RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice??

[Tee]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I think it's silly to act like type 4 hair is some "alien" substance. :creatures

Yes, it requires a lot of babying and moisturizing... but it is HUMAN hair. We have the same thing that they have on a basic level.

Shutting yourself out to other hairtypes can make you miss out big time.

Techniques/products/tools/recipies for one type can frequently work well for many hairtypes or be tweaked a little to work for all different hairtypes.

Not saying I'm not a little more drawn to type 4 threads - cuz I deal with the same issues on a daily basis, but I pay attention to type 3's too and have learned a lot from ALL the ladies here

I am so glad you said this. Something that I, a 3type, couldn't say without having a great debate because I dont have that type of hair.

 

[Tee]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I hear ya. You and I have varying textures (I'm 3c/4a) and you know our hair likes a lot of the same products! Same thing can apply to techniques. I'll read advice and/or reviews, do a little research and see how I could possibly tweak it to make it work for me. Personally, I'm going to look @ someone's hair length and health while considering their input before their hair type (while it still plays a factor, it's minimal). Generally speaking, that is.

OP I get that often as well, or the "y'all just have good hair anyway" brush-off. Hair is hair.

You know some 3's ain't trying to hear nothing a 4 is saying either so it goes both ways.

I totally agree with your whole post. Esp the bold!!

 

[Raspberry]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I'm 4a/b and it still doesn't matter with most women IRL. They compliment my hair but only a small percentage actually take any advice and try to learn more. Most just have excuses why such-an-such routine won't work for them or they get a glazed look in their eyes if it doesn't sound like what they're used to hearing.

Most women I come across don't want to put in effort to learn and actually try something different with their hair routine. They tend to want quick fixes, like an instant "doo-gro" formula. They'd rather spend time gushing over someone else's "indian" hair and wishing God had smiled on them in the hair dept... I really don't get it.

If I sound bitter, that's because I am lol.. I've given up on these women IRL. Seems ilke it's only the women on hair forums who are willing to change - cause they wouldn't be searching online for hair tips if they weren't.

 

[FlowerHair]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I take advice from all hair types and what I do would probably work for most hair types except for straight hair (they would probably look like oil slicks with avocado butter in their hair).

I think my routine is pretty similar to many other ladies' on this board.

If "softer" hair was so easy, why don't all women with 3a-c have long and healthy hair? The answer is that most women don't know a lot about hair care...regardless of hair type...

Don't let it get to you...

 

[hairsothick]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I kind of see what you're saying, but honestly, I don't really take any advice seriously that's not from someone with my same hair type.

I will compliment them and tell them their hair is beautiful, congratulate them on their progress, etc, but I won't ask for their regimen.

I know that SOME things that work for them may work for me, but I'll only try it if I see another type 4 who has had success with it.

 

[Aspire]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I see the point of the OP, but I don't really think hair is any different from any other characteristic. How often are people willing to take advice from from anyone different than them? It does not matter what the advice is. The person being advised often has some excuse as to why it worked for you but will not work for them. It takes a person with a mature outlook to take advice from someone else regarding something that is personally challenging for them. And if the advice is unsolicited, then they really don't want to hear it.

Example - I have a friend who wanted to invest in real estate. She bought it up a gathering. Another friend, who owns MULTIPLE properties and his family has owned properties since his grandfather, AND he is a commercial RE consultant and REA, chimed in to offer his advice. Her response "Well you don't count. Your already have a ton of properties and I am buying my first one." and then "but the property I am buying is smaller than yours." She refused to hear anything he had to say.

WTFrog kind of response was that? People pay for his advice and he was giving it to her for free. But from her standpoint, he did not understand her challenges of being a first time RE investor and therefore could not have empathy.

It is just the way some people are

 

[Kurlee]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

LOL I know. I want to change the world!!

GN is that you in the avatar? SO PRETTY!

 

[silvergirl]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

it sucks i tell ya. thats why i resist giving out my "routine" irl and online cause noone believes me. i only tell if someone asked. 4a and 3c hair can sometimes look closely related but they seem to function differently. this is my routine. co-wash my hair with literally any conditioner, detangle under running water (just using my fingers for a couple seconds), comb through once( again takes mere seconds). slight rinse then leave to airdry, thats it. now these are the questions i get

lady: how did u get u hair so straight? (it was pulled into a ponytail)
me: oh, i brushed it
lady: with what?
me: just a brush... and water
lady: gel?
me: no
lady: did u use a scarf?
me: no i just brushed it back
lady: (glares)


it makes me feel bad cause i know they're expecting this long list of things to do. and i dont have one

i get the same questions for wash an goes and how did i grow out my hair so fast, noone believes that i just wash with conditioner then airdry. or if they do believe me they like to tell me thats cause im mixed. im not.

sry,, just a rant.

anyhow i have had the chance to deal with all sorts of hair types type 1 through type 4c so i have a little idea on how to take care of those types too. So when i'm asked "how can i get my hair to grow" and i tell, then they laugh and say they could never do that. im like, well wth did u ask me for then.

sry another rant....im done now ........... :|

sigh

 

[Raspberry]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I see the point of the OP, but I don't really think hair is any different from any other characteristic. How often are people willing to take advice from from anyone different than them? It does not matter what the advice is. The person being advised often has some excuse as to why it worked for you but will not work for them. It takes a person with a mature outlook to take advice from someone else regarding something that is personally challenging for them. And if the advice is unsolicited, then they really don't want to hear it.

Example - I have a friend who wanted to invest in real estate. She bought it up a gathering. Another friend, who owns MULTIPLE properties and his family has owned properties since his grandfather, AND he is a commercial RE consultant and REA, chimed in to offer his advice. Her response "Well you don't count. Your already have a ton of properties and I am buying my first one." and then "but the property I am buying is smaller than yours." She refused to hear anything he had to say.

WTFrog kind of response was that? People pay for his advice and he was giving it to her for free. But from her standpoint, he did not understand her challenges of being a first time RE investor and therefore could not have empathy.

It is just the way some people are

Your example is so on point.. I swear the main difference between people who excel in life those who don't is the willingness to learn something new and do what it takes to change.

 

[chellero]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I take advice from all hair types and what I do would probably work for most hair types except for straight hair (they would probably look like oil slicks with avocado butter in their hair).

I think my routine is pretty similar to many other ladies' on this board.

If "softer" hair was so easy, why don't all women with 3a-c have long and healthy hair? The answer is that most women don't know a lot about hair care...regardless of hair type...

Don't let it get to you...

I've seen a few 3c's with hair issues, but all of my 1-3b friends have no trouble growing long healthy hair even without most of the techniques used on this board. It is nothing personal, but just like seeing women that you can relate to helps sell things in advertisements, seeing hair that you can relate to helps "sell" hair care advice.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Sadly - yes. This is why I keep my mouth shut.

 

[loved]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

For the most part, yes. I search for highly textured (read - extremely coarse 4z) types to see how they are maintaining their length when I venture back from ET/OT and Political.

I trust the advice of someone whose hair texture is more similar to mine when they have been able to be successful with that texture.

Some of the things that I did to my hair when it was at its healthiest were a mix of the types of advice you see regularly on this board and things that are the antithesis of LHCF advice.

I don't see any of this as a bad thing though.

 

[Jade Feria]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I think the advice you gave your friend was good advice. And you said you don't recommend products, just techniques, so I don't see anything wrong with it. But what I've learned is that it DOESN'T MATTER what your hair texture is. People IRL won't take advice. I was trying to help a friend of mine for the longest. And her texture is just about the same as mine. But she wouldn't take my advice.

 

[beans4reezy]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

that's why i want to change the world!

That is a GREAT goal...keep pushing towards it. However, you are fighting an uphill battle because what you are going up against is the "relatability" factor. It is simply human nature to relate with something that is similar to your own.

 

[GoingNatural]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

This just doesn’t add up.
Here’s the you part:
The problem is credibility. Does she not take a doctor's advice, a lawyer's advice, or a fashion consultant or her children’s teacher’s advice (if she has any) ? The list goes on… It’s not about taking advice it’s about taking advice from YOU. Like someone once told me, in every sales interaction either you are selling them or they are selling you. You simply did not ‘sell’ it to her.

Here’s the ‘them’ part:
However, we all know if one wants a DIFFERENT outcome they must be willing to try something DIFFERENT. That’s a paradigm issue and does not change quickly, it’s a mentality thing not a black-woman-hair-care-advice-to-another-black-woman thing. They made a choice/decision to NOT take the advice for various reasons that have nothing to do with the advice giver IMO (as several folks mentioned they either gave up on hair care or they want to complain etc.) I would bet that in this person’s life there are many other things they complain about b/c they’re not getting the desired outcome.

Here’s the ‘but’ part:
Don’t we all know someone who pretends not to take advice and secretly do anyway? Ya neeeeeeeeever know J

Thank you for your post. Maybe I shoulld of tried to sell her more. For others I do, but I figured since we are friends (a term I dont use loosely) it wouldn't come to that. So after hearing her reasoning I was just like F it! lol

If the person you are giving advice to is on this board there is a possibility.

If they are NOT on this board the chances are slim and none and that is for just the basic advice.

I will look at basic information on the board to understand the foundation of taking care of The BEAST but after that unless you have hair like mine I am going to probably just listen and take notes.

I follow most of the natural 4cdefghijkl ladies and what works for them and even then I am cautious because in the end the golden rule for hair still applies "What works for one may not work for another".

On the other hand, I am giving advice to all the ladies in my family about haircare and we run the gamut on hair texture so for my 2b/3a neice I recommend something different than my 4cdefghilk hair textured neice.

Even my natural sister in law versus my relaxed sister. I have enough sound and wonderful information to access because of here, other hairboards and blogs that I can give decent advice or recommendation on products, tools and reggies.

Thanks! I think that's what I was getting at. The foundation!! Like--I'm going to tell everyone to put lotion on their body despite their skin type, but I'm not going to tell them what kind of lotion to where and how to apply it.

 

[GoingNatural]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I've seen a few 3c's with hair issues, but all of my 1-3b friends have no trouble growing long healthy hair even without most of the techniques used on this board. It is nothing personal, but just like seeing women that you can relate to helps sell things in advertisements, seeing hair that you can relate to helps "sell" hair care advice.

You are so right. tHe sad thing is that advertisements usually have people with weave or digitally enhanced features! My cousin is 4a/b with hair to her to her WL and my aunt is 4a/b with hair to their BSL without doing anything. I've had to work so much harder at my hair.

 

[isabella09]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

The problem is that you’re offering advice to people who don’t understand the basic’s of haircare and the fact that you’re not the same hair type will only serve to compound matter’s. If they had the basic knowledge of healthy haircare, they would be more receptive to your advise (as you at least understand some of their concern’s) and be able to modify it (if needed) into their own regimens’. I have a very close friend who is white with very curly hair (perhaps a type 3a I think) who had dry hair that was breaking. We were speaking one day and she asked me what conditioner I used and I told her about and recommended AO HSR, needless to say she loves it! But I do concur that beyond the basic haircare foundation’s hair type matters.
You did a good thing trying to give advice, please don’t take it personally, some may listen, some may not but the important thing is that you tried

 

[GoingNatural]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

it sucks i tell ya. thats why i resist giving out my "routine" irl and online cause noone believes me. i only tell if someone asked. 4a and 3c hair can sometimes look closely related but they seem to function differently. this is my routine. co-wash my hair with literally any conditioner, detangle under running water (just using my fingers for a couple seconds), comb through once( again takes mere seconds). slight rinse then leave to airdry, thats it. now these are the questions i get

lady: how did u get u hair so straight? (it was pulled into a ponytail)
me: oh, i brushed it
lady: with what?
me: just a brush... and water
lady: gel?
me: no
lady: did u use a scarf?
me: no i just brushed it back
lady: (glares)


it makes me feel bad cause i know they're expecting this long list of things to do. and i dont have one

i get the same questions for wash an goes and how did i grow out my hair so fast, noone believes that i just wash with conditioner then airdry. or if they do believe me they like to tell me thats cause im mixed. im not.

sry,, just a rant.

anyhow i have had the chance to deal with all sorts of hair types type 1 through type 4c so i have a little idea on how to take care of those types too. So when i'm asked "how can i get my hair to grow" and i tell, then they laugh and say they could never do that. im like, well wth did u ask me for then.

sry another rant....im done now ........... :|

sigh

LOL that's my routine too!! I know some people need to do more. But I really think that is the foundation for a lot of people whether they know it or not.

I should of just put your entire post in bold because i swear you totally get it!

 

[Kay.Dee]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Personally I usually seek advice from people with similar hair types/textures. I'm a 4b and there are a few posters whose methods have worked for me.

I will say that I did experiment in the beginning with advice from everyone, but eventually learned that usually advice from people with the same hair type, or have had experience caring for 4b hair is usually best.

 

[msa]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

LOL that's my routine too!! I know some people need to do more. But I really think that is the foundation for a lot of people whether they know it or not.

I should of just put your entire post in bold because i swear you totally get it!

Not to be contrary, but IMO that's the foundation based on your hair type. I've noticed that for a lot of type 4's cowashing is actually horrible for them and in fact washing every couple of weeks is actually better for their retention (less manipulation).

I know at its basic level all hair is the same...but texture, strand thickness, and coarseness really do make a difference. Either way, I read every thread whether it's for relaxed heads or people with type 3 hair. You never know what you might learn and even if it doesn't help me, it helps other people because I can give them good information.

 

[ryanshope]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Good post---unfortunately most of the times yes. As a 4a/b I know that I can't just "rollerset" my hair with magnetic rollers and expect it to come out "straight"---but 3a/b/c can. I know that as a 4a/b I tend to prefer advice from someone whose hair is similar in texture to mine--but I won't just dismiss someone with looser texture hair just because it is a different texture--depends on the circumstances.

 

[mxdchiq86]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

lol GN, i know what you mean.

i've tried to give my 4a/4b friends advice on how to grow their edges back. i'm not 4a/4b but, since joining this board i've learned a lot of basic helpful common sense tips for people of all hair types. i simply told them, stop gluing tracks throuout their hair.. and opt for sew ins. nobody listens to me lol

i'm 3a/3b but, my texture is not silky smooth by any means. it's hard to explain, but i know some 3b's even 3c's.. usually latin ethnicities that will have textured hair but, it will have smooth hair strands. i've just learned to let it go.. and focus on growing my own hair. don't take it personally gn, if i see anyone with long hair like yours, i just assume that they just naturally have great hair.

 

[FlowerHair]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Not to be contrary, but IMO that's the foundation based on your hair type. I've noticed that for a lot of type 4's cowashing is actually horrible for them and in fact washing every couple of weeks is actually better for their retention (less manipulation).

I know at its basic level all hair is the same...but texture, strand thickness, and coarseness really do make a difference. Either way, I read every thread whether it's for relaxed heads or people with type 3 hair. You never know what you might learn and even if it doesn't help me, it helps other people because I can give them good information.

I can't co wash either
I tried for a while, but it doesn't agree with my hair at all...dries it out!

I agree with the bolded

 

[tbaby_8]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Whenever I give advice to black (AA, etc) women I get one of two responses:

1. Smile and nod
2. Oh that only works for you because you're mixed (that's a big assumption)

It's so frustrating to see how brainwashed everyone is. I should not have to justify my answer with, "there are hundreds of black women of all skin tones, races and hair textures that use the same process"

I bring this up because I was recently talking to a friend who said how tired she was of her natural hair and that it knots up all of the time. I told her that she needs to cowash every few days and detangle. She continues to tell me that water (exact conversation):


The funny thing is she's a 3c with "soft hair".

I know it's a learning curve and many of us came onto the board with the same assumptions--some may still believe those assumptions. But what I've noticed is that a lot of the white women and black women with long hair have the same routine--check out longhaircommunity.com--they cowash, use light oils, low heat/manipulation routines and then check out some/most of the longer haired women on this board.

It's so frustrating to me because obviously what you are doing isn't working so why not try something different???

I agree, but you have to remember, at one point we were all probalby like your friend. We have all been told at one point in life that we are not suppose to shampoo our hair because that is what someone else was told and so on. Everyone has to find there breaking point and come out of there comfort zone. It is just a different time for everyone. Your friend may eventually find theirs. Give them time.

 

[GoingNatural]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

GN is that you in the avatar? SO PRETTY!

Yes! How have you been? long time no talk. I saw an episode of south park the other night and thought of you (oot and aboot!)

 

[KizzieNapps]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Speaking as someone who has type 3 and type 4 textures on my head I have to say that there is a HUGE difference in the textures. I can not express to you how much longer it takes for me to deal with my type 4 sections of hair than with the type that is a 3. If you are a type 3, you may be right there are some general things that we can do alike...but no, I probably wouldnt take your advice w/o seeing someone with a similar hair texture to mine saying that it worked for them as well. I have learned enough from this board to go and research things on my own if someone with a different hair (or the same for that matter) texture suggests something that works for them. Before LHCF...wouldn't even think twice about it..not listening.

In my experience I've found its better to wait for people to ask for your advice before giving it freely. That works in any situation. People usually ask if they want to know something. I understand you were trying to help a friend but in the end you cant force anyone to agree with you. So you tried...didnt work...move on to the next. The only person you can change is yourself.

 

[Kurlee]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Yes! How have you been? long time no talk. I saw an episode of south park the other night and thought of you (oot and aboot!)

lol! I'm good! I been reading your blog, interesting stuff! WHat happened to chat, ain't nobody in there anymore

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

its ok... people dont listen to me too...
its also probably cuz you're light skinned... i find other black women that aren't light skinned or mixed really have a problem with me in general...
you're beautiful and seem like a nice girl don't take it personal... and geez your hair is GREAT!

 

[GoingNatural]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

I think it's silly to act like type 4 hair is some "alien" substance. :creatures

Yes, it requires a lot of babying and moisturizing... but it is HUMAN hair. We have the same thing that they have on a basic level.

Shutting yourself out to other hairtypes can make you miss out big time.

Techniques/products/tools/recipies for one type can frequently work well for many hairtypes or be tweaked a little to work for all different hairtypes.

Not saying I'm not a little more drawn to type 4 threads - cuz I deal with the same issues on a daily basis, but I pay attention to type 3's too and have learned a lot from ALL the ladies here

thank you

 

[Neith]

Re: RANT: Do I have to be Type 4 or Highly Textured for People IRL To Take My Advice?

Good post---unfortunately most of the times yes. As a 4a/b I know that I can't just "rollerset" my hair with magnetic rollers and expect it to come out "straight"---but 3a/b/c can. I know that as a 4a/b I tend to prefer advice from someone whose hair is similar in texture to mine--but I won't just dismiss someone with looser texture hair just because it is a different texture--depends on the circumstances.

Interesting that you would say that. I tested that out one night. I airdried a section rolled tightly on a magnetic roller and it came out near straight. I think If I sat under a dryer I could get it pretty straight.

Intersting things I'm hearing here.

I didn't know there was such a "divide"

Seems like we all use similar products, techniques and tools.

Not saying every aspect is the same. There are some things that type 3 hair can't do and some things that type 4 hair can't do... but I don't see them as totally unrelated hair textures.