Pt 2: Develop An Appetite According To What Your Husband Can Provide

bklynLadee

bklynLadee

Well-Known Member
So,

A few months ago, I posted about some things that were happening in my marriage. If I had to describe what life has been like over these past few months---i'd say it felt like a hurricane.

I can't say that there was anything particularly CRAZY about my marriage. I felt like we had some things to work through, I considered divorce, but I felt that at the bare minimum---it was fixable.

Fast forward to today, which is just about over 6 months since this last post:

https://longhaircareforum.com/threa...ding-to-what-your-husband-can-provide.799513/

My husband and I are officially going through a divorce.

I am recommitting to my goals and dreams. I am recommitting to learning to love myself. I am recommitting myself to being single.

Some big things have been happening in my life since going through this divorce. I've gained so much support and love that it is absolutely overwhelming. A friend of mine gifted a workshop by Momentum and it was literally LIFE CHANGING! I learned so much about me, and gained some life long friends a long the way. I plan on continuing my work with a life coach so I can map out my future plans with support and accountability. Because I was a stay-at-home mom and left Texas to NYC with pretty much nothing, I decided to create a GoFundMe account (that I will not share here). I should be able to pay for my workshops in FULL within the next couple of weeks. I only have about $300 to raise!!!!!

If you want to be friends on FB you can PM me so you can watch my journey if you'd like. Once I get started I plan on doing monthly videos on my triumphs and challenges.

Emotional Health
My emotions are still on a roller coaster ride but I'm giving myself the permission to go through the highs and lows. After all, I'm only 31, my husband and I have been together for 15 years and its going to take some time to purge.

Physical
I'm reconnecting to me being a goddess and I've scooped up a couple of gorgeous friends who have helped me to revamp my wardrobe, my hair is finally waist length! my skin is a work in progress--but I've gotten my acne under control just working on some marks.

I hired a personal trainer (I work out with him 3x a week). I am doing a low-carb diet on days that I rest, and I eat 100+ g of carbs on days that I train! I'm giving myself 90 days to whip this bawdy into shape and I'm excited about it.

Spiritual
I'm reading: Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers and I do my daily affirmations, things i'm grateful for and what my offerings to the world will be for the day.


Just wanted to share my updates, and also hear from you all on any suggestions you may have as far as MOVING FORWARD! PALANTE!
 
Sister god bless you! I have no advice, except I am happy that you are learning to love yourself and finding an environment of love as well! Keep yourself occupied with productive projects. During a tough breakup I took MMA classes. I got skinny and felt so confident that I could kick his butt anytime :lachen:
 
SweetNic_JA said:
Do you have 2nd thoughts about the divorce?
Click to expand...

From time to time. I mostly feel like damn we didn't make it. But I think about some of the harsh realities that I faced. Insensitive things we've said and done to one another.

I can't live up to his rules/standards while simultaneously thirst for his presence. He's often emotionally and physically absent.
 
@ElegantPearl17


He's the one who actually felt he couldn't take it anymore. I just wouldn't fall for his manipulation anymore. I used to coddle him and be the understanding one. But I noticed that when I had needs he wanted me to understand why he couldn't or wouldn't do them. I started to stand my ground and not fall prey to his excuses. He couldn't take it anymore.


Fine 4s said:
I love the positive vibe of your post. It's so hopeful and exciting and you're so young.
Now about that hair. What's your regimen :) ?
Click to expand...

Lol! Thank you. Well, Houston was so hot that I couldn't blow my hair out anymore. I finally got my length from stretching my hair. I would put it in a ponytail and do the banding method. Every so often taking it down, finger detangle, use leave in and then She a butter. Probably every 2 days.

The last few months I did curly proverbz method from YT. Using henna spray, leave in and She a.

Henna gloss every other week.
And made a brahmi oil.

I love her methods. So. No heat, stretched protective style, moisture and protein balance.
 
bklynLadee said:
@ElegantPearl17


He's the one who actually felt he couldn't take it anymore. I just wouldn't fall for his manipulation anymore. I used to coddle him and be the understanding one. But I noticed that when I had needs he wanted me to understand why he couldn't or wouldn't do them. I started to stand my ground and not fall prey to his excuses. He couldn't take it anymore.
...
Click to expand...

He couldn't handle you being human and actually having needs that you wanted to be met by him, your husband (longtime love) and father of your child. As Natalie Lue @ Baggage Reclaim says having needs isn't being needy it's called being a human being in a relationship:). Good for you for standing your ground. You didn't want your marriage to end. You just wanted to be happy within your union. You are young, beautiful, and well-educated. You will be fine. I wish you nothing but the best and I am very proud of you.
 
hopeful said:
He couldn't handle you being human and actually having needs that you wanted to be met by him, your husband (longtime love) and father of your child. As Natalie Lue @ Baggage Reclaim says having needs isn't being needy it's called being a human being in a relationship:). Good for you for standing your ground. You didn't want your marriage to end. You just wanted to be happy within your union. You are young, beautiful, and well-educated. You will be fine. I wish you nothing but the best and I am very proud of you.
Click to expand...

Thank You! You have been so instrumental to my healing process. He was just overly self-interested. I did my best, and for that I have NO regrets!

When you first spoke with me I was in some serious denial. In slowing chipping away at what I imagined my marriage to be and now im accepting what it really was.

It will all be official before the year is done.
 
bklynLadee said:
From time to time. I mostly feel like damn we didn't make it. But I think about some of the harsh realities that I faced. Insensitive things we've said and done to one another.

I can't live up to his rules/standards while simultaneously thirst for his presence. He's often emotionally and physically absent.
Click to expand...
I imagined that would be the case. It isn't easy turning away from someone who you basically grew up with. Luckily divorce doesn't mean the end of life - nor does it mean you failed. You weren't meant to go on for the rest of your lives. Hopefully you can take the lessons you've learned from this relationship and build a better relationship next time around.
 
I remember your original post but rereading it see that I stopped halfway through. Was sorry to see the update at end but now this post makes more sense.

You sound like you're in a much better space and ready to face your new reality. Remember your worth especially as the good church folks learn of your situation and attempt to guilt/shame you for not "keeping up appearances".

:circle:
 
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