She's Mad Because He Didn't Propose...

Who we talking about, Kim?

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barbiesocialite said:
taht

EXACTLY. :yep:

bc COMMITMENT = MARRIAGE.
//
there is no monogamy without commitment. Women commit to these boyfriends then you see thse 50-11 threads about how some boyfriend did them wrong. :rolleyes: bu effin hu. A spouse (husband/wife) or fiancee (actively working toward marriage) are the only people that can be guilty of cheating IMO.
eta: and it isnt an engament without a ring and at least a call of inquiry to a wedding planner or venue. :look:
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So is it ok for the man to be dating multiple women up until engagement?
I have a feeling most women would not be ok with that....
 
PopLife said:
So is it ok for the man to be dating multiple women up until engagement?
I have a feeling most women would not be ok with that....
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I think the women who are ok with dating multiple men don't care what the men are doing. Can you really complain?

I already know I couldn't deal with this. My heart ain't strong enough and my privates and emotions are Siamese twins.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF
 
ChasingBliss said:
I think the women who are ok with dating multiple men don't care what the men are doing. Can you really complain?

I already know I couldn't deal with this. My heart ain't strong enough and my privates and emotions are Siamese twins.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF
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which brings me to my question why are women so prematurely invested in regulating and controlling some random ole duide that isnt their DH? serious question :look:

As far as this topic goes, IDK if the men I've dated or the person I'm dating is spending time with other women. I dont ask and dont go looking bc I don't care. He isnt my husband. As Is said in Rlp RT, I'm worried about me and him in the here and now. If I'm good thats all that matters. And the men I've been in serious relationships have never given me a reason not to trust them so I do. Since my relationship/dating experience has limited the amount of hurt or trust issues I have with men, I cant relate to the "woe is me," "my bf wasnt ****" or "I got played" sentiment. My investment in a man, since I havent married yet, is limited. As far as relationships go, I have nothing but optimism and positivity to draw from for the most part, as a result I attract those that feed on that energy. Divorce is a horse of a different color.

eta: I'm not religious but some of my family's religious teaching about relationships have stuck. I believe firmly in "guard your heart" as a single woman. Believe it or not, I'm extremely conservative about sexual relations (I can count how many times I've had sex) and I am emotionally guarded for any man that isnt my DH because that's something I am saving for him.
 
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barbiesocialite said:
which brings me to my question why are women so prematurely invested in regulating and controlling some random ole duide that isnt their DH? serious question :look:

As far as this topic goes, IDK if the men I've dated or the person I'm dating is spending time with other women. I dont ask and dont go looking bc I don't care. He isnt my husband. As Is said in Rlp RT, I'm worried about me and him in the here and now. If I'm good thats all that matters. And the men I've been in serious relationships have never given me a reason not to trust them so I do. Since my relationship/dating experience has limited the amount of hurt or trust issues I have with men, I cant relate to the "woe is me," "my bf wasnt ****" or "I got played" sentiment. My investment in a man, since I havent married yet, is limited. As far as relationships go, I have nothing but optimism and positivity to draw from for the most part, as a result I attract those that feed on that energy. Divorce is a horse of a different color.

eta: I'm not religious but some of my family's religious teaching about relationships have stuck. I believe firmly in "guard your heart" as a single woman. Believe it or not, I'm extremely conservative about sexual relations (I can count how many times I've had sex) and I am emotionally guarded for any man that isnt my DH because that's something I am saving for him.
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My mother would have loved for me to have this mental approach to men...As long as i wasnt sleeping with them of course. As I told you before I was always holed up in monogamous relationships which probably trained me the way I am. As far as your question goes, it's sad when you prematurely invest in a random guy you know nothing about, blinding yourself to all the red flags....particularly the ones that show you that not only is he not marriage material.... He doesn't want to marry you. But for the most part many women do think they are investing in "the one" when they go that deep with it. I think the other thing is that society makes us feel like we are not special or worthy if we are not involved monogamously. I remember in my teens and twenties the girls who had that one boyfriend forever were looked at as "she had something special to keep dude" silly but this was the thinking. Especially if most of her friends were getting ran through. Everybody wanted that one dude that would be with them only. It starts young. This was in my time. I'm sure a lot has changed now.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF
 
barbiesocialite said:
which brings me to my question why are women so prematurely invested in regulating and controlling some random ole duide that isnt their DH? serious question :look:

As far as this topic goes, IDK if the men I've dated or the person I'm dating is spending time with other women. I dont ask and dont go looking bc I don't care. He isnt my husband. As Is said in Rlp RT, I'm worried about me and him in the here and now. If I'm good thats all that matters. And the men I've been in serious relationships have never given me a reason not to trust them so I do. Since my relationship/dating experience has limited the amount of hurt or trust issues I have with men, I cant relate to the "woe is me," "my bf wasnt ****" or "I got played" sentiment. My investment in a man, since I havent married yet, is limited. As far as relationships go, I have nothing but optimism and positivity to draw from for the most part, as a result I attract those that feed on that energy. Divorce is a horse of a different color.

eta: I'm not religious but some of my family's religious teaching about relationships have stuck. I believe firmly in "guard your heart" as a single woman. Believe it or not, I'm extremely conservative about sexual relations (I can count how many times I've had sex) and I am emotionally guarded for any man that isnt my DH because that's something I am saving for him.
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So if you do "by chance" find out that the guy you are dating is in fact dating and sexing someone else, will you continue to date him as normal since ya'll aren't engaged?
 
PopLife said:
So if you do "by chance" find out that the guy you are dating is in fact dating and sexing someone else, will you continue to date him as normal since ya'll aren't engaged?
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how would I know he is sexing someone? I'm not asking him about sex unless we are sexing. And we arent sexing until its serious, and it isnt serious until we are engaged or almost-engaged. I don't understand this "need" for single people to have sex, sex is used purposefully in my world....

Furthermore, I date respectful men. They dont answer the phone or take certain calls in my presence. This includes work related things (minus my anesthesiologist ex). Again, when you go looking you will find. So unless I go probing or poking around, honestly, there is no way to no if a guy I'm dating is talking to other women. Nor do I really care to be honest so I damn sure am not going to go looking.....My husband is a different story.
 
I like reading barbie's posts, I swear to gawd she reminds me of one of my friends to the T (she's a blunt but sweet, beautiful bytch, lol).
 
Love this thread. I kinda wish I didn't latch on to the exclusive word with my dude, bc I feel like when they have that they can become complacent. I do feel like we're building something, but at the same time it's at a slower pace. Anyways, I'm not even sure if I want to be married soon versus I just want an engagement ring...:look:
 
isioma85
Your story has got me cracking all the way up! I'm not going to talk mess about your friend, but homegirl is funny.

barbiesocialite
I find your views on dating very interesting and quite intriguing.
 
Her fault she got her hopes high. It was all in her head. She convinced herself lol. I would have paid good money to see the look on her face. She was embarrassed for herself. I wonder how many people she told!

Her priorities seem out of wack. Her guy seems decent but in a heartbeat she was rockin with the athlete. Now the athlete is gone. Is she pissed about that too? She going around opening up her clam like that in search of what? Wait athlete dude was supposed to maybe sweep her off her feet and it didnt happen so shes back with the seemingly decent one...in the meantime.

Still dont get why shes mad. To me it isnt about her relationship. The point is she felt she deserved one for whatever reason she came up with in her pretty little head in her pretty little world lol.

OP she must make you laugh a bunch huh?
 
barbiesocialite said:
I don't think she should be condescending or treat dude poorly nor do I appreciate the dramatics but other than that I dont see how her behavior warrants some of the posts in this thread. Specifics of the friend and her shenanigans aside, this thread reminds me of Zaynab's theory about how women's attitudes on dating multiple men being problematic. Makes a lot of sense now. :look:
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i don't think that is really the case here. this chick is not being honest with herself or the person she is in a relationship with. this chick sounds like she is settling and will take whatever she can get. she sounds like she thinks she is a prize. she feels she wasted enough time with this dude, that an award should be coming soon. if this cat isn't who she really wants to be with, she should be honest and let him do his own thing and she do hers.

i get what you are saying though. people get courtship confused with dating. those are two different things. if the man isn't marriage minded or isn't courting you, you don't need to put all of your eggs in one basket. folks need to learn how to just date and get to know someone again. stop putting a lock and key on someone that you aren't even married to, or don't have plans to marry.
 
shortdub78 said:
i don't think that is really the case here. this chick is not being honest with herself or the person she is in a relationship with. this chick sounds like she is settling and will take whatever she can get. she sounds like she thinks she is a prize. she feels she wasted enough time with this dude, that an award should be coming soon. if this cat isn't who she really wants to be with, she should be honest and let him do his own thing and she do hers.

i get what you are saying though. people get courtship confused with dating. those are two different things. if the man isn't marriage minded or isn't courting you, you don't need to put all of your eggs in one basket. folks need to learn how to just date and get to know someone again. stop putting a lock and key on someone that you aren't even married to, or don't have plans to marry.
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she is. women should be put on a pedestal. black women are the only ones that would ever make such a statement. which is why most of their predicaments dont surprise me.

not enough black women think they are prizes or like to chop themselves down as being in equal in value to any ole random man which is why so many black women who dont date around still find themselves without a ring. This thread is nothing but female catty shade. I see through the ish. It's funny and yall feel comfortable to throw in nasty-nice hate at ole girl bc allegedly yall think she's a heaux. TBH, I see the same threads by women who have been blindly loving and falsely/immaturely/prematurely devoted to one single "boyfriend" for 50-11 years (much longer than chick in the OP). Looking like a fool (IMO) crying about they cant get their ring too.....
 
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barbiesocialite said:
she is. women should be put on a pedestal. black women are the only ones that would ever make such a statement. which is why most of their predicaments dont surprise me.

not enough black women think they are prizes or like to chop themselves down as being in equal in value to any ole random man which is why so many black women who dont date around still find themselves without a ring. This thread is nothing but female catty shade. I see through the ish. It's funny and yall feel comfortable to throw in nasty-nice hate at ole girl bc allegedly yall think she's a heaux. TBH, I see the same threads by women who have been blindly loving and falsely/immaturely devoted to one single "boyfriend" for 50-11 years (much longer than chick in the OP). Looking like a fool (IMO) crying about they cant get their ring too.....
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i believe women should be put on a pedestal as well, but she lowered her standards. she got involved with a man she feels is beneath her. that arrogance will get you nowhere. and her way of thinking isn't lady like. she is/was no prize. oh i and i don't think she is a heaux. i think she is an ignoramus for playing herself like that.
 
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Wow, one of the most interesting threads ever. I am loving the various view points. Even makes me rethink some of my personal thoughts.
 
shortdub78 said:
i believe women should be put on a pedestal as well, but she lowered her standards. she got involved with a man she feels is beneath her. that arrogance will get you nowhere. and her way of thinking isn't lady like. she is/was no prize. oh i and i don't think she is a heaux. i think she is an ignoramus for playing herself like that.
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naw I dont think any of this and I don't feel she lowered standards per say either. Addictionally, her sex life is what it is, whether I agree with it or not doesnt matter and I feel it has little to do with it either. All types of women get married. That said, I think this thread was created haughtily & prematurely. Maybe OP can check back in with us in about a year or two and give us an update......

eta: again, this sounds like some Vince & Tamar type ish. I know my fair share of couples that fit the bill so I have no judgment about it....
 
I don't think she lowered her standards. From what I'm picturing of her, she just has that air about her, and she probably doesn't know how to turn it off even though she likes/loves the guy. People think I'm prissy and will often say things like--"I don't know if that's up to INCHHIGH's standards. You know how she is :look:"--even though in my head I usually feel like a complete mess and very very low maintenance. My SO is someone that I was super nervous about and attracted to, but its hard for me to turn the "prissy" off, so I say things about him that have people looking at me like :blush: "Don't talk about him like that!" (The OP sounded very familiar to me :look:) And he often says that he doesn't think I'm as into him as he is me--which I've learned from LHCF is fine, actually--when the fact is that I adore him. And if I say something that makes me sound nonchalant it's because I know that if I talk about him too long in a conversation, I will sound sprung and I'm not going to do that (except for here, of course :drunk:). I don't buy for a second that this girl is actually repulsed by the guy. It's just her natural demeanor to act above it all (whether she feels that way or not) and she can't turn it off. He probably likes that about her, actually, and is dragging his arse but still has this idea that she will be around when he does propose. She will have found someone else if he takes too long :look:
 
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"Most people don't marry their first choice. Even if they find the 'right' one it's probably not the 'right' time." -Chris Rock

That's a cold hard reality for many people. I think the woman in the OP will be fine as long as she continues actively dating toward marriage (this guy and/or others), she'll probably land her goal sooner rather than later.
 
Honi said:
Her fault she got her hopes high. It was all in her head. She convinced herself lol. I would have paid good money to see the look on her face. She was embarrassed for herself. I wonder how many people she told!

Her priorities seem out of wack. Her guy seems decent but in a heartbeat she was rockin with the athlete. Now the athlete is gone. Is she pissed about that too? She going around opening up her clam like that in search of what? Wait athlete dude was supposed to maybe sweep her off her feet and it didnt happen so shes back with the seemingly decent one...in the meantime.

Still dont get why shes mad. To me it isnt about her relationship. The point is she felt she deserved one for whatever reason she came up with in her pretty little head in her pretty little world lol.

OP she must make you laugh a bunch huh?
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:lachen::lachen:

Man yall got me weak!!

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InchHighPrivateEye said:
I don't think she lowered her standards. From what I'm picturing of her, she just has that air about her, and she probably doesn't know how to turn it off even though she likes/loves the guy. People think I'm prissy and will often say things like--"I don't know if that's up to INCHHIGH's standards. You know how she is :look:"--even though in my head I usually feel like a complete mess and very very low maintenance. My SO is someone that I was super nervous about and attracted to, but its hard for me to turn the "prissy" off, so I say things about him that have people looking at me like :blush: "Don't talk about him like that!" (The OP sounded very familiar to me :look:) And he often says that he doesn't think I'm as into him as he is me--which I've learned from LHCF is fine, actually--when the fact is that I adore him. And if I say something that makes me sound nonchalant it's because I know that if I talk about him too long in a conversation, I will sound sprung and I'm not going to do that (except for here, of course :drunk:). I don't buy for a second that this girl is actually repulsed by the guy. It's just her natural demeanor to act above it all (whether she feels that way or not) and she can't turn it off. He probably likes that about her, actually, and is dragging his arse but still has this idea that she will be around when he does propose. She will have found someone else if he takes too long :look:
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Interesting, because my immediate reaction was that she sounded needy and desperate for the ring.

Most of the women I see who act like this just want a man for a man's sake and do whatever it takes to get the ring. Like Survivor, but with carats :lol:

But this also makes sense to me. I just think that her intense reaction to not getting proposed to makes her lose in this situation with her man.

Like I wonder if she basically just left him cold instead of reacting like that. I think she would have gotten better results.
 
greight said:
Interesting, because my immediate reaction was that she sounded needy and desperate for the ring.

Most of the women I see who act like this just want a man for a man's sake and do whatever it takes to get the ring. Like Survivor, but with carats :lol:

But this also makes sense to me. I just think that her intense reaction to not getting proposed to makes her lose in this situation with her man.

Like I wonder if she basically just left him cold instead of reacting like that. I think she would have gotten better results.
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People act like this situation happened months ago. It literally happened the other day. :lol: We don't know what she's going to do, she seems like the type that at least is familiar with "game" (which one she's playing IDK since I dont know her). This is why I think this thread was created prematurely.

Furthermore compared to all of the other really needy and desperate women that hold on to a dude for 3, 4, and 6 years, this chick has only been with this guy for 1.5 years (probably less than that when you take into account "couple status") This is not losing territory yet :lol:
 
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barbiesocialite said:
People act like this situation happened months ago. It literally happened the other day. :lol: We don't know what she's going to do, she seems like the type that at least is familiar with "game" (which one she's playing IDK since I dont know her). This is why I think this thread was created prematurely.

Furthermore compared to all of the other really needy and desperate women that hold on to a dude for 3, 4, and 6 years, this chick has only been with this guy for 1.5 years (probably less than that when you take into account "couple status") This is not losing territory yet :lol:
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Good points, :lol:

Sometimes I treat LHCF like TV. I honestly forgot about the timeline, oh well.

I do wonder what her next move will be.
 
greight said:
Good points, :lol:

Sometimes I treat LHCF like TV. I honestly forgot about the timeline, oh well.

I do wonder what her next move will be.
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IDK, can't believe I'm in here defending this chick. Probably because I know a lot of women like her. :look: But in real life, I'm like "date whomever---but b*sh close your f*ckin legs!" :rofl:
 
barbiesocialite said:
People act like this situation happened months ago. It literally happened the other day. :lol: We don't know what she's going to do, she seems like the type that at least is familiar with "game" (which one she's playing IDK since I dont know her). This is why I think this thread was created prematurely.

Furthermore compared to all of the other really needy and desperate women that hold on to a dude for 3, 4, and 6 years, this chick has only been with this guy for 1.5 years (probably less than that when you take into account "couple status") This is not losing territory yet :lol:
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Ya, this girl has balls. She'll end up ok.

The new definition of relationships and sex in this gender equality era are hurting us women. Back in the day, you didn't go "steady" for years if you were an adult. I'm not in a rush to marry, but I don't want to bide my time with a Negro who won't marry me.
 
Menina Preta said:
Ya, this girl has balls. She'll end up ok.

The new definition of relationships and sex in this gender equality era are hurting us women. Back in the day, you didn't go "steady" for years if you were an adult. I'm not in a rush to marry, but I don't want to bide my time with a Negro who won't marry me.
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>>>>>WE ARE HERE<<<<< :yep:

I'm not going to pretend like every guy I've met and dated is falling in love, bending over backwards to propose to me. But at the same time, I've never dated a man more than a couple months that I knew who wouldnt marry men when push comes to shove :yep: I've also dated/am dating men where they are my backup and I know I'm their's. *ye shrug* doesnt bother me at all. we keep each other around for a reason but we are not nor have we ever been devoted or stuck with just each other. There are options, if we run out then we know what it's going to be: us. This is why I brought up the Chris Rock quote about people not marrying their first. Most people I know that married their first/only option are divorced or will be divorced :duck:. :lachen:
 
Yeah, I was confused by people saying he hasn't proposed. He hasn't "not proposed." She assumed he was and he didn't because it was somebody else's plan that night. Egg on her face for the moment, sure, but he hasn't rejected her. She was just annoyed that she was inconvenienced that night and his timeline is about to get on her nerves. lol
 
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