Should I continue this relationship?

i'm not going to tell you to leave... or stay... but for heaven's sake DO NOT GET PREGNANT BY HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Ciacia said:
Bad things
I make more money than him and pay for everything. he does not mind being financially dependent on me and does not have a real good plan to change this situation
He does not like going out. Let me go to parties and weddings all by myself (and if he comes he always act exhausted to make sure we go home early)
I do not like his family (his mother in particular)
He did not do anything for my 30th bday and offered me a gift (which I hated) like 2 months after
We are not really sexually compatible
Click to expand...

After reading your list, this is an easy one to answer NO!

Hope you find the strength to leave quickly, don't waste anymore of your precious time and energy there. Know your worth, don't let ppl who don't in your life and space.
 
Ciacia said:
Honestly: our plan was to start trying to make a baby in 2013. But even if this is something that I really want in my life I am not super motivated because 1) I don't want his family to have any influence on a kid I would raise 2) if something happens to me how could he provide for this kid ?
Click to expand...

this is a very big deal. imagine if something were to happen to you, or ya'll break up? he would be the child's biological parent. the kid goes with him and his family will have a major hand in raising your child.

people don't really think about that, but i think about that type of thing daily. i pray over my children and i pray that God keeps me healthy and sane in order to be there for them. you don't want that type of worry in your life.

this man doesn't seem like the type that would make a good husband or a dad. he might be a nice a guy, but seem to lack somethings in character.
 
Ciacia said:
Hi ladies,

I'm seeking your advices as I am a little bit lost. I have been living with a man for more than a year (and we met in march 2011) and I'm wondering if I am wasting both of our times. I know that I am not very patient I general so I need you to let me know if I should just calm down and work this out :)
Good things
He's faithful, my parents like him, he likes to help people in general, he's passionate about his job

Bad things
I make more money than him and pay for everything. he does not mind being financially dependent on me and does not have a real good plan to change this situation
He does not like going out. Let me go to parties and weddings all by myself (and if he comes he always act exhausted to make sure we go home early)
I do not like his family (his mother in particular)
He did not do anything for my 30th bday and offered me a gift (which I hated) like 2 months after
We are not really sexually compatible

I could go on with the bad things but these are the main issues
Things have changed lately as I tried to talk to Him about all these, but I always feel like he stays because of his unstable money situation ....
Not sure if I still love him, I do care for sure

Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance for your help
Click to expand...

You may have already addressed this...but with the bolded, you are actually thinking about having a baby with this guy. That would seem totally disasterous for you. You'd still be paying for everything. And it will feel worse.
 
If you had to ask the question, you really know what you should do. Don't ever discount your inner voice. Things will only be WORSE if you get married.
 
A guy can be a "good guy" and still not be the best match for you long term. Having shared values and goals is important in a marriage. Financial goals should be agreed upon. Sexual compatability with your mate is desirable also etc..... Family expectations are different in different cultures. His Mom maybe spending part of the year with you once you're married. You have to assess whether he will be a good husband or long term partner.
 
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Ciacia

Are you saying that you're more afraid of spending your 30s single, enjoying life, and finding the right man for you then spending the rest of your life attached to a lazy, wack dyck game having, selfish, codependent man?

Really read what you've typed, and listen to what your heart is telling you.
 
I understand your need for companionship, but this guy doesn't sound like a good one for the long haul. You will only resent him if you do marry and have a baby. If you are going to stay with him, PLEASE don't have a kid. You will end up being a married single mother.

Nothing you wrote about him seems to enhance you. You can be you all by yourself without a grown arse man.
 
Best piece of advice someone gave me during my own "situation" was this:
"People can only treat you how you let them"
Certainly open my eyes(.....and my mouth lol)
 
I didn't notice a post so I'll ask the obvious. Why are you living with him in the first place?

There are plenty of women who meet a man and marry/have kids after 30. Life does not end at 30. Don't settle for this guy due to a self imposed timeline.
 
Ciacia - do you have a general fear of living alone, unrelated to your stage in life (30 years old)? I notice that, in your OP, you wrote that you and your partner met 21 months ago (March 2011), and moved in together sometime before December 2011.

That is usually considered a very short time in which to get to know someone and decide to live with them as more than housemates (no expectations of intimacy or dependence).

Did fear of being alone press you into the relationship from the start?
 
Although I know it's sometimes easier said than done once you become attached to someone and the craziness (because yes, that what it is) becomes normalized when you're in the thick of it, YOU NEED TO END IT. Don't block your own blessings by throwing more of your precious time, love, and effort into a black hole. And the "June 2013 Baby Plan"...oh lawd. Whether you meet someone new in 2013 or just get to enjoy the pleasure of having some peace of mind while you get back to yourself, I think the June date would be better suited as a drop-dead deadline for him moving out, rather than you digging yourself deeper into this life with him.
 
This really seems rushed and unnatural. If you're coming to strangers asking whether you should end it, then that's a BIG indication you should. I'm currently seeing a guy that is not as educated as I am and is not making nearly as much money as I do. We do not live together (and won't) and he does not feel comfortable letting me pay for things. My 30s are not too far off, but I'm not rushing.

Also remember that hurrying to have a child might make YOU feel better, but what about the feelings of that CHILD while they are growing up. Often times situations like this only get worse, not better and it's unfair to you, but it's particularly unfair to the child. You have a choice, the child does not. Make a decision that is best for BOTH of you.
 
Ciacia said:
I have to admit that I did not tell my family about the money part. As he is an architect they assume that he is ok on that side but he has been working for 3 years for a boss who pays him whenever he feels like it. As I said he's passionate so he does not mind. But I should not pay for his passion indeed, he said he would quit in June 2013 only ....
I think that I'm staying because I'm afraid of staying too long in the single life again now that I am 30 ....
Click to expand...
Are u sure he s not spending it unwisely or saving for himself since you re willing to pay for everything?
After you had the child you will have to go to work straight away which is not great for the child's attachment and development .
Trust me u get to realize so many things once u have a baby how many responsabilities and adjustment it involves ,it takes a strong couple to survive through that.
yoir Mother in law WILL be part of his life ,picture that.
 
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Ciacia said:
I have to admit that I did not tell my family about the money part. As he is an architect they assume that he is ok on that side but he has been working for 3 years for a boss who pays him whenever he feels like it. As I said he's passionate so he does not mind. But I should not pay for his passion indeed, he said he would quit in June 2013 only ....
I think that I'm staying because I'm afraid of staying too long in the single life again now that I am 30 ....
Click to expand...

Better to stay single than to be broke carrying a leech on your back but that's just me

Enter the New Year afresh!!!
 
Ciacia

a real man is proud to show you off to the world. he also is willing to provide and protect you. he should be motivated.sometimes though he doesn't like the same things you like or they bore him he still goes along with it anyhow cause you like it or they excite you. if you have a baby by this fool on the weight and burden of providing for the household will be on your shoulders.

if you were white he'd be breaking his neck to make sure you had....not to mention his mother would love you to pieces:look:


the bigger question is why don't you love yourself enough to leave or why did you give this fool the time of day in the first place.:nono:

when you work on yourself you realize that you deserve the very best and nothing less. a man worthy of your time will treat you like the royalty or goddess that you are:yep: you are already lonely in this relationship go ahead and be alone its better.

women must stop thinking that when we get with a man that we can change /improve him or that he won't treat us the same way as the previous lady he dealt with. people must be willing to change cause they want to not cause we force them. this gets women in trouble all the time.

please leave before you get in over your head. you are young and childless with no baggage, you will find someone perfect for you once you do the necessary work on yourself. when you break up with this fool take 6 months to work on yourself and don't get a new replacement man....remain celibate during this time and reflect inward.
 
southerncitygirl said:
Ciacia

a real man is proud to show you off to the world. he also is willing to provide and protect you. he should be motivated.sometimes though he doesn't like the same things you like or they bore him he still goes along with it anyhow cause you like it or they excite you. if you have a baby by this fool on the weight and burden of providing for the household will be on your shoulders.

if you were white he'd be breaking his neck to make sure you had....not to mention his mother would love you to pieces:look:

the bigger question is why don't you love yourself enough to leave or why did you give this fool the time of day in the first place.:nono:

when you work on yourself you realize that you deserve the very best and nothing less. a man worthy of your time will treat you like the royalty or goddess that you are:yep: you are already lonely in this relationship go ahead and be alone its better.

women must stop thinking that when we get with a man that we can change /improve him or that he won't treat us the same way as the previous lady he dealt with. people must be willing to change cause they want to not cause we force them. this gets women in trouble all the time.

please leave before you get in over your head. you are young and childless with no baggage, you will find someone perfect for you once you do the necessary work on yourself. when you break up with this fool take 6 months to work on yourself and don't get a new replacement man....remain celibate during this time and reflect inward.
Click to expand...

Love this post .
 
Ciacia said:
She lives abroad and she came a whole month in May. She is always worrying my bf by talking about suicide, but she just crave attention. For example she would wait until everybody is around, grab a knife, and say she wants to cut her wrist.....
The whole time she was at my place she was expecting me to serve her 24/7 and complained about me working too much and not taking care of her.
Every time I would cook or clean she would just pass by and say "why don't you just hire someone to do it?". She lives in Turkey and this is very cheap there....
She is white and she was not too happy that her son get a black woman but she "tolerates it"....
Click to expand...

Wow. So he's white?!! Be careful with some of these white guys because they seek attractive and accomplished non-white women if they are unable to get their own women of the same caliber. Mommy told me if you are to date out, date up. This is a rule of thumb for black women interested in interracial relationships. You are too pretty to be dealing with this foolishness.
 
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southerncitygirl said:
Ciacia

a real man is proud to show you off to the world. he also is willing to provide and protect you. he should be motivated.sometimes though he doesn't like the same things you like or they bore him he still goes along with it anyhow cause you like it or they excite you. if you have a baby by this fool on the weight and burden of providing for the household will be on your shoulders.

if you were white he'd be breaking his neck to make sure you had....not to mention his mother would love you to pieces:look:

the bigger question is why don't you love yourself enough to leave or why did you give this fool the time of day in the first place.:nono:

when you work on yourself you realize that you deserve the very best and nothing less. a man worthy of your time will treat you like the royalty or goddess that you are:yep: you are already lonely in this relationship go ahead and be alone its better.

women must stop thinking that when we get with a man that we can change /improve him or that he won't treat us the same way as the previous lady he dealt with. people must be willing to change cause they want to not cause we force them. this gets women in trouble all the time.

please leave before you get in over your head. you are young and childless with no baggage, you will find someone perfect for you once you do the necessary work on yourself. when you break up with this fool take 6 months to work on yourself and don't get a new replacement man....remain celibate during this time and reflect inward.
Click to expand...

Thank you for your input, we talked and he needs maximum 3 months to leave because of his money situation. I will update you all but thanks again
 
^^^ No!

Is there no way he can leave sooner? It's not an ideal situation for you to still live with him & pay the rent/bills.
Why doesn't he have savings or a friend to stay with till he gets back on his feet? cant he move into a hostel for a while?
I'm sorry but this 'man' is beyond lame & extremely selfish.
It's not a comfortable position for you to have him around, he may try to worm his way back into your good books, 3 months may turn into 6. Cut the dead weight off cleanly & quick. Please find a way to get rid of him ASAP!
Was he homeless when you two met? He needs to go back to wherever he was living. Why can't he demand a proper salary from his boss? He's got too comfy living with you & being taken care of.
 
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Here in France it's really hard to get a place. He used to share a flat with friends before moving with me but it's not available anymore.
He can go to a friend's house but he cannot take all his belongings (the friend's place is too small), it would be annoying to have him coming back all the time to get stuff.
Complicated i know ....
 
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