RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice??

[DDTexlaxed]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

A lot of us are misinformed about these things. I wish I had a natural guru to teach me!

 

[Kurlee]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

lol it's so much more than that. it's a blast. it works on any phone! boooo

tell those ladies to get their behinds back in chat (didn't know i can't say heifers)

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I think it all varies. I think tons of people will take your advice, but there are also differences of opinion about taking care of hair, even on THIS site, much less in the real world.

There are people on here with super long hair that wash it once every two weeks, or once a week, and others that co wash. I think that the "fear" of washing too frequently is the whole "drying" thing that not only have we heard, but know that our hair is drier. So we're afraid that it'll make our hair snap when that's just not true. It's hard to undo that, and tell someone that washing will put moisture in when everyone is telling them different. Then, even so, some of us at lhcf don't wash frequently and not because of drying but because they like low manipulation. I think what works for one, may not work for everyone. That being said, I'm sure your hairtype hinders you from others accepting your advice because they are assuming your hair is not like "theirs" whatever that means.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

It's crazy women of all hair types will run and try cat urine, horse products, ovary juice sold by farming companies, but they won't try basic techniques recommended by another black woman?

i'm sorry, but you know, i know, and everyone else here knows that when people look at you and your hair, they're not gonna see a 'black' woman, they're gonna want to believe that you're mixedededededed and that your hair is too different from theirs. they're not gonna want to listen to what you have to say. i know it sucks and that we should be past this kind of thinking, but we just have to let it go sometimes.


just reach who you can, and know that you've done what you could.​

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Some people would rather complain than try something different to make their situation better.

this is the truth. people are always talking about what they wish, want, or will do, but when it comes time to start working towards the dream, they get afraid, lazy or unsure and just give up. then they wanna complain that its too hard, or other people can do it because of XYZ, blah blah blah. its sad.​

 

[PerplexingComplex]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I can definitely understand people that won't take others advice unless they have the same hair type. It's from previous experience though. I used to take everyone's advice, and nothing really worked, so than I decided to take no ones. (That didn't work either) Finally on my own I started co-washing and than I found this board, and by than I was will to try anything that made some sort of sense no matter who it came from (I didn't bother checking anyone's hair type) and have found some good ideas this way. So basically I can understand both sides of the coin, but I wouldn't worry myself about any of it.
People will do what they think is best or what they're used to. You can only share knowledge, if they're willing to hear it.

Those last two sentences basically sums everything up.

 

[manter26]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

To a certain extent, I agree with the points made about different hair types. Type 3 hair needs a lot less babying than type 4 hair.

But on the other hand, I try to explain to my mother that relaxing her hair every 2 weeks is gonna surely make her bald one day. Out of my 2 sisters, my mom and I have the most similar hair types. She can't make the hair type argument so she uses age as the reason why I have healthy hair on my head and she has extremely thinning, split end prone hair...

People will use any excuse not to listen to you.

 

[prospurr4]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Don't be frustrated, OP.

My hair is about as highly textured as it gets (combination 4b/4c). Although it is texlaxed, my natural hair type is still quite obvious, especially after 6 weeks post, and I usually stretch to 13 weeks. Plus, I don't use direct heat.

Anyway, it's like when people see my hair, they can't get past the fact that I've retained so much of it...like they're thinking, "How did she get that 'bad' hair to grow that long??' Yet, no one IRL is interested in what I have to say about hair care.

My current stance: I don't give unsolicited hair advice.

 

[my1goodnerve]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Getting back to the original question... It doesn't matter what your hair type is. If your friend was ready to heed the advice, she would have tried at least one of the things that you had suggested. This isn't aabout 3's vs 4's, hair twins, or anything else. It's about opening yourself up to try something new. Whether it's haircare, weight loss, finance or anything else. If you're scared of either failure or success, you come up with any old excuse not to move beyond where you are.

Many of us have favorites on this board- folks whose advice and regimens we trust and follow for various reasons. But we've already made the commitment to try new things. So if we're 4z's not following 2q's it's because we've learned about our own hair through trial and error. We've taken the risk, obtained some knowledge, and then we've tweaked a few things to make them work for us.

I have no doubt that 4b hair is challenging. But I also believe that all hair types can be challenging in their own way. It's beginning to sound like a good hair/bad hair, us vs them discussion here.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

erplexed at the bolded.

yes, i thought that was unnecessary too.​

 

[anon123]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

This isn't aabout 3's vs 4's, hair twins, or anything else. It's about opening yourself up to try something new.
. . .
Many of us have favorites on this board- folks whose advice and regimens we trust and follow for various reasons. But we've already made the commitment to try new things. So if we're 4z's not following 2q's it's because we've learned about our own hair through trial and error. We've taken the risk, obtained some knowledge, and then we've tweaked a few things to make them work for us.

And I think this is an important difference. In fact, in the OP she said the girl's hair was similar to her own, so it wasn't a matter of not listening to someone with a different hair type. I know cowashing and detangling in the shower for a couple of minutes and then carrying on with a wash and go cannot be the foundation of my routine (unless I want dreads). I know because I've tried it, though. Actually, it did cause a setback, but in the end it was worth it to know this info for me.

Oh - and having the EXACT same hair type does not mean people will take your advise then either.

Yeah, I think this is what's going on here. In fact, when I was in S. Africa, people frequently assumed I was Zulu. When one of the women around me found out I wasn't, she was like "I should have known, you don't have that real Zulu hair". Um, really? I was looking at this woman's hair, her hair looked just like mine without a moisturizer and shorter. Eh, what can you do?

 

[MixedBerry]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

<sigh>

Woe is me said the light skinned girl.

Woe is me said the medium skinned girl.

Woe is me said the dark skinned girl.

WHEN WILL IT ENDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD?

 

[Pandora1975]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

When I decided to go natural, it was based on a 3c(?) you-tuber. Her hair was so pretty and she made it look easy. I followed some of her advice like cowashes. That one thing was the only thing she did that did work. Since then, I only really look at the advice of similarly typed heads. I've had fewer setbacks, and gained enough length to trim the relaxed ends. I'm sorry, but type does matter. I personally don't give advice anymore (regardless of type)- I just direct people here. Its up to them to get the facts from that point.

 

[audacity.]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

hey, gn!!

i'm with you and tend to believe that at its most basic "level" ALL BLACK HAIR needs the same things to thrive...regardless of chemical treatment OR texture.

how hair responds to certain products varies and differs depending on various factors (including chemical treatment AND texture) but the bare necessities for hair to thrive/grow are all the same.

*shrugs*

Whenever I give advice to black (AA, etc) women I get one of two responses:

1. Smile and nod
2. Oh that only works for you because you're mixed (that's a big assumption)

It's so frustrating to see how brainwashed everyone is. I should not have to justify my answer with, "there are hundreds of black women of all skin tones, races and hair textures that use the same process"

I bring this up because I was recently talking to a friend who said how tired she was of her natural hair and that it knots up all of the time. I told her that she needs to cowash every few days and detangle. She continues to tell me that water (exact conversation):


The funny thing is she's a 3c with "soft hair".

I know it's a learning curve and many of us came onto the board with the same assumptions--some may still believe those assumptions. But what I've noticed is that a lot of the white women and black women with long hair have the same routine--check out longhaircommunity.com--they cowash, use light oils, low heat/manipulation routines and then check out some/most of the longer haired women on this board.

It's so frustrating to me because obviously what you are doing isn't working so why not try something different???

 

[cinnamin2891]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Interesting that you would say that. I tested that out one night. I airdried a section rolled tightly on a magnetic roller and it came out near straight. I think If I sat under a dryer I could get it pretty straight.

Intersting things I'm hearing here.

I didn't know there was such a "divide"

Seems like we all use similar products, techniques and tools.

Not saying every aspect is the same. There are some things that type 3 hair can't do and some things that type 4 hair can't do... but I don't see them as totally unrelated hair textures.

ITA I also think that some hair just behaves differently than its type might suggest. I've given up typing my hair and don't really care, but I do know that I get success from things that a lot of 4s do. For example: not washing more than 2x a week; moisture and seal; using heavier butters (looooove me some shea butter); not manipulating it very much. Co-washing doesn't work for me long term because my hair is so thick, it gets stuck on my scalp and won't come clean. My hair doesn't hang down unless it's soaking wet no matter what i put in it.

Plus, I have really fine hair so no buns for me no matter how long my hair gets. As a matter of fact, no wash-n-gos or wetting my hair and putting it up. I have to say I'm not sure water really helps me all that much - I can't just wet my hair and seal it and expect it to be soft (need a moisturizer somewhere in there). Soooo all that to say I at least consider advice regardless of texture because my hair doesn't respond better just based on the texture of the person offering the advice, but I listen a little more closely if your hair behaves like mine.

 

[Kurlee]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

i'm sorry, but you know, i know, and everyone else here knows that when people look at you and your hair, they're not gonna see a 'black' woman, they're gonna want to believe that you're mixedededededed and that your hair is too different from theirs. they're not gonna want to listen to what you have to say. i know it sucks and that we should be past this kind of thinking, but we just have to let it go sometimes.


just reach who you can, and know that you've done what you could.​

i'm sorry i have to agree. Love ya GN, but you fit the stereotype of "mixed girl" with "good hair". Unfortunately, most black people are going to judge you and make assumptions about your "mixedness" and hair because of your skin tone, hair type and eye colour. When I see you, I just see GN, but alot of folk still have that messed up mentality, so unfortunately they are most likely gonna blow you off when you try to help them. I say flip your over your shoulder and keep it moving

 

[MagnoliaBelle]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I take advice from all hair types and what I do would probably work for most hair types except for straight hair (they would probably look like oil slicks with avocado butter in their hair).

I think my routine is pretty similar to many other ladies' on this board.

If "softer" hair was so easy, why don't all women with 3a-c have long and healthy hair? The answer is that most women don't know a lot about hair care...regardless of hair type...

Don't let it get to you...

This is my take also. I take advice on this board from everyone from Sera425 to Trayee, relaxed or natural, 3a to 4z, and people of all races. If it makes sense and sounds logical, I'll give it try.

 

[I_shure_do_wish]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

No, because people don't take my advice either. For every 10 women 2 take my advice and out of the 2 does 1 women actually purse's her own research. The other 8 (or 9 really) look at me as if I'm showing off or what I'm saying is all lies. What sickens me the most is when my family does it. Just last night my Aunt asked me to her hair and as I was combing from the ends up she yells at me for taking to long and garbs the comb from my hands and begins racking it through her hair. I cringed behind her even more when she slobs hair grease all over her hair even after I explained to her what it was doing to her hair. Should I care anymore?

 

[Auburn]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I dont know if this was said but its more about the THICKNESS of the hair than the "type". By thickness I mean fine, medium, & coarse. Coarse hair needs lots of moisture. Fine needs less. I think its more important to find advice from a person who has the same texture or thickness so to speak. Nonetheless, ANYONE can contribute tips for healthy hair.

 

[claudia05]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Even though the poster isn't a type 4, this is the best hair advice I've gotten off this board...

- Don't look at regimens of people's hair you WANT, look at regimens of people's hair that resembles YOUR OWN

 

[princessnad]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I agree with you OP and like Soleil said, it is not much different from how many posters on this board used to think that many of the common techniques used on this site was for "white women".

 

[diva24]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Yes, you do. Type 4 hair is distinct.

As is any other type. It does not mean I have to have it to tell you some general truths. At the end of the day its still hair. However you like to slice it. The general rules still apply. Excess heat/chemicals/drying shampoos/excessive manipulation all have the same effects.

 

[diva24]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

When I decided to go natural, it was based on a 3c(?) you-tuber. Her hair was so pretty and she made it look easy. I followed some of her advice like cowashes. That one thing was the only thing she did that did work. Since then, I only really look at the advice of similarly typed heads. I've had fewer setbacks, and gained enough length to trim the relaxed ends. I'm sorry, but type does matter. I personally don't give advice anymore (regardless of type)- I just direct people here. Its up to them to get the facts from that point.

Well someone explain why I can not co-wash? Since I'm 3b/c all of us should be able to use the same methods and get the same results. Since type matters.

Will someone come explain to my hair that it is 3b/c and it should act like it? It does bot listen to me when I try to explain that it can not behave like 4a/b hair and that it should not reject things other 3b/c hair enjoys. I mean who ever heard of such? Hair that does not do what other people think it should do? Hair that does not behave like hair that is the same type?!

As a last ditch effort I think I will send my hair on the Maury show. He gets those teenagers in line, maybe my hair needs boot camp.

 

[imaccami]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I think that the person in the OP's post was just close minded, but there are a lot of things that I see recommended here that will not work for my hair. Tying a scarf on my hair when I work out will not keep it straight, detangling in the shower with my fingers is a recipe for disaster, olive oil, baking soda or anything from the kitchen doesn't work for me, and co washing was awful. So, I kinda understand why she didn't listen, but the difference is I tried all those things to learn that they didn't work for me instead of just dismissing them.

 

[wavezncurlz]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

How is that so? Is it not possible if you have been caring for 4b heads of hair (i.e. your man if he has long hair or your child if she is a type 4b)

Exactly. I'm learning a lot now about 4 hair for my youngest. I'll be an expert in time.

 

[wavezncurlz]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I can't co wash either
I tried for a while, but it doesn't agree with my hair at all...dries it out!

I agree with the bolded

Flowerhair,
I'm glad to see you say this. I thought something was wrong with me - being 3ish and not being able to successfully cowash. I have similar hairtype as the OP and you.

I think the key is that even similar hair types can't always use the same products or have the same regi. It's all so individual. I do listen to all types of folks. I try all kinds of products and techniques. Some work and most don't (I have a graveyard of products in my bathroom cabinet to prove it).

This is why I don't always like to give hair advice even for similar hairtypes. What works for me may not work for you.

 

[wavezncurlz]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Well someone explain why I can not co-wash? Since I'm 3b/c all of us should be able to use the same methods and get the same results. Since type matters.

Will someone come explain to my hair that it is 3b/c and it should act like it? It does bot listen to me when I try to explain that it can not behave like 4a/b hair and that it should not reject things other 3b/c hair enjoys. I mean who ever heard of such? Hair that does not do what other people think it should do? Hair that does not behave like hair that is the same type?!

As a last ditch effort I think I will send my hair on the Maury show. He gets those teenagers in line, maybe my hair needs boot camp.

I can sooo relate to this post! LOL

 

[Digital Tempest]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I can see both sides of the argument really, OP. I like discussing hair, and I enjoy reading the advice that others have. I would be lying if I said that I didn't lean more toward people who share a similar hair type as mine because whether, consciously or unconsciously, I feel they can better relate to the issues that arise from having this hair type. However, I am open to reading/hearing about other people's experiences who don't necessarily share a similar hair type, especially now that I'm more knowledgeable about hair.

On the flip side, I've tried to give advice to people who have similar hair textures and those who don't, just general hair care types that benefit everyone, and it usually gets me a &quot;whatev&quot; look. And mind you, most of the advice I give isn't the unsolicited kind. One natural lady--who had a similar texture--asked me various questions about my hair. Once I was done, I might as well had been talking to myself for all the excuses that came up.

It's really all about trial and error, but I think it's just human nature to gravitate toward what is familiar to you, even in hair situations. Just like regardless of our hair types, we flock to this board as women of color trying have healthy, long hair.

 

[Afrobuttafly]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I don't care what your hair type is water will NOT dry out your hair..water is WET! And excessive shampooing is indeed drying. That goes for everyone. Some things fit into the category of "what works for one may not work for others" but come on..something as simple as that. That's a shame. But people cling to what they've been told..even if it is a bunch of hot dog water. I hope I never run into this "drying water" that they speak of...erplexed

 

[Afrobuttafly]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Oh and if you're being told something that isn't harmful and/or expensive..what the hay..try it and see if it works for you. It could be wonderful..you never know.