Quick question: Have I done enough?

[*5+5]

Ok I’m seeing this guy; we've been kicking it for about 3 months...the first month was at convenience (we ride the same train) month 2 we started hanging out more and talking every day away from our usual train rides. Overall this dude is a hit away from the fact that he's 2yrs younger than me but I really like him and I love that we are taking it slow.

Monday night he got bit by a bug and he text me Tuesday morning to let me know what was going on. I figured this bite had to be pretty serious b/c he was suppose to have an interview Tuesday morning for a promotion.

In his text he said that he was having a terrible allergic reaction and that the Dr. said for him to stay home until his blood results came back. So I asked him if he needed anything and if he did let me know. I've never been over to his place before but I had a root canal a few weeks ago and he brought me soup and tea so I was kinda returning the favor.

His response was that the Dr. had him on antibiotics...he didn't mention my offer so hey no big deal.

Fast forward to last night he sent me a text saying he was in the ER for the second time and they had to give him a shot. I was sleep when I got the message so I couldn't respond till this morning but I really didn't know what to say.

So I was talking to some friends and they were telling me that I'm not doing enough and that I should offer to go by and see him.... I'm so not comfortable with that and it seems a bit pushy to me considering we don't have an established title (no we've never been intimate) we're dating and we're like new friends. I feel as tho' asking to go and see him is out of turn and then I don't want him to have to get up and clean up etc. for my visit.

So I pitched all this to my brother and he was like hmm, yall talk everyday, he's taken you out, he's texting you from the ER yea he might want u to step it up. But I'm thinking how, I feel like I've done enough...I check on him everyday to see if he's ok...

 

[mischka]

tell your friends to chill out. you did enough. they gonna have you looking like a thirsty stalker.

 

[Skyfall]

I don't see why it's a big deal to go see him, if you guys are dating.

 

[Windsy]

Well....my honest opinion is:

damn he's in the ER....go see this man....sheesh.

I said that with a loving tone!!!

 

[mischka]

I don't see why it's a big deal to go see him, if you guys are dating.

it sounds like she doesnt really want to though so if she feels its not appropriate or she just doesnt want to do it idk why her friends would be convincing her to

 

[Windsy]

tell your friends to chill out. you did enough. they gonna have you looking like a thirsty stalker.

how is this thirstily stalking....he's in the ER...erplexed

 

[mischka]

how is this thirstily stalking....he's in the ER...erplexed

so? maybe its me bc a lot of the threads here i feel like chicks are doing too much. like the one about writing a "friend" in jail EVERY DAY. if you aint my man i am not checking for you in your private time and your personal life. i would definitely not be going to see anyone at the hospital unless i was expressly invited. i know i damn sure wouldnt want randoms popping up on me while i'm in the hospital for who knows what.

but then again thats just me.

 

[Windsy]

so? maybe its me bc a lot of the threads here i feel like chicks are doing too much. like the one about writing a "friend" in jail EVERY DAY. if you aint my man i am not checking for you in your private time and your personal life. i would definitely not be going to see anyone at the hospital unless i was expressly invited. i know i damn sure wouldnt want randoms popping up on me while i'm in the hospital for who knows what.

but then again thats just me.

Her words: "I really like him"


I guess I'm different; I'd be there out of pure concern and not because I'm dating him or think he's "a hit"; this is someone you let into your life, occupy your time, and you can't muster the energy to go see him while he's sick in the ER?

She was willing to go see him in his home IF he'd mentioned that he needed something....why not the ER?

 

[mischka]

like i said, it doesnt actually sound like to me that she even wants to go to the hospital so i guess thats up to the op.

 

[*5+5]

I don't mind going to see him at all but I agree I would want to be invited or rather he had taken the bait when I asked to bring him something.

My friends were stating that I didn't ask him to come by and see me when I had the root canal but the difference was when he offered to stop by I took the bait.

On one end I feel like I've done enough then on the other I'm not too sure if I have. However, asking to go and see him just seems like I'm over doing it a bit. We're still in the "very polite" to each other stage and if he invited me I would go in a heart beat but asking to go see this man....not too sure about that one.

 

[PPGbubbles]

He brought you soup , so I dont see why a visit would hurt. You would be extending the same type of courtsey he showed you

 

[Windsy]

I don't mind going to see him at all but I agree I would want to be invited or rather he had taken the bait when I asked to bring him something.

My friends were stating that I didn't ask him to come by and see me when I had the root canal but the difference was when he offered to stop by and I took the bait.

On one end I feel like I've done enough then on the other I'm not too sure if I have. However, asking to go and see him just seems like I'm over doing it a bit. We're still in the "very polite" to each other stage and if he invited me I would go in a heart beat but asking to go see this man....not too sure about that one.

I see you subscribe to the stages, rules, etc of relationships.

I hear a sick person in the ER...but that's just me caring about another person.


I'm way different when it comes to relationship norms so pay me no mind.

Follow your gut instincts.

 

[Curly Lee]

I think you're fine. You set out bait, he didn't take it. So chill.

 

[*5+5]

I see you subscribe to the stages, rules, etc of relationships.

I hear a sick person in the ER...but that's just me caring about another person.


I'm way different when it comes to relationship norms so pay me no mind.

Follow your gut instincts.

Not so much, I can go with the flow of things as well. I am concerned about him and like I said I will go and visit him but I'm uncomfortable with asking. I feel a hospital visit would be very extra considering his relatives and friends may be on hand that I've never met, that leads to a hasty introduction etc...maybe im thinking too much

I think you're fine. You set out bait, he didn't take it. So chill.

This is how I feel. Their response was that I offered to take him something he prolly didn't need anything and his reply that the Dr. had him on antibiotics was him stating he didn't want me to bring him something but perhaps come and see him?

 

[C@ssandr@]

I think we get caught up in "playing the game right". We spend so much time worrying about how we come across, and how the other person might think we're "desperate", or "thirsty". If you're comfortable with the idea of visiting, then go ahead. If not then I would suggest you follow your gut either way.

 

[Ladybelle]

Let's just reverse the situation OP- if it were you in the ER, would you feel like you had to invite the man to come see you? Did you invite him to bring you soup? I mean, some things are supposed to go without saying, right?

Going to see a man you really like in the hospital is not the same as knocking on his door at 2 in the morning. Big difference, it's okay to show you care without going over the top.

I agree with Windsy on this one.

 

[Ladybelle]

I think we get caught up in "playing the game right". We spend so much time worrying about how we come across, and how the other person might think we're "desperate", or "thirsty". If you're comfortable with the idea of visiting, then go ahead. If not then I would suggest you follow your gut either way.

By the time she go see him, the man gonna be dead. erplexed

 

[hopeful]

I would let him know that I was very concerned about him and ask if there was anything I could do for him: visit him in the hospital or would he prefer I check on him when he gets back home? I would just put the offer out there again. If he starts talking about antibiotics again I would let it go for good.

 

[Skyfall]

here's the thing though if I fetl like I had to invite someone to come see me in the hospital cuz they hadn't made a move to come see me I would feel like I don't matter much to them.

 

[MzLady78]

Idk..going to see him in the hospital is different than him going to her home. He might not want her to see him in that state.

 

[mischka]

I think we get caught up in "playing the game right". We spend so much time worrying about how we come across, and how the other person might think we're "desperate", or "thirsty". If you're comfortable with the idea of visiting, then go ahead. If not then I would suggest you follow your gut either way.

For me the natural inclination is that I think it's rude and intrusive to force yourself upon someone in the hospital. The thirsty part imo comes from her friends trying to convince her to do it when she has reservations. Clearly I'm cut from a different cloth because I was taught peoples' health issues are private and you just don't take it upon yourself to go uninvited. That's not common decency to me. To me the issue is a common courtesy for sensitive and/or private issues.

Now asking again when she already asked once - I also do think that is thirsty. If dude wanted to see her why wouldn't he have said great come on over? I don't know about y'all, because that is definitely not how I operate. I don't force myself on people.

 

[Ladybelle]

My thing is, if she's genuinely concerned about him & wants to go see him, she should. If visiting him is just out of a polite gesture or a obligatory feeling, I say stay home. Nothing wrong with being your genuine self, there is something wrong with faking it.

eta: I've never invited someone to come see me in the hospital and those who've really cared about me never had to be invited, they just came. In fact, only the people I cared to visit me knew I was there in the first place.

 

[lux10023]

ditto...

if im in the ER..i need to invite the dude im dealing with to come see me...wouldnt it be common sense to go see someone you care about..
iunno...

it just seem like a caring and kind thing to do...

going to see someone in the hospital is not doin to much...but im married..what do i know..lolol..windsy your married too right..and hopeful great advice

single ppl and their advice...lmaoo kill me



Dude could pass away…then someone would be like

Guuuuuuuuuuuuurrrllll don’t go to the funeralllllll… that’s mad thirsty ppl may think your still interested…
lmaoooooooooooooooooo

Her words: "I really like him"


I guess I'm different; I'd be there out of pure concern and not because I'm dating him or think he's "a hit"; this is someone you let into your life, occupy your time, and you can't muster the energy to go see him while he's sick in the ER?

She was willing to go see him in his home IF he'd mentioned that he needed something....why not the ER?

 

[mischka]

ditto...

if im in the ER..i need to invite the dude im dealing with to come see me...wouldnt it be common sense to go see someone you care about..
iunno...

it just seem like a caring and kind thing to do...

going to see someone in the hospital is not doin to much...but im married..what do i know..lolol..windsy your married too right..and hopeful great advice

single ppl and their advice...lmaoo kill me

Girl, get a life.

Non single people with nothing better to do than make snide comments on the internet kill ME. now runtelldat.

 

[NaijaTroll]

I don't mind going to see him at all but I agree I would want to be invited or rather he had taken the bait when I asked to bring him something.

Um how many times have people said "dont worry about it" but really wish you cared? I mean seriously

He came over with soup and stuff for you and you cant even visit him in return cos he didnt beg for it. I would have blocked your arse by now. You're such a Taurus

 

[Ladybelle]

ditto...

if im in the ER..i need to invite the dude im dealing with to come see me...wouldnt it be common sense to go see someone you care about..
iunno...

it just seem like a caring and kind thing to do...

going to see someone in the hospital is not doin to much...but im married..what do i know..lolol..windsy your married too right..and hopeful great advice

single ppl and their advice...lmaoo kill me

not that it matters, I was married too. Is the marital status of the posters significant to the topic at hand?? That's interesting.

 

[NaijaTroll]

^justa newlywed feeling fancy. Leave her be

The only thing I understand in the OP's hesitation is bumping into his family. They're not very serious so that can be really awkward.
That said I still would have blocked her behind., bet dude is a Cap. we dont beg, girl!

 

[*CherryPie*]

OP, you said that you'd feel uncomfortable because his friends and family may be there. Aren't YOU his friend too? And a little MORE?

I think all of these games and rules is why dating is so difficult for some people.

 

[NaijaTroll]

^how would she introduce herself?

"Um Im a friend and I kinda hope we go further than that in the future, just here to see your son.."

such an interaction can even have the family asking questions and ish, makes things mad weird when the two of them dont even know what's going on yet..it's alot of pressure. I understand the hesitation but it's not right

 

[Ladybelle]

^justa newlywed feeling fancy. Leave her be

The only thing I understand in the OP's hesitation is bumping into his family. They're not very serious so that can be really awkward.
That said I still would have blocked her behind., bet dude is a Cap. we dont beg, girl!

Yeah, I understand that. I think I'd be reluctant to meet mom & them too, especially if he & I hadn't deemed ourselves exclusive. On the otherhand, I feel like he's silently inviting her because he's calling, and he's made his whereabouts known. It seems like he wants her to come by, but he doesn't want to ask. Really, who goes around saying "come see me in the hospital?"