The Other Woman Is My Friend

Jasmataz said:
I think you misunderstood me. I'm not actually suggesting that women keep there husbands away from their friends so that they won't cheat.

A few posters felt that if your friend cheats with another woman's man then she will more than likely do it with yours. My point was that if you honestly believe your husband would be trifling enough to sleep with one of your friends then you might as well keep him away from all of them because your friend doesn't have to have a history of sleeping with taken men to be trifling enough to sleep with yours. And while I would be disappointment in my friend for knowingly sleeping with a taken man, I'm not going to automatically assume that she's some Jezebel who wants to sleep with everyone's husband just because she had one affair. Now, if she made a habit out of it and felt no kind of remorse, then I'd probably feel differently.

And I agree, if a woman chooses a husband and friends that she can trust then there's nothing to worry about :yep:.
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You're still making this about the husband being weak not you keeping a trifling friend around and inviting trouble. If you have that kind of friend the excuses she makes to sleep with that dude she'll make to sleep with your brother or your cousin or your other best friends husband. Now your family is pissed cause you knew what she was and you kept her around. It's not about dude being weak but her willingness to make herself available and all the excuses made when walking down that road with men she knows should be off limits. It's not about keeping him away it's keeping HER away. You can play oblivious until it hits so close to home that people come after you if you want. Women that have that lifestyle isn't going to respect your marriage/relationship because no matter how loudly she screams otherwise she isn't happy and has no respect for boundaries.
 
I would let her know very matter of factly that I didn't approve, and I would keep a reasonable distance.

Lies get complicated

It might be easy for her to say she is with you hanging out, meet you, then ditch you shortly after to go with the dude, next thing you know, the wife is calling up your phone to find out who they hell you are... (#truestory #formerfriend #poursliquor)
 
I also have a friend that is sleeping with married men. At one point she had 2 in rotation. I think it's disgusting but to make matters worse she's a huge hypocrite about it...she cut off one of our mutual friends on speculation alone that this friend had an affair while away on vacation a few years ago.
 
Gryphyn said:
I also have a friend that is sleeping with married men. At one point she had 2 in rotation. I think it's disgusting but to make matters worse she's a huge hypocrite about it...she cut off one of our mutual friends on speculation alone that this friend had an affair while away on vacation a few years ago.
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lol hypocrite indeed. smh
 
So, y'all would cut off friends that y'all have known for many years just because THEY start seeing a married man?? That ain't even y'all's business. Your friendship should be the most important thing. I can see stopping a friendship with somebody that's only been a friend for a short time....but 10 and 20 years...or lifelong friends?? No.
 
I agree with BrooklynBred's sentiment throughout this thread. Values are incredibly important to me and just very telling of a person's character. It's something I'm pretty uptight on. I know this can get quite opinionated, but ime a woman who has no qualms sleeping with taken men or being with a married man is not someone who I could want CLOSE to me. Nahhhhh, imo those loose values seep over into other areas of your life. That person would be an associate of mine. And from my experience, women who I know do things like this have a pretty shifty conscience when it comes to certain things. It's like they just give no effs, they are selfish or have some trifling ways that you just side eye.

I've been called judgmental by a friend at the time who was always since high school ****** someone's man or cheating on her man. A few years ago she was messing with a married man and I told her his wife his might find out and beat her arse. Values is admittedly an area I can be rigid in. It is what it is. I'm usually right also in my perceptions of ppl.
 
*CherryPie* said:
So, y'all would cut off friends that y'all have known for many years just because THEY start seeing a married man?? That ain't even y'all's business. Your friendship should be the most important thing. I can see stopping a friendship with somebody that's only been a friend for a short time....but 10 and 20 years...or lifelong friends?? No.
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I don't roll with cheaters so yes I would. I just cut my cousin off because she is sleeping with a married man and fighting his wife over him. I don't need those negative vibes and drama in my life.
 
*CherryPie* said:
That sounds silly...but whatever...
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*shrugs* sorry it sounds silly to you but I don't need that bull ish and drama in my life. Just about every cheater comes with that. All my cousin kept talking about was the drama with his wife... Well *duh* you are boning her husband....

I never heard a good affair that ended magically and I damn sure don't want to be friends with a skank that has no problem f*cking a man that doesn't belong to her. But I guess that is why I can count on my one hand who I roll with.
 
Y'all sound like y'all are afraid of something. Y'all are going way too hard because somebody else is seeing a married man. Does the women seeing married men make you imagine your husband being in an affair with one? Has he cheated and this is bringing back memories? It HAS to be something, because y'all are willing to give up long time friends because of it. It's weird....

movingforward13 said:
*shrugs* sorry it sounds silly to you but I don't need that bull ish and drama in my life. Just about every cheater comes with that. All my cousin kept talking about was the drama with his wife... Well *duh* you are boning her husband....

I never heard a good affair that ended magically and I damn sure don't want to be friends with a skank that has no problem f*cking a man that doesn't belong to her. But I guess that is why I can count on my one hand who I roll with.
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*CherryPie* said:
Y'all sound like y'all are afraid of something. Y'all are going way too hard because somebody else is seeing a married man. Does the women seeing married men make you imagine your husband being in an affair with one? Has he cheated and this is bringing back memories? It HAS to be something, because y'all are willing to give up long time friends because of it. It's weird....
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Afraid of someone whoring? No. I just don't want to be around that mess. I believe in birds of a feather and I damn sure wouldn't sleep with a married man. Know what I mean?
 
*CherryPie* said:
Y'all sound like y'all are afraid of something. Y'all are going way too hard because somebody else is seeing a married man. Does the women seeing married men make you imagine your husband being in an affair with one? Has he cheated and this is bringing back memories? It HAS to be something, because y'all are willing to give up long time friends because of it. It's weird....
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No. I always used to wonder how adulteresses and adulterers still had friends lol. I don't surround myself with people with questionable characters. I won't pass you in the street, but don't expect us to be chatting it up while you're participating in a type of lifestyle that strongly goes against everything I believe in.
 
No. It has to be a deeper reason. Folks don't just give up long time friends that they loved and shared many experiences and happy times with, just because they've decided to date a married man. You don't see how silly that is??

You need to look inside yourself chile. There is a reason somewhere in there.

movingforward13 said:
Afraid of someone whoring? No. I just don't want to be around that mess. I believe in birds of a feather and I damn sure wouldn't sleep with a married man. Know what I mean?
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I can't do it. I find it very hard to bite my tongue and as someone who is married I have zero patience for infidelity. So, if my "friend" continues to be with a married man she will either never talk about him around me or we will not be friends anymore. Even if she does not talk about him it will be the elephant in the room and I don't think our friendship would survive it.
 
*CherryPie* said:
No. It has to be a deeper reason. Folks don't just give up long time friends that they loved and shared many experiences and happy times with, just because they've decided to date a married man. You don't see how silly that is??

You need to look inside yourself chile. There is a reason somewhere in there.
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Nope- no deeper reason. I don't hang with people like that.
 
I was friends with the other woman. I loved her energy and needed an outgoing friend at that time. But I was always side eying her when around my SO and other men. She was just so flirty. At one point she said she comes from a family of philanderers and I was like "Say what now?" I don't think I ever trusted her and I believe for good reason. Maybe if she wasn't so flirty with every half decent man. Maybe if it was a one time thing and she wasn't eying every cute dude out there. Maybe if she hadn't called herself a philanderer. Maybe if she wasn't sitting on some man's lap in FRONT of her new (now ex) husband. I still love her. Maybe she's changed now. I'm starting to believe monogamy isn't for everyone and that it isn't always a morality thing. I think it makes you questionable, but not a bad person, and not always "bad" to be around.
 
I have cut off multiple friends for less. I would never stay friends with someone who was involved in something that I am strongly against. I worked hard to get into an ivy league and one of the benefits (professional, social, etc.) of going to the school I attend is my current and future network. Hypothetical situation: Being at a party and having a friend to whom I just introduced my colleagues get rolled up on by the wife of her 'man' sounds like a nightmare of drama and humiliation that would have people linking me with all of *that*.

The energy that a friend brings into her relationship with me is so important to me, and I feel like something like that would just carry a bunch of negative energy.

We could maybe be acquaintances? But never friends.
 
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Question: IF both are separated from their spouses is she still considered the other women? The couple I know the both live is separate homes from their "spouses".
 
@SouthernStunner

People have different positions on this. I've been with someone who had moved on but no divorce. Others believe that anyone who deals with a married person is "the other person" with all the stigma that come with it. To me "the other" is a combo of yes being with a married person (or someone in a relationship with another) AND plays the 2nd position and knows it. If I was living on the down low with him then yes, I'd probably be "the other." Not only did she have several boyfriends since they had separated but also was living and had a baby with another man. To me, it was just a formality. I'm not a religious person either. I'm sure someone with strong religious views might see me as a bonafide thot lol

I wonder if men can feel like "the other man" as women do? Probably, but with less shame I suppose.
 
Do you mean your friend is the mistress and brings up the cheat in conversations and that you want to know if we entertain it? I wouldn't. Change the subject or get a new friend. She's messy.
 
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