Quick question: Have I done enough?

[anon123]

Not so much, I can go with the flow of things as well. I am concerned about him and like I said I will go and visit him but I'm uncomfortable with asking. I feel a hospital visit would be very extra considering his relatives and friends may be on hand that I've never met, that leads to a hasty introduction etc...maybe im thinking too much

Yeah, I can totally see that. If he's actually staying in there as opposed to just going there, being treated, and going back the same evening (isn't that what usually happens in the ER?), there might be family and close friends there tending to him, and I wouldn't really feel like it was my place. And if it were me in that situation, I would not want somebody I wasn't close to to come see. It's tiring and stressful to be around people when you aren't feeling well to me. Don't know how it is to him.

I would let him know that I was very concerned about him and ask if there was anything I could do for him: visit him in the hospital or would he prefer I check on him when he gets back home? I would just put the offer out there again. If he starts talking about antibiotics again I would let it go for good.

Yeah, I would just ask him. I'm so tired of not being able to be forthright with people, and people not just saying what they want. Ask him if he would like, or would mind, if you came to see him. And then do what he says.

 

[*CherryPie*]

She's been having discussions with him in some way. She could let him know that she's coming, and ask if it's okay. After that, if a family member or a friend is there, he can introduce her as his friend. That's what she is. When they become more, then he can introduce her as such.

It's not difficult.

^how would she introduce herself?

"Um Im a friend and I kinda hope we go further than that in the future, just here to see your son.."

such an interaction can even have the family asking questions and ish, makes things mad weird when the two of them dont even know what's going on yet..it's alot of pressure. I understand the hesitation but it's not right

 

[*5+5]

I don't want him to beg me to come over and I don't want him feeling as if I'm begging or pushing the issue to see him considering I've already reached out to him. I'm not sure if I was clear on the ER situation but he wasn't admitted, he was @ the ER for treatment on Monday night and again last night.

Of course I'm genuinely concerned about him he's been out of work for 3days so I'm sure it's serious, I've never had a guy I like get ill on me in the early stages of dating.

 

[Giselle685]

If you feel as if there is something lacking you have not done enough.

If you want to see him, extend the addtl courtesy of providing an option to him, as the other posters wrote.

Though it doesn't seem so, it's quite possible he may have read over your text etc. Random things happen to make communication difficult. So to weed out the ambiguity it may be nice to suggest again.

Nothing lost in extending an act of kindess.

 

[Melody.Monroe]

so? maybe its me bc a lot of the threads here i feel like chicks are doing too much. like the one about writing a "friend" in jail EVERY DAY. if you aint my man i am not checking for you in your private time and your personal life. i would definitely not be going to see anyone at the hospital unless i was expressly invited. i know i damn sure wouldnt want randoms popping up on me while i'm in the hospital for who knows what.

but then again thats just me.

Hey, hey, hey - I wasn't DATING the guy that was locked up (and he is out now btw) so that's different. That's why people were saying I was doing too much.

If I am dating you, talking everyday, and I am in the ER - you better come see me! Shiid! If I didn't want you to come or didnt want youknowing, I wouldnt have said anything or I would have come right out and said, "nah you good. I will see you when I get out"...but that's just me...

 

[lux10023]

gotcha

thx for the clarification...this part does make a difference..

I don't want him to beg me to come over and I don't want him feeling as if I'm begging or pushing the issue to see him considering I've already reached out to him. I'm not sure if I was clear on the ER situation but he wasn't admitted, he was @ the ER for treatment on Monday night and again last night.

Of course I'm genuinely concerned about him he's been out of work for 3days so I'm sure it's serious, I've never had a guy I like get ill on me in the early stages of dating.

 

[Keshieshimmer]

Maybe half of his body is swollen and he doesn't want her to see him like that? haha

 

[GeorginaSparks]

If you really like him, tell him you're coming at so and so time if its okay.

 

[MissYocairis]

I don't mind going to see him at all but I agree I would want to be invited or rather he had taken the bait when I asked to bring him something.

My friends were stating that I didn't ask him to come by and see me when I had the root canal but the difference was when he offered to stop by I took the bait.

On one end I feel like I've done enough then on the other I'm not too sure if I have. However, asking to go and see him just seems like I'm over doing it a bit. We're still in the "very polite" to each other stage and if he invited me I would go in a heart beat but asking to go see this man....not too sure about that one.

But, if you consider him a friend, then why not check up on him and bring him some tea and soup? Friends do that for friends. Sometimes, it seems like we get too caught up in trying to get to the relationship part rather than appreciating the budding friendship that we have here and now. You can visit him at home and bring something to cheer him up. He's probably feeling pretty down about missing his interview for the promotion.

I don't see this as similar to the "should I write him in prison everyday" thread because he's not going to need you for the next 3-5 for money and smuggling drugs into the prison. ** He just needs some cheering up by seeing your smiling face with a box of tea and a jar of soup in hand. That's all.

And, you don't have to buy him a vacation, pay his cable bill, get a cell phone for him in your name, do his laundry, or clean his toilets just because you two might have a romantic interest in each other....THAT would be "thirsty", imo.

But, this here, this is just being kind for a friend and requires very minimal output from you.

 

[Theo]

I don't know if the ER setting is really the place... if he was hospitalized, yes definitely. ER, I dunno about for some reason.

I like hopeful's advice above. I think you should take it.

 

[tapioca_pudding]

People say 'let me know if you need something' on a general basis but don't really mean it. People say it every day. This man brought you soup/etc when you were ill. You all have established some type of relationship (be it exclusive or otherwise). He can't get a visit?

As far as it being 'thirsty', to me 'thirsty' would be calling him every 5 minutes, tryna play house mother and staying at his crib to stand guard etc. That's thirsty. Some things are common courtesy to people that you've let into your life.

It's kinda sad to me that this 'independent' movement has blurred the line between being thirsty and being kind.

 

[*5+5]

But, if you consider him a friend, then why not check up on him and bring him some tea and soup? Friends do that for friends. Sometimes, it seems like we get too caught up in trying to get to the relationship part rather than appreciating the budding friendship that we have here and now. You can visit him at home and bring something to cheer him up. He's probably feeling pretty down about missing his interview for the promotion.

As soon as I found out he was ill I offered to bring him something. It wasn't a luke-warm effort, I specifically asked if he needed any anti-itch or allergy meds or would like something to eat. He didn't take the bait and I still followed up with, "well if you need anything or just someone to talk to I'm here".

When I had the root canal done he asked me how I was doing and if I needed anything. I told him my jaw was really numb and I could barely talk and was hungry. He offered to go to Panera and bring me soup and I said sure. Moments later he called and said he was outside.

The difference here is that he extended an offer that I accepted; I extended an offer that he didn't take me up on. I think my going over to the ER was equivalent to him coming to see me at the Endodontist in a sense, I know most of you will not agree with that and I’m aware that the degree of emergency is different but we were both still in pain. I didn’t expect him to be there but had he offered I would have said fine come on! Once I made it home I wanted to see him and gladly took him up on the offer to bring over the soup.

In between all of this I’m calling and checking his progress letting him know I was thinking of him and concerned about him.

 

[MixedBerry]

As soon as I found out he was ill I offered to bring him something. It wasn't a luke-warm effort, I specifically asked if he needed any anti-itch or allergy meds or would like something to eat. He didn't take the bait and I still followed up with, "well if you need anything or just someone to talk to I'm here".

When I had the root canal done he asked me how I was doing and if I needed anything. I told him my jaw was really numb and I could barely talk and was hungry. He offered to go to Panera and bring me soup and I said sure. Moments later he called and said he was outside.

The difference here is that he extended an offer that I accepted; I extended an offer that he didn't take me up on. I think my going over to the ER was equivalent to him coming to see me at the Endodontist in a sense, I know most of you will not agree with that and I’m aware that the degree of emergency is different but we were both still in pain. I didn’t expect him to be there but had he offered I would have said fine come on! Once I made it home I wanted to see him and gladly took him up on the offer to bring over the soup.

In between all of this I’m calling and checking his progress letting him know I was thinking of him and concerned about him.

Well OP, sounds like youve come to an agreeance with yourself on what you wanna do or should've done or not done or will do or wont do or....Im sure he's out the ER now, right?? erplexed

 

[Leigh]

^justa newlywed feeling fancy. Leave her be

The only thing I understand in the OP's hesitation is bumping into his family. They're not very serious so that can be really awkward.
That said I still would have blocked her behind., bet dude is a Cap. we dont beg, girl!

We sure don't nor do we tell people we're in the ER if we had a problem with them coming to see us. We would wait until it's all over or say nothing at all.

 

[*5+5]

Well OP, sounds like youve come to an agreeance with yourself on what you wanna do or should've done or not done or will do or wont do or....Im sure he's out the ER now, right?? erplexed

I initially stated that I felt as though I had done enough. I posted this thread to see if LHCF thoughts were contrary to those of my friends not if I should go to the ER to see him. He was out of the ER when I posted this thread.

Yesterday I attempted to do what Hopeful advised and when I called him he was out and about so before I could offer again he said he was feeling better and that his swelling had gone down. We talked about 2 hours about other things and I figured that visit was dead in the water so I didn't bring it up.

I saw him this morning and he showed me the photos and they were awful! he had a huge pink lesion on his forehead, his thumb and index finger looked as one so he was pretty messed up I'm assuming that's why he didn't take me up on seeing him.

To day he looked fine and appear to be feeling ok, he offered to come over later after work so I'll figure out some nice gesture to do to show him that I’m happy he’s feeling better and that I do care about him.

 

[liberationtheory]

In retrospect, he probably didn't want you over b/c his girlfriend was there..

 

[TrueToHair]

..........................

 

[*5+5]

@ iberationtheory

I'm not sure exactly what's to be proven by bumpin' this thread.

I didn't know that he was seeing anyone or that he had a gf when I created this thread. As I posted here we were new friends during this time...

Of course I've already considered this may have been why he didn't take me up on the offer.

What is it that you want me to say or confess to?

 

[liberationtheory]

There's nothing for you to confess. You didn't do anything wrong. He's the one that seems to have been shady, and that was not for you to know b/c you just found out 2 days ago that he has a gf/seeingsomeone/talking to.