Should I live with my SO before marriage??
- Thread starter Lexsmarie
- Start date
don't sell urself short by movin in tryna audition for da role of wifey. damn dat shyt. u sittin round da house, cookin, washin dis nicca's drawz, cleanin up behind him, phuckin him from da chandaliers, suckin da nerves outta his penis n shyt....while he gotchu sittin idle on Promise Street thinkin ur gonna get the leading role.
Nothing but the truth!
Nothing but the truth!So what if dude bought a house without telling you. He's been with you a year. He was probably planning the purchase for just as long. Why would he ask for your input? At that stage he probably wasn't sure whether you two would be permanent. His momma is helping decorate? so what? she's his mom, of course he's going to ask for her input. You at this stage are someone he cares about, but it's just too early in the relationship for you to become a signatory.
Moving in is the next stage in your relationship where you'll get the opportunity to see if you're compatible. It's one thing to sleep over every now and then and another to share your waking moments with another person.
The fact that he's talking about marriage after a year is a positive thing. I see nothing wrong with moving in, but you need to make it clear that you're moving in to test whether you can live together and build a future, but you firmly expect to be married in the next 1-2 years.
You also need to have that goal in mind and be prepared to move out if you don't see any signs that he wants to be married.
In the meantime, make sure you keep your money straight in case you do need to jump ship.
I personally don't understand all this business of "you're paying rent and helping him increase his equity" To be it's better you pay rent to someone you love than some faceless landlord.
OP do what you think is right for you. The unfortunate thing about forums is that you can't give texture to a story. I'm sure your man isn't trying to dupe you or lead you into becoming his "practice" wife or even his tenant. It's just that if you ask for opinions on this board and given that respondents are biased towards marriage and dare i say it are a lil jaded, it's only natural that they'll steer you towards caution and in some cases towards leaving your man.
I think you should ask your REAL life friends who know you and your SO for their opinions. At least they can see it from all angles and give you a more informed opinion.
Moving in is the next stage in your relationship where you'll get the opportunity to see if you're compatible. It's one thing to sleep over every now and then and another to share your waking moments with another person.
The fact that he's talking about marriage after a year is a positive thing. I see nothing wrong with moving in, but you need to make it clear that you're moving in to test whether you can live together and build a future, but you firmly expect to be married in the next 1-2 years.
You also need to have that goal in mind and be prepared to move out if you don't see any signs that he wants to be married.
In the meantime, make sure you keep your money straight in case you do need to jump ship.
I personally don't understand all this business of "you're paying rent and helping him increase his equity" To be it's better you pay rent to someone you love than some faceless landlord.
OP do what you think is right for you. The unfortunate thing about forums is that you can't give texture to a story. I'm sure your man isn't trying to dupe you or lead you into becoming his "practice" wife or even his tenant. It's just that if you ask for opinions on this board and given that respondents are biased towards marriage and dare i say it are a lil jaded, it's only natural that they'll steer you towards caution and in some cases towards leaving your man.
I think you should ask your REAL life friends who know you and your SO for their opinions. At least they can see it from all angles and give you a more informed opinion.
nathansgirl1908
Well-Known Member
I doubt the OP will listen. Then in about 7 or 8 months she will have a new thread going about how miserable she is. She's already talking herself up and trying to make it more positive than it is. Women in these situations only seem to learn the hard way. Smh
Klearli
New Member
If I had to give advise, id say be free as long as possible. If he is The One, and marriage is forever, then why rush living with the man you'll spend the next 50 years with?
Anywho, I know how much sense it makes to live with someone when y'all are inseparable, all happy in love, feeling like living together is the next step in commitment. In my opinion its really not...Been there, done that, scrubbed the t shirt.
So my advice is just make sure you save your money. Hope for the best, but always plan for the worst. Have enough money where if the s!ht hits the fan, you can have security deposit and first months rent before the s!ht slides off.
Other than that, OP, live life! Cuz in a sec you'll be married with kids wondering what happened to the fabulous single and free lady you used to be. Don't rush life stages.
Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2
Anywho, I know how much sense it makes to live with someone when y'all are inseparable, all happy in love, feeling like living together is the next step in commitment. In my opinion its really not...Been there, done that, scrubbed the t shirt.
So my advice is just make sure you save your money. Hope for the best, but always plan for the worst. Have enough money where if the s!ht hits the fan, you can have security deposit and first months rent before the s!ht slides off.
Other than that, OP, live life! Cuz in a sec you'll be married with kids wondering what happened to the fabulous single and free lady you used to be. Don't rush life stages.
Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2
Klearli
New Member
MyCoilsGoBoing
Well-Known Member
Team hell no. You have people in here posting in which their shacking situation turned out postively, and even they are telling you no. I've experienced being a wife (divorced now), and I would not expend wife energy on a boyfriend.
The Princess
Well-Known Member
Girl. Please don't do it. You have YOUR Life together. Keep it that way. Unless he on Wall Street or have a business suit with cuff links job. He is going to be struggling big time with his house. I'm sure you have money saved on the side. Don't blow it on HIS house. Also even if he do propose, money is needed for a wedding. Of course you will be using your own money cause his money will be going toward the house.
LovelyNaps26
Well-Known Member
you have thus been warned.
naturalmanenyc
Well-Known Member
This is a familiar situation. DH and I dated for less than a year before we got serious. He was at my place 99% of the time but paying rent for his empty place. I knew him for 3.5 years before we started dating.
We both had the same thoughts about shacking up.
We moved in together AFTER the honeymoon.
Instead of worrying about when you might get a ring and his mom decorating, I'd be more concerned that his belief system regarding shacking up changed in less than 1 year.
erplexed
We both had the same thoughts about shacking up.
We moved in together AFTER the honeymoon.
Instead of worrying about when you might get a ring and his mom decorating, I'd be more concerned that his belief system regarding shacking up changed in less than 1 year.
erplexed
.DeepBluSea
Well-Known Member
The thing he may not be planning to hurt the OP but sometimes ish happens. Have you ever been hurt by someone that you thought could never hurt you or vice versa? Usually the first thing out your mouth when a relationship goes bad is "How could he do that to me?"
Not to mention that mixing finances with a loved one can get messy quick. I'd rather pay rent to the faceless landlord than my man.
Her man sounds like he could be the one but she needs to have a heart to heart and ask:
Why the change of mind about living together?
Why doesn't mom and dad know we are moving in together?
If this is going to be our home, may I have some input in decorating?
I understand wanting to be around the love of your life 24/7, but please make the decision with your mind as well as your heart.
This is a familiar situation. DH and I dated for less than a year before we got serious. He was at my place 99% of the time but paying rent for his empty place. I knew him for 3.5 years before we started dating.
We both had the same thoughts about shacking up.
We moved in together AFTER the honeymoon.
Instead of worrying about when you might get a ring and his mom decorating, I'd be more concerned that his belief system regarding shacking up changed in less than 1 year.
His belief system changed because he now has a mortgage and household expenses
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
LOL, (OT) Regarding the cheating aspect of this law, I bet if it ever came back and was enforced, WOMEN would be among the first and the MOST to get arrested and thrown in jail.
eta: not because I think they cheat more but because of the sexist double standard...
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JayAnn0513
I make 30 look good!
You have to know your man. I moved in with DH ( against his parents wishes) 7 months before we got engaged. I know how much his parents approval means to him so I knew the ring was coming. We had already talked about it hundreds of times, he made it clear as soon as I finished college we would be engaged. I graduated 5 months after I moved it, got a ring 2 months after that. The wedding went on as planned 13 months later. So it worked for me, but you gotta know your man. If you have even the slightest feeling that he may pull a fast one....not only should you not move in, you may want to totally reevaluate your relationship.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
This!
What's the rush if you two are forreal? Nobody is encouraging you two to break up, and no one is suggesting that he is malicious. But everything in the statement above must be considered.
glamchick84
New Member
I wouldn't do, I lived with a man before and it didn't work out. We eventually married, but it ended in a divorce. I moved in with him for all the wrong reasons and forced myself to marry him because of my beliefs and morals(its kind of hard to leave the situation, when you live there). Stick to the original plan, ring first!! Don't make it super convenient for him.
I don't know why a man who was planning on proposing would buy a house without your input. In fact if he was planning on marrying you soon, you'd think that he'd wait until after the wedding or at least until you were engaged and the date was set so that you could buy the house together. I wouldn't move in, I'd wait for him to propose.
His actions say that he doesn't see himself as part of a permanent couple. He's making decisions like a single man and asking you to come along for the ride in the house his mama decorated.
His actions say that he doesn't see himself as part of a permanent couple. He's making decisions like a single man and asking you to come along for the ride in the house his mama decorated.
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