i haven't read this entire thread, i assume its probably mentioned how to put it together somewhere, but I will tell u what I did.
I got mine yesterday, the black tap water one, I think we are talking about the same one.
The fat pole goes at the base. I took a wrench (ok, i'm not super handy, so i don't know if thats the right name for it), and unscrewed the metal circular part off the fat pole, removing both the long screw and the plate.
next, i stuck the fat pole down into the base. then I reattached the metal circular part and screw to the bottom of the base. if you turn the metal circular part the right way, it should click into place with slight force.
Yeah, that's exactly it. Make sure to put the legs in before re-attaching the metal to the base. It was very confusing.