Should I continue this relationship?

Ciacia

Ciacia

Member
Hi ladies,

I'm seeking your advices as I am a little bit lost. I have been living with a man for more than a year (and we met in march 2011) and I'm wondering if I am wasting both of our times. I know that I am not very patient I general so I need you to let me know if I should just calm down and work this out :)
Good things
He's faithful, my parents like him, he likes to help people in general, he's passionate about his job

Bad things
I make more money than him and pay for everything. he does not mind being financially dependent on me and does not have a real good plan to change this situation
He does not like going out. Let me go to parties and weddings all by myself (and if he comes he always act exhausted to make sure we go home early)
I do not like his family (his mother in particular)
He did not do anything for my 30th bday and offered me a gift (which I hated) like 2 months after
We are not really sexually compatible

I could go on with the bad things but these are the main issues
Things have changed lately as I tried to talk to Him about all these, but I always feel like he stays because of his unstable money situation ....
Not sure if I still love him, I do care for sure

Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance for your help
 
DanitheBee said:
Wth?
How on earth can your family like a man that depends on you financially?
I hardly tell people that they should break up but please, pretty please do. I see NO benefit for you in this. And to add insult to injury the sex is bad?
Why are you with him?
Click to expand...

I have to admit that I did not tell my family about the money part. As he is an architect they assume that he is ok on that side but he has been working for 3 years for a boss who pays him whenever he feels like it. As I said he's passionate so he does not mind. But I should not pay for his passion indeed, he said he would quit in June 2013 only ....
I think that I'm staying because I'm afraid of staying too long in the single life again now that I am 30 ....
 
MsDee14 said:
The bad outweighs the good. I would leave him and never turn back.
Click to expand...

Indeed I found myself stuck when trying to
List all the good things ;)
He's not a bad man, it's just that we don't have the same views on life/values and we do not have the same goals on the short/medium terms
 
Them the fact that he waited 2 months to even offer u a gift for your birthday says a lot. He could have made u a romantic dinner or something of that nature.

He's dead weight.


He's selfish
 
I'm not the kind of person happy with paying for everything. But assuming that I was, I still couldn't be with a man who was fine with being financially dependent on me and had zero plans to change this, even if he earned less.

I couldn't quite get past the money thing because I've never seen those kind of situations work out. However, if you can't see yourself continuing this relationship into a new year then I think you should cut your losses.
 
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Crackers Phinn said:
What do YOU get out of the relationship?
Click to expand...

Honestly: our plan was to start trying to make a baby in 2013. But even if this is something that I really want in my life I am not super motivated because 1) I don't want his family to have any influence on a kid I would raise 2) if something happens to me how could he provide for this kid ?
 
Ciacia said:
I have to admit that I did not tell my family about the money part. As he is an architect they assume that he is ok on that side but he has been working for 3 years for a boss who pays him whenever he feels like it. As I said he's passionate so he does not mind. But I should not pay for his passion indeed, he said he would quit in June 2013 only ....
I think that I'm staying because I'm afraid of staying too long in the single life again now that I am 30 ....
Click to expand...

Your age shouldn't be a factor. You are fabulous. Enjoy your life. You'll meet someone else. I bet when u went out alone guys were checking you out.
 
Ciacia said:
Honestly: our plan was to start trying to make a baby in 2013. But even if this is something that I really want in my life I am not super motivated because 1) I don't want his family to have any influence on a kid I would raise 2) if something happens to me how could he provide for this kid ?
Click to expand...

Yes I agree your basically paying for a grown as child as well as ur own.

Do u mind me asking why you don't like his mom??
 
LoveBeautyKisses said:
Yes I agree your basically paying for a grown as child as well as ur own.

Do u mind me asking why you don't like his mom??
Click to expand...

She lives abroad and she came a whole month in May. She is always worrying my bf by talking about suicide, but she just crave attention. For example she would wait until everybody is around, grab a knife, and say she wants to cut her wrist.....
The whole time she was at my place she was expecting me to serve her 24/7 and complained about me working too much and not taking care of her.
Every time I would cook or clean she would just pass by and say "why don't you just hire someone to do it?". She lives in Turkey and this is very cheap there....
She is white and she was not too happy that her son get a black woman but she "tolerates it"....
 
Hi Ciacia,
Leave. It does not sound like he gives you what you need. A man who loves you, truly loves you, should work harder than this for you. Don't let me get started on the sex. Good luck, dear. You are worth more than what he is offering you.
 
BrickbyBrick said:
Hi Ciacia,
Leave. It does not sound like he gives you what you need. A man who loves you, truly loves you, should work harder than this for you. Don't let me get started on the sex. Good luck, dear. You are worth more than what he is offering you.
Click to expand...

Cheers ;)
It's the first time I break up after living with someone, I tried my best though
 
Ciacia said:
I make more money than him and pay for everything. he does not mind being financially dependent on me and does not have a real good plan to change this situation

We are not really sexually compatible
Click to expand...

Ciacia said:
2) if something happens to me how could he provide for this kid ?
Click to expand...

Ciacia said:
She is always worrying my bf by talking about suicide, but she just crave attention. For example she would wait until everybody is around, grab a knife, and say she wants to cut her wrist.....
Click to expand...
Leave that shameless loser and his crazy mother.
 
Thank you all for your input, I'll try to get some sleep now (it's 2.22 am here in Paris). I could not just rest, I had a sad Xmas full of doubts today. Things will change in 2013, I'll keep you updated !
 
Ciacia said:
I have to admit that I did not tell my family about the money part. As he is an architect they assume that he is ok on that side but he has been working for 3 years for a boss who pays him whenever he feels like it. As I said he's passionate so he does not mind. But I should not pay for his passion indeed, he said he would quit in June 2013 only ....
I think that I'm staying because I'm afraid of staying too long in the single life again now that I am 30 ....
Click to expand...

:nono:

You are still young. And how upset will you be if you're still with this guy and still unhappy years later?

Even if you were 85 you aren't happy. Life's too short.
 
Ciacia said:
I have to admit that I did not tell my family about the money part. As he is an architect they assume that he is ok on that side but he has been working for 3 years for a boss who pays him whenever he feels like it. As I said he's passionate so he does not mind. But I should not pay for his passion indeed, he said he would quit in June 2013 only ....
I think that I'm staying because I'm afraid of staying too long in the single life again now that I am 30 ....
Click to expand...

TBH I'd be more afraid spending my 30+ precious husband finding time in a live in relationship with a potential user, low compatibility and an obvious expiry date on the relationship.

Crap sex too...... Doesn't even do anything for your birthday.....

I'd rather be single, so I could meet someone compatible.
 
Ciacia said:
Honestly: our plan was to start trying to make a baby in 2013. But even if this is something that I really want in my life I am not super motivated because 1) I don't want his family to have any influence on a kid I would raise 2) if something happens to me how could he provide for this kid ?
Click to expand...

WTphuck?

How old is he?
This sounds like a trainwreck.
RUN. DO. NOT. WALK. RUNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

Don't have any babies without a HUSBAND who can support ALL of you on his income alone. :yep:
 
Ciacia said:
Hi ladies,

I'm seeking your advices as I am a little bit lost. I have been living with a man for more than a year (and we met in march 2011) and I'm wondering if I am wasting both of our times. I know that I am not very patient I general so I need you to let me know if I should just calm down and work this out :)
Good things
He's faithful, my parents like him, he likes to help people in general, he's passionate about his job

Bad things
I make more money than him and pay for everything. he does not mind being financially dependent on me and does not have a real good plan to change this situation
He does not like going out. Let me go to parties and weddings all by myself (and if he comes he always act exhausted to make sure we go home early)
I do not like his family (his mother in particular)
He did not do anything for my 30th bday and offered me a gift (which I hated) like 2 months after
We are not really sexually compatible

I could go on with the bad things but these are the main issues
Things have changed lately as I tried to talk to Him about all these, but I always feel like he stays because of his unstable money situation ....
Not sure if I still love him, I do care for sure

Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance for your help
Click to expand...

read this thread:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=661009
 
Ciacia said:
Indeed I found myself stuck when trying to
List all the good things ;)
He's not a bad man, it's just that we don't have the same views on life/values and we do not have the same goals on the short/medium terms
Click to expand...

Heard a psychologist two about the dangers of listing positives. When you think you should have more, it makes you doubt if you really like the person. That is all...carryon :)

ITA with the majority....

When I read your plan to "make a baby in 2013" my jaw dropped. Like DROP. Please think about this carefully in light of what you said about the father of your child.
 
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