Should married people have "curfews"?

[Southernbella.]

If a married person is out with friends, does their spouse have a right to expect them to come home at a certain time, like before 12 am?

All opinions, married and single, are welcome!


ETA: Here's the situation...

Ok, so you know I'm home with my kids all day every day. My therapist told me I don't spend enough time away, and she was right, because I have don't trust anyone with my kids.

So my best friends and I started doing dinners on Monday nights. I'm sometimes out pretty late (11pm or so), but the kids go to sleep early and I always make dinner before I leave.

So, I'm telling another friend about this, and she says, "You stay out pretty late. You must think you're single!" in a joking way. So, she then tells me that she thinks I should be home earlier.

I feel like this...I'm don't get out much, so when I do get out, I think I should have a little leeway. Plus, I'm a grown woman and not doing anything sordid.

Anyway, turns out, my dh sort of agrees with my friend.

 

[thiccknlong]

Girl i cant even believe you asked. Yes yes yes. As a matter of fact, a married person should not be hanging or clubbing on the regular. If cousins come into town and their being taken out thats anther story.

But set the tone and let him know, you wont take any disrespect girl. There is nothing in the streets good for a married spouse. Nothing.

oh and that hair is the BOMB in that pic !!!!

 

[mzcris]

Hi...yes married people should have a curfew...we as married people should respect the household and be considerate of each other.​

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

that sounds like a trust issue. And I'm sure the answer would be different for every couple.

 

[Southernbella.]

Girl i cant even believe you asked. Yes yes yes. As a matter of fact, a married person should not be hanging or clubbing on the regular. If cousins come into town and their being taken out thats anther story.

But set the town and let him know, you wont take any disrespect girl

oh and that hair is the BOMB in that pic !!!!

I don't mean clubbing. Just spending time at a friend's house or going out to dinner. Very innocent things.

TY for the hair compliment!

 

[cocosweet]

I don't really like to think of it as a curfew, just a general way of conducting yourself. I mean I think you should have that hanging out until the wee hours out of your system by the time you marry. If dh comes strolling at 2am, he got some 'splaining to do.

ETA--even hanging at someone's house. Shoot, don't they have work in the morning?

 

[sowhut]

I dont know......It depends on why the curfew would be necessary. If its just to be courteous of the other spouse so that they wouldnt worry then maybe it wouldnt be a bad idea. If it has something to do with keeping tabs and making sure they arent "seeing" someone else then it would be useless because that can happen any time of the day.
Honestly i wouldnt want my husband to be out all hours of the night.

 

[deola]

If a married person is out with friends, does their spouse have a right to expect them to come home at a certain time, like before 12 am?

All opinions, married and single, are welcome!

Most definitely in some way!
I say that because:
1. You are that-'married' and have to be accountable to your spouse. Married people cannot hang out with friends at all times and hours like when they were single. It does not reflect maturity nor respect for the marriage.

2. With marriage comes responsibility especially when a family is involved i.e kids. The terrain of marriage is different because now you have to share your life and space with your significant other as well putting into consideration how your actions would affect that person.

Why would a married person want to hang out that late with friends anyways?erplexed It's almost as if it's some kind of avoidance technique employed to not want to face whatever problem there might be in the home front. IMHO

 

[frizzy]

No, but you gotta have sense enough to know when to come home and not to hang out all nite long. So if you don't know when to come home then you will be given a curfew, or an ultimatum. I can't see a grown married man still having "his boys" to hang out with and keep up with.

 

[carcajada]

No. No curfews. We both are grown and both pay the mortgage. It's unsaid respect that one person would let the other person know what the deal was if he/she had to stay out really late.

 

[strenght81]

I believe that married people should not stay out all night hanging with friends. But I do feel "night out passes" are welcomed every so often. For example when old friends come to visit, or family members or friends just want to chill (maybe 2-3X's per year).

 

[MzTami]

I wouldn't say curfew per say, but they should definitely respect the household and be home at reasonable times.

My neighbor's husband gets off work, changes his clothes, takes off, and comes home about 30 minutes before she heads to work. You see, that would NOT happen in my household. He does this daily, even the weekends. I feel sorry for her, because I don't think that's right. She allows it, so I guess she's okay with it. I dunno.

 

[Arcadian]

I will say no. Spouses should be grown (and considerate) enough to just call if they plan on being out late. That said, if my SO didn't call, he'd get the third degree. Just tell me so I don't worry is all I ask.

-A

 

[NeeSee]

that sounds like a trust issue. And I'm sure the answer would be different for every couple.

That's it because I say no and I don't see what's the big deal but like you say it depends on the couple. I know some couples where one or the other is so jealous that they want to be everywhere the person is if they aren't working and then I know some couple who don't have a problem at all with their mate hanging out with friends. They don't do it often but when they do the other one just stay home and go to bed.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I can't even answer the question because your hair is blinding me . Just simply beautiful and so looooong.

But yes I believe in curfew when married on in an co-habitating relationship. I don't care how good the club is or how less you go out anything past 2 is too late for me (I want to say 1 but I know yall with think I am a bytch). TOO late.

 

[PaperClip]

I'm sorta surprised at what I'm about to say....

I say no curfew.... A curfew for a grown person... who is paying bills....name on a mortgage....go to work everyday? Nah....

But I will say this: A MARRIED person OUGHT TO have enough sense, respect, honor, for his/her spouse to be home at a reasonable hour without hesitancy or hostility...a time HAPPILY AGREED-UPON by THE COUPLE.

 

[pattycake0701]

I'm more concerned with how long he has been gone. For an example, he wanted to see the Transformers movie with his cousins, and if he had gone to the last show (like 11:45pm) and strolled in around 2am or something, then I think I would be fine with that. However, if he left around 9 and came back around 2, then I would be pissed. My kids are rough and I don't like being left alone with them for too long

***edited to add*** Lauren, your hair looks great

 

[DivaRox]

Hi...yes married people should have a curfew...we as married people should respect the household and be considerate of each other.​

IA-within reason. When I'm out with my bff we're not doing anything more than sniggling and giggling over a pitcher of watermelon margaritas so I may stay out to 1ish, depending on how far I have to travel to get back home or how long I have to wait for the b.a.l to stabilize.

 

[frizzy]

I would be concerned about how often he feels the need to get out...alone. Can't we go out together? If not, then when do I get my nite out...alone?

 

[sowhut]

I'm more concerned with how long he has been gone. For an example, he wanted to see the Transformers movie with his cousins, and if he had gone to the last show (like 11:45pm) and strolled in around 2am or something, then I think I would be fine with that. However, if he left around 9 and came back around 2, then I would be pissed. My kids are rough and I don't like being left alone with them for too long

***edited to add*** Lauren, your hair looks great

That sounds reasonable. (Even the part about lauren's hair).

 

[thiccknlong]

I wouldn't say curfew per say, but they should definitely respect the household and be home at reasonable times.

My neighbor's husband gets off work, changes his clothes, takes off, and comes home about 30 minutes before she heads to work. You see, that would NOT happen in my household. He does this daily, even the weekends. I feel sorry for her, because I don't think that's right. She allows it, so I guess she's okay with it. I dunno.

30 minutes before she goes to work the NEXT morning? He is so lowdown. And she is at a low point in life. So sad. I hope they dont have kids.

Cause looks like she doesnt have a husband.

 

[MzTami]

30 minutes before she goes to work the NEXT morning? He is so lowdown. And she is at a low point in life. So sad. I hope they dont have kids.

Cause looks like she doesnt have a husband.

She works the night shift. It's the same day, but 30 minutes before she leaves. Yes they have kids.

Yeah, he ain't no good, but she's cool.

 

[Cayenne0622]

I got married fairly young so I've been married for 11 years. We don't call it a curfew but we both agreed to come in at a respectable hour when we do go out. We agreed on 2 or 3 am at the latest but its different for everyone.

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

I'd say no to curfews unless my spouse was abusing it and staying out superlate on the regular. Neither me nor my hubby are into the club scene unless family come to town. So if his fam comes to town, i think its perfectly ok for him to go to the club and stay until it closes (around 2am) and even go out to eat afterwards. no big deal. Then yes its time to come home. As long as i trust him and know where he is at. Now if he is hanging at somebodys house...he needs to go visit and bring his butt home at a decent time... U can chill on your own couch, there aint no need to be chillin on homeboys couch. but my dh is responsible (and an earlybird) so the only time he does go out is during the once a year Classic (Alabama A&M) game where all his brother/cousins go together and hang. I just have faith and trust in him that there is absolutely no inappropriate actions nor hanging with chicks.... if i find that is the case, then he wont be allowed to go out PERIOD, and i will be riding his tail like white on rice...

 

[Radianthealth]

No. No curfews. We both are grown and both pay the mortgage. It's unsaid respect that one person would let the other person know what the deal was if he/she had to stay out really late.

Ditto,

This hasn't come up because neither of us hangout much but as long as we call and let the other know where we are and that we are safe...we're both cool

 

[MissYocairis]

No. No curfews. We both are grown and both pay the mortgage. It's unsaid respect that one person would let the other person know what the deal was if he/she had to stay out really late.

EVERYTHING CLASSY SAID!!!!!

Our spouses are not our children and we aren't theirs. I agree it is a given that a couple should keep one another posted if they need to come in late. But no established curfew. That seems rooted in distrust IMO.

Lauren your hair is AMAZING!

 

[chellero]

I don't think that a grown person needs a curfew. I wouldn't have married my husband if I didn't trust his judgment. He knows when to come home and so do I.

 

[Evolving78]

I guess we all agree that coming home late just because isn't an excuse to come home late So with that said, some people may not have a time established but we all agree that we should have spouses that takes us into consideration by coming in at a decent hour. I know for me, if my Dh comes strollin in late and didn't call, he can go back where he came from. I don't play that. That is one of my pet peeves.

 

[Southernbella.]

Sorry I had to post and run! I had to run out for a second.

Thanks for your responses ladies! I wanted to get opinions before I told you the situation.

Ok, so you know I'm home with my kids all day every day. My therapist told me I don't spend enough time away, and she was right, because I have don't trust anyone with my kids.

So my best friends and I started doing dinners on Monday nights. I'm sometimes out pretty late (11pm or so), but the kids go to sleep early and I always make dinner before I leave.

So, I'm telling another friend about this, and she says, "You stay out pretty late. You must think you're single!" in a joking way. So, she then tells me that she thinks I should be home earlier.

I feel like this...I'm don't get out much, so when I do get out, I think I should have a little leeway. Plus, I'm a grown woman and not doing anything sordid.

Anyway, turns out, my dh sort of agrees with my friend.erplexed

BRB, have to feed the baby!

 

[Kurlee]

From what i usnderstand you are a stay at home mom right? If monday is the only time u get time to urslef from maybe 7-11 AND u make dinner b4 u leave I don't see a problem. U need some "me" time. being a stay at home mom is a lot of work and u have more than one child, one of them being a baby. I don't see a problem.