[gymfreak336]

I also wanted to add that the buddy or friend status really ain't a bad spot to be in....You can get all of the benefits without the drama. I did the clubbin, late night ihop-ing, spring break vacations, superbowl sundays, etch with my guy friends...The girl friends were not there for all of that. Many girlfriends would really envy our relationship because they thought that there was a level of understanding between us that they didn't have. Needless to say, I have helped weed through alot of girlfriends.

 

[esoterica]

It's very interesting when a guy waits till you are no longer available to him to profess his feelings. I can only pity a man that pathetic. However, the way I look at it, is that if a man feels he doesn't deserve me, then he probably knows what he's talking about!

 

[missty1029]

I sooooooo know what this is like. Always the friend! Always!!!!

 

[czyfaith77]

Hmm...wow! Never thought about it that way! You telling me that some guys will DELIBERATELY avoid a girl who is "wifey" material if all they want to do right now is play the field and have a little "fun" or "drama" in their lives?? Hmm.....wow! Interesting indeed! :scratchch



Yeah, that has happened to a girl friend of mine too. She said that as soon as she started dating another guy, ALL of these guys came out of the woodwork and were saying how he was interested in her for a long time..blah blah blah. But yet, they never DID anything about it! UGH! Makes me so sick!

This has happened to me alot! And I am like it is not my problem tehy did have the nerve to approache (oh well).

 

[czyfaith77]

It's very interesting when a guy waits till you are no longer available to him to profess his feelings. I can only pity a man that pathetic. However, the way I look at it, is that if a man feels he doesn't deserve me, then he probably knows what he's talking about!

Like that thought

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

This has happened to me quite a few times over the years. A guy that I thought only saw me as a friend would wait until I was about to move away to "confess" that he always liked me, but didn't know how to say it or thought that I wouldn't give him a chance.

But my question is...why are these guy friends so "afraid" to say anything?? I don't think we're coming across as mean to them. I smile, I'm nice, I think I'm a level-headed grounded person, so even if I wasn't interested in them like that, I'm not going to go chew some guy out saying: "How DARE you be interested in me! I wouldn't date you if you were the last guy on earth!" I mean, if we're already hanging out together and doing stuff, then he MUST know that I like him as a person already and enjoy his company.

I mean...come on!