RANT Why the catiness?

[lola-lola]

So sad. My people (not all) but just generally- we are just shooting our own self in the foot. Everyday people are talking about "respect me" when they don't even respect themselves or others....I am so sorry those ladies did that to you but they were just doing what they do best-actin i'gnant! I remember I was about 13 and living in the projects on the first day of school, might've been about 9th grade. I had on these really nice Nike's and a pink skort and baby blue shirt with rainbow letters (from wal-mart) and I was so excited because the only time we got ANYTHING new to wear was for school...any way I was standing out front of my sidewalk when this woman rides by in the passenger seat side(on my side of the road) window down and she just like gave me the most ugly look. Ladies she had to be a good 30 years old. I'm like 13....in my mind I'm thinking, you can't be serious- you a grown woman! That was probably the most head scratching moment for me in history. If she only knew what I had to go thru for those new clothes she maybe would've been convicted in her heart....people are just bitter, sad, jealous, envious, imature, ignorant not just because of what they been thru but because they don't know the love of the Lord and how He cherishes each and every last one of us....if they did they would've embraced you honey, not try to demean you. I'm afraid that people are only gonna get worse, I keep my mind on things above and not of the earth cause it's so much more peaceful up there. And since these sistas was slackin- I'm gonna say YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Aint that right LHCF!? Keep ya head up.

I agree with the bold!

 

[niesy942]

I don't know why we don't love ourselves so we can love each other. My DH, children and I moved from Ohio to the south (closest family is 5 hrs. away by car) about a year and a half ago. I have found a core of black women in my subdivision who I consider my blood sisters. The 3 of them are the only ones, however. Back in Ohio and here in the south I've encountered some of the most petty, disrespectful people in women...specifically black women.
When we take time to analyze life as a whole, it really doesn't matter who is wealthier, more beautiful, and on and on. God is no respecter of persons, why are we?

arosieworld: Keep doing what cha' doin'! You've got love from a fellow buckeye, now living in the south!

 

[Fine 4s]

There are several generalizations being made here.
Sometimes I wonder if we don't perpetuate the very same thing we complain about...
Not jumping on this one...

 

[ChocalateDiva]

Lots of black women were raised to see other black women as "the enemy" or "the competition", because of the shortage of GOOD BLACK MEN.

Sad but true. erplexed

 

[sdenisew]

So I have a 2nd job at nights at this fancy restaurant downtown and last night I had a table of young black professionals. I was wearing my normal style, a long curly haired black front lace wig. There were several women who work at the court house, there is normally another lady who comes with them but she was missing. I once complimented her on her cute TWA and got the evilest look, so I now avoid personal conversation with them. Whatever, I am a happy-go-lucky, Sagittarius, mid-westerner, I am always friendly and polite, so last night when I heard those chicks talking about me I just smiled and flirted with their male coworkers.
But my question is why? First of all they were stupid, they thought my hair was real, with "some weave", Seriously? Its 26 inches of of pure plastic. Second none of these ladies have hair past their chins and one actually had a tiny broken off pony tail, bad skin/teeth and wrinkled clothes (ok that was mean, sorry).
It was one of those black women with long hair conversations but they also said things about my voice and my @$$. One of these ladies is a Judge, they are all adults, and it was pathetic.
I have always had a problem with this group because they all drive BMW's and don't tip. Its hard enough to be one of the few blacks that work for my company without having to explain the actions of "all black people" to my co-workers (since they rarely sit in my section they normally stiff another server or the bar). So it seems not only are they cheap, but catty.
My question is why do black women have to find fault with other black women? Outside of my circle of friends I find it hard to gain acceptance from black women. I had an unconventional up bringing and I understand how I may come off a little odd, but you don't know that when you first meet me.
What's up? Is it me? Is there some sort of handshake my parents forgot to teach me?erplexed

Adulthood is like high school with a paycheck attached. I use to work in a law firm and because I was newly hired I got stuck with staying in the office while the other women went to happy hour. The one opportunity I got to actually tag along was one that I will never forget. They were crass and snarky (and normally snarkiness is awesome in small doses). I can understand that you are placed in a certain "class" when your checks start inching towards six figures, but these women felt it was necessary to snicker and talk about our waitress as if she was low grade or something. I regret not standing up for the girl, but Karma kicked them in the *** when another server pointed out to one of the lawyers that her track was slipping!

 

[Afrobuttafly]

You take that 26 in lacefront and u flip it and say "It's a hair flip!" (Chris Crocker ) and keep smiling and being you. Some females just love to hate.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

I understand your frustration but why does this have to turn into another Why Black Women Suck thread? It's just as catty. People talk about other people. That's just what we do. Every once and a while, we overhear what someone else is saying. Meh.

People of all races and genders talk about me, and I about them. It's human nature. Sometimes, it's just something we do to entertain our friends. Just ignore the haters and please stop using it as an excuse to degrade Black women. If we keep making these comments about ourselves, we have no right to be angry when all you see in movies are catty Black women.

 

[MAMATO]

Having said that, some of the cattiest women I know are Haitians. Cattiness doesn't know culture.

Here we go Sad, so sad Cattiness is a highly contagious disease I guess

There are several generalizations being made here.
Sometimes I wonder if we don't perpetuate the very same thing we complain about...

Thank you for your wise words, Honey

By the way OP, I am very sorry that happened to you... do your thing and let them talk

 

[cupcakes]

That's just how females are. I have the same problem. And I came to the conclusion that most Women are just jelous haters.

 

[RegaLady]

I understand your frustration but why does this have to turn into another Why Black Women Suck thread? It's just as catty. People talk about other people. That's just what we do. Every once and a while, we overhear what someone else is saying. Meh.

People of all races and genders talk about me, and I about them. It's human nature. Sometimes, it's just something we do to entertain our friends. Just ignore the haters and please stop using it as an excuse to degrade Black women. If we keep making these comments about ourselves, we have no right to be angry when all you see in movies are catty Black women.

ITA...sorry that this has happened, but there is more to come AND you probably will never know about it. People talk about people, whether it's hating, making you the center of the conversation or just mentioning, people are just going to do it. I wonder how talking about the ladies ponytail and bad skin was any different from what they were doing. I wouldn't waste my time thinking about people who are of no relevance to your life. Not all black women are like this. It's funny we can point to black women who 'looked at us funny or said something inappropriate' but we rarly point out the one's who were nice to us. Just wondering!

 

[Xerxes]

I just hate the BMW but no tippy. I saw a woman at the carwash driving a nice Lexus. Her daughters all had designer bags yet they didn't tip the freaking car wash guys, who did a great job BTW. Just low class behavior.

ETA. I say rock your TWA

Actually non-tippers with designer bags and nice cars, typically are living way beyond their means and are actually dead broke! They are just frontin' with all of the nice clothes, but if you looked at their bank accounts, you'd find out they are swimming in debt.

Real rich people are frugal and don't live on credit.

 

[SmilingElephant]

Forget them bc ur fabulous and ur Nikko's cousin!!

 

[MrJohnsonsRib]

Actually non-tippers with designer bags and nice cars, typically are living way beyond their means and are actually dead broke! They are just frontin' with all of the nice clothes, but if you looked at their bank accounts, you'd find out they are swimming in debt.

Real rich people are frugal and don't live on credit.

You aint never lied about that! I've learned that more money does not equal easy life, but more money and very good management will help ensure a healthy financial future.....

 

[jerseyjill]

Im sorry this happened to you. It happens to me all of the time. Like another poster said there is no unity amongst black women, so I have long stopped looking. And let me tell you, before I read your post I saw your pic.
You are stunning! Do you hear me, not pretty --- but stunning! It's the burden of your talent. You make them uncomfortable and they are already insecure. Those two things lead to cattiness.... Put your "f" 'em dress on and keep your head up high!

 

[arosieworld]

I understand your frustration but why does this have to turn into another Why Black Women Suck thread? It's just as catty. People talk about other people. That's just what we do. Every once and a while, we overhear what someone else is saying. Meh.

People of all races and genders talk about me, and I about them. It's human nature. Sometimes, it's just something we do to entertain our friends. Just ignore the haters and please stop using it as an excuse to degrade Black women. If we keep making these comments about ourselves, we have no right to be angry when all you see in movies are catty Black women.

I guess for me it unfortunately is black women. That is not a sterotype just a fact in my life. I have never heard anyone of another color talk about my wig or weave. I have never heard anyone else question my blackness because of my voice. Ignoring the faults within ourselves and others does not help heal them.
I don't normally talk about people because I find it entertaining, I do however talk about people once they start on me.
I do my best to compliment others, like I said in my OP this started with me complimenting one ladies TWA.

 

[asummertyme]

Sorry this happned to you OP..thats terrible..

 

[tbaby_8]

As soon as you mentioned it was a table with "us" at it I knew they would be a problem to you. it sucks theirs no unity, I don't even look for it anymore, you have to try your best to ignore it and it doesn't even matter if they are Judges, Lawyers etc. Ghetto is Ghetto regardless of salary and status.

I truly agree with the above poster.^^^ They are insecure woman and they feel by being negative that that makes them look good. NOT!

 

[pinkdot's blog]

First let me start by saying that you are stunning and they were just mad. I think you handled it well. I agree with sdenisew when she said adulthood is like high school with a paycheck attached.

A lot of times in a situation like that people say things or act a certain way to get a certain reaction out of you. They wait to see how you are going to react:heated:. They key is to put the biggest and brightest smile on your face as if you are having the best day ever Give yourself permission to give that negative energy away. Then realize how blessed you really are. Don't give those yamps the satisfaction. They will probably get even more mad

I dealt with this since grade school up until this day in my 20's. (I'm teaching my 3 nieces how to do this and they are in kindergarten - 3rd grade) I tell them don't give them the satisfaction or show any signs of weakness because you have more power and you come out on top so just chill. I personally feel that it is not up to me to figure out why we as humans choose to act thirsty and jealous. Let go let flow.

But I give you big props. I love the way you handled it. I think that was hilarious. ​

 

[Almaz]

I just don't get it. Women are Catty Period. But Black women get enough Crap in life why do we have to do this to one another. It is a shame. When I was at the airport picking up a family member a few years back. I saw this beautiful tall regal looking black woman with very short almost shaved hair style. She was drop dead awesome. When I went to compliement her at first when I said excuse me. She had like that oh Shish what she want. I told her how beautiful she was. She was tearing up. I was like Oh shish did I do something wrong? She was just like you made my day.

This woman was STUNNING. If I looked like her tall and regal instead of instead of 5'2 with a tall presence well actually trying to front tallness in heels you could not tell me nothing. But she was saying how some BW were kind of catty to her. I was like Wow that is terrible. You look and carry yourself like a QUEEN. She was so nice.

Why can't people just be nice to one another it does not hurt.

Oh and I can't stand people who don't tip or don't tip well. These are the same people that drive BMW's and go into 7-11 and pay for cigarettes with pennies.

 

[rsmith]

People who who talk about other people usually are sad inside. They probably have low sef esteem. You probably without knowing it made them feel intimidated. Most of the time hurting people hurt others. Brush your shoulders off and keep being you. Dont be afraid to let your light shine around haters.

 

[pinayprincess]

I'd give you a nice tip, rosie!

 

[FrequentFlyyer]

She probably spent all her money on that car trying to keep up with the Jones's.....what looks good on the outside ain't always what it is inside. Feel me? I hate that we buy stuff to make th erich richer and not be enriched with the purchase ourselves....it's a silent epidemic killing people's character everyday. Remember when people only bought what they needed? Yeah neither do I! lol!.....

Girl, once u are truly walthy within, u realize that it is all that matters

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

Now that is hilarious, and true. Girl, I would not worry a second about that mess. You can only control your own behavior,you were polite and classy, they were not. Case closed.

^Long distance hug for this right here. ^

It made my heart feel good to read this. This is what my parents instilled in me.

 

[MissNina]

Yeah some black women are very insecure, and in order for them to feel better, they feel like they have to talk about you to make themselves feel better....I've even noticed when theres a really pretty black woman, some women may look at them, like something is wrong with them, like its wrong to be pretty, I wouldn't worry about them, I have this problem sometimes, but I keep it moving, it's something deep inside that they don't like about themselves...

This is a woman thing in general. I know this has already been said, but it's not an exclusive black women thing.

My main problem with conversations like this (online and IRL) is that black women are expected to be different than other women and not fall victim to the same insecurities other groups of women fall into JUST b/c "they're black and black women have to stick together". That is very idealistic and, truthfully, is an unfair expectation.

Insecure ppl act in insecure ways. A woman secure in herself would show it regardless of race/class/status.

I go thru this DAILY! I'm not even going to say why because it may come acrros like I'm conceited and I'm not. But I've dealt with this type of behaviour from black females all my life from age 13 (as far as I can remember) up until today.

I don't know if that's bad, but I'm not in a position to justify why they behave the way they do. I can only justify my actions

But if you speak on it, ppl think you're trying to be cute and let everyone know how beautiful other ppl think you are. You know you're pretty and you're just conceited. BS.

It ain't my fault. Just like it's not the OP's fault she's pretty hot and plenty of other women. Sometimes it goes deeper than physical beauty and you either have "it" or you don't. I can't explain it. I've seen women MUCH MORE beautiful than me act the same retarded way. I think they're insane for looking that flawless and still being that way.

Naturelle, I thought it was ME for the longest. Child boo. Whatever. Ppl are crazy. If they are gonna think you're conceited for calling it what it is, whatever.

I haven't checked, but I wouldn't be surprised if some of the same women in here talking about the envious nature of black women or agreeing with the OP were up in the other thread about the 19 yr old girl with GORGEOUS hair dissing her looks. . .when that wasn't even the subject at hand

ETA: Ppl see what they want to see. We all do it at one time or another. Hardly anyone is exempt. The end.

 

[shunta]

Reading this makes me so sad because it is the absolute truth. I don't know why we blk women act like that. Maybe it's insecurities like someone else stated. Heck, if I see a pretty woman wearing a cute style or her make-up is on point, I'll be the first to compliment her because I give credit where it's due. That doesn't mean that there's anything wrong w/me.

I'm sorry you had to go through that crazy mess. You sound like a really nice, sincere young lady. Just ignore ignorance.