Scenarios -- What Would You Do?

[LucieLoo12]

This actually happen to a couple in our ministry. The DH told her he was beginning to develop feelings for this other sister, and he didnt wanna feel that about her but it was what it was. So the wife, began to fast and pray with her hubby and God restored their marriage...

Now Me? I would probably

...(never been married ) but I know I would be hurt. Would I divorce him over this? NO. but I would prefer if he didnt tell me who it was, just to keep my heart and mind rite. I would automatically begin examining myself like "Where did i go wrong, where was I lacking".....I would DEFINTLEY prayer and fasting on this to make sure I wouldnt hold anything against him and that I could truly forgive him.

 

[Shimmie]

New Scenario

What would you do if DH told you that he has feeling for one of the other sisters at yall church? .. He didnt say he wants a divorce, he just tells you he noticed the feeling for Sister Rebecca and dont know how to handle them??

My first reaction after my famous 'freeze' pose would be...

Ummmm, babe, you know she a man, right? That's a weave in both places.

 

[mrselle]

My first reaction after my famous 'freeze' pose would be...

Ummmm, babe, you know she a man, right? That's a weave in both places.

Shimmie, you get 15 minutes in the timeout corner for that one. LOL!!! My husband is upstairs in his office working and I know he is like, "What in the world is she laughing at?"

 

[LucieLoo12]

NOOOOO!!! ..Come on seriously!

My first reaction after my famous 'freeze' pose would be...

Ummmm, babe, you know she a man, right? That's a weave in both places.

 

[mrselle]

New Scenario

What would you do if DH told you that he has feeling for one of the other sisters at yall church? .. He didnt say he wants a divorce, he just tells you he noticed the feeling for Sister Rebecca and dont know how to handle them??

This is a tough one. Of course, I would be very hurt and sad - probably devastated. I guess I would be thankful that he had the courage to tell me to my face, but after something like that a whole bunch of other questions would be asked.

Does she have feelings for you too? Have you acted on those feelings? Where, when and how are the two of you spending so much time together that you now have feelings?

Then I would be looking in the mirror at myself and wondering what I can do to spruce myself up so he doesn't want to look at another woman.

You see, I only have desires for my husband. The thought of another man just doesn't sit well with me.

Ok, well....um...I have a small crush on Maskim Chmerkovskiy from Dancing With the Stars, but anyway...LOL

In all seriousness, I would be very, very hurt. Very hurt. And we would probably need to seek counseling because there is something going on beneath the surface.

 

[Shimmie]

Shimmie, you get 15 minutes in the timeout corner for that one. LOL!!! My husband is upstairs in his office working and I know he is like, "What in the world is she laughing at?"

But... 'him' started it.

 

[Shimmie]

NOOOOO!!! ..Come on seriously!

I'm in time out, mrselle sent me there until I get it right...


But seriously. How would he know if he/she is 'real' or not? He's not going to pursue it... not now.

I simply scared the mess out of him so he wouldn't even think of pursuing these 'feelings' any further. You know how 'men' are. They don't want their manhood 'questioned'.

Men are men before they are Jesus men. Not saying men are not Godly, but at the end of the day, they 'still a' man'. If I told him that 'woman' was really a man, he'd run so fast to get away from that situation, he'd never misplace his feelings outside of our marriage ever again.

Forgive me Jesus and mrselle ...

 

[LucieLoo12]

Then I would be looking in the mirror at myself and wondering what I can do to spruce myself up so he doesn't want to look at another woman.
.

Isnt it amazing how us women automatically look at ourselves when stuff like this happens?? Hmmmm... intresting..I wonder why?

 

[LucieLoo12]

But what if he isnt pursing them, but the thoughts are troubling him and he says "Shimmie, honey, I cant get this woman out of mind. Everytime Im with you, Im thinking of her, I dont know what to do, I wanna be with you though"....

I'm in time out, @mrselle sent me there until I get it right...


But seriously. How would he know if he/she is 'real' or not? He's not going to pursue it... not now.

I simply scared the mess out of him so he wouldn't even think of pursuing these 'feelings' any further. You know how 'men' are. They don't want their manhood 'questioned'.

Men are men before they are Jesus men. Not saying men are not Godly, but at the end of the day, they 'still a' man'. If I told him that 'woman' was really a man, he'd run so fast to get away from that situation, he'd never misplace his feelings outside of our marriage ever again.

Forgive me Jesus and @mrselle ...

 

[Laela]

Mrselle.. I hear you. I'm not sure if I'd be hurt by him 'liking' someone...not the jealous one. I'd be inclined to believe somewhere at some point, he'd have nourished this 'like' and fed it for it to develop into something more; i.e. Spending too much time thinking about her or being around her...Nawww bruh, that ain't it... (that's my fave expression to DH) He needs to be reading his Bible or praying or something... I wouldn't accept his feelings as my fault . BUT I would definitely suggest we get spiritual counseling on this...Like that couple Alicialynn just mentioned, the couple did what was right..they laid it before God.

 

[Laela]

@ Shimmie being put in time out!

 

[LucieLoo12]

ok so lets flip this scenario a little bit.What if a brother came to you and he knew you was married and told you he had feelings for you? Would you tell DH...

Now me, I would rebuke this rascal very sharply!! For the simple fact he knows im married. But i dont know if I would tell DH the first time. I wouldnt want to start any drama But if he continues, then yes I would tell DH, not only DH but I would bring him to the Pastor ..


.(But I would be scared that DH would find out and be mad that I didnt tell him, but at the same time, would I want to know if someone came on to DH??? hmmmmmm dunno)​

 

[Shimmie]

But what if he isnt pursing them, but the thoughts are troubling him and he says "Shimmie, honey, I cant get this woman out of mind. Everytime Im with you, Im thinking of her, I dont know what to do, I wanna be with you though"....

See ... I'm from Harlem...

And as God as my 'Witness', he'll not treat me like dirt'...




Okay, with scenarios like this, you're not going to be able to get much 'compassion' out of me.

Why: Because I've actually been in that situation. *sigh* Before I was saved, a guy I was dating wanted both me and another woman that was his ex who no longer wanted him (which should have been my cue). His ego was bruised and while he was with me, he wanted to prove he could have her back. I was hurt, very hurt. But I got over it and stayed over it.

This is where deliverance comes in. God's Word says, allow no man to take your crown. He's the first and the very last man that I ever allowed to put me through that mess. So, it will never happen again.

I've seen this happen in Churches all the time. A man will begin dating one 'sister' and then becomes distracted and interested in another 'sister'. The first sister finds out, and begins to fast/pray and over some man who didn't respect her nor her feelings; let alone treat her with respect as a daughter of God.

Life Lesson...

What would I do? What have I done? What do I highly recommend?

Wear counterfeit protection. Do not allow yourself (not you Alicia I'm speaking 'you' in general), to become so sponged for affection that you do not see the red flags in his eyes.

God has better, this I know, for sure...

 

[Shimmie]

@ Shimmie being put in time out!

I will continue this scenario on the train...

 

[Nice & Wavy]

Shimmie......

Is in time out....lol

 

[mrselle]

Isnt it amazing how us women automatically look at ourselves when stuff like this happens?? Hmmmm... intresting..I wonder why?

It is funny that we always think it has something to do with us. Years ago I had a friend who had broken up with her boyfriend because he had cheated on her. She and I were talking one day and she kept saying, "I don't know what is wrong with me. Why am I not good enough?" I told her that when a man cheats it has everything to do with what is going on the inside of him and absolutely nothing to do with the one he has betrayed. To this day I still know that to be true, but no matter how much I know that - as a woman - one of my first thoughts would be, "What is wrong with me?"

 

[alwaysinchrist]

I would ask them is it anything I can do to help n remind that we all here for each other. In God puts people in ur path to help you. I wouldn't share it with anyone but my pastor.

 

[alwaysinchrist]

Sorry for the grammar....typing on my phone LOL

 

[Guitarhero]

Scenario No. 2...alas, and regrets:

You are in a ministry that your friend and her mother introduced you to and you go every week (not the church you finally ended up in). It's got a great singles program and you attend lots of them. There, you find some nice guys and the one you have a crush on is not the one having a major crush on you. You realize his best buddy does, start to notice him more and develop feelings for Mr. Almost-Right but he is shy and doesn't reciprocate fast. You become hurt and retract from contact with those in the group but you still are active. You notice Mr. Almost-Right is getting up the gumption, trying to always sit by you etc. I mean, handsome, g-dly and responsible with those piercing blue eyes and jet black hair (think Jim Caviezel)...but he's a mechanic. I mean, always major googly eyes at-cha and your friend notices and tells you too. You think he won't be the one for all the cultural differences. Do you kindly pass up Mr. Almost-Right with no chance to find out or do you wait to see if he'll be strong enough to make a move? What would you do?



What did I do? I passed and later on, met a guy at college. I should have opened up the conversation MYSELF with Mr. Randy. Yeah, I called him by name and I've often thought of what would have become of things if only. Anyhoo, if I knew then what I know now...

 

[Shimmie]

Shimmie......

Is in time out....lol

Nice & Wavy

Thought I'd take a small peek....

Where's mrselle ?



Don't tell her you see hiding...

I think she forgot about me and left me in time out.

I'm kinda hungry

Can somebody bring me a plate and a cookie?

I'm still in the corner... ​

 

[Shimmie]

ok so lets flip this scenario a little bit. What if a brother came to you and he knew you was married and told you he had feelings for you? Would you tell DH...

Now me, I would rebuke this rascal very sharply!! For the simple fact he knows im married. But i dont know if I would tell DH the first time. I wouldnt want to start any drama But if he continues, then yes I would tell DH, not only DH but I would bring him to the Pastor ..


.(But I would be scared that DH would find out and be mad that I didnt tell him, but at the same time, would I want to know if someone came on to DH??? hmmmmmm dunno)​

Good Scenario for discussion... here's why:

Many times men see a Godly woman and the love and the light of her and he 'falls' in love. There's something about the glow of a woman who is in love with Jesus, that draws the heart of a man.

He senses the warmth of her glow, as she walks into the sancutary for worship; his eyes follow her, closed, yet open as the worship service begins. He's aware of the power and the strength of the power of God's presence. He's drawn and he can't let go of Heaven's glow.

In truth, it's the love of God that is drawing him to her, yet, because we are comprised of flesh and blood and 'soul', he sees this attraction as that of the flesh and not of the Spirit of God.

And this is what I tell him, "It's not me you see, it's Jesus who abides in me. It's your flesh and blood that sees me otherwise. The difference you see is Jesus...

What do I tell 'hubby'? There's a man who sees Jesus in me. Praise God who has begun a good work in him, who will complete it until the day that Jesus comes.

 

[Shimmie]

It is funny that we always think it has something to do with us. Years ago I had a friend who had broken up with her boyfriend because he had cheated on her. She and I were talking one day and she kept saying, "I don't know what is wrong with me. Why am I not good enough?"

I told her that when a man cheats it has everything to do with what is going on the inside of him and absolutely nothing to do with the one he has betrayed.

To this day I still know that to be true, but no matter how much I know that - as a woman - one of my first thoughts would be, "What is wrong with me?"

mrselle, this is so true (the bolded). I put myself through this 'drama' each time, 'it didn't work out'...

I truly believe that this is one of the reasons that I stopped wearing make up everyday. I was terrified to leave home without it so that no one could find fault with me.

As much as I love the beautiful eye colors and lip colors and textures, I just freed myself one day and stopped wearing it on a daily basis.

I go to work each day with a clean face. My skin is all the better for it. But even more, I'm all the better, for there is nothing wrong with me, even without make up. I've fallen in love with Meow Cosmetics and have acquired quite a color pallet of simply beautiful colors, and I wear these on special occasions or 'just because'. Yet I love the freedom of my natural skin, I have confidence, and I know there's nothing wrong with me, it never was.

One last note, then I'll go back to 'time out'

Earlier this year, it came out that Pastors Marcus Lamb had cheated on his wife Joni Lamb. They were on Dr. Phil and as Joni began to find fault in herself as to what led her husband to cheat, Dr. Phil rebuked her and said plainly, that the fault was Never in her, but always with her husband, Marcus; for it was he who decided to cheat when he knew that he did not have to.

The same thing applies to John Edwards when he cheated on his wife Elizabeth. He chose to do so. It was not Elizabeth's fault.

It's not the woman's fault...

-----------

Okay, I go back to time out now... :blush3:

 

[mrselle]

Nice & Wavy

Thought I'd take a small peek....

Where's mrselle ?



Don't tell her you see hiding...

I think she forgot about me and left me in time out.

I'm kinda hungry

Can somebody bring me a plate and a cookie?

I'm still in the corner... ​

I didn't forget about you, my dear. I figured you would come on out when you got ready. ;-)

 

[Shimmie]

I didn't forget about you, my dear. I figured you would come on out when you got ready. ;-)

Thanks "Mommie"

I'm behaving now...


Until the next time ....

 

[Shimmie]

Scenario No. 2...alas, and regrets:

You are in a ministry that your friend and her mother introduced you to and you go every week (not the church you finally ended up in). It's got a great singles program and you attend lots of them.

There, you find some nice guys and the one you have a crush on is not the one having a major crush on you. You realize his best buddy does, start to notice him more and develop feelings for Mr. Almost-Right but he is shy and doesn't reciprocate fast. You become hurt and retract from contact with those in the group but you still are active.

You notice Mr. Almost-Right is getting up the gumption, trying to always sit by you etc. I mean, handsome, g-dly and responsible with those piercing blue eyes and jet black hair (think Jim Caviezel)...but he's a mechanic.

I mean, always major googly eyes at-cha and your friend notices and tells you too. You think he won't be the one for all the cultural differences. Do you kindly pass up Mr. Almost-Right with no chance to find out or do you wait to see if he'll be strong enough to make a move? What would you do?

What did I do? I passed and later on, met a guy at college. I should have opened up the conversation MYSELF with Mr. Randy. Yeah, I called him by name and I've often thought of what would have become of things if only. Anyhoo, if I knew then what I know now...

Having been there, done that (made 'wrong' male selection), I've learned to follow the heart of God. I've literally asked God, remove all counterfeits; I also allow you to choose for me, Lord. Only you know the true heart of this man / I do not and in my past I have not chosen well.

This prayer is total surrender into God for His choosing which never-ever-never fails. ... :yep;