RANT Why the catiness?

[arosieworld]

So I have a 2nd job at nights at this fancy restaurant downtown and last night I had a table of young black professionals. I was wearing my normal style, a long curly haired black front lace wig. There were several women who work at the court house, there is normally another lady who comes with them but she was missing. I once complimented her on her cute TWA and got the evilest look, so I now avoid personal conversation with them. Whatever, I am a happy-go-lucky, Sagittarius, mid-westerner, I am always friendly and polite, so last night when I heard those chicks talking about me I just smiled and flirted with their male coworkers.
But my question is why? First of all they were stupid, they thought my hair was real, with "some weave", Seriously? Its 26 inches of of pure plastic. Second none of these ladies have hair past their chins and one actually had a tiny broken off pony tail, bad skin/teeth and wrinkled clothes (ok that was mean, sorry).
It was one of those black women with long hair conversations but they also said things about my voice and my @$$. One of these ladies is a Judge, they are all adults, and it was pathetic.
I have always had a problem with this group because they all drive BMW's and don't tip. Its hard enough to be one of the few blacks that work for my company without having to explain the actions of "all black people" to my co-workers (since they rarely sit in my section they normally stiff another server or the bar). So it seems not only are they cheap, but catty.
My question is why do black women have to find fault with other black women? Outside of my circle of friends I find it hard to gain acceptance from black women. I had an unconventional up bringing and I understand how I may come off a little odd, but you don't know that when you first meet me.
What's up? Is it me? Is there some sort of handshake my parents forgot to teach me?erplexed

 

[longhairlover]

As soon as you mentioned it was a table with "us" at it I knew they would be a problem to you. it sucks theirs no unity, I don't even look for it anymore, you have to try your best to ignore it and it doesn't even matter if they are Judges, Lawyers etc. Ghetto is Ghetto regardless of salary and status.

 

[ImFree27]

Yeah some black women are very insecure, and in order for them to feel better, they feel like they have to talk about you to make themselves feel better....I've even noticed when theres a really pretty black woman, some women may look at them, like something is wrong with them, like its wrong to be pretty, I wouldn't worry about them, I have this problem sometimes, but I keep it moving, it's something deep inside that they don't like about themselves...

 

[arosieworld]

I know your right. I think its this site that makes me want to go up to everyone and ask if they are Nikko's cousin. Which is weird because I bet if one of those ladies was a member here, we would one day chat and living in the same city, go to the same meet up or BSS. I just wish people could be nice online and in person.

 

[JJamiah]

Here Here! I think women of our color and probably others have a problem giving a complement because they think If I give a complement to you that means I am not up to par. GUESS what, I think your pretty, it doesn't take anything from me because I am very confident. But Beauty is Beauty, and If I see it, I have no problem embracing it and letting the person know, wow, you are beautiful. Trust. How many of the LHCF women get an email from me, letting them know your pics caught my eye, very beautiful. So Don't let it bother you, just be glad your not like them. In Piscataway, I endure a lot of women who think they are better then other people, I am like is it me or when they move here they forget who they are. but I guess putting people down is what they think the upper class is about. PERSONALLY, LOOK I don't talk about money unless I am telling you what deal I got or where to get a coupon. BECAUSE my pay doesn't regulate my personality.

 

[SlantedEyezMiss2003]

Girl it's just the nature of the beast....I mean I get evil looks every where I go, just for being light skin and it pisses me off because GOD made us all DIFFERENT for a reason......blk women just talk crap about other blk women, because they don't want someone to out shine them or they are jealous....Jealousy has a lot to do with it, WHY I don't know...no one should be jealous of anyone.....but some just can't help it, they probably was trying to show off infront of their male associates.....girl just don't sweat it, women, not just blk women will talk about each other, to them life is a competition and it's all about who will survive, and sometimes women talk about each other to hide their flaws, or make themselves feel good. It's sad, but it is sad though, cuz we as black women need to defend and stick up for each another...we should support each another no matter if we are fat, thin, light, dark, single, married, successful, strugglin, long hair, short hair....etc....we need to unite, but some of them have a long way to go, and some growing up to do, just don't worry about them....continue to be yourself and don't change or stress over someone's ignorance....there is something going in their life that makes them insult other people so they can hide it, they prefer to talk about other people than deal with the reality of something might be wrong with them.....Just my opinion from past experience.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I'm sorry this happened to you. These "professionals" are probaly elitist who look down on you which is what many people of all races do when they reach a certain status. But it seems that Black folks regardless of status tend to be the most obvious when it comes to boarish behavior. I know it hurts when we are the target for someone elses ignorance. Some of these people need to be called out and others ignored because is a huge world and you won't change them. Keep your chin up and don't let them change who you are.

 

[brownelovely]

That's just how some women are. I'm usually bias when trying to meet females due to all the cattiness...I just don't have time for it. Glad you took the higher road though. I hate saying people are jealous of others just because ????

but in this situation I'll just say apparently something about you may be something they desire for themselves i.e. friendly attitude, pretty lacefront, ability to ignore & smile

People aren't always happy with themselves so sometimes I think women may see a trait about another person they desire and will probably never posess so they harbor bitterness.

 

[brucebettye]

I am sorry that this has happened to you and it is something that is very common in the black community. However, don't let them get you down and don't let them change who you are.

 

[shininnebear]

As soon as you mentioned it was a table with "us" at it I knew they would be a problem to you. it sucks theirs no unity, I don't even look for it anymore, you have to try your best to ignore it and it doesn't even matter if they are Judges, Lawyers etc. Ghetto is Ghetto regardless of salary and status.

Now that is hilarious, and true. Girl, I would not worry a second about that mess. You can only control your own behavior,you were polite and classy, they were not. Case closed.

 

[caribeandiva]

As soon as you mentioned it was a table with "us" at it I knew they would be a problem to you. it sucks theirs no unity, I don't even look for it anymore, you have to try your best to ignore it and it doesn't even matter if they are Judges, Lawyers etc. Ghetto is Ghetto regardless of salary and status.

very well said. I find it hard to get acceptance from a lot of black women. I stopped trying a long time ago. It's a lot easier for me to get along with blacks from other cultures like me (i.e. Jamaicans, Virgin Islanders, etc...). I thought it was because I wasn't raised in the States so they can tell that I'm different.

Having said that, some of the cattiest women I know are Haitians. Cattiness doesn't know culture.

 

[Liege4421]

Arosie, you're beautiful...ignore ignorance!

 

[Carrie A]

I just hate the BMW but no tippy. I saw a woman at the carwash driving a nice Lexus. Her daughters all had designer bags yet they didn't tip the freaking car wash guys, who did a great job BTW. Just low class behavior.

ETA. I say rock your TWA

 

[itsdiddy]

Oh ur so pretty. and believe me some women (blk white or asian) are just catty. I don't know if anyone has felt like this but sometimes if I feel like I'm having an ugly day, I'd think of someone else's faults to make myself feel better. As I've matured, I've stopped doing that but maybe them ladies prefer to act their shoe size instead of their age... i dk.

 

[morehairplease]

As soon as you mentioned it was a table with "us" at it I knew they would be a problem to you. it sucks theirs no unity, I don't even look for it anymore, you have to try your best to ignore it and it doesn't even matter if they are Judges, Lawyers etc. Ghetto is Ghetto regardless of salary and status.

I agree. It hurts b/c I remember back in my parents day when unity was something that was clearly seen. Today.....not so much.

 

[MrJohnsonsRib]

So sad. My people (not all) but just generally- we are just shooting our own self in the foot. Everyday people are talking about "respect me" when they don't even respect themselves or others....I am so sorry those ladies did that to you but they were just doing what they do best-actin i'gnant! I remember I was about 13 and living in the projects on the first day of school, might've been about 9th grade. I had on these really nice Nike's and a pink skort and baby blue shirt with rainbow letters (from wal-mart) and I was so excited because the only time we got ANYTHING new to wear was for school...any way I was standing out front of my sidewalk when this woman rides by in the passenger seat side(on my side of the road) window down and she just like gave me the most ugly look. Ladies she had to be a good 30 years old. I'm like 13....in my mind I'm thinking, you can't be serious- you a grown woman! That was probably the most head scratching moment for me in history. If she only knew what I had to go thru for those new clothes she maybe would've been convicted in her heart....people are just bitter, sad, jealous, envious, imature, ignorant not just because of what they been thru but because they don't know the love of the Lord and how He cherishes each and every last one of us....if they did they would've embraced you honey, not try to demean you. I'm afraid that people are only gonna get worse, I keep my mind on things above and not of the earth cause it's so much more peaceful up there. And since these sistas was slackin- I'm gonna say YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Aint that right LHCF!? Keep ya head up.

 

[MsChelle]

So I have a 2nd job at nights at this fancy restaurant downtown and last night I had a table of young black professionals. I was wearing my normal style, a long curly haired black front lace wig. There were several women who work at the court house, there is normally another lady who comes with them but she was missing. I once complimented her on her cute TWA and got the evilest look, so I now avoid personal conversation with them. Whatever, I am a happy-go-lucky, Sagittarius, mid-westerner, I am always friendly and polite, so last night when I heard those chicks talking about me I just smiled and flirted with their male coworkers.
But my question is why? First of all they were stupid, they thought my hair was real, with "some weave", Seriously? Its 26 inches of of pure plastic. Second none of these ladies have hair past their chins and one actually had a tiny broken off pony tail, bad skin/teeth and wrinkled clothes (ok that was mean, sorry).
It was one of those black women with long hair conversations but they also said things about my voice and my @$$. One of these ladies is a Judge, they are all adults, and it was pathetic.
I have always had a problem with this group because they all drive BMW's and don't tip. Its hard enough to be one of the few blacks that work for my company without having to explain the actions of "all black people" to my co-workers (since they rarely sit in my section they normally stiff another server or the bar). So it seems not only are they cheap, but catty.
My question is why do black women have to find fault with other black women? Outside of my circle of friends I find it hard to gain acceptance from black women. I had an unconventional up bringing and I understand how I may come off a little odd, but you don't know that when you first meet me.
What's up? Is it me? Is there some sort of handshake my parents forgot to teach me?erplexed

It is NOT you!!! I don't have to know the group that you are speaking of because I know their type. The insecurities and faults that they are feeling about themselves causes them to make nasty, rude and distasteful remarks about you and probably other sistas as well. Hold your beautiful head up high and continue to kill them with kindness. Once they realize that you are still gonna be the same you (despite the catiness) they will realize that they are not going to have any type of victory in trying to bring you down.

 

[lilree]

I say, feel good. To quote Katt Williams , "If you don't have haters, you ain't doin' it right."

 

[MrJohnsonsRib]

Oh ur so pretty. and believe me some women (blk white or asian) are just catty. I don't know if anyone has felt like this but sometimes if I feel like I'm having an ugly day, I'd think of someone else's faults to make myself feel better. As I've matured, I've stopped doing that but maybe them ladies prefer to act their shoe size instead of their age... i dk.

Then none of em could've been a day over 14!!!LOL! Did I act like that at 14?....Naw, I joked but not to hurt folks feelings. There's a line between a good joke and hurting someone purposely to make myself feel better. I don't like to compliment women for that very issue- some just don't know how to act when you take one look at them. I wish there was a vaccine for ignorance I could administer- I would definitely start a movement with that one.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

My question is why do black women have to find fault with other black women? Outside of my circle of friends I find it hard to gain acceptance from black women. I had an unconventional up bringing and I understand how I may come off a little odd, but you don't know that when you first meet me.
What's up? Is it me? Is there some sort of handshake my parents forgot to teach me?erplexed

I think it's all ethnicities of women finding it hard to be civil to other women because of pressure and competition. It's sad. But I also find it difficult to find my comfort zone with Black women especially...with me, AA's period. It's not everybody but far too often, the AA's I find friendship with are usually marginalized folks themselves. Cattiness is high on the beotch-ness level.

 

[LongiLox]

So I have a 2nd job at nights at this fancy restaurant downtown and last night I had a table of young black professionals. I was wearing my normal style, a long curly haired black front lace wig. There were several women who work at the court house, there is normally another lady who comes with them but she was missing. I once complimented her on her cute TWA and got the evilest look, so I now avoid personal conversation with them. Whatever, I am a happy-go-lucky, Sagittarius, mid-westerner, I am always friendly and polite, so last night when I heard those chicks talking about me I just smiled and flirted with their male coworkers.
But my question is why? First of all they were stupid, they thought my hair was real, with "some weave", Seriously? Its 26 inches of of pure plastic. Second none of these ladies have hair past their chins and one actually had a tiny broken off pony tail, bad skin/teeth and wrinkled clothes (ok that was mean, sorry).
It was one of those black women with long hair conversations but they also said things about my voice and my @$$. One of these ladies is a Judge, they are all adults, and it was pathetic.
I have always had a problem with this group because they all drive BMW's and don't tip. Its hard enough to be one of the few blacks that work for my company without having to explain the actions of "all black people" to my co-workers (since they rarely sit in my section they normally stiff another server or the bar). So it seems not only are they cheap, but catty.
My question is why do black women have to find fault with other black women? Outside of my circle of friends I find it hard to gain acceptance from black women. I had an unconventional up bringing and I understand how I may come off a little odd, but you don't know that when you first meet me.
What's up? Is it me? Is there some sort of handshake my parents forgot to teach me?erplexed

Sorry you had to go through that. I don't think it's a black women thing, I think it's a women thing. Women tend to be catty towards one another in general. Especially when they are jealous or think the other person has something that's better than theirs.

What was unconventional about your upbringing?

 

[arosieworld]

I say, feel good. To quote Katt Williams , "If you don't have haters, you ain't doin' it right."

Hahahahaha giggle I needed that thanks!

 

[MrJohnsonsRib]

I just hate the BMW but no tippy. I saw a woman at the carwash driving a nice Lexus. Her daughters all had designer bags yet they didn't tip the freaking car wash guys, who did a great job BTW. Just low class behavior.

ETA. I say rock your TWA

She probably spent all her money on that car trying to keep up with the Jones's.....what looks good on the outside ain't always what it is inside. Feel me? I hate that we buy stuff to make th erich richer and not be enriched with the purchase ourselves....it's a silent epidemic killing people's character everyday. Remember when people only bought what they needed? Yeah neither do I! lol!.....

 

[secretrose]

I used to have the same problem with females. A lot of them look at me and automatically think I am going to be stuck up. But I am really friendly and down to earth so I normally break the ice by telling a joke or making them laugh. Nothing over the top though. I never compliment them, because that's trying to hard. Works for me.

Well there are some that cant take a joke so eh ' it won't work for everyone.erplexed

 

[JustKiya]

I think it's all ethnicities of women finding it hard to be civil to other women because of pressure and competition. It's sad. But I also find it difficult to find my comfort zone with Black women especially...with me, AA's period. It's not everybody but far too often, the AA's I find friendship with are usually marginalized folks themselves. Cattiness is high on the beotch-ness level.

on both topics for me, too.

I just shake my head and move on - that sort of behaviour says SOOOO much more about them than it could ever say, or reflect, on me.

 

[firecracker]

Why question the bs of the random unknowns? Keep doing you and let them do them. BMW driving, backbiting, nontipping and all. Everybody talks about somebody they just didn't give a diddly if you heard them. Puck'em and feed'em fish!

 

[SweetlyBlessed]

It's a sad truth. I pick my friends carefully and if you act up then I cut you off right short and quickly. Want to be surround by ppl that uplift, encourage and support; not *****s that tear down.

P.S. I would have took off the wig and beat them with it. no?

P.S. Why you in a wig anyways? Your looks are untouchable in that close cut and TWA. Hell! I'm jealous and ain't afraid to say it instead of hating.

 

[twnz&1mo]

Darn I tip the guy at Dunkin Donuts where I get my coffee.....But I tell you what, when they come in again, and they probably will, kill them with kindness......then walk away.
BTW I love your first pic, I would love to rock a hair cut like that, but God made this head a little big, so I need my hair, but you look beautiful.

 

[Carolina18]

...any way I was standing out front of my sidewalk when this woman rides by in the passenger seat side(on my side of the road) window down and she just like gave me the most ugly look. Ladies she had to be a good 30 years old. I'm like 13....in my mind I'm thinking, you can't be serious- you a grown woman!

What I wonder is.... what actually possesses people to do something that? Can't you just look, hate if you will, but keep it moving? Why the window-dropping and glares at a 13 year old? I tell you - some of the stories I read on here about things going on the US... never in my life. Just crazy.

 

[Naturelle]

I go thru this DAILY! I'm not even going to say why because it may come acrros like I'm conceited and I'm not. But I've dealt with this type of behaviour from black females all my life from age 13 (as far as I can remember) up until today.

Funny enough, this type of behaviour makes me feel like an "elitist" cause to every one of them that gives me this type of attitude or behaves rudely to me, I think I am a better person cause I don't stoop down to your level by calling people names, treating them as if they are nothing, not befriending them or giving them compliments...not with anyone, especially my own ppl.

I don't know if that's bad, but I'm not in a position to justify why they behave the way they do. I can only justify my actions and when they want to come with the foolishness based on what they think they know, I still hold my head high, remain polite and don't allow them to turn me into another bitter, condescending black women---cause you know we already have enough of those already