Should he get a 2nd date?

[LadyPaniolo]

Hypothetical:

A young professional man of a nerdy/geeky personality takes a girl on a date. He has driven a very very long distance to be there, and had to pay several tolls along the way. He is at the location early, dressed nicely and smelling good. He has a well-paid job, the girl is only a college student (and is hence broke).

He is foreign born but has lived in the US since early childhood. He is very inexperienced with women, and is clearly very nervous.

He is polite, respectful and interesting during the date... Here's the catch. When they order cups of tea, he does not pay for her drink!!! He only pays for his own, then steps aside for her to buy her own tea!!!

At the end of the date he expresses interest in more dates, calls 2 days later to ask for a movie date on Saturday.

What say you? Should she accept and give him the benefit of the doubt that he was nervous or just clueless? Accept but tell him he needs to buy the tickets? Or tell him to pee up a rope for being a cheap arse?

Discuss.

 

[Kimgirl50]

Damn, Give the dude a second date lol.

 

[KEIONI'S MOM]

Did he pay the for meal and not the tea? Or did they meet for tea?

If he paid for the meal then I would give him the benefit of the doubt for being clueless if they just met for tea then that's a no go on a second date....he's to cheap to buy tea erplexed

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

LOL, this really sounds like the date I went on last Friday except my date didn't drive that far. He was probably really nervous and if he's inexperienced with women then that just added to it. I say give him a second date and another chance.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Thanks for the replies ladies. This is the very first meeting, and was just for tea, no meal was ordered.

 

[LovinLea]

He did all that driving for just some tea. He gets a pass...this time.

 

[babyu21]

Give him one more date but make it something simple so you can back out quickly if need be. If he doesn't pay for the entire date then Keep It Moving. Inexperienced or not you should have some kind of knowledge on dating or a friend to turn to for advice. If he is really that clueless then he shouldn't be out there trying to date anyone.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

It's hard to write a guy off totally when he is 90% perfect... but that red flag is a BIGGUN! Too cheap for a $3 tea? Really? Cheapness is a huge turnoff

 

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

Sometimes you just can't have your cake and eat it too, we want to be 'liberated' and still expect the man to buy our tea...

maybe he spent it on the gas and tolls...


give him another chance...

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I say give the guy another chance.

He drove a while to get there, so obviously he's definitely INTERESTED in the girl.

Besides, he may have been nervous. Plus, if he's from a different culture (even if he's raised in the US) he may *think* that a lot of women like "independence" and didn't realize that his date would have actually appreciated him paying for the cup of tea. Was this a Date Zero? In other words....a casual no-pressure meet-up in order to decide if there will be a Date 1? Date Zero's don't count as heavily imo. It's usually something light...meeting at a cafe, getting some coffee, tea, etc. I mean, it's not as important as Date 1 in other words.

But if he's calling the girl and trying to set up a date on a SATURDAY night, then yeah....he seems interested. I say...give the guy another date and see what happens. If he still plays it cheap, then I'll say "Sayanora!"

 

[Ladybelle]

I've had guys tell me that they *test* a girl by not paying for dates like this just to see how she would respond, they want to know if she's interested in HIM or in his wallet. If she passes, they willingly pay on the 2nd & subsequent dates. If she acts a fool wit it because she didn't want to pay for $3.00 tea or something similar, they rule her out.

I personally don't like being tested. I want a man who willlingly pays - especially on the first date. If he's interested enough to take me out, he should be interested enough to pay or he could have stayed his broke butt at home. Maybe I'm too old, but if the first impression isn't good then I'm not wasting time to dig and find out why. I'm chuckin' the deuces. I don't ignore red flags anymore.

*shrugs* I'm probably in the minority on this one.

 

[SurferBabe]

I think he didn't know. I also don't think I'd consider this a date. It sounds like their first meeting. Did they meet online? I think she should give him another chance. However, I can imagine how embarrassing it must have been to not be on the same page.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Yes, it was an online dating "first meetup to see how things go" type deal. The tea was bought within the first 2 minutes of meeting up, followed by hours of good conversation, swapping numbers and his asking very politely for a kiss.

 

[Ladybelle]

Yes, it was an online dating "first meetup to see how things go" type deal. The tea was bought within the first 2 minutes of meeting up, followed by hours of good conversation, swapping numbers and his asking very politely for a kiss.

Oh, I see. I guess this wasn't a date then. Let's see what he does on the actual date.

 

[MizAvalon]

That would never fly with me. Men pay for dates in my world. Even if it wasn't a date but a "meet and greet, let's see if we like each other" kind of thing then he is still responsible for paying.

There would not be a second one.

 

[growth2come]

I've had guys tell me that they *test* a girl by not paying for dates like this just to see how she would respond, they want to know if she's interested in HIM or in his wallet. If she passes, they willingly pay on the 2nd & subsequent dates. If she acts a fool wit it because she didn't want to pay for $3.00 tea or something similar, they rule her out.

I personally don't like being tested. I want a man who willlingly pays - especially on the first date. If he's interested enough to take me out, he should be interested enough to pay or he could have stayed his broke butt at home. Maybe I'm too old, but if the first impression isn't good then I'm not wasting time to dig and find out why. I'm chuckin' the deuces. I don't ignore red flags anymore.

*shrugs* I'm probably in the minority on this one.

I have friend that does that and he wonders why he is still single. I dont have time for tests just buy my damn tea!

 

[Ladybelle]

I have friend that does that and he wonders why he is still single. I dont have time for tests just buy my damn tea!

lol! Have you told him that his tests are probably keeping him single?

 

[hopeful]

I just don't buy this awkward, shy, confused guy syndrome.

 

[Rastafarai]

Girl, its a double dip recession. Next time don't forget those tea bags.

 

[imaccami]

Eh, the man should pay, but if he's really inexperienced dating he may have regressed to 4th grade where the girl you like pays for her own food. IDK, I wouldn't kick him to the curb over that. If I liked him and the chemistry was there I would go on the second date. And he called a reasonable amount of time later and asked for a second date. A lot of men who do pay can't manage to do that, so I would go.

 

[Charz]

LOL @ moving aside to let her pay but then having the gall to ask for a kiss

what does the tolls and whatnot have to do with the woman in question. who asked alladat

 

[FoxxyLocs]

He might get a second date, but he'd be on VERY thin ice. And he definitely would not have gotten a kiss.

Sent from my HTC Evo

 

[tropical-punch]

He initiated the date, right? He should have paid for the tea.

 

[MissMasala5]

Yes, it was an online dating "first meetup to see how things go" type deal. The tea was bought within the first 2 minutes of meeting up, followed by hours of good conversation, swapping numbers and his asking very politely for a kiss.

Maybe he didn't consider it a date, and only pays on actual dates?

 

[FemmeFatale]

No I would be severey turned off, and this happened to a girl I know (lunch date) and he asked her out.

 

[nappystorm]

I can't. I'm old and I'm tired of being understanding. Just pay for the tea, ni99a. And then he's going to ask for a kiss? Nah, son

 

[HauteHippie]

I'll step out out of my element and say I think you should give him a second chance. Some people don't consider "the meet" to be the first date and either don't pay or don't want to offend/make a fuss/ apply any kind of pressure by paying for that first coffee, tea, ice cream or whatever.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2

 

[frizzy]

1. Go on another date, but when he asks, I would tell him we need to do something that doesn't cost much because I can't afford to date myself.

2. Approach the get-togethers as purely platonic, until he makes it known he acutally wants to date me in a serious rlp.

 

[Ladybelle]

I can't. I'm old and I'm tired of being understanding. Just pay for the tea, ni99a. And then he's going to ask for a kiss? Nah, son

we are >>here<<. But, I wonder if he gets the benefit of the doubt because it wasn't technically a date. :scratchch. I wouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt, but generally speaking - should he get it? I think the consensus is he gets the chance to prove himself on a real date because there was chemistry and so on and so forth. For me - the chemisty would have went out the window when I had to reach in my purse to pay for the tea. Chemistry does not always = the makings of a long term relationship. The inability to pay for something as simple as tea when you wanted to meet ME symbolizes so many other things- just in my opinion.

 

[LiftedUp]

I would not go on a second date. I don't teach grown men basic manners.

I had a similar experience a month ago on a date. Same guy you described except that he wasn't a foreigner. Then he ordered for himself and asked "if I'm ok". I thought it was a dinner date .

IMO he should know better and if he respected her and her time he wouldn't have her paying for a cup of tea.

eta: I reread the OP. This guy asked me to the movies the day after as well . I told him I'd think about it and never answered my phone.